God Is Angry At Irish Fans

Miss Webb seemed pleased that the Irish choked... 

Well, we learned 2 important lessons from that unwatchable football game Monday night in No Life Stadium down in South Florida. 1) God is very pissed at Regis Philbin, Dick Vitale, Vince Vaughn, and the Catholic Church in general. 2) TOSU ended the season as the only unbeaten team in major college football. It was a rout from the kickoff, which surprised me quite a bit. As I mentioned in the write-up Monday, I bet on the Irish +9&1/2. That bet was clearly done by halftime when the Tide was up 28-0. I had one other bet that night - the Utah Jazz -5&1/2 against Dallas. That bet hit by half a point as the Jazz pulled it out late 100-94. Yet another example of the vagaries of gambling. I got killed on the BCS Title game, yet made it up on a silly mid-season NBA game in Salt Lake City...

I was sitting at the infamous Kicken Chicken Sunday watching the Colts gain over 400 yards on the Ravens and managing to get only 9 points out of it & watching dozens of Washington fans fill up the joint in anticipation of their game against Seattle, when Jittery Falcon Fan stumbled by. Only instead of wearing his normal cheap #33 Turner shirt tightly tucked into cheap jeans, Jittery was sporting a hideous Hawaiian shirt tucked into cheap jeans. I was taken aback a bit, to say the least. I asked Jittery why the change in uniform from his usual get-up. He explained that he was there with a couple of his half-Filipino kids. I said, "Daddy day care?" He replied. "No, I just enjoy watching them shove shitty cheese fries down their throats." I said, "Gotcha." Then I walked away quickly to sneak outside to smoke...

A Seahawk Fan

Speaking of the Washington professional football team, I changed my pick from what I'd put on this blog last week. I ended up taking Seattle -3. Needless to say, I was kicking myself a bit when Washington went up 14-0 after 2 long TD drives. Then Bob Griffin started looking really wobbly. He was limping all over the place. He couldn't plant on his back foot when passing, thus the football was sailing all over the place on him. At one point, just before half, I said to a kid next to me, who also had a bet on the Seahawks, "I sure hope they keep Bob in the game. Because if they do, it's only a matter of time until Seattle runs away with this." And I'll be damned, but Washington inexplicably left Griffin in the game until his knee snapped again with like 6 minutes remaining in the 4th quarter. And the Seahawks won by 10. If I were a fan of the Washington football team, I'd be pretty upset with Mike Shanahan right now. Not only did leaving Griffin in the game probably cost Washington the game, but now Griffin might be out 8 months. Hell, even if Griffin does come back in time for next September, who's to say he'll ever be the same???

I've been meaning to mention this for awhile - readers here in the Gate City may recall that before the mayoral election in November 2011, I derided Robbie Perkins pretty hard. I basically called him a smarmy Nixon-esque crook. At least that's how he struck me. Well, Perkins hasn't been indicted or anything, at least to my knowledge, but his smarminess is no longer in question. Perkins left his wife some time ago for some other gal. Now, that's not cool, but it also doesn't  prove he's a terrible person. Here's what he's done since he ran out on his wife - he hasn't been paying the mortgage on the home he and his wife shared - foreclosure is imminent.  That's not the worst of it though. Perkins and his soon to be ex have a teenage daughter. And to spite his soon to be ex, Perkins hasn't been paying any child support. In case you don't know, Perkins reportedly makes around half a million dollars a year with his commercial real estate business. And he hasn't been providing for his teenage daughter. What a swell guy our fair mayor has turned out to be. As always, there was something about the guy that just seemed off to me. Unfortunately, I was right again...

Big news for readers of this blog - Dave White, bartender extraordinaire, is gonna loan me a boxed set of  Sly Stallone films he bought when he was serving over in the Middle East for the US Army. He said he got the set for like 20 bucks on the streets of some city over there that I probably shouldn't say the name of. What I'm gonna do is attempt to watch all these films in this boxed set & blog about my impression of each film. It should be an interesting undertaking, to say the least...

The Papists vs Nick Saban

This little fella looks like he's had a few...

The big BCS Title game is just hours away as I type this. Normally I only do extensive write-ups for the Super Bowl. However, I'm gonna do one for tonight's tilt in South Florida as well. It's not every year that Notre Dame and Alabama face for the title. And each school has so much to offer when analyzing it. It's really on opportunity I couldn't pass up.

Let's look at the Irish first. Notre Dame is the flagship university for the Catholic Church in the Unites States. And that's a heavy burden to bear. When you think of the Catholic Church, a lot of really great accomplishments come to mind. There's the Spanish Inquisition, for instance. For about 350 years the Catholic Church in Spain executed folks left and right for no reason whatsoever. Lots of burning at the stake went down. There's also the Crusades that sent thousands to their deaths over a couple hundred years trying to retake "Holy Lands" for the Church. I know, you say, "but that's all ancient history, TBFH." And it is. But that's part of the awesome legacy that the Irish will be representing tonight in No Life Stadium. In the United States the Catholic Church also has quite a legacy. The biggest legacy being sex abuse on tens of thousands of young boys by trusted priests. In most cases, instead of turning over the offending priests to authorities for prosecution, the Church turned a blind eye. Or simply shuffled raping priests off to another parish only to have these pedophiles pick right up with their heinous crimes in another locale. Eventually the Catholic Church paid for these atrocities to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars in lawsuits, paid for by, you guessed it, run of the mill Catholics around the country through their tithing and whatnot to the Church. When you take all this evidence into account, admittedly it's hard to make a case to pull for the Irish in this game tonight. But it's not impossible. The reason that it's not impossible is because of the team the Irish are playing.

Mr Wallace will be pulling hard for the Tide from his grave.

Alabama has a unique history of its own. To say that the state of Alabama has been unkind to folks of color is akin to saying that Snooki is only a little bit skanky. There's slavery - not a very nice concept when it comes to treating your fellow man. And after slavery was abolished, the state of Alabama went to every length possible to keep brothers and sisters down for the next 120 years - what with those pesky poll taxes and Jim Crow laws being so pervasive. And then there's George Wallace. The legendary racist governor of the state. Did you know that Mr Wallace was still governor of the state as late as January 1987? That's unbelievable. It boggles the mind that as recently as 26 years ago, George Wallace was the people of Alabama's choice to be their leader. I won't delve any further into the dark side of Alabama history. It's too depressing.

So, we've got a classic battle between the Catholic Church, an organization arguably responsible for more evil than any other in world history, against Alabama, a state with a checkered history of hatred towards black folks. It's a tough call there. The next best thing to do is to go ahead and look at the actual football legacy of both schools for guidance on whom to pick in tonight's big game.

I doubt Robin Wright has any clue there is a BCS Title Game tonight

The Irish boast Gerry Faust, Bob Davie, Tyrone Willingham, & Charlie Weis among their legendary coaches. They have Rudy, the subject of an awful movie starring a hobbit, going for them. They have Lou Holtz, he of the amazing lisp, on their side. Of course, the Irish also have some players you may have heard of as well - Tim Brown, Joe Montana, Paul Hornung, Rocket Ismail, and several other NFL greats. The Tide have several legendary coaches in their past too - Mike DuBose, Dennis Franchione, and Mike Shula. They also have Forrest Gump, possibly the worst motion picture to ever win an Oscar, on their resume. Again, after looking into their storied histories, it's hard to find a winner for the BCS game tonight. But, when you really look deep into the 2 teams, a pick becomes easy.

Alabama has Nick Saban on the sidelines. The man who emphatically declared in December 2006 that he had no interest in leaving the Miami Dolphins for the Alabama coaching job. In fact, at one point towards the end of the Dolphins' season, after weeks of speculation that Saban was leaving Miami for Tuscaloosa, Saban told reporters this gem, "I guess I have to say it. I'm not going to be the Alabama head coach...I don't control what people say. I don't control what people on dot-com or anything else. So I'm just telling you there's no significance, in my opinion, about this, about me, about any interest that I have other than being the coach here in Miami." Within days of that statement, Saban was introduced as the Crimson Tide's 27th head coach. This is a great example of a person lying. And the ultimate slimeball move by a football coach. My favorite part of the quote is where Saban uses the phrase "people on dot-com." That's hilariously stupid. Given that Saban is still patrolling the sidelines for the Tide, you have to make your bet accordingly. Take the Irish +9 &1/2. I already have a bet in at that number. And you know it's gonna annoy me and many other folks who despise what the Catholic Church has done in the world to pull for the Papists. But I will. Anything is better than pulling for Nick Saban.

Besides all that, on a serious note, it should be a 3-7 point game for either team.

Enjoy the hype-fest!!!

