Fantasy Preview 2014

Coming Soon To Philly

Football is fast approaching once again. It's like clockwork every last Thursday in August. And along with the hard hitting games, skanky cheerleaders, awful announcers, and dead drunk Steeler fans, we get the return of Fantasy. Fantasy...

I've done a few Fantasy previews over the years on this blog. No one seemed to care. But that's not gonna stop me from doing another one today. Here's who to be looking to add to your Fantasy squad for this fall -

1) Wes Welker - Obvious choice. He plays in the slot...I know there are concerns about Welker's concussion problems. But when you play in the slot the way Welker plays in the slot, then concussion issues be damned. Plus he has a QB who has undergone multiple neck surgeries.

2) Matt Prater - Another Bronco. He made a 64 yard FG last December! And he kicks in the mile high air. And with weed being legal in the greater Denver area these days, I suspect that the ball will fly even farther. Did you know that when potheads exhale at a football game that the ball flies 20% farther? It's true. I read it on Faceshit. And that means it has to be true.

3) Mark Sanchez - The Mexican Joe Montana has found a new home in Philly. He's not gonna start the season for the Eagles, bur when Nick Foles inevitably gets injured, Chip Kelly will turn to Sanchez. And that means erratic throws, confused faces, and butt fumbles. I can't wait to see Sanchez play again. It's been too long.

4) Johnny Football - My favorite. I know he's been atrocious in the preseason, but these games don't count. When JFF gets in a real game, he will deliver. He might deliver lots of picks, but he'll deliver. And if Manziel flames out in the NFL, that's okay because he can join the SEC Network and sit right next to Tim Tebow and analyze Nick Saban's oversigning of recruits.

5) Bob Griffin - A gentleman on ESPN last year named Rob Parker called Bob a "cornball brother." I had never heard the term at the time. What it means is that a black dude doesn't fit Mr. Parker's views on what a back dude should believe. Mr Parker thinks that Griffin is somehow not authentic. I think it stems from some political comments Griffin made in support of Republicans or conservatives. And that makes Griffin, in the eyes of many folks, a "cornball brother." Very strange. Me? I'm okay with corn. And I like a nice ball as much as the next guy. And Brother by Toad The Wet Sprocket is really good. So, if someone called me a "cornball brother," I wouldn't be too upset. It's funny that ESPN fired Mr Parker after he made that statement last year. Doesn't Skip Bayless, Steve Smith, and Mike Ditka say equally insensitive and possibly derogatory things almost constantly?

6) Dan Snyder - A strange little man, indeed. Many journalists have stopped using the name of the Washington football club in their writing recently. And that's lovely and all, but I do wonder why the outrage now. When I first started hearing about this movement last year, it surprised me quite a bit. Where was the outrage 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago? I remember thinking at some point in the early 90's that the name of the Washington football club is cruel and racist. Why have so many folks become suddenly enlightened? It's quite vexing. Snyder is hellbent on keeping the name, claiming it honors Indian heritage. He might even believe that. It's possible. The name honors and flatters Indians the way the term redneck honors and flatters folks who are rednecks...

7) Golden Tate - Interesting cat. Tate allegedly had an affair with Russ Wilson's wife. That's right, his QB's wife. Whatever happened, Wilson is divorced and Tate is playing in Detroit. Yes, the Motor City. Matt Stafford got engaged a few months back. And you guessed it, Stafford's future bride is a hot blonde like Wilson's wife was...Be careful Matt!

Okay, I'm bored with that.

I got a text from Geilfuss last night. He's dragging me back into yet another year in the Survivor Pool. The last 4 years have been unkind, to say the least. Since making it to week 15 in 2009, I don't believe we've made it out of early October since. The Bengals did us in in 2010 & 2011. Tom Brady screwed in 2012. I don't remember off the top of my head who we lost with last year. But I'm sure Geilfuss will remember. He stays up nights worrying about Survivor.

Speaking of Fantasy, although I loathe it, I do have friends who participate in it. And my buddy Phil is one of them. His draft was last Sunday at the Kicken Chicken in the Gate City. I couldn't be there, but I did call in to help out. I heard that several children were drafting for away Dads or Moms. Like 8 year-olds. And I heard that a Chinese woman was drafting a team as well. I'm sure it was quite the eclectic scene. Anyway, the fact that little kids and foreigners were so heavily involved could explain why many picks were shockingly awful. At one point, I was informed that someone selected Sidney Rice. I'm guessing it was the Chinese chick (you know, Rice,,,). It was an interesting selection considering that Rice retired last month...

