Lies, Half Truths, & Gross Generalizations About Scorpions

Bob Dylan was being played on the "classic" rock station here earlier (Rainy Day Women, if anyone cares). And almost every time I hear Dylan on the radio, I am reminded of a brief exchange with an old roommate of mine, a guy named Weisner (someday I could write a super long post about living with that guy for 7 or 8 months). Weisner and I were watching David Letterman's 10th anniversary special one evening in early 1992. Dylan was the featured musical guest. Anyway, he played Like A Rolling Stone, if I recall correctly (and I usually do). Well, it was pretty inspired. I'm not a great fan of the guy, but the performance that night was almost moving, in a way (if I can be moved, it is generally by music, or a movie, or an animal). After Dylan finished, and Letterman went to commercial, Weisner said, "That sucked. I couldn't understand any of the words." I was sitting about 5 feet away or so from Weisner, in our awesomely terrible furnished apartment, and I had teared up a bit from the whole thing. And I said to Weisner this, and I'll always remember this - "Did you ever consider that not being able to understand the words was the point?"

I was looking at something by Martin Amis recently and it was pretty interesting (although just about everything the guy says is pretty interesting). Amis was talking about Astrology, and noted that the thing about astrology is that it is 100% false, except for the stuff about Scorpions (my chosen term there), is 100% true. Now, Amis is not a Scorpion, I don't believe (I believe he was born in August 1949, if memory serves). But as some of you are aware, I am indeed a Scorpion (late October birthday). Now, I've never given any credence at all to Astrology myself. It seems beyond silly, beyond pointless, something so stupid that I don't have the vocabulary to come up with a word for it. Well, as many of you can imagine, I have, from time to time, gotten into conversations with girls/women in bars about being a Scorpion. When I've reluctantly told them the true date of my birthday (something I don't suggest to any male Scorpions reading this blog {and I know Brandon is, because the kid was born on October 27th}), I tend to be immediately barraged with accusations, of a sort, as Scorpions get a bad wrap in Astrology. For the uninitiated, here are the accusations I've heard about myself, based on nothing but some desperate girl finding out the date of my birth - 1) Jealous - Nope, there's not a jealous bone in my body. 2) Obsessive - about what? Aren't we all obsessive about certain things? This seems to concern the human condition in general, as opposed to being particular to Scorpions. But, yes, I have obsessed in the past, about 4 girls in particular - but again, who hasn't? 3) Suspicious - On that one, I might be guilty, as I'm suspicious of everything everyone has ever said to me. It seems the prudent way to go through life - as Reagan said, "Trust, but verify." 4) Manipulative - I'll let those of you know me pretty well judge my skills of manipulation. On one hand, it seems like utter nonsense, as I rarely care enough about something to manipulate someone into doing something they don't want to. On the other hand, I do have a track record of occasionally, when the situation warrants, being able to talk anyone into almost anything. I can talk. 5) Unyielding - Guilty, at times. Guilty. But, I'm not sure how this is necessarily a bad trait. I should note that on the positive side, Scorpions are supposedly very loyal. And as many of you know, I am the most loyal friend you'll ever have. There is almost nothing I wouldn't do for a friend in any kind of situation/trouble. Overall, it looks like Scorpions get a pretty bad wrap as sketchy, hotheaded, dubiously intentioned, assholes. And I hope that doesn't describe me at all. I'm pretty sure it's way off.

I mentioned in my last post about the 40 something skanks driving me a little batty here lately (I am not remotely interested in any relationship right now, not at all, maybe, no probably, ever again...). Anyway, one of these big busted, blonde broads said this to me the other night, "What I like about you is that you can carry on an intelligent conversation." The only problems with her assertion are a) I've never attempted to carry on a "conversation" with her for one second, I'm guessing I'm simply the first guy to fight off her advances using polysyllabic words, and b) I've never uttered anything remotely "intelligent" during the 4 or 5 times I've run into her. In fact, I try very hard to sound as clueless, stupid, and misinformed as possible when being approached by these lonely, desperate women. Just the other night for example, I told some not too awful looking brunette that I thought Glenn Beck would make an excellent dictator. And this woman AGREED with me. Jesus! What the fuck???

The Grimsley Girl is very much in my thoughts, pretty much constantly. And she does bear a favorable resemblance to Warren Beatty's wife, so...

Now, I'm hiding in Honduras

I'm a desperate man

Send lawyers, guns, and money

The shit has hit the fan