The Guy With The Hairy Back Who Sips Tanqueray At Scams Lakeside

The Next Jimmer???

I was sitting at the bar at Scams Lakeside yesterday afternoon, taking in a couple of college hoops games, and an older gentleman was sitting directly to my left who had some of the most massive back hair I've ever witnessed. It's not something I was trying to notice, believe me. This dude happened to be wearing an ill fitting t-shirt for some reason. In fact, the t-shirt was so loose in the back that I had an easy glimpse of several inches of his back hair. It was a little unsettling to say the least. The guy was getting hammered as well. I'm not sure when he got to Scams exactly, but I do know that when the bartenders changed shifts around 4:20 his tab was $42. And let me assure anyone who hasn't been to any of the Scams around the Greensboro area that it is very difficult to run up that big a tab unless you're buying shots for multiple people. This hairy backed old-timer was doing nothing of the sort. After the guy paid his initial tab he kept on drinking. He was ordering these repulsive looking shots that were off crimson in color. Turns out his shot of choice was Tanqueray with a splash of cranberry. He attempted to speak to me several times over the 3 &1/2 hours we sat next to each other. The only problem with that is I couldn't make out a word he was uttering. I simply nodded a few times in his direction. My attention was solely focused on the Mich St/Michigan game at 4 and the NCSU/G Tech game at 6. I had a monetary interest in the Spartans covering +5 in Ann Arbor and the Jackets and fake Wolfpack going under 139 &1/2. Both things happened. It is March and my track record on college hoops is a good one. Anyway, if you happen to see a sloppily dressed gray haired fellow out at a bar sipping on shots of Tanqueray and cranberry for hours on end, and if you have a razor handy, please hand it to him and plead with said hairy monster to either 1) shave his damn back hair or 2) go ahead and slit his wrists. Maybe both if you can talk him into it...

I mentioned the Michigan Wolverines in the previous paragraph. There is a player on the squad named Trey Burke. And he's very, very good. Blah, blah, blah. One fact about Burke that has caught the attention of fans of TOSU is that Burke is from Columbus, Ohio (he played high school ball with Jared Sullinger for the Northland Vikings if anyone cares). I've read quite a bit of bitching from TOSU fans about why Burke is not playing for their beloved Buckeyes and instead for their hated rivals up north. And that's a fair question. The fact is that Thad Matta did not offer Burke a scholarship out of high school. In retrospect, Matta should have, obviously. But I give Coach Matta a pass on the whole "Why the hell is Burke not playing for his hometown team?" deal. Two years ago Matta signed an even more highly regarded point guard in the same TOSU class that Burke was not a member of - a kid out of the Atlanta area named Shannon Scott (son of UNC's very own Charlie Scott, the 1st brother to ball for the Heels). Scott doesn't start. Aaron Craft starts. But Scott does play vital minutes for the Buckeyes. I've probably watched Scott play in 60 or so games the past 2 seasons for TOSU (I watch TOSU hoops very closely). And you can definitely see what Matta and other coaches like about Shannon Scott. He's lightning fast. He steals lots of passes. His assist to turnover ratio is one of the best in the country. What Scott doesn't do is shoot the ball very well. And that's where Trey Burke excels. Burke can score the damn basketball. It'll be interesting to see if the Wolverines and Buckeyes meet a 3rd time this year at the Big 10 Tournament in Chicago. Some of Burke's worst games as a collegian have come against TOSU. Aaron Craft can flat harass any guard in the country into an off-night. I would just remind TOSU fans to not give up on Shannon Scott at all. Sure, he's no Trey Burke. I'll readily admit that. But I can still see big things ahead for Scott moving forward.

Speaking of the Wolverines & Buckeyes rivalry, that 2nd game they played about a month ago in Ann Arbor was the best game I've seen all season. Riveting. Butler/Indiana is right there as well. And don't forget Gonzaga/Butler either. Or Michigan/Wisconsin. I could keep going and going. The fact is that this has been a tremendous year for college hoops. As always, it's a shame that so many folks in these parts pay no attention to any of the games not involving UNC, NCSU, or Duke. It really is. They call themselves college basketball fans, but have no clue who Shabazz Muhammad, Doug McDermott, Kelly Olynyk, or my main man  Tyler Haws is. And just in case you haven't been following late night WCC hoops this year, Tyler Haws is no Jimmer, but he is close. He can flat gun it. And yes, Haws is a Mormon...