The Publisher Of YES Weekly! Says No To The Editor Of YES! Weekly

NO!!!

A couple of very interesting bits of news came out of the Gate City yesterday. Both of which I've written about on this blog over the years. The 1st item involves the Greensboro Mayoral race. You may remember 2 years ago, when that Nixonian figure himself, Robbie Perkins was running for mayor, I thought there was something terribly off about the guy and was very leery of him. And the stories that surfaced the past couple years about Perkins show that maybe I wasn't nearly leery enough of the ex-Dukie. He's been a disaster as a mayor. Not to mention a disaster as a husband, a father, and a businessman. I certainly don't have much interest in kicking Perkins now that he's down. And it turns out I don't need to kick him at all. The voters did with prejudice. After one term in office, Perkins was routed in his re-election bid last night. He was crushed by almost 20 points. What a humiliating defeat for Perkins. Goodbye, Robbie.

The 2nd bit of news involves the editor, or should I say now ex-editor, of the YES! Weekly, a kid who once took the time to write a long rant on this blog's comments section attacking me after I made some silly remarks about YES! Weekly almost 4 years ago. To this day, I don't know why this editor cared so much about a little mindless criticism dished out by some random blogger like me. His name is Brian Clarey. I saw the news of his firing this morning when I was looking into the Greensboro election results. I stumbled on it completely by accident. Anyway, it turns out the publisher of YES! Weekly may have been as unimpressed with Clarey's skills as an editor as I was several years ago. Clarey, after 9 years reigning over his little fiefdom of a local weekly, got canned. As I read a little further into the tale of his firing, I kinda started to feel bad for the kid. I really did. Turns out, Clarey is married with some number of kids. And seeing as he's not particularly adept as an editor (remember, he just got axed...), I worry for the family's well being. It sucks when someone like this Clarey cat gets his comeuppance and you can't enjoy it. Maybe Clarey can catch on at some other publication in Greensboro. But that's not likely, as the News & Record is within a few years of completely going under itself, & The Rhino, which recently resurrected itself after a brief hiatus, would never hire him due to their political leanings. Maybe Clarey can pick up some work bartending here or there. He claims to have a great deal of experience in that arena. They might be hiring at that catering place I did some work for as a bartender from time to time. Anyway, I kind of wish him well. Hell, maybe Perkins & Clarey can partner up and open a bed & breakfast in Siler City. Or a tattoo joint in Walnut Cove. Or a meth business in Asheboro. Or a massage parlor in Climax. Those all seem like reasonable suggestions...

It's Karma For Jen Bielema

Jen seems quite comfortable with her hog snout...

I came across one of the sketchiest of sketchballs last night at some Irish joint in the lovely city of Westerville. I was sitting on the far left (unusual for me to be far left in any sense...) of the massive bar, minding my own business, and hoisting back a few ice cold indiscriminate light beers when this kid came in and introduced himself to the bartender. It just so happens that this bartender had asked me my name about an hour earlier. And I'll be damned, but I told her my actual name, which is a big no-no and something I rarely do. It turns out that this kid who ambled up to the bar has the same first name as yours truly. Which is rare. I don't have a very common name. So, this bartender chick decides to inform the kid who just wandered in that he and I share this not so common first name. And boy do I wish the chick hadn't done that. This guy starts talking my ear off like we're long lost friends. He starts going on and on about how I'm the first person he's ever met in his life with the same first name as him. He claimed it was a miracle. I told him it was a coincidence, nothing more. But he wouldn't shut up about it. I walked out to smoke to get away from this kid for a bit. When I came back in I really was gonna make it a point to be curt with him in hopes that he'd leave me alone. No such luck. He asked me if I shoot pool. And as some of you know, I don't shoot pool. At least I haven't since 1996. I've retired from shooting pool, throwing darts, foosball, all of that nonsense that people do at bars to pass the time. This kid with the same first name as me was befuddled as to why I wouldn't shoot pool with him. I said that it wasn't personal. I just don't. Luckily at that juncture he found someone else to play pool with. I was spared for a bit from this strange guy. About 15 minutes later, he comes back from the pool table and asks me this gem, "Do you smoke?" And he didn't mean cigarettes by the way. I informed him that I did not partake of the old ganja myself but thanks for asking. He told me how cool he thought it would be to get high with someone who shared his first name. I told him that was absurd and added, "Could you please quit mentioning we have the same first name?" He sat down and seemed a bit perplexed that I was so nonplussed by the huge news that we had the same first name. He ordered several Coors Lights. I watched the USF/Houston game. A little more time passes. He then gets up and saunters over to the jukebox. A few seconds later, you guessed it, Pink Floyd comes on. Pink Fucking Floyd. Learning To Fly to be exact. Then Another Brick In The Wall Part 2. Then Time. Then finally Comfortably Numb. I was numb. It was approaching 8 and I really needed to leave. Between the pot offer and the Pink Floyd, I was a mental wreck. I paid up with the bartender chick, walked by the kid on my way out, and said, "Take care of yourself, _____." I went to some dive bar across the street to watch the Bengal/Dolphin game (and thank you Phins, as they were getting 3 and won outright). About the middle of the 1st quarter that same bartender chick from the Irish place pops up at this place. She tapped me on the shoulder. I didn't recognize her at first (I'm horrible about remembering who anyone is) but after a few seconds I remembered her. And I really took this girl to task for telling the guy at the Irish place my name. She apologized and said she had no idea what a sketchy character he was or she would have never divulged my name to him. I gave her a bit of a pass at that point. I certainly never have any interest in coming across this kid again though. None. Or as James Spader would say, "Nada."

I've been back to blogging for a couple of weeks now, after a 5 month hiatus or whatever. I'm not sure if anyone knows I'm back though. The number of page views is considerably lower than in the past. Which is fine by me. I really don't care if anyone reads any of this. I'm simply passing the time.

The college football season is flying by. This is already week 10. Can you believe that? Anyway, most teams only have 4 or 5 more games to play. And I haven't done this in a while. And considering almost no one will see it before it would matter a lick, I'm gonna go ahead and do some previews for several of this weekend's top games. And by top games, I mean the biggest and most vital battles in the history of human conflict. Obviously.

USC/Oregon St (-4&1/2) 9 pm tonight in Reser Stadium Corvallis, Oregon. It's always quite a spectacle when the Trojans do battle with the Beavers. An unsightly spectacle, a messy spectacle. a smelly spectacle, but a spectacle nonetheless. USC finally wised up and fired Monte Kiffin's kid last month as their head coach. The athletic director at USC is a Rhodes Scholar (and he will be happy to tell you all about it too ), so it stands to reason that eventually he'd dump Kiffin. Don't feel to bad for old Lane though. He's got plenty of dough coming his way. Corvallis has been a house of horrors for USC in the past. The Beavers have their number at home. If Pete Carroll struggled there with NFL players all over his squad, I don't see why Coach Orgeron wouldn't struggle as well. Take the Beavers. Always take the Beavers. On a serious note, watch Sean Mannion as much as you can. He may be your favorite NFL team's QB next year (that's you Brown fans, Viking fans, Jags fans, etc.).

Michigan/Michigan St (-5&1/2) 3:30 Saturday from Spartan Stadium in East Lansing, Michigan. I have been to East Lansing. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I have. It was 1994 I think. I remember it smelled around campus. Like rotting corpses or maybe just regular Michigan garbage, either one. That's all I remember other than stopping in a Vietnamese restaurant and having the hottest and spiciest Chicken Fried Rice in my entire life. Damn that was tasty. On that basis alone I think the edge goes to Sparty here. The problem is I think the line is a little high for such a rivalry game. Michigan head man, one Brady Hoke, has a terrible defense on his hands & a QB who can't stop turning the damn ball over. That is a recipe for disaster. My official advice is to watch and whoever loses, just relish the fact that one of the 2  has lost. That's something.

Minnesota/Indiana (-8) 3:30 Saturday from Memorial Stadium in Bloomington, Indiana. What's surprising is that both teams don't suck this year. Granted, IU's defense does suck. They are atrocious. They surrendered 63 points to Michigan for Christ's sake. Minnesota's coach, one Jerry Kill, has been struggling with epilepsy for years. He has seizures constantly. He convulses often. And I love seizures. It's always been a dream of mine to be epileptic. It really has. I used to fake seizures all the time when I was a teen. Very few people laughed, however. I don't know why. Whatever. All I can say about this contest is that it should be a wild shootout. It wouldn't surprise me if 100 points were scored. Did I mention Indiana plays no defense?

Auburn/Arkansas (+8&1/2) 6 pm tomorrow at Reynolds Razorback Stadium in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Boy what a mess for Bret Bielema and his wife Jen Bielema. They up and ran out of Madison in the middle of the night for the big money and cosmopolitan lifestyle in Arkansas. It's baffling. Granted, Madison is a center of communism in the US, but other than that it's not such a terrible place. Bielema had become one of the easiest coaches in the world to root against at Wisconsin. He seemed to relish being a villain. Now? He's winless in SEC play and staring straight at an Auburn rushing attack that could gain 400 yards on the Hogs. Easily. As for Bret's lovely bride Jen, she tweeted back in September something pretty classless to Wisconsin fans after the debacle in the desert where the refs would not let the Badgers get a game winning field goal attempt off against ASU. She tweeted one word to Badger Nation: Karma. It's pretty funny in retrospect. The reason it's pretty funny is that the Hogs haven't won a game since her tweet went out. And it's awesome too. I hope the Tigers destroy the Razorbacks tomorrow.

Thug U/FSU (-21) 8 pm tomorrow from Bobby Bowden Field at Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahassee, Florida. These teams are both undefeated. Both are in the BCS top 10. And yet, the Noles are 21 point favorites over the Thugs? Something fishy is going on. I don't know what it is exactly. Conventional wisdom says to take the huge dog in a rivalry like this. That was certainly my initial thought. But conventional wisdom can make you go broke quickly betting on football. I don't think I want any part of this whatsoever. One thing to keep an eye on is Jameis Winston's play for FSU. The kid's only 19. And about 18 months from now, he will be the 1st player selected at the NFL Entry Draft. He is awesome. Stephen Morris, on the other hand, has been up and down for the Canes. I don't like their chances much in this one at all.

Left Of The Dial

Another Long NBA Season Begins

Better than any Spielberg film...

Another wacky NBA season broke out last night, as the Lakers torched the heavily favored Clippers by 13. Of note is that the Lakers got 76 points from their bench full of has-beens & journeymen. Canada's own Steve Nash had all of 3 points for the Lakers. And most interesting to this viewer was watching Blake Griffin go 3 for 10 from the charity stripe. Terrible...

My favorite moment of opening night was watching Mo Harkless, the kid out of St John's, nail a 3 with 11 seconds remaining to rally the Orlando Magic to an impressive 10 point loss in Indianapolis. Why was that so impressive, you may wonder? Well, if you had the Magic +12&1/2, and I did, it was huge...

In the least interesting match-up from Tuesday's action, the Miami Heat routed the Chicago Bulls. I was good with that though, as I had the Heat -4&1/2. A nice and boring blowout...

Many, many games in the NBA this evening. The one I'm most interested in will take place in the capital of the decaying and almost bankrupt state of California. Yes, Sacramento, where the Kings are hosting the Denver Nuggets. The reason it's so huge is because just a scant few months ago the Kings were on the verge of relocating to Seattle. Then out of nowhere some dude named Kivek Ranadive, a native of Mumbai of all places, swooped in and bought the team and kept them is Sacramento. And that's a shame for fans of the old Sonics. But a win for Kings' fans nonetheless. Anyway, I feel like a huge party like atmosphere will permeate Sleep Train Arena tonight (that really is the new name, they used to call it ARCO...) and the Kings should ride that to a solid win over the Nuggets, who have a new coach, roster depletions, and injury issues. Take the Kings -3.

