Virtually Live From The Infamous Get Bent Lounge

I am back in the town that Elaine Benes is from for a short visit. Anyway, thanks to ODU and BYU (it took 2 OT''s), they came through like champions earlier. And take the Under in the Texas/Wake game tonight - it's about 12 points too high. The above picture was taken at the infamous Get Bent Lounge just about 10 minutes ago. It is the 1st time that Andy, Ross, Geilfuss and I have been out together in quite a long stretch. And we are gonna drink!

I'm out - peace

You, you were talkin' about the end of the world

A Trash Can Grows In Durham

I was walking down Main St in Durham Friday afternoon about 4:15 (I was meeting a few folks for a couple drinks at a joint called The Federalist {I'm assuming old Jimmy Madison or Alex Hamilton is a part owner}). Well, I had some trash that I wanted to get rid of (an old cigarette pack) and I was looking for a garbage can to toss the thing in. I walked 2 blocks along where BrightLeaf Square is and there wasn't a garbage can anywhere (for those of you who've never had the great pleasure of visiting Durham, the area I'm describing is a heavily walked stretch). And then I remembered - this is downtown Durham, the whole area is one big garbage can.

I hadn't been in Durham for about 4 years, and I can report that it's the same as ever. The same freaks, the same stench, and the same pretentious Duke grad students. While killing about 45 minutes at the Federalist (waiting for the folks I was meeting to show up), I had the great misfortune to overhear several conversations around the bar. And I was pretty good, I didn't say anything too rude to any of the phonies sitting around discussing obscure German philosophers. But then I stepped outside to smoke and there were 2 dudes out there talking about petty theft in the Duke Library or something. At one point one of these guys misused the term Social Darwinism (I won't bore anyone with the exact context this guy was throwing around the term Social Darwinism, it hurts my head to remember it myself). So, I casually said to 2 these guys, just as I was putting out my smoke, heading back into the Federalist, "Wouldn't a more accurate term for what y'all (I'll throw in the occasional y'all from time to time -it rolls right off my tongue at this point) are talking about be Anti-Social Darwinism?" Neither one of them laughed.

I ran into a guy over in Durham that I hadn't seen in quite a long stretch. He said, "What the hell happened to you? Where you been?" I said "State Pen."

I have been able to peek in on a few of the ACC Tourney games here the last few days. And the quality of hoops has been pretty shitty, but whatever. What's fascinating is that the ACC has been reduced to drawing less folks to their tournament than the MAC - that's right, the MAC. If you watched last night's OU/Akron game (and I did, obviously), the Sicken Loans Arena (or something close to that) was packed and rocking. The Coliseum here in the Gate City - dead. It's obvious that when Carolina stinks, interest in the ACC plummets. The big title game is coming up here in a few hours, and I don't think anyone in town here cares, except the fake Duke fans. They'll be going ape shit.

Speaking of fake Duke fans, I was in Scam's Lakeside last night (and boy did the place clear out fast after the Pimp Coat loss - ACC fans in NC are provincial) and the bartender, a homely girl named Jen, was wearing a Duke T-shirt. And I was nice for awhile, but eventually I asked her what her major was at Duke. And she had a sense of humor, she said "Honey, I was lucky to graduate high school." So, seeing as the place wasn't super busy, we had a brief discussion about why in the world she's chosen to pull for Duke. And her reasoning was nonsense, but whatever. I did tell her the truth at one point though (as I said, she had a sense of humor and didn't seem stupid). I told her that actual Duke graduates look down on the folks who pull for Duke and didn't go to Duke. And that's the truth. I've met and spoken to dozens of Dukies over the years. And those folks tend to hold regular non-alumni Duke fans with utter contempt. The bartender didn't seem to mind that so much. Her irrational hatred of Carolina was too deeply ingrained in her subconscious. The whole thing is pretty sad. It really is.