I was out a drag show Saturday night at some gay club in Greensboro. And no, I'm not making that up. As you can imagine, I've got a few stories to tell. It'll have to wait til next time though. Gotta run...

John Paul Jones Arena Not Mike Krzyzewski's Milieu

Ambassador Worm

I was just in one of those pharmacy places a bit ago to buy a pack of smokes. One of the clerks in the place is an aged bag named Chris. She's terribly slow checking folks out. As I was standing there for 2 or 3 minutes while Chris took forever to help some middle-aged redneck broad, I became a little irritated. I'm impatient. So, just to fuck with old Chris the Clerk at the pharmacy, when it was finally my turn to be helped I threw her a 5 spot and said, "I need 5 bucks on pump 3."

Urgent Score Update from Charlottesville, VA: UVA 73 Duke 68. Yet another debacle for the Devils. Some white kid named Joe Harris went off on the vaulted Duke defense to the tune of 36 points in the contest. I will give Coach K some credit, as instead of sitting there looking comatose, as he has so often in recent years, Coach Kry was super animated, trying in vain to rally his boys. It didn't work. Duke was soft. Mason Plumlee was pushed around like a rag doll under the boards. Again. The Devils have lost 4 games this year. Each time the winning team stormed the court. I'm not sure why UVA students decided to do so last night, as the Cavaliers were favored by a point. And you should never storm the court when you win as a favorite. It's stupid. In a post-game press conference, the coach of the Duke's men's basketball team complained about students storming the court and how dangerous it is for him and his poor fragile players. And that smacks of sour grapes. It's very simple for the coach who resembles Hitler, if you don't want hammered drunk kids from UVA  rushing the court after you lose, that's understandable. There's an easy solution for Duke to this frenzied court rushing that worries Coach K so much, that is: don't lose to the Virginia Cavaliers. It's that simple.

Lots of talk in the news about something called a sequester. Our dear leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, has been running his mouth about how terrible this sequester deal will be on the American people. I'm not sure how any reasonable person could take Barry seriously on this. Nothing is being "cut" with this sequester. All it does is slow the rate of growth that Congress spends at. This talk about pain being inflicted on average folks resulting from this sequester is a bunch of nonsense. Pay no attention to it.

Speaking of dear leaders, my main main man Dennis Rodman was over in North Korea this week to hang out with my favorite young dictator, Kim Jong Un. Young Kim is a huge Chicago Bulls fan from back in the 90's when he was a kid. I've noted before on this blog that Un's favorite Bull was none other than Toni Kukoc. Anyway, word has leaked that Rodman and Un became fast friends. Who would have ever thought that it would take Dennis Rodman to thaw relations between North Korea and the old USA? Unbelievable. It might be Rodman's greatest moment since he won Celebrity Mole 2. And as I've noted before, Rodman winning Celebrity Mole 2 is the most amazing achievement in the history of western civilization. Hands down.

I mentioned some college hoops news earlier in this post, and here we are in March with plenty of huge games on the docket this weekend. Tonight features a massive game in the Ivy League, as the Crimson of Harvard travel to Jersey to take on the Princeton Tigers. Harvard will pretty much lock up the Ivy title with a win. Of note is that the Crimson are a 6 point dog tonight. I'm gonna roll with the boys from Cambridge. They beat the Tigers by 12 in their last meeting. Note that the game is on ESPNU tonight at 7. Tomorrow features so many great matchups that it will be hard to keep up with them all. Louisville/Syracuse, Arizona/UCLA, Butler/VCU, & Notre Dame/Marquette highlighting the day. There's also that big game in Durham where Duke will be looking for revenge from the 27 beat down they took in Coral Gables against Thug U. My guess is that Duke will be favored by 6. Enjoy.

Your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear

Mexican Eddie Disparages Danica Patrick

Last Friday night I found myself sitting at the bar at Sloppys around 8. To my right a couple of stools sat one of the Gate City's most infamous barflies, none other than the Moose himself. I hadn't run into Moose in a couple of months, which is a good thing, believe me. He promptly reported to me that he'd been in the bar since 1 in the afternoon. Which meant that he was trashed. And when Moose is semi-sober, he has the uncanny ability to annoy even the friendliest of folks. But drunk, Moose gets insufferably tedious. He was chatting with some Mexican who frequents the joint from time to time. A kid named Eddie, I believe. Eddie is a huge Duke fan. It's amazing how many Mexicans pull for the Plumlee brothers around town, but that's neither here nor there. Last Friday, instead of Moose & Mexican Eddie running their mouths in completely ignorant fashion about the Duke/Carolina rivalry, talk instead turned to auto racing. Evidently a big NASCAR race was about to go down and Moose and Mexican Eddie had some strong opinions about one of the drivers. That particular driver being someone I've mentioned before on this blog - Dan Patrick's daughter, Danica. In short, they despise Ms Patrick for some reason. Moose and Mexican Eddie were going back and forth about how many laps into the race before Ms Patrick would wreck and be shipped to the garage area to cry. After a few minutes of misogynistic silliness, Mexican Eddie went so far as to predict that Ms Patrick would wreck on the very first lap of the race in Daytona. I don't know anything about NASCAR, other than Clint Bowyer is my favorite French driver of course, but that seemed like a bet worth taking. And Moose tried to take Mexican Eddie up on this bet. In fact, several drunk barflies at Sloppys were eager to cash in on Mexican Eddie's ridiculous offer. What happened at that point is perfectly predictable in Sloppys. After minutes on end of running his mouth predicting Ms Patrick would shit the bed and wreck on  the 1st lap, and having 3 or 4 guys take him up on his offer, Mexican Eddie backed off. His excuse was priceless, "I no wanna takes you guys money." Something along those lines (I have a terrible time understanding a word Mexican Eddie ever utters). Eventually, Moose and Mexican Eddie tired of their stale NASCAR talk. I was relieved about that. But in no time at all, talk turned between the 2 of them to another line of  nonsense - how much they hate the NHL. I couldn't take much more of it, paid my pitifully low $6 tab and left. It should be noted that not only did Ms Patrick not wreck on the 1st lap of the race, she finished 8th. Next time I see Mexican Eddie, I will remind him of this endlessly. Mexican misogynists, they suck. As for my man Bowyer, I'm not sure how he fared. I'll ask Brandon the next time I run into the kid.

I mentioned above that Mexican Eddie is a big fan of the Plumlee brothers and Duke hoops in general. We're only 2 days away from the magic month of March. And that means college hoops will take center stage once again in offices all over the country, as folks throw in 10 or 20 bucks, fill out a bracket or 2, and pray that Duke doesn't get bounced in the 1st round again to Lehigh. Me? I've been watching college hoops every day since mid-November, as always. I've put a few bets down here and there to pass the time. Anyway, I haven't written too much about college hoops over the past few months on this blog. But that will change now that March is rolling around once again, like clockwork every 12 months (the damn calender, it's an amazing deal). Back in early November, I was looking into the future bets you can make on a given team to win the NCAA Title. One super long shot caught my eye - the St Louis Billikens. At that time the Billkens were 350:1 shots. I told Brandon one Sunday during hard hitting NFL action, that a $5 wager on them would be a potentially amazing investment (it would have paid $1750 if my math is right, and it is occasionally). I checked the futures odds again  yesterday, and St Louis is down to 60:1 now. I'm not saying the Billikens will win the thing. Hell, I'm not even saying they'll get out of the first round. But if you watched the way the they manhandled Butler last week in the 2nd half at Hinkle Fieldhouse,  you can see why they are a very dangerous and intriguing darkhorse. They play tough as nails defense, rebound the ball, and don't turn it over. Other teams off the radar that I've been following very closely are Air Force, UCLA, Iowa, & the Akron Zips. Iowa & Air Force may not make the real tourney, but watch out for them in the NIT or CBI or the College Insider. I love the College Insider tourney - no one follows it and it's a potential goldmine for betters. As far as the big name teams, it's a real toss-up trying to pick favorites to make the Final 4. I take it round by round myself. So, I could care less who makes the Final 4. Although it's always nice when Duke doesn't make it. Obviously...

Later last Friday, after getting the hell out of Sloppys, I went to a joint near downtown called Westerwood. Many of the regulars from the now defunct Wing Joint were there. It was a pleasant time. They have the best jukebox in Greensboro, hands down. At some point, my man Goosie came in the place. He promptly bought  a round of shots and that's a good thing. So, I'm standing there and Goose is rambling on about something or other. And I noticed that his hairline seemed to be receding, seemingly before my very eyes right there at the bar. I said to Goose, "Uhm Mickey, you know that within a few years you'll be as bald as Mr Clean or Dave White." Goose didn't take to kindly to my opinion on this matter. I wasn't trying to hurt the kid's feelings or anything. I'm telling you, he's gonna go bald by the time he's 30. I said to him, "I'm just preparing you for it, as a friend." He responded, "Fuck you, asshole." We then went out front of the joint to smoke. The rest of the night all poor Goose could think about was his impending male pattern baldness. I don't feel the slightest bit bad about telling Goose he's going Telly Savalas on us. Someone had to. And since I'm so nice and caring that way, it was me.

I saw where Catwoman won an Oscar the other day (although I don't think she won for that silly Dark Knight Is Risen movie). As any reasonable movie watcher could tell you, this Catwoman should have won years ago for Rachel Getting Married. Her victory was long overdue. Congratulations to you, Anne.

Situation no win

Mason Plumlee Bombs In The Comcast Center

Mismatch

Urgent Score Update - From the Comcast Center in College Park, Md. Terps 83 Duke 81. It was awesome. Mason Plumlee, a kid who has been hyped by the Duke loving media as National Player of the Year, scored all of 4 pts. Plumlee managed to get more fouls in the game than points. He was completely outclassed by Alex Len. Coach K and his boys from Durham had no answer for Len. Nada. Len was on fire against the vaunted Devil defense. I was watching the game out at the infamous Kicken Chicken with my buddy Phil and Phil's wife. Phil's wife is a big Terps fan, being that she's from Maryland. We were having a time watching the 2nd half. The only disappointing thing about the whole night was the dearth of Duke fans at the bar. It was very busy, as probably 150 folks were in the joint during the game, munching on the atrocious food they serve. But only about a half dozen of them were pulling for the Devils. What a bummer. I was strolling around looking for Duke fans to mock & much to my chagrin found nobody nearby. It wasn't that upsetting though. I went over to the bar and ordered a celebratory shot, drank it quickly, and raced out of the Kicken Chicken. It's gonna be a real shame when the Terps leave the ACC for the Big 10. The Duke/MD game in College Park is always fun to watch, especially when the Terps win. And that's gonna end in a couple years. Hopefully, the 2 schools will schedule each other in the non-conference moving forward. They probably won't though. It's hard to blame Duke for possibly being reluctant to schedule games in the Comcast Center. The students spend a great deal of time and energy chanting "Fuck Duke" throughout the game. I'm guessing that's gotta be hard on the fragile psyches of Duke basketball players. It's amusing though. You gotta admit that.

Speaking of Duke and students chanting, a few weeks ago the Devils hosted the NC State Wolfpack in Durham. Duke managed to avenge their loss to NCSU from January, pulling it out 98-85. Something worth noting went down during the contest though. NC State has this point guard named Tyler Lewis, a skinny white kid who plays with moxie. Anyway, Lewis' grandmother died recently. A pretty sad occasion for any young man. During the game at Cameron, Lewis got to the foul line. While setting up to shoot his free throws, Lewis was paraded by the Duke students with this gem of a classy taunt - "How's your grandma?" That's right, leave it Duke students to rub it in that this Lewis kid had lost his granny, all in an attempt to distract the kid while trying to net 2 points. Those Duke students will do anything to "help" the team. Very nice, Dookies. Well played. I'm not the slightest bit surprised myself. ESPN has done a number of stories over the last 20 years about how well coordinated and clever the Cameron Crazies are with their taunts. The students have been praised for their depth of research on opposing players and creativity in getting under their skin. Why should we expect anything less from this current crop of undergraduates in Durham?