I found myself in the old Horseshoe last Saturday evening for the 1st time in 5 years, as TOSU was battling with the outstanding student athletes from good old Horseplay U. Can you say mismatch? It was over by halftime. TOSU was up 42-7. I decided to stick around at half and I'm glad I did. I'm not the biggest fan of marching bands you'll ever meet, but TOSU's marching band is a little different than your average marching band. They did this tribute to movies or something during the show. Anyway, at one point they marched across the field like a T Rex. It was quite impressive. I'm sure that shit is all over YouTube. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

I didn't stick around much after halftime because the game was over and it was chilly as hell. I sometimes here folks bitch about people who leave football games early. The argument is that they're not real fans or something silly along those lines. I can't speak for anyone else, but I will say that, while I'm not a fan in any sense of the word, I paid $200 for a pair of seats off some seedy scalper on Lane Avenue an hour before kick-off & if I wanna get up and leave at any point during the game, then that's my prerogative. If folks are offended by that, I would urge them to pay $250 for the same pair of seats to the same seedy scalper and then sit there and freeze their asses off for 4 hours watching a 63-14 ass-kicking.

This is just silly...I'm stopping now.

Jameson. Maybe Too Much Jameson.

The 18 Is A Bad Man

I was out at some joint for Sunday Ticket on Bethel and found myself sitting at the bar outside for the 4 o'clock round of games. And I was surrounded by Steeler fans. There had to be 60 of them lurking about, chain smoking, and getting hammered off their asses. Pittsburgh was playing the Ravens at the time and silly me, I had a bet on Baltimore +1&1/2. I lost that bet due to a very bad decision by John Harbaugh. But I digress...Anyway, needless to say, I was the only person on this bar's patio pulling for the Ravens. And if you know Steeler fan, you know he/she does not take kindly to someone pulling for their opponent on a given Sunday. I didn't particularly care about that though, as we are in America and I can certainly exercise my right to the somewhat free speech we still enjoy. And I did exercise that tenuous right repeatedly during the tilt from the Ketchup Bottle Stadium. I ran through the gamut of my tired comments concerning the Pittsburgh QB and his propensity for trapping coeds in bathrooms. This particular audience had never heard them before however. And they didn't like them much. Let's just say they were a little sore, as Holden Caulfield might opine. At one point in the 3rd quarter, one of the many big, burly Steeler fans decided she'd had enough of my shenanigans and had one of the staff of this awful joint request that maybe I should take off from the place. I was happy to oblige the request. I don't relish being disagreeable or anything. So I bid adieu to the Steeler people, headed to a place a brisk 30 second walk away, & watched the end of the contest. I don't think I'll be going back to that bar's patio any time soon for a Steeler game though. I don't think I'm welcome there...

Earlier that same Sunday I was at the BW3 nearby the joint I just mentioned. The Cincinnati Bengals were playing in Detroit against the scrappy Lions. Or should I say the crappy Lions. Whichever. There were a number of Bengal fans in the bar, many of them in shiny AJ Green jerseys. And that's cool because I like AJ Green as much as the next guy. He's awesome. However, amongst the sea of Green 18 jerseys was a young lady sporting a 32 Benson jersey. I asked several Bengal fans nearby if the girl wearing the Benson jersey was a fan of drunk boating. Alas, none of them laughed...

The day before Sunday, which is usually Saturday, I was out for the TOSU game at one of the worst dive bars in North America (this one is called Flabbys and is located on Tamarack Circle). It's a place I wouldn't recommend anyone reading this ever step foot in. It was an older crowd chalk full of hard looking and hard drinking folks who've probably frequented the place for 3 decades. I tried to stay to myself and keep quiet. But as always seems to be the case, things didn't work out that way. Instead, I struck up a conversation with some old woman who was draining Jameson shots every 1/2 hour or so. And these shots were huge - easily doubles at most bars. Maybe triples. I'm not sure, as I've never been to good at measurements...Anyway, this lady had a bit of a mustache issue. Which is cool and all, I have no problem with that. Except I found it really distracting to try and focus on the TOSU game while this woman and her mustache were swigging back Jameson at an alarming rate. Eventually this lady won like $72 playing Keno. She decided to share her winnings with me and some other dude who had the misfortune of sitting on the other side of her. Yes, you guessed it, she ordered enormous shots of Jameson. Over about an hour period I had 3 of them. And that wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done. I realized I needed to get out of that dive bar just after the game ended. And I did. I know my limits. But before I took off, I asked this old mustachioed gal how in the world she was gonna get home after like 6 or 7 of these at least double shots of Jameson. She said she lived with her mother and it was within walking distance of the bar. I was relieved that she would be able to walk home. But I was also surprised to hear that such an aged person lived with their mother. Out of curiosity I asked her how old her mother was. She informed that her mother was 98. I pegged the drunk I was chatting with to be 67 at the very least. At that point I raced out of the terrible place. Everything ended up okay. I got back home safe and TOSU pulled out a 10 point win over the Iowa Hawkeyes. I don't anticipate heading back to that bar any time soon. Damn Jameson and old women with mustaches...

Alright, Arsenal has a huge Champions League match with Dortmund here in about 45 minutes. I'm out.

Pretty Persuasion

Chatting With Old Men

I know it's been quite a long stretch since my last post on this unnecessary and pointless blog. But don't worry, I'm not dead or anything. At least that I know of. I've relocated from the Gate City to parts father north. It's not important where exactly. Although I bet some of the brighter readers here will be able to figure out where I am currently residing. And by brighter readers, that obviously includes each and every one of you, except Geilfuss. He's always an exception, an outlier, a lost soul searching for something just out of his reach, and generally prone to random and baffling acts of suspect behavior.

Speaking of Geilfuss, I have received several interesting texts from the kid recently. Here are some examples -
1) Sent October 3rd at 9:05 pm - Brandon Sweden is awful. I have no idea who Brandon Sweden is??? Maybe a character from Catch-22???

2) Sent August 4th at 2:39 pm - At the Orioles game. There is a guy from Dundalk telling us how Obama is gonna bring back slavery. The slaves will be white. I simply responded - He's dead on. What else is there to say? 8 minutes later Geilfuss followed with this gem - Now he's ranting about how baseball umps have homosexual tendencies. You can pretty much guess how I responded to that - He's dead on again.

3) Sent on August 30th at 8:01 pm - Doesn't mean I couldn't find some West Virginia strange. I should probably explain the context that led up to this text. But I'm not going to. The fact is that Geilfuss probably did find some West Virginia strange that weekend. If there's one kid who toils away at T Rowe Price who could find some West Virginia strange, it's 100% Geilfuss. No question. I bet he found lots of West Virginia strange.

4) Sent last Saturday at 2:04 pm - I said Peterson is gonna have a Favre request performance. He asked what I meant. I walked away. I would have asked Geilfuss what he meant as well. A Favre request performance to me indicates that Peterson is going to send out pictures of his engorged member to some chick on the Jets media team. I don't think that's what Geilfuss intended. But you never know with Geilfuss. Maybe that's precisely what he intended. I have no idea.

I was out at some BW3 the last Saturday, sitting at the bar minding my own business and pulling hard for LSU -8&1/2, when an old timer struck up a conversation with me. He was wearing a Navy hat for some reason. And Navy had just lost to Duke 35-7. At one point I said, "Rough day there for the Midshipmen." He responded, "The who?" I knew I was in trouble at that point. He went on to inform me that he's in town for work. I didn't care. He further explained that he was from Kansas and hated the entire state of Missouri. And that piqued my interest. I asked him why and he told me that Missouri was pro slavery during the War Between the States back in the 1860's. I knew that of course, but was baffled as to why this old man would carry a grudge that dates back 150 years. He had difficulty articulating why. He was ill spoken to say the least. I was trying to ignore him and concentrate on the Gator/LSU game. Once he realized that I was interested in the game, he tried to engage me in pointless football banter. I learned that if he could he'd punch both Nick Saban and Pete Carroll in the mouth. I asked, "Are you into assault?" I then learned he wasn't big into legal terms, as he was clueless about what assault meant. He was drinking Stella pints and eventually ordered like 24 chicken wings. Now, he wasn't a fat guy by any means & I was curious why he ordered so many wings. I couldn't eat more than 10 of the damn things if my life depended on it. But this old dude ate all 24, very rapidly I might add. It was disgusting to witness. He didn't even eat the wings with any blue cheese. And that's communist shit right there. I went outside to smoke and he came strolling out to head on his way to wherever he was staying. I couldn't have been more relieved. I went back inside and ordered a shot. I felt a lot better after that. These damn old timers from Kansas, sitting there at the bar running their mouths about Missouri and football, they're the worst.