Gay Marriage Comes To Maryland

Dudes, like these portly fellows, can now tie the knot in MD

It's 2013. And somehow I've survived to see it (at least the first few days). The big story that has caught my attention so far is that in the state of Maryland gay folks can get hitched legally now. Many trivia players around the Baltimore area are no doubt thrilled with this development. It may be a little known fact outside the dark world of team trivia, but for those of us who've visited the assorted venues where these trivia games are contested over the years, we know that gay trivia players are common. Hell, there have been several times at the Bananabees on Padonia in Luther Campbellville where I swear I had to be the only straight dude in the joint on a Friday at 9. What this new law means for the gay trivia players of Maryland is that instead of fighting over who gets the gift card after a hard fought showing where your team finishes in the money, now the gift card becomes community property between the gay couple (or should I say the gay husband and husband or gay wife and wife?). What's key about this change is that when a newly betrothed husband and husband or wife and wife call it quits and have to split up all their shit in a legal separation or divorce, the gift cards from trivia victories will have to be split evenly to each partner. It will certainly make for some interesting legal proceedings.

Speaking of legal proceedings and gay folks getting hitched then inevitably splitting like almost every straight couple does, I'm guessing the biggest winners in Maryland are, you guessed it, the lawyers. With all the new potential divorces that are sure to follow well-intended gay marriages, lawyers will be needed to fight for each husband or wife as the case may be. Attorneys will have exponentially more clients and make tons of dough off this new gay marriage deal. I guess that's a positive for them. At least someone wins in these doomed marriages. Damn lawyers - they probably bankrolled the whole movement to get gay marriage passed in the first place...

I also saw something on the old TV on Tuesday about taxes being raised. It looks like every paycheck will be a little thinner starting this month because the payroll tax is going up 2%. Now, 2% may not sound like much. I'll grant you that. But if you take home 5 grand a month for instance, that's $100 less you'll be seeing direct deposited into the old checking account each month. Remember all those promises Barry made about only increasing taxes on those hated and evil wealthy folks? Turns out, it was all jive, as I've been saying for years. And just wait until the taxes on the socialized medicine deal kick in next year. Good days are ahead for the American taxpayer. More and more dough going straight to DC. I can't wait.

I never did get around to typing some end of 2012 post the past week or whatever (too many bowl games, I guess). But I'll run through some TBFH awards as usual, if a little belatedly. As always if any of the winners wanna claim their prize for victory I'll be happy to get them a shot of the worst rot-gut whiskey or scotch in the bar.

Barfly of the Year - This is always a tough call. The usual suspects come to mind - Moose at Sloppys, Big Spiky Haired Chris, Michigan Molly, Daytime Lori, Jittery Falcon Fan, & the wine ladies at Stumbles. But this year I came across a new barfly several times at both Ass Traps and the old Wing Joint on Battleground. A woman named Teresa. This gal is in her mid 60's. She's dumpy looking. She sports a kind of semi-bob hairdo. She loves Duke. And she's a shameless drunken whore. What more could you possibly ask for in a barfly? I had the opportunity to speak with Teresa one night several weeks ago when she was in an incoherent drunken stupor at Ass Traps. Let's just say I was pressing her hard on the nature of her trim presentation. Teresa did not enjoy the conversation nearly as much as I did. That's for sure. I'm a little worried about Teresa though. I think she's close to getting banned from every damn bar up and down Battleground.

Game of the Year - I'm tempted to go with Spain over Italia in the Euro 2012 final - a 4 to nil thrashing. Or TOSU over Michigan. Or TOSU over Wisconsin (my biggest bet of the football season was on the Buckeyes that Saturday). But in the end, it's not a close call. Easily the game of the year took place right here in the Gate City back in March on a Friday night (it was the 16th if memory serves). Lehigh 75 Duke 70. What a great night to be alive. I'll never forget it. I was at Scams Lakeside at the time. I remember laughing and laughing and laughing, especially when all the Duke fans came pouring into the joint about 30 minutes after fleeing the Greensboro Coliseum in horror.

Celebrity Death of the Year - Easy call this year. Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter died last August. He was terrible in the unwatchable 70's sitcom.

TV Star of the Year - It's got to be Honey Boo Boo. Alana Thompson is her birth name. But this year Alana took the whole country by storm on her terrible TLC program as Honey Boo Boo. I've seen several of the episodes of the show myself. I'm a huge fan of Honey Boo Boo's mother. She's 33, but looks 53. She's gotta weigh 350 pounds. And she's got lots of chins going for her. Honey Boo Boo herself is like 7 years old, but like her mother looks older and like her mother is headed for a life of obesity. My favorite episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is the one where Honey Boo Boo's daddy, a toothless man who goes by Sugar Bear, takes Honey Boo Boo to an arcade type place for an afternoon of fun. I couldn't understand a word the 2 of them said to each other the entire time. It was riveting.

