The Silly Plates At The Place You Go To Get Your Vehicle Registration Renewed

I had the great misfortune of spending some time at the place you have to go to renew your vehicle registration yesterday (over at Golden Gate). I got there just before 4 and the line was out the door - literally. And I won't bore you with the conversations I overheard while in line or the pitiful people who were taking forever once they got called to be helped by the folks working there (most folks were taking 3-4 minutes for a transaction that should take 45 - 60 seconds). But I did want to mention one thing about this place. In NC, you only display official state issued license plates on the rear of your car. That means that in the front of your car you can put anything you want (or nothing). And lots of folks have plates that show support for their school of choice (lots of UNC, NCSU, and App State) or their pro sports team of choice (lots of Steelers, Cowboys, and Panthers). But some folks have plates in the front that are more folksy or are an attempt at humor. To that end, the place where you go to renew your vehicle registration sells such plates. And I always get real depressed standing in line, waiting to get called by a clerk, and looking at all the options they have for these plates you can put in the front of your car. Some of the ones that stood out the most, and I'm afraid will never leave my mind, were these:

1) Gone Fishin - Why would you feel the need to inform me of this? I don't care.

2) Fish Shudder At The Mention Of My Name - This seems highly implausible. Are fish swimming around talking about you? Fish 1: "Hey Arnie, that guy Rick might come by and fish again today." Fish 2: "I can't talk now, I'm shuddering at the mention of Rick's name."

3) Retired And Spending My Children's Inheritance - Splendid. You're blowing your kids' inheritance on the all you can eat buffet at Golden Corral?

4) Hug A Nurse - Well, maybe. But probably not. I don't like to touch people. Do you just want random men to run up to you when you get out of your car and try and hug you? That's asking for trouble.

5) Duke Fan - Shocking!!! What you're telling me is that you didn't go to Duke and are a long time front running fan who has issues with Dean Smith for some reason.

6) Mom's Taxi - Just stupid.

7) I Love To Cuddle - No doubt purchased by larger gals who have body image issues and don't like actual sex.

8) My Other Car Is A Mercedes - Sure, right. And my girlfriend is Keira Knightley.

9) Life's A Beach - Awful. Awful. Awful. Now, if it said Eat A Peach, then at least I'd know you rocked out to the Allman Brothers.

10) Retired And Getting Away From The Wife For Awhile - Why are you still married then?

11) Carolina Girl - Mostly bought by boomer gals who are into shagging (the dance, not the sex, sickos).

12) American By Right, Southern By Birth - This has a secessionist bent to it.

13) I'd Rather Be Cooking - By all means. Go ahead. Get your ass in the kitchen and make me some waffles.

14) Golf - Not sure if this refers to the game of golf or those old Volkswagon Golfs. Either way, I don't care.

15) I May Be Old, But I Still Have FIRE! - That's the sign of a GILF right there, or at least a woman who views herself as a GILF. I say, Rock On Granny! Get your skank on!

The plate on the front of my car says Van York Honda. I drove the car off the lot with it on there and have never bothered to take it off. They are pretty good guys over there (for car salesmen anyway...). But I'm thinking of getting a Seattle Sonics plate and putting it on there. I'm wearing my Sonics hat as I type this. The X Man, The Glove, Detlef Schremp, Tom Chambers, and my main main main man Dale Ellis.

I finally got around to seeing Pineapple Express. And it was silly nonsense. Maybe if you're stoned it's better. But I wasn't stoned. And the movie wasn't better. Danny McBride does get off a few funny lines. But other than that...

AK 47 is the tool

Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool