Barry Likes Lobster

I mentioned in a recent post the cool and completely necessary vacation our super-duper saviour, one Barack Hussein Obama, has been taking at some terrible place in Massachