Wrestling With The Oil Spill

Note: I could not think of anyone famous named Delilah (with one pointless exception I will not get into). Anyway, when you google image the name Delilah, the porn star above is all that appears. Personally, I find her revolting. But, whatever...

This whole deal with the spilt baby oil in the Gulf of Mexico, Bonus Penetration, and Barack Hussein Obama seems to go on and on and on. I have been giving a lot of thought to the best way to clean up this mess (and by a lot of thought I mean that this is coming right off the top of my head). My idea would be to get some of the top oil wrestling skanks from some of the worst tittie flop bars in and around the greater Hickory metropolitan area, take them out to the middle of the oil spill on inflatable rafts, fix them in super-absorbent see-through leotards, dump them in the oily water, and let them wrestle around until all the spilt oil is magically absorbed into these see-through leotards. My guess is that if we can get a couple dozen of them out there participating in this relief effort, it will only be a few hours until the oil is gone, the water is fresh, and the girls smell like the infield at a NASCAR race. Hell, Bonus Penetration could put this oil wrestling event on Pay Per View and with the proceeds pay to have each oily pelican cleaned up by Tipper Gore using only the natural moisture from her vaginal juices. That's what a win win win is - except for the pelicans of course. They will get clean under this plan, but probably commit mass suicide after having their poor beaks rubbed around Tipper Gore's moist vulva. I guess it isn't all win win. But it's mostly win win. And then we won't have to here about this silly "catastrophe" any longer.

Some of the folks around the place where I occasionally turn up to work have been talking about boycotting Bonus Penetration for their role in this oil spill. And I try and stay out of these kinds of discussions. Nothing good can come of getting involved. Nothing. But I made an exception and told several of these folks that I have started exclusively using Bonus Penetration stations since I found out about this oil spill deal. Some of them had the nerve to think I was joking about exclusively using Bonus Penetration gas. But if you know me, you know that I'm dead serious. I don't care if Bonus Penetration charges $5 a gallon, I'm buying it. When one of these ignorant, but well-meaning, crazies I sometimes show up to work with asked me why I don't seem to care about the environment, I said, "Fuck the environment. What did the environment ever do for me?" There was no response to that.

I got a comment after yesterday's post where someone mentioned Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. And there are a few folks who might have left the comment. I'm not sure who it was exactly. Anyway, the point is well taken. Because that song made me suicidal a few years ago when it seemed to be on in every bar every 5 minutes. I know Andy hates it too. I mean the kid hates it. We used to get up and walk outside wherever we were when it came on. Hey There Delilah is the most insipid piece of garbage I have heard in the past 10 years or more. It is that bad. If it ever comes on again, and I'm guessing it will, somewhere, sometime, I'm gonna start to scream.

Another commenter mentioned Shabooh Shoobah by INXS. And I wholeheartedly agree that it is a great album with a number of really good tunes, mainly Don't Change and The One Thing, obviously. Both brilliant.

Of course, I get a little melancholy when I put on an INXS CD, even 12 years or however long it's been since Michael Hutchence died. Poor bastard. We still have the music though. And that's something.

Of course, you could argue that I get a little melancholy over lots of things nobody else in the world seems to care about.

You're too pretty in the daylight

It keeps them coming back for more