I was at some joint called Sloppys North last night watching Thug U/UNC, Seattle/AZ, and the ALCS simultaneously. Anyway, at one point I went outside to smoke and a gentlemen, this time from Oklahoma, started chatting with me. He had on an Oklahoma State Cowboy cap. I quickly reminded him of the 2004 Alamo Bowl when TOSU, as a 7 point dog, beat Ok State. He seemed nonplussed, which was fine. Then he started telling me that the great thing about Oklahomans is that they all have balls. He elaborated for about a minute on why Oklahomans have balls. It was fairly nonsensical, as you can imagine. Something having to do with tornadoes, farmers, the city of Tulsa, and the state of Texas blowing...I couldn't put my cigarette out fast enough at that point. I went back inside and you guessed it, ordered a shot. These damn guys from the middle of the country. They're really causing me to drink too much. They really are. I have no idea why they would speak to me in the 1st place. I'm not an inviting person. I'm really not...

I was flipping around the old TV the other day and ran across something about the government being shut down. I was all for it. I thought -" Cool, maybe it will shut down forever. That would be a start." Alas, I think it opened again. Oh well...

Bitter Tears

Barry Can't Bury 3's

Excellent Form...

I'm not sure how many folks are aware of this, but there are these message boards on many websites where like minded people communicate with others about whatever topic a particular website focuses on. For instance, many fans of a certain athletic team write back and forth on these message boards about the vagaries of that team's doings. If you've ever scrolled through comments left on any of these message boards, you know that the whole thing is tediously silly and generally a waste of time and effort. Most of the time the regular commentors on a given message board never meet each other. They are "online friends" or something ridiculous like that. However, as I learned last night, on some rare occasions folks from a message board actually get together in person to hang out and get hammered ass drunk. Here in the Gate City, the local Fox affiliate (channel 8) has a website and as you can guess there are a number of regular posters to the comment section of the site. I found myself at a get together of hard core members of the Fox 8 message board community yesterday at some kid's house off Battleground near the Village Tavern. I myself have never been on the Fox 8 website. And I have never left a comment on any message board associated with any website in the known world. It's about as pointless pulling for a Cleveland sports franchise to win a title. At this party for the Fox 8 message board people, I learned why no one should ever get involved with a message board group. The reason is that these folks were freaks. I showed up at this place right after 9. There were all of 6 people there. They'd been drinking since 1 in the afternoon. Tons of jello shots had been consumed to go along with dozens and dozens of beers. I am an acquaintance of the kid who hosted the party and he invited me and I was interested in seeing how a group of online friends might interact together in the flesh. I was there for strictly anthropological purposes. I was a benign observer. In the hour or so I was at this party, I never could figure out what common belief or whatever drew these 6 people together. None of them seemed civic minded in the least. There was no talk of politics, local or national. Instead there was endless talk of going to strip joints over the din of Van Halen playing on the stereo. It was reminiscent of college parties I stopped in on 20 years ago. Pure stupidity. There was a brother there whose name I believe is Justin. This kid was shit-faced drunk and screaming at a bald headed white kid to go to some skank riddled strip club in east Greensboro. That's all the talk I heard. It makes me wonder if Fox 8 is aware that their website fosters this kind of get together. I mean, does Fox 8 want a group of their message board posters getting fucked up for 10 hours on a Saturday and screaming at each other about the merits of dropping $100 at cheap sister laden strip club? Maybe they do. I have no idea. But I do know this. If you're involved in some message board silliness on a regular basis, that's weird. It's fine, but weird. But if anyone ever suggests that the group throw a party at some kid's house on a Saturday in early May where 6 of these message board regulars get oiled up to the point of inanity, someone should discourage it. Because the event was tedious. I took off just after 10, went to a nearby bar, ordered a Red Stripe, and watched the last quarter of the Pacers/Knicks game. I hoisted that Red Stripe back pretty quickly by the way. I felt dirty after attending that Fox 8 website party. I really did.

The biggest news event of recent note comes to us from the sordid world of White House hoops. Our dear fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, got into a 3 point shooting competition last month at some Easter Egg party where folks got rolled. Barry managed to jack up 22 shots from distance during the festivities. He made 2. Yes, Barry went 2 for 22. That's a sterling 9% from deep. Awesome. It's no wonder Barry never started for his high school team in the great state of Hawaii. The man shoots under 10% from 3 point range. Very impressive there. Maybe he should stick to skeet shooting. Barry's gotta be better than 10% successful at skeet shooting. Right??? Maybe???