Athlete of the Year - It has to be Rory Mcilroy. I've been hyping him on this blog virtually since its inception. And in 2012, Mcilroy was dominant. His greatest victory came at the PGA Championship in South Carolina last August, where he obliterated the deepest  field in golf by 8 shots.

I'm not gonna waste any time on bowl previews this time. I will try and get a BCS "Championship" preview up soon (at least before next Monday's kickoff), as that will be an epic battle of evil on evil - the Catholic Church vs Nick Saban.

As far as NFL Wild Card Weekend - Bengals +4&1/2, GB -7&1/2, Indy/Bal Over 46, & Washington if they are getting more than 2&1/2.

If The Mayans Are Right, Run Up A Huge Bar Tab Tonight

Wouldn't it be tough to land down a chimney in those shoes?

The yuletide season is getting closer and closer. Maybe. Today, as many news outlets have been reporting for months on end, is, according to Mayan lore, the end of the world. I'm not sure what time it's all gonna come to an end today. But I sincerely hope I have a large tab open at some awful dive bar at the time. Although to be honest, I rarely have a large tab open anywhere. And tonight I'm stopping in 2 more places for 2 more Christmas parties. That means people will be handing me shots like there really is no tomorrow. More than likely, I won't have to pay for any of them. I rarely do. My tab is generally like $8-$12 no matter what. I guess it's the one perk to so many barflies finding me entertaining. I have no idea.

Speaking of Mayan lore, I don't think many folks really know that much about the Mayan civilization. I count myself among them. All I know is that if you go to Guatemala you can see Mayan ruins. I'm never going to Guatemala. So, I'm never going to see the ruins. I also know that those pesky Spanish conquistadors tried to colonize Mayan territory. Other than those 2 facts, I've got nothing for you, as Jeff Probst would say on that CBS show where that tax cheat ran around naked back in 2000 while Kelly Wiglesworth looked on in horror. The Mayans are getting lots of attention today. But I suspect if the world doesn't end sometime today, they'll be ridiculed and forgotten. As if they were ever remembered by most folks anyway. It's all pretty silly.

Also, Mark Titus made an excellent point in his weekly college hoop column on ESPN's generally horrible website. If the world does end today, the Duke Blue Devils will be the #1 team in the country. That fact almost makes me wish the world will end within the next 12 hours. If there's one source of evil that can only be stopped by the end of the world, it's gotta be Coach K.

Speaking of Duke, a few years ago, right on this very blog, I touted Mason Plumlee as a potentially exceptional player. And I'll be damned, but I was right again. The uneducated and stupid typical Duke fans have long expressed disdain for Plumlee and his perceived underachievement during his career in Durham. Now? He's probably the 2nd best big man in college hoops behind my man Doug McDermott at Creighton. That kid is lights out from 3.

I know I promised more college bowl write-ups. So, I'm gonna follow through on that right now. I'm 2&1 so far. Those damn Aztecs were horrible in the 4th quarter last night, as they went strip 6, fumble, pick 6, and pick on 4 straight offensive possessions after leading 6-3 with 12:45 left. Alas, they lost by 17...

Beef O'Brady's Bowl - Ball St (+7) vs UCF - St Petersburg, FL 7:30 tonight. I've been rolling with the boys from Muncie for over 2 months now. They've been on fire. They run the football efficiently and have a decent QB who uses play action quite well. I can't see why UCF would be all that excited to play in this game. Plus, who is Beef O'Brady? He sounds like a pervert pushing hamburger patties on young boys. I'm taking the points with the Cardinals.

New Orleans Bowl - ECU (+5) vs Louisiana Lafayette - New Orleans, LA Noon Saturday. I love the Pirates chances at an outright win. They haven't won a bowl game yet under my man Ruffin McNeill, but this should be their time. The Ragin Cajuns are not 5 points better than the Pirates. I guess the point spread is so off due to LA Lafayette playing in their home state. But I don't expect a home field advantage of any significance. ECU ended the season playing really well on offense the past 6 or 7 games. This is my top pick for the weekend's bowl action.

Maaco Las Vegas Bowl - Washington vs Boise (-5) - Las Vegas, NV 3:30 Saturday. Boise's defense was about as tough as usual this year. On offense, remember they had to replace a 4 year starter at QB (Kellen Moore) and a kid who has gained over 1,000 yards as a rookie for the City of Tampa (The Muscle Hamster himself, Doug Martin). The new QB, one Joe Southwick, has played well recently. One big edge for Boise in this one is that Huskies QB Keith Price has been running for his life behind a terrible offensive line. I expect more of that. Did you see the Huskies implode against Washington State in their last game (up 27-10 late in the 3rd)? That was largely due to Price getting battered by a weak Cougar defense. Imagine what the Broncos should be able to accomplish. The other big edge is coaching. Boise has one of the 5 best in college football. Washington has a  position coach who used to play QB at BYU...