Searching For Discount Dan

I mentioned last week that the Wing Joint on Battleground had closed its doors for good. Immediately someone put up a page on the Faceshit lamenting the news. I've looked at the page a few times over the last week. Lots of disappointed folks started debating which bar they should start hanging out in to play the somewhat tedious NTN Trivia game. Others were worried where to go to hang out drinking with their fellow barflies. Then the Faceshit page degenerated into old photos taken at Wing Joint of various people in some state of inebriation standing near other folks in a similar state of inebriation (shockingly enough, I appeared in  a photo or 2 taken over the years and posted to this Faceshit page). No matter how hard these folks try and stick together and socialize at some other bar, they will drift apart as the weeks and months go by. From my point of view, the closing of the Wing Joint will mean that I won't know where the hell to go at about 10 or 10:30 on a given night. Perhaps I'll just head to bed and eschew a nightcap or 2. I have no idea. I find the whole situation very vexing.

I stopped in some place on W Market last Thursday night called Winnie Cooper's Ale House. My buddy Dave, the Glenn Beck acolyte, was sitting at the bar. It was right around 8:15 at the time. Dave had been in the place since about 3. He was feeling it a bit when I sidled up to the bar. To Dave's left was an Irish lass whose name I don't remember. I was impressed with this gal, as she was hoisting back Jameson at a quick rate. Talk between the 3 of us turned to the sordid world of trim presentation for a bit. Then Dave started talking about a shadowy figure who has been seen around the bars in the Gate City for the last 6 months or so. A kid Dave has labeled Discount Dan. I have yet to run into this Discount Dan character myself. Dave swears Discount Dan is endlessly entertaining. I have my doubts about that, but Dave's opinion carries a lot of weight in my mind. So, I'll take Dave at his word about this Discount Dan dude. Evidently, Discount Dan sneaks into bars, orders a beer and a shot, says something that cracks people up, then disappears as quickly as he came in. He's also been known to piss off the regulars at Sloppys as well, as folks in that dive have told me tales of his shenanigans. I look forward to running across Discount Dan sometime. It should be an interesting conversation if it ever happens.

I saw where Lance Armstrong was named the most hated athlete in America according to Forbes magazine. And that's gotta be sweet music to Tiger Woods' ears. Woods finished 3rd in the voting. Somehow, Manti Te'o came in 2nd ahead of Woods. I'm not sure why anyone would hate Te'o. He's just a dumb rube. I guess in the minds of the American public, it's worse to be tricked into carrying out a "relationship" with a woman who never existed than it is to relentlessly cheat on Jesper Parnevik's nanny while she's home watching your kids...

The 20 Is Money

It's a scientific fact that if I show up at a Super Bowl party wearing the 10 jersey & Brandon shows up at the same party wearing an Ed Reed Thug U throwback, the Niners have zero chance of winning.

Not gonna write much of a post here today. I just learned that the Old Wing Joint on Battleground has closed its doors for good. Very bad day in the Gate City...

 I will note though that if you bet my 3 picks for the big game last night, you went 3 and 0. The money line soared to +170 before kickoff. 3 one hundred dollar bets would have got you a cool $370...

I am reminded once again of what Neil Young said - Once you're gone, you can't come back

Hippies Vs Car Bombs

The 20.

The big football game in New Orleans is just 2 days away. The hype is unbearable, as always. Talk, talk, talk...As Bono would say - maybe too much talk. This year we get another scintillating match-up. For some reason the San Francisco 49ers are 4 point favorites over the Baltimore Ravens. Underdogs in this game have been very good recently, even winning outright with frequency. But before I get to my official pick for Sunday's tilt, I'm gonna break down both teams scientifically. This is my 5th write-up for the big game. In the previous 4, I have gone 5-1 with side/total/teaser picks. You can go back and read each of them if you want. An interesting side note on these write-ups is this; the one I did 2 years ago for GB/PIT still receives dozens of page views a month, possibly because the photo accompanying that post featured German babes in traditional serving wench outfits knocking back huge beers. What other reason would explain why anyone would read a post previewing a game that's long since been decided? Although, I did take Steeler fans across the country to task pretty mercilessly in that post as well - maybe that has something to do with it too?