Well, it looks like the Faceshit is getting totally out of hand. Geilfuss sent me a text wondering why I keep inviting him to join some group. And I texted back and told him that I'd never sent an invitation to anyone on Faceshit inviting them to join any group. I figure it's some sleazy marketing angle they employ - send an invitation to join this or that group to a person saying that a buddy desperately wants them to join it. Geilfuss was saying he's on the verge of deleting his whole account. And I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

Oh, speaking of Faceshit, a few weeks ago I noted that I'd accepted a "friend" invite from someone I don't remember. And the mystery has been solved. The girl I was talking about used to work with me in Durham of all places. She sent me a note on the Faceshit yesterday and it was very nice. So, I do remember Danielle. I'm gonna send her a link to this blog as a matter of fact. She had a pretty good sense of humor if I recall correctly.

I've been getting into a few music discussions at the wing joint on Battleground the past week or 2. One night I was sitting next to this chubby broad who went to Va Tech (a real live Gobbler!). And she started to annoy me from the get-go, as we were playing The Knowledge and she didn't know anything. I kept telling her the answers and she'd say, "I don't think so." Of course, I was right every time. And that always irritates me -if I'm nice enough to give you the right answers, at least you could just shut up and not argue with me. After awhile a Kansas song came on the sound system in there (I think they were piping in 98.7 Simon). And of course I said, "God this sucks. Why would they play this crap?" And this chubby Gobbler woman went on and on about how good this Kansas song is (if anyone cares, it was Carry On Wayward Son). I told her she was a moron. And she didn't like that. And I wasn't too surprised. That's the problem with morons -they hate it when someone points out to them that they're morons. Another patron of the same wing joint (the one on Battleground) is this guy originally from Hilliard (it's just outside Columbus for the uninformed), or as I, and others, referred to it, Hickiard. Anyway, this guy found out that I am an only slightly embarrassed alumnus of TOSU and he didn't go to school there (they rarely do), but he's a typical poorly informed, irrational fan of TOSU. One night he started in with the O-H chant. And he was expecting me to say I-O. But, as Andy, Beck, Ross, Vaeth, and Geilfuss can all attest to, I don't do that. He was a little miffed at me. Well, he was chatting up this chubby blonde nurse the other night (a nice enough gal). This Hilliard guy is separated and has a couple of teenage kids (I'm guessing he's about 5 years older than me) and you can tell he's lonely for some companionship. Anyway, at one point he invited this chubby blonde nurse to a Nickelback concert (I am NOT making this up). And I couldn't help myself. I started ripping the poor guy. Why? - because Nickelback sucks (Far Away??? - pure crap). And he got a little defensive and eventually comes back with, "Well, who do you like?" Which is an odd question, because no matter what I would say, it wouldn't change the fact that Nickelback sucks. So, I said, "Do you mean as far as Canadian rock?" And he said, "Huh?" I guess he didn't know Nickelback was from Alberta. I said, "Well Todd, I am not a fan of Canadian rock, but I guess that cover of Fight The Power that Barenaked Ladies did for the Coneheads soundtrack is pretty cool." He said, "What are you talking about? Just tell me your favorite band." So, I said, "Okay. I'm a fan of The Replacements." He and the chubby nurse looked baffled. Totally confused. The fake TOSU fan says, "Never heard of them." I replied, "And how is that my fault?" He said, "Name another." I said, "I'm very partial to Liz Phair." He said, in a somewhat flustered voice, "Name someone I've heard of." I left it like this, "If you don't know who Liz Phair is, then I can't help you. There's just no way in hell. I'll just say this though, because I'm just in the mood at the moment - I would give 2 weeks pay just to deliver Liz Phair's mail for a week." And that's the truth. It really is.

Growin' old in a bar

Ya grow old in a bar

I'm out - TBFH

Geilfuss Trods The Boards

I got a text from Geilfuss yesterday and he informed me that for the final exam part of his big Shakespeare class, he will have to perform a scene from one of the plays. Now, I'm not sure of the merit of this exercise as a final exam in an English class (acting class - fine). Is the professor gonna penalize bad actors for bad performances on their final grades for this class? The whole notion of the thing baffles me. Anyway, getting back to Geilfuss, I asked what scene he was gonna do. He responded back that it was from Othello. I told him that might be difficult, as I've never seen Geilfuss so much as upset, much less in a jealous rage. He said he was cool with it because he got to call some poor girl in the class a whore repeatedly. I then inquired this of Geilfuss - Can you get one of the Dream Teamers to crawl out of bed to play old Desdemona for you? Because if there's one group that knows whoredom inside and out, it's the Dream Team.

I just saw where Corey Haim was found dead (which is an odd phrase if you think about it, found dead - it sounds like some kid stumbled across a dead body while playing hide-and-go-seek). And I'm not gonna say anything snide about the guy, but if you'd have told me back in the day I'd outlive Corey Haim, I'd have said, "It'll be close. But it's not totally impossible."

I was out at the bar of some Mexican joint last night (99 cent drafts) and struck up a conversation with a guy who is pretty new to the area. His name was, well, it completely escapes me now...maybe Hugh??? Anyway, this guy had just moved here from Florida, but was originally from New York. He had a pretty thick New Yawk accent or whatever. Well, this guy was really lamenting the fact that he's having a really hard time finding a good bar to hang out in. And I'm pretty much an expert on bars, so I was giving him some tips and, blah, blah, blah. This guy then informed me that he felt like folks here in Greensboro have been treating him like an outsider (what with the accent and all). He asked if I'd run into the same problem (I had told him I was not originally from the area myself). And the truth is that no, I never have had a problem with folks here in Greensboro treating me too badly because I'm a yankee or whatever. And I never really have (a few nuts I've worked with over the years notwithstanding...). This guy then asked about bars to meet single ladies (he told me he was 38, so we're about the same age). And I told him a couple to try (McPherson's, and maybe some of the joints down where Lawndale and Battleground kind of come together). He asked if I'd had much luck at any of these places. And I was honest with him. I told him I hadn't been in any of them (and I haven't). He then asked how I met girls/women. And then I told him the key to picking up a lot of women here in Greensboro and anywhere else for that matter is this: Don't try. Maybe it's just me (but I don't think so), but I've found if you just hang out, almost anywhere, and let whatever happens, happen, you'll be approached by plenty of girls/women. And when you strike up a conversation with some girl, you should be able to tell within about 30 seconds (if that) what her intention(s) is/are (unless you're a clueless idiot, then...) This New York guy seemed a little incredulous about what I was telling him. He said, "That's it? You just sit there and wait for them to come to you." I said, "You're close, but what you really do is sit there and wait for them NOT to come to you." He said, "You jerkin' my chain?" I replied, "Dammit! I can't help you. Sorry, there's no way. You're not listening. I try and do something nice for a new guy in town, ..." And as all of you know, who know me at all, I was not jerking the guy's chain, in the least. Poor guy. He'll probably hit one of these bars I mentioned to him Friday, and start accosting the nice women of Greensboro with tales of old New York, promises of Jager shots, and his coarse hands traversing all over them. I should have told him to hang out at Playas on W Market, because the only women he could bother in there are the bartenders (who can take care of themselves), the occasional stripper catching a nip between pole dancing shifts at one of the several titty flop bars within a 5 minute drive, and repulsive skanks who will fuck you on one of the pool tables after 1 shot of Cuervo.

Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I get into fascinating and totally pointless conversations with Duke fans. There was a kid out at the wing joint on Battleground recently and he started in on the poor harmless Carolina fans sitting there. And the bartender (a nice guy named Dave) comes over to me and says, "Can you set this guy straight for me. You are so good at it." And Dave is right about that. I am excellent at it. At one juncture the kid made this asinine point, "Did you know that Duke has the highest combined salary in the NBA of any school?" And boy that was a mistake. Because I said, "How does the fact that stupid NBA GM's have overpaid for the likes of Elton Brand, Corey Maggette (who I really like as a player by the way), Mike Dunleavy, and others, reflect positively on Duke?" Well, the kid stopped that line of argument pretty quickly. Then we got into a discussion of Coach K's "strategy" in big games over the years. And I brought up 2 examples for the kid. One, why in the 99 Title game did K have Trajan Langdon handling the ball (he bounced it off his foot for those of you who can't recall) at the end of the game, and the aforementioned Corey Maggette (an awesome 1-on-1 player) on the bench? And two, in the 02 Sweet Sixteen, why the hell didn't K call a timeout when Indiana made that massive run to come from around 17 down to win - it's Mike Davis??? (Note: That was also the infamous game when Matt Christensen chased Bruce Benedict {the ex-MLB catcher, who was reffing the game} into the tunnel of Rupp Arena after the choke job loss by the Dookies, bitching about the officiating). Pure class there. Needless to say, the poor kid quit talking to me and left with half a beer unfinished. Dave and the other Heel fans were very pleased. I do what I can. I never even got the chance to inquire from the kid what year he graduated from Duke and what his major was. He got off pretty easy. For the record, the real Dookies, the ones who actually went there (or had a parent, sibling or child go there), I don't have much of an issue with. Root away all you want (although I have a story about actual Dookies that I have to tell sometime, it's from the ACC/Big 10 Challenge game at the Greensboro Coliseum in December 2002 between TOSU and Duke - unbelievably racist shit coming from the Dookies that night. TOSU lost, but my man Brent Darby went off on K and the boys for like 35. And don't feel too bad for TOSU fans, because a month later they won the National Title against Thug U).

Someone left a comment recently on this blog wondering if Scotty Hopson from Tennessee is related to Dennis Hopson. And no, I don't think he is. Last I heard about Dennis, he was doing some coaching for the Falcons of BGSU.

The Oscars came and went here and I was massively disappointed Up In The Air didn't win. I haven't seen Hurt Locker yet, so it might be great. I have no idea. The one good thing is that Jimmy Cameron did not win for that ridiculous spectacle called Avatar (as I've said before on this blog, I am never gonna see the thing - all the creatures remind me of Jar Jar Binks). It was pretty poetic how Cameron lost Best Director to his ex-wife. Again, I haven't seen Hurt Locker, but I did enjoy Strange Days (which she also directed, although I believe Jimmy Cameron wrote the script for Strange Days himself...). If you've never seen it, check it out. Ralph Fiennes, he's good. And my man Tom Sizemore.

Oh, one last thing here. I got asked again recently about the roots of my deep cynicism about life, etc. And I don't wanna go into it, believe me. But, yes, it's childhood issues. Of course, what else could it be?

Huge hoops games going on here this week. I won't get to post until maybe Saturday again. And I know some of you are looking for picks, you degenerate gamblers. And I can't blame you, because last March, I was on fire.

I threw up when I saw what I'd done

I'm out - TBFH

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

When sitting around Generic Bread with your butch dyke looking wedding planner, I would plead with you not to go on and on about how in love you are with a guy you describe as "sweet." It's really off putting. "He's such a sweetheart." Sweetheart my ass - he's a guy who is so desperate that he'd agree to marry a broad with wider shoulders than Atlas, and a huge, no doubt ever expanding ass. The only way I'd remotely give this soon-to-be groom a pass is if 1)he's in the state pen or 2) he has a fetish for chicks with breeder hips.

Also, if you're gonna be one of these old timers who sit around Generic Bread killing time, I'd urge you to go ahead and try and do something about all the hairs shooting out of your ears. It's distracting, especially when a guy nearby is trying to concentrate on dealing with all the idiots on Full Tilt.

I made the mistake of failing to wear a jacket today. And it's way colder out than it should be. Standing outside smoking in this wind is a real bummer. It really is.

I was having a hard time sleeping last night and for some stupid reason my mind began to wander to NBC sitcoms in the early 80's. There was this one awful show called Love, Sidney that ran for maybe 2 seasons. It starred Tony Randall as a "confirmed bachelor" who took in a single mom and her daughter. Anyway, it was putrid. The crap that NBC used to put on before hitting it big starting in 1984 was really terrible. If you weren't alive to suffer through it, consider yourself lucky. Seriously. Also, that phrase "confirmed bachelor" is one of the more asinine euphemisms in the history of the English language. Call those dudes what they are - fastidious gay men.

I also thought about the NBC Tuesday lineup that aired there in the mid 80's. Some of you might recall A-Team at 8, Riptide at 9, and Remington Steele at 10. I will grudgingly admit to being an A-Team fan (remember I was like 13 or 14 at the time), I always enjoyed it when George Peppard said, "I love it when a plan comes together." Because the plan he was referring to always seemed to involve some improbable and implausible barrage of bullets flying for 4 or 5 minutes and no one getting hit. Or turning an old lawnmower into a tank. Or busting out of a house surrounded by Colonel Lynch and dozens of specialized Army personnel unscathed. Utterly silly. I watched the thing though. I feel much stupider for it, that's for sure. But as dumb as A-Team was, Riptide was worse. These loser P.I. types lived an a houseboat and had a nerdy friend who always said "That's boz." Watching that crap cost you brain cells by the second. But Remington Steele was actually pretty good. Pierce Brosnan was in the thing. And I always enjoyed Stephanie Zimbalist. And those rare episodes when her father showed up - those were always entertaining. If you've never seen the show, it's worth checking out.

I got a comment after yesterday's post from a regular reader of this blog wondering why I was so verbose when Duke loses and so utterly silent when they win. And this commenter is absolutely right there. If you wanna read how wonderful Duke is in all their glorious victories, then you're not gonna find it here. I only comment on them when they lose. Hopefully, there will be at least 1 more comment on them here in the next month. This commenter also labelled me a Terps fan. And for the record, that's not exactly accurate. I have no ties to College Park per se. But a number of friends of mine went to College Park (Vaeth and McGrain being 2). And I do have a soft spot for Gary Williams, as I used to sneak into practice at old St John Arena from time to time when I was in high school and listen to him curse poor Curtis Wilson into oblivion. That and the fact Gary was coaching TOSU when they knocked off Kentucky in the NCAA Tournament. My man Dennis Hopson.

It's getting boring in here and the poker tournament has ended, at least for me. I did manage to cash though, as I finished 24th out of a field of 372 - too much work (almost 3 damn hours) to not quite double my buy in, but still...

I believe my throat hurts

I'm out - TBFH

Jon Scheyer Walks Into The Comcast Center

Urgent score update from College Park - Terps 79 Duke 72. And it was a great night to be alive. The best night of the year thus far. The "Fuck You Scheyer" chants reverberated all night. And they may have worked, as Scheyer struggled mightily down the stretch when it counted most. But not Greivis Vasquez, he was a champion. Some of those circus shots at the end -amazing. If Vasquez doesn't win ACC player of the year after that performance (not to mention the 41 he dropped on the Gobblers last Saturday), then the thing is rigged. It was also nice to see Coach Kry looking all distraught and needing Wojo to shove more and more Demerol down his throat every TV timeout just to ease the pain of the utter horror he was witnessing. I watched the game at the wing joint on Battleground and there were about half a dozen Dookies in there - and they were not too happy with me. How do I know the Dookies weren't too happy with me? I kept asking them if Villanova had stopped scoring on their asses from last March 26. That's how. That, and I might have casually mentioned that Mickie may be getting too arthritic to give Coach Kry the hand jobs he so craves...

The funny thing in Greensboro is that if you are anti-Duke, folks assume you're a Heels fan. And I don't have a dog in that fight (other than, as some of you are well aware, when the 2 play, there is no bigger Carolina fan on the planet than yours truly). I was sitting next to 3 or 4 Carolina fans during the game last night. And one kid was a classic liberal Tar Heel (he spent some time in the Peace Corps for Christ's sake). A helluva nice kid, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why I hated Duke so much and yet didn't go to Carolina. And I tried to explain to this Peace Corps kid that my unhealthy aversion to Duke has a strong and varied foundation through the years. I told him I don't like to go into it exactly. I will say this though - about 1/2 way through the 1st half, the Peace Corps kid did admit that I hated Duke worse than any person he'd met in his entire life (I was really laying into K, Collins, and Wojo for their beautiful gay threesomes at times during the Terps torrid start). When the Peace Corps kid asked at one point who my team was, I said the same thing as always, "Me, I pull for the Gunners."

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the huge game Tuesday night from Columbus. Mark Titus was huge for TOSU, as I believe he pulled off one last perfect trillion in the win over The Fighting Illini. If you've never read the kid's blog, it's almost as good as this one (and way more popular...). The address is http://www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com/ - the only 2 blogs I read are Titus' and of course, Geilfuss'. As far as the actual TOSU victory, Deibler was huge, Lighty was a force on dribble penetration, Buford was awesome, and Evan Turner is the flat truth. The kid can fucking ball. Like a God. He really can.

Speaking of Club Trillion -my favorite post that Titus has written was about going to a roller derby last summer. Priceless. It's almost like something that would happen to Ross and me. Almost.

Gotta run - TBFH

Special Scatological Edition

I saw where Barack Hussein Obama has decided to use something called the Nuclear Option in regards to his socialized medicine deal, a deal that people still don't want, even after a year of listening to him shove it down their throats. I think I'm familiar with this so called Nuclear Option. I think it has to do with locking members of the Senate into some kind of airtight room, sending his wife in there after she eats like 10 bucks worth of Taco Bell, having her rip one giant fart, and then wait until the senators give in. It should take about 30 seconds. I just wonder why old Barry didn't try this Nuclear Option earlier. It seems so basic - farts. Farts will conquer all. Farts are the solution to every problem facing Barry. Farts are like life itself - terrifying. Farts are, as Sting mentioned about 30 years ago or so, meaningless and all that's real...

I was talking to a bartender last night at this wing joint on Battleground, and he mentioned that he finds Glenn Beck to be the most honest news commentator out there today. And I was really hoping this bartender was pulling my leg. But he wasn't. So I said, "Well, I've never really bothered to listen to the guy closely, but he's on lots of TV's in bars during the 5 o'clock hour. And you are not the 1st person I know who has mentioned an affinity for Glenn Beck. In fact, several people I really like think Glenn Beck is some kind of oracle. The thing I wonder about him is, why does he look so constipated all the time?" The bartender at the wing joint said, "I hadn't noticed that so much." I said, "Well next time you watch him, see how he tends to squirm around like he's trying to hold in some kind of massive diarrhea stream just about to bubble out into his shorts." The bartender said, "I'll be sure to check that out." I replied, "Yeah, do. I worry about old Glenn Beck. He seems about to shit his pants on national TV every couple minutes. God bless him, the poor bastard."

I walked into the Men's room about 15 minutes ago (I'm at Generic Bread again, not the one by the Costco, or the one by the Steak & Bake, but the one on N Garden near Target). And as I opened the door, it was clear a dad was in the stall with his daughter, aiding her in some kind of potty training practice. The reason I know this is because he said this, just as I set foot in the can: "Keep pushing honey, your doo doo will be out soon." I ran out of there quick - real quick.

I walked into the Men's room on the 3rd Floor of the Old Measuring Stick in Durham one time about 5 or 6 or 7 years ago. And there was a kid in there, a kid who worked part time around the break room, a quiet kid who lived in a group home, a kid who spent most of his time staring at the floor in the dining area. Well, for those of you who have never been in the Men's room I'm talking about, there are 3 stalls located beyond 3 urinals. I started to head for the 1st urinal, thinking no one else was in the can, when I heard a voice say, "Poopie...poopie...poopie, poopie...poopie." And then I did something I should never have done in a million years. I was worried whoever was saying this might be having some kind of medical emergency or something. So I walked down toward the voice and then came up to the 1st stall. In horror, I notice the door open, the group home kid sitting there on the pot, and muttering softly to no one and everyone, "I make poopie. Poopie...poopie." I came very close to running down the 3 flights of stairs, sprinting to my car, driving away, and never coming back. I really did.

A few years before that, I was working in the building across the street from the 3 story building in Durham where the group home kid muttered "Poopie...poopie." This had to be 1999 or 2000. Anyway, I walked into the Men's room and this guy I've seen around work is standing at one of the urinals. This guy was around 50 and had an awful patch of facial hair masquerading as a beard. Anyway, he's standing there swivelling his hips and humming. He appeared to be thrusting his member toward the urinal wall. It was a bit disconcerting, to say the least. I turned around and got out of there. I saw the guy occasionally in the hallways after that. I never spoke to him though. Not a chance in hell.

I was in the Men's room one time at work over in Durham (back on the 3rd floor where the group home kid muttered, "poopie...poopie") and this crazy old man named C Barry Lee says to me, as we were standing next to each other at adjacent urinals, "You piss like a young man." I had no idea how to respond to that.

I was in the Men's room down on the 2nd floor of that same building one time and this guy, who was working for me, comes in. This guy was always late and out of his seat during work time. And he felt the need to take the opportunity of seeing me in the Men's room to explain why he had issues with sitting there and doing his job (although I never ask anyone any personal question at work, I NEVER want to know what's going on, you're just asking for trouble if you do). So he says, "I've got a lot of gastro-intestinal problems. I spend lots of time in here." I said, "Thanks for the heads up. I desperately needed to hear that."

I've got a million more bizarre bathroom stories. Believe me. One last one for today, and I find this terribly amusing. This happened about 8 or 9 years ago. I was working here in Greensboro and someone had been threatening to bring in some homemade chili for me and a few other folks to try. Finally, one day this lady does it - she brings in the homemade chili. Now, those of you who know me pretty well, you know I don't eat food brought into work by freaks. And this lady was a freak. So, I don't want to hurt her feelings when she brings over a full cup of the stuff to me. I politely take the cup of chili and say, "Thanks." I didn't touch a bite of it. Rich Lepors, who I used to eat lunch with for way too many years, was lucky enough to get some too (Rich was very popular with freaks) and he actually took a bite or 2 and said it was awful (although he could have said it was delicious and I still wouldn't have touched the crap). So, it's getting to be the end of the lunch break and I don't want the lady who brought the chili to see my full cup uneaten in the garbage somewhere and get all offended. So, what I decided to do is take the Styrofoam cup of chili she'd given me into one of the Men's rooms (one that only had a toilet - a single) and place the cup of chili on the back of the toilet. I found this terribly amusing, because the chili did slightly resemble awful diarrhea. And sure enough, within 1o minutes of lunch ending, some guy goes in there, sees the present I left, and freaks out. I laughed and laughed. In fact, I'm laughing now, just thinking about it.

Back to less scatological matters next time...

Mark Twain Liked Hockey???

It's snowing yet again here in the beautiful Gate City. On March 2nd. I'm sitting at the Generic Bread (not the one by the Costco, the one by the Steak & Bake) and it's nice here for once, as there are all of 5 folks in the entire joint (it's about 7). I wish it would keep snowing - the rest of the year. Anything that will keep annoying people out of the Generic Bread, I'm all for it.

I'm a little foggy on the news here lately, but I did see where Joe Biden went to speak before a group of "labor" leaders. And I wonder just how much labor these "labor" leaders really do, as they don't appear to be the most fit guys in the world. Most of the laborers I know (at least the ones who work for private business) are in pretty good shape. It's more appropriate to call these "labor" leaders something like lazy ass, on the take, anti-worker, thieves. Something like that. And I did notice one of these "labor" leader butch-type babes eyeing Joe Biden's massively erect medically aided boner rather longingly. That woman probably isn't getting it on the regular, as my man Mike Scott (not the pitcher) would say.

I've been spending some time at that Wings & Bling over on N Garden. And the other night (Saturday) there was a redneck to my right with his big racked, mediocre looking woman. And they were downing Bud Light buckets fast (they give you 5 beers for $10 on Saturday and Sunday). I mean this awful couple had 4 buckets between 4 and 8. The guy was particularly hammered (the funniest thing about him was that he was wearing a Tar Heels ball cap, and there is no way in hell this guy had ever been to Chapell Hill, because with the racist hate he was generally spewing all night, he would hate all the wine drinking/cheese eating liberals over there, to say the least). Anyway, this redneck asks for his check and then things broke ugly. Real ugly. The bartender at the time was a vacant dude named Paul - a nice enough guy in my limited experience with him, but just generally clueless. So, the redneck starts to swear up and down that he's being overcharged and he starts to go off on this vacant bartender Paul. At one point, this redneck guy threatens to come over the bar and settle things the way they do in bad Patrick Swayze movies. The guy eventually paid up, but not before saying he knew the owner and was driving right over to the owner's house to have Paul fired. Blah, blah, blah. The funny thing is that this guy turns to me and Brandon as he and his big racked, mediocre looking woman are about to head out and says, "Watch out man. He'll fuck ya if you let 'im." I said "I'll be sure to check the bill twice brother, but I'm guessing my math skills are slightly more advanced than yours, what with you having no conception of how to multiply 4x10 and all." His woman actually laughed at that, which was a good thing believe me. His ire turned from Paul, briefly to me, and then to his woman. They left after another minute of incoherent drunken racial slurs (which made no sense, since every person in the bar area was white). What killed me is that after all his bitching and alcohol fueled ranting, he left Paul a $7 tip. Really, he did. The thing Brandon reminded me, and he was dead on here, was to always remember that if there's a real problem with a guy like the one we came across there that Saturday at Wings & Bling, just remember that Ben will kill the guy for 20 bucks. And Brandon was right, that is something to keep in mind.

One of the weirdest things about Wings & Bling is that they, like other places I've been in, put the news channels on in the late afternoon. Only the XM channel drowns out any sound from any of the TV's. So, you're left to speculate just what Glenn Beck might be angry about at any given moment. And I'm not sure what all he's pissed about exactly, but he looks like he needs to take a dump - badly.

Big hoops game tonight, as TOSU goes for the Big 10 regular season championship in Columbus against my buddy Paul's (the guy who writes movie reviews from Chicago) old school. It should be interesting. And tomorrow in College Park is gonna be huge - huge.

I was out at that wing joint on Battleground Sunday and there was some hockey game on. And folks were really into it (me, I wanted to watch the Phoenix Open, obviously). In fact, several guys were wearing NHL team jerseys (I noticed a Borque jersey for example {I asked the guy wearing the Borque if Borque was French - the guy failed to laugh...}). I guess the game was exciting enough. At the end though, Canada pulled out a win. A number of the guys at the wing joint on Battleground were bummed out. I reminded them that, Canada may have won a pointless hockey game, but that didn't change the fact that Canada still is, and will be for the foreseeable future, a 3rd world country. These hockey fans didn't take too much solace in my comment. My buddy Phil was there too and at one point we got to talking about Canadian women. And Shania Twain's name came up (for what it's worth, I find Shania more attractive than Phil finds her, but to each his own). I told Phil how, often, when I bring up Shania Twain's name, I'll mention to whomever, "Did you know that Shania Twain is a great great granddaughter of Mark Twain?" Phil asked the appropriate question at that point (he's a pretty bright guy), "How often do people laugh when you ask them that?" I told Phil the truth, "Not nearly as often as you'd hope..."

Miles Standish proud