The Insaner Dick Belts Ride Again

Dick Belt Bill

Last month I wrote a couple of new posts on this asinine blog for the first time in quite some time. I just checked the stats on the Google and a whopping 16 folks looked at the first one and 22 looked at the 2nd - very exciting. Anyway, the best reaction was from Luke of Jacoby fame who found my mocking of his betrothed's hashtags quite amusing.

Geilfuss also weighed in, but I have no idea what he was talking about. Shocking, I know.

Our Next Leader???

I also mentioned one of the 250 folks running to be our dear leader in the Democrat primaries, the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. I have no idea how the guy is doing, but I noticed there were more debates last week - this time in Detroit for some strange reason. I didn't watch any of it, but did read that one of the throng of candidates was, like old Barry, from Hawaii. And that got my attention for sure. Her name is Tulsi Gabbard - a very cool name in my opinion. I did a little research on Ms. Gabbard and found out she is an ace surfer. I was hoping she was a mediocre ex-hoopster like Barry, alas...I have no idea what any of her positions are, but I have some guesses on some positions she might dabble in. Anyway, turns out that Tulsi is a Major in the Army, so I'm not gonna mock her at all. In fact of the whole lot running in the Democrat field, she seems like the best choice to me. I don't vote, but if I did Tulsi would be my choice. She'll probably drop out next month after my endorsement...

I mentioned the sordid world of fantasy football a number of times back when people actually read this blog. And I have a massive update on Fantasy that I'm gonna share with all 20 of you reading this. After years of mocking it, I have been playing it 3 of the past 4 years. I had a slight change of mind. Here's what happened - one of the awful dive bars I've frequented from time to time has had a Fantasy going since like 2012 or something. It's called the Fitzwilly's League of Champions. You can look it up on the ESPN web deal if you'd like. Anyway, in 2015 there was an opening in this league and the commissioner of the thing, a kid from Lima named Ben, begged me to join. The circumstances surrounding the invite were really awful - the opening was because a buddy of mine had fallen down his basement stairs on Christmas Eve the previous year and broke his neck and died. That's a story for another time. I decided what the hell, I'll join. I had other motives than honoring my dead buddy. Those were financial. See, I knew most of the folks in the league and knew most of them were clueless about the NFL. And since the winner gets $800, well you can see my line of thought.

That first year I joined I had the most points during the regular season, not shocking. However, the way the payouts work is that if you don't make the title game you get nothing. You might as well have burned a hundred dollar bill for the shenanigans. And sure enough, I lost a semifinal game. I won't bore anyone with the details because who cares. I was so put off by losing that semifinal that I didn't play in 2016 and really had no plan to ever play again. Then something amazing happened in the summer of 2017 that pulled me back in. One of Ben's buddies from Lima was in the league and had the great misfortune of dying that June. I didn't know the guy. I only saw him at the draft the one time in 2015 and didn't speak to him that I can recall. His name was Bill Sheffield. His team name was Insane Dick Belts. That is the greatest name I have ever heard, better than any team trivia name I've ever come up with - and I've come up with some awesome names over the years. As Ben was explaining Dick Belt Bill's untimely demise, I decided to get back in the league to honor Dick Belt Bill. What I did was slightly alter the team name. Instead of Insane Dick Belts, I modified it to Insaner Dick Belts. And I did win the $800 that season. Alas, last year I lost in the damn semifinal again - I'm still bitter 8 months later...

This year's fantasy draft is only three weeks away, and I told the folks in the league I would participate again. You see, we have a keeper league, and based on our rules, I can keep Alvin Kamara for a 10th round pick for as many years as I like. That's just unfair, but hilarious. I remember at that draft two Augusts ago when I chose Kamara, no one else had any idea who he was and I was questioned by a few folks as to what the hell I was thinking. Those folks, needless to say, but I will anyway, are dumb dumbs...


YOLO