When you look at San Francisco, several relevant facts leap out. The first being that the novel McTeague by Frank Norris is set in the city. I don't read books myself, but if I did McTeague would be near the top of my list. It's about this dude who practices crude dentistry in late 19th century San Francisco. He meets some gal, there's money problems, blah, blah, blah. I realize that synopsis won't make the prospect of reading the novel seem too promising. But it is. And if you hate reading or are functionally illiterate, you can catch the movie version. It's called Greed. It was directed by Erich Von Stroheim. The 2nd thing San Francisco has going for it is that Alcatraz is nearby. And if anyone has seen that terrible movie The Rock, you know that Alcatraz is one scary place. Al Capone was incarcerated there for a time. And who doesn't respect Scarface? The thing I've always found most fascinating about the movie The Rock is that The Rock himself, Dwayne Johnson, is not in the film. Does that make any damn sense? How can you call a movie The Rock and not feature The Rock in it? Weird. And upsetting. And unsettling. The 3rd thing San Francisco has going for it is really key - hippies. Free love in Haight-Ashbury with hippies. The only problem with free love and hippies is that 1) nothing is truly free & 2) hippies smell. I've often wondered how long I would of lasted in San Francisco during the Summer of Love in 1967. I'm guessing I would have gotten out of the car, been offered some grass, turned it down flat, then started smelling all the hippies. Maybe a few of the hippie gals would have been alluring. But when I got close to them, they'd smell like hippies. And hippies smell. So, I probably would have turned around and left Haight-Ashbury in the summer of 1967 after 5 or 7 minutes. It's not my milieu, if you know what I mean. I don't get down like that, if you dig. You dig? I also don't understand why hippies used the phrase, "You dig?" Am I holding a fucking shovel in my hand? Good God. The last and most vital thing San Francisco has going for it is that lots of gay folks call the city home. It's some kind of gay mecca. And I'm a huge fan of practitioners of the anal arts. Those dudes are awesome. They have developed quite a community for themselves in San Francisco. I've seen the movie Milk. So, I know. Jeff Spicoli and the guy who played W in the movie W. Having that force of gay pride with the Niners will be powerful and very tough for any football team to overcome. It's an uphill climb for the boys from the Charm City.

On the other hand, Baltimore has many positives as well. Tupac. Mike Phelps. Geilfuss. These names are a testament to all that Baltimore means. Tough. Gritty. Ready to throw down. It all goes back to the War of 1812. I don't remember San Francisco repelling the British Army. Then again, I was always a marginal student of history at best. So, who knows. But I'm pretty sure that the British Army didn't advance on Candlestick Park back 200 years ago. I've stopped and visited in many sections of Baltimore, or at least in bars of many sections of Baltimore - from Dundalk, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill, and Highlandtown  to the outlying areas like Lutherville, Parkville, Ellicott City, & Glen Burnie. And my old hometown, at least for a couple years, Towson, MD. The thing about all the bars in all these areas is that folks will drink. I mean drink to get hammered. Car Bombs flow in Baltimore like Chardonnay in San Francisco. Football weekends in Baltimore, some bars have been known to run out of Jameson for Christ's sake. I've seen it happen. And how in the hell can you top that? Hippies smoking joints vs hard looking men and women drinking to oblivion on the east side of Baltimore with accents so thick that you think you're in a foreign country? Please. It's not even close. It goes back to being tough, gritty, & ready to throw a punch for no good reason. Baltimore has it in spades over San Francisco.

The last thing I'll mention before getting to my official pick is that there has been quite a bit of rumbling that this game Sunday may be the 20's last game for the Ravens. Maybe his last game ever. I hope neither is true. As I've mentioned repeatedly on this blog over its 50 month lifespan, the 20 is my favorite player not named the 84 or the 10 (of course, the 84 is retired and calling college football games on ESPN & the 10 is doing I have no idea what). The 20 is the most electrifying player in football & he's a safety. A fucking safety. If this really is the last time the 20 gets on the football field, I hope like hell he gets the ball in his hands one last time and starts pitching it wildly to a  teammate to try and get a defensive or special teams score. I really hope the 20 goes ahead and scores the damn ball himself one last time. I guarantee I'll cry if that happens.

The picks: Baltimore +4, Baltimore Money Line (+140), Tease the Ravens and the Over.