Hawaii Bowl - SMU vs Fresno St (-12) - Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, 8 Monday. Take the Bulldogs. SMU snuck into a bowl after upsetting Tulsa somehow. On paper, the Mustangs are outmatched all over the field. Unless Fresno plays flat for over half the game, they should win comfortably. This is always one of my favorite bowls, because really, what the hell else is there to do on Christmas Eve?

I was gonna write about the almost epically bad football I witnessed last Sunday during the entire day of Sunday Ticket. Did you catch the Chiefs/Raiders game??? Wow! But I gotta run.

And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight, Man I shouldn't have hit the pipe so hard...

I was sitting at the old Wing Joint on Battleground Sunday evening watching the Niners/Patsies game, when about 6 minutes into the 1st quarter, NBC cut away from the game and aired a speech by our freshly reelected leader, Barack Hussein Obama. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I had no idea why Barry was making a prime time speech. Luckily for me, Goose was sitting to my left and explained that there was some kind of school shooting that had happened Friday morning in Connecticut and that Barry was probably talking about it. I did wonder how almost 60 hours had passed from when this school shooting occurred until I heard about it (I chalk it up to 2 Christmas parties, college bowl games, college hoops, and Sunday Ticket holding my attention). Anyway, the sound coming from the TV's behind the bar at Wing Joint weren't turned up very loud. So, I was having trouble hearing what Barry was saying about this school shooting. It doesn't really matter what he said, I realize that. Barry, it turns out, does not have the messiah-like power to undo the killing of school kids. But I was a little taken aback when hearing this news, nonetheless. I decided to look into this school shooting and after doing so the last couple days, I've come away with the same thoughts as after every one of these shootings since Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold went on their spree back on Hitler's 110th birthday in 1999. The liberals immediately call for the banning of guns and the right wingers wring their hands about God being taken out of public schools. Blah, blah, blah.

I don't want a gun. I've never had any desire to touch a gun in my life. I've had a gun pointed at my head before though (alas, more than once...). While I have no interest in delving into the specifics of those events, I will say this - it's not such a great feeling when someone is pointing a gun at your head. I wouldn't suggest getting yourself into that situation if you can avoid it. So, I'm no gun nut. And if you really think that banning guns is the right reaction to this shooting, or any of the dozens of other shootings over the years, I can sympathize with the thought. There's a big problem with this idea though. The problem is that there are around 300 million guns floating around the United States. Those guns are private property. The question that all the gun banners have to figure out is this - how would you suggest the federal government go about getting rid of 300 million pieces of private property? That's where things get a little problematic, don't they? The articles you read about banning guns tend to not mention the messy process that would inevitably ensue if all guns were indeed banned by the federal government. Can you picture federal agents going door to door across the country, tearing up every nook of every home, in an attempt to find all 300 million guns? It's an idea reminiscent of Stalinist Russia - and that's not good. Our current leader, Barack Hussein Obama, famously mentioned back in 2008 that many Americans were clinging to guns and religion as crutches in their pitiful lives. He may be right. I have no idea. But if it's true that many tens of millions of Americans are clinging to their guns, don't you think those folks might put up some kind of fight when the federal government swings by the house to seize their private property?

After reading a little about the particular shooter in this particular school shooting, one Adam Lanza, the first thing that struck me was how he looked strikingly similar to the aforementioned Eric Harris. As far as the rest of his story, some of it is predictable - painfully shy, loved violent video games, didn't seem to have many friends, etc. But one part of this story as opposed to the other school shooters is different. Adam Lanza was the son of a millionaire executive who lived in an extremely affluent part of the country. A part of the country where elite liberals flourish. The media will no doubt paint this kid's mom to be a nut over the coming days and weeks. They'll have to blame her for this kid's actions. Because the folks who hang out in the swanky areas of the country like Newtown, CT won't be able to fathom that their picture perfect progressive community might have in any way helped shape whom young Mr Lanza became. When school shootings happen in Blacksburg, VA or Kentucky or Colorado, eastern elitists can pass it off with a dismissiveness similar to the comment Barry made about the losers in the rest of America who cling to their guns. We're all rubes and whatnot in many of these folks' eyes. But this time it's happened right in one of their own strongholds. They can't just shrug it off by saying, "You know those barbarians in _____? What can you do about them?" That line of thought doesn't wash in this case, unless you paint this kid's mother as a wacko way out of the norm for the cozy confines of suburban Connecticut. And that's what will happen.

A few years ago, when that Uncle Fester looking kid broke bad out in Arizona and tried to kill Gabrielle Giffords and did kill a number of bystanders at a local political rally, many folks suggested that more needs to  be done for the mentally disturbed in our society. I mentioned at the time, that while a nice thought (somewhat like this gun banning idea), it's very problematic when you try and put it in practice. Was Adam Lanza deranged? It's very likely, yes. But what should be done with young folks who some view as mentally ill? Should the government take them somewhere so there's no chance they'll hurt anyone? Should the government do this even if said person has no arrest record and been no threat to anyone in their life? Again this whole idea smacks of stuff that was done in Stalinist Russia or Orwellian novels. It's a very slippery slope.

As far as the 20 little kids who were killed by Mr Lanza, I was reminded again of one of the many reasons I have never had any interest in being a parent. Within seconds of hearing the news that your 5 or 6 year old had been murdered, there would be absolutely no reason to go on in life. None that I can think of.

I'll get back to the normal silliness next time.

Those Baffling Christmas Lyrics

Fully Prepared For Frightful Weather

I was sauntering through a local store recently and that pesky Christmas music was playing on the audio system in the place. One of the lyrics to one of these tunes really struck me hard. It went something like this, "The weather outside is frightful..." At the time it was about 70 degrees in the Gate City. In other words, the weather was anything but frightful. Who comes up with this garbage??? The lyric should have gone, "The weather outside in unseasonably warm..." The problem with that is that it's pretty difficult to rhyme anything with warm. Maybe it could have gone, "The weather outside is unseasonably warm, but in Greensboro that's sometimes the norm." I can't come up with anything better than that. Maybe, "The weather outside is unseasonably warm, but it's still chilly in the coed dorm." I'm guessing the writer of this Holiday classic found it easier to rhyme using the word "frightful" as opposed to "warm." I have no idea. But these Christmas music writers sure do seem to take the easy way out when it comes choosing words to rhyme with. That same song went on to say, "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow." Now that's just pure insanity. I'm not claiming that I have the god-like power to stop snow. Or make it snow. Or whatever. But for someone to go ahead and give in and just say, "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow" is deranged. People here in Greensboro are notoriously shitty drivers in bad weather (and generally shitty drivers in perfect conditions as well...) and for someone to hope it snows and snows and snows is really sick. What you're basically saying at that point is that you wish for massive vehicular tragedy - not exactly in tune with the supposed theme of Christmas. You know, all that peace on earth and good will toward man silliness. These damn Christmas songs.

I checked on the old Faceshit here recently and saw some pictures of Geilfuss wearing a bow tie and black tuxedo vest. It took me a minute to figure out the context of what I was seeing. At first, I thought Geilfuss had maybe dressed up like a penguin for some kind of gag party. And then I saw a few more photos of the affair where Geilfuss was so nattily attired. And everything became clear to me. Geilfuss was at a wedding. To be more precise, Geilfuss was at his own wedding. That's right. Geilfuss got hitched!!! You may be wondering who the lucky person was that Geilfuss gave his hand in wedded bliss to. And while I can't be exactly sure, I think Geilfuss married Tyson. Tys was similarly adorned with tuxedo vest and bow tie. So, I put one and one together. I'm not stupid. I hope the two of them have many wonderful hours of happiness before this sham marriage inevitably ends in a drunken fistfight. It should be noted that Andy was in a few of the Faceshit photos at this Geilfuss/Tys wedding deal. And being the good sport that he is, Andy probably agreed to be best man for both Geilfuss and Tys. Andy's that nice a guy. He probably fumbled a bit trying to remember whose ring was in which pocket of his pants. But that's understandable. God knows I've never been asked to be anyone's best man. Hell, I've never been asked to be in a wedding, period. Come to think of it, I haven't been invited to a wedding in 20 years (that would be a disaster waiting to happen, obviously). Anyway, getting back to Andy being best man for both Geilfuss and Tyson at their recent nuptials, I know he did his best. He was probably a bit misty eyed watching two of his lifelong friends finally tie the old knot. I know I got a little choked up when I figured out what was going on in those Faceshit pictures. So, congrats to Geilfuss and Tys. As I said, it won't last long. And the cops will be called nightly for domestic disturbances. But at least the two of them had the courage to take the plunge and give marriage a whirl. Something I can never fathom trying. Bravo!

Speaking of the old Faceshit, I've purged my number of "friends" on the damn site down to 20 (by the way, if anyone is reading this who I've purged from  my "friend" list, don't take it personally, as I'm just an anti-social recluse by nature). Anyway, my buddy Jay is still on my "friends" list and he posted something that caught my eye recently. I should preface this by noting that Jay, while a super nice guy, is an in the bed with Barry socialist. Which is fine, to each his own. Blah, blah, blah...The reason this particular post caught my eye is because it mentioned how unfair it is to ask teachers that make $50,000 a year to take a 20% pay cut while at the same time not forcing millionaires to pay 3% more in federal income tax. As far as at what percentage millionaires should be taxed, reasonable people can disagree on that. If you've read this blog over the past 4 years, you know I think everyone should pay the same federal income tax rate - from millionaire hedge fund managers all the way down to kids who run the fry machine at the corner Burger King. But that's beside the point in relation to this Faceshit post about the unfairness in asking teachers who make $50,000 a year to take a 20% pay cut. I've had the great pleasure to get to know and work with hundreds of teachers over the past 15 years. Teachers in many different states and in many different areas of teaching. Now, I realize that teacher pay varies wildly depending on a given teacher's experience level, school district, etc. But what I can promise you with great certainty, based on thousands of hours working with and around teachers, is that they are not underpaid. In fact, I'd argue a vast majority of them are way overpaid. Way overpaid. If cities, school districts, counties, states, or whoever want to save the taxpayers some dough under these times of tight budgets, I think an across the board 20% pay cut for teachers is a nice place to start. It won't happen though. When I first saw Jay's Faceshit post about this whole teacher pay/millionaire deal, I got a little excited for a fleeting moment hoping that teacher pay really would be cut by 20%. Then I remembered the outrage that would ensue. Then the inevitable demonstrations in cities across the country. And the teacher strikes. When I remembered all that, I giggled. There's no way in hell teachers will have to take a 20% pay cut across the country. That's laughable. But it is a nice pit of propaganda from Jay and his buddies on the left in their never-ending attack against successful folks. I'll give them that.

College football bowl season is upon us once again, one of my favorite times of year. I can't promise to get previews of all 35 games up (not at the rate I've been posting this year - dreadful, I know). But I'll do my best. Here are previews for the 1st two unwatchable games. And by unwatchable, I mean only a few thousand fans of each school will care. Oh, and the degenerate gamblers. Every degenerate gambler in the known world will be watching very closely.

New Mexico Bowl - Saturday at 1 pm, Nevada vs Arizona (-9) total 75 &1/2. As many of you know, I'm a longtime fan of  Chris Ault and the real Wolf Pack from Reno. But their defense is terrible this year. They can't stop the run to save their lives, ranking over 100th in the FBS. Rich Rodriguez has the weapons to exploit Nevada. If the Wildcats come to play with any kind of edge at all, they should put up 40+ points. Nevada can run the football out of the pistol. They should keep things interesting. Expect plenty of points, depending on the weather (it's supposed to snow tomorrow, and be around 40 at kickoff Saturday). I'm not wagering too much at all on this contest.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - Saturday at 4:30 pm, Toledo vs Utah St (-10&1/2) total 58. This huge game, honoring french fries and hash browns, will be played on the Smurf Turf in Boise. The one thing I know is that the Aggies can play defense, as they give up only 14 points a game. The Rockets? Not so much. I hate laying double digits in bowl games however. The weather will be about what you'd expect, around 40 degrees. But there's no snow in the forecast. I'm looking at the under here pretty hard. Even if there are some big plays, I don't see 8 touchdowns and a field goal being scored. Plus, Utah St should grind the clock on the ground, limiting possessions.

More games begin next Thursday night in San Diego. I'm sure I'll get a post up by then. But I'll tell all of you now, I like the hometown Aztecs over the Mormons in that one.

Silver Balls, Silver Balls

Christmas Music At A Redneck Bar

Big news this week from the world of sports, as Sports Illustrated named LeBron James its Sportsman of the Year. When I first heard the news, I wondered how SI could give this award to a player from a team that had just lost to the Washington Wizards. But then I realized the award is for the yearlong greatness James displayed. That yearlong greatness continued last night as the Heat got crushed at home to the NY Knicks, by the way. But I digress. James is in some fine company by winning this SI award. A few notable past winners include Pete Rose (tax cheat, terrible gambler, and banned for life from baseball), Joe Paterno (facilitated the raping of children by a buddy of his for decades, oh wait, it was all horseplay...), Tiger Woods (a relentless liar and pursuer of Ambien fueled sex romps with every skank imaginable while married to Jesper Parnevik's nanny), Mark McGwire (cheater, liar, and very poor public speaker to boot), Sammy Sosa (see McGwire, Mark), and Lance Armstrong (who not only carried out one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on the American public, but also left his wife for Cheryl Crow after she'd stood by him through his battle with testicular cancer - what a swell guy). Mr James is not yet in the company of these various horrible people, and may never be. Let's hope not anyway. After all, it was James who said, just days after screwing over the city of Cleveland on national television in a sham of a one hour special on ESPN, that the Heat would win "not one, not two, not three, not four, not five not six, not seven" NBA Titles. By my math he's got a ways to go on delivering that promise to the various Cubans and Jews in South Florida. Good luck, Mr James. Of some note is that at the ceremony Sports Illustrated held in New York the other night, standing right next to James, side by side, thick as thieves, was Coach K. I guess Mike Brown, Paul Silas, and Erik Spoelstra, men who coached James in the NBA, weren't good enough to stand next to James as he basked in this extremely awesome honor bestowed by a dying magazine. Coach K did win the same award last year from SI (although he had to share the honor with some demented old lady who coaches girls hoops). So maybe he was there to pass the torch to the newest Sportsman of the Year. I have no idea. What they should have done is invited Sammy Sosa's bleached skin, Peter Edward Rose's tax returns, Lance Armstrong's cancerous testicles, and Joe Paterno's rotting corpse to pose next to James. Now that's a photo I'd enjoy. I'd use it at the top of this blogpost. That's for certain.

As for my athlete of the year, I haven't decided yet. Some name will pop into my head as I write the last blog post of the year later this month. But I'll put my past 3 winners up against SI's any day. Those would be YE Yang (2009), Landon Donovan (2010), and Jimmer Fredette (2011). I've got a feeling another golfer could win it this year. Maybe a kid from Northern Ireland...

Christmas isn't officially for a few more weeks, but I've been seeing signs of it already. Did you know that "every kiss begins with Kay?" Or that you should "get a get a get a Garmin?" All that advertising is nice. I really enjoy it. But the music is even better. I was sitting at one of the worst dive bars known to man Wednesday, a joint called Darunkass in disincorporated Greensboro, with about a dozen rednecks discussing bow hunting and horse power - my kind of guys. I felt a little out of place, seeing as how I was the only guy in the place wearing a sport coat and tie. Anyway, one of the TV's to my left was tuned to CMT. And the sound was up for some reason. A man in chaps was sitting at a high top watching intently. And the station aired Christmas tunes with a country music twist for like an hour. I had a hard time masking my laughter. But I managed to, as I was a little concerned each of the dudes sitting around getting hammered at 4:30  in the afternoon might have a shotgun out in their trucks. But the country music Christmas songs were hilariously awful. My favorite was a version of I'll Be Home For Christmas by Rascal Flatts. I found it amusing because, as I've mentioned before on this blog, I went to school for a year or so with a kid in the group. A kid named Jay Demarcus. And Jay, besides being one of the worst pathological liars I ever met in my life, sings really nasally. So seeing Jay on the old CMT at this redneck dive bar was pretty interesting. I know one thing, if Jay stumbled into Darunkass some afternoon and that same crew I encountered was there, he'd need to stay quiet. Because if he started in with all these wild lies like he did back in 1986, those boys in Darunkass would shoot him dead on the spot. As for me??? I got along so well with the good old boys at Darunkass that they bought me 2 shots. Not that I needed them at 5 in the afternoon. But trust me, these were the types of guys who you don't turn down a shot from. They take that as a personal insult. And me being such a sweet kid, I didn't turn them down. As I hoisted the second shot of Jack back, I said, pretty loudly "to Jeff Davis."

Several folks have asked me about TOSU and their recently completed undefeated season in college football. I watched all their games but one (against Indiana) and I gotta say, they weren't overwhelmingly impressive most of the season. Yes, TOSU went 12 & 0. And that was great and all. But this notion being floated by the typical Buckeye fan that the Associated Press should vote them number 1 is pretty absurd. They'd be hard pressed to beat any team in the top 10 or 12. Not that it couldn't happen. It would just be unlikely. The one team I'd love to see them get a shot at is old Notre Dame. The last time TOSU played the Irish they put up 618 yards of offense and crucified them in the Corn Chip Bowl back in January of 2006. Thanks to my man, the 10. Troy Fucking Smith.

Ho, Ho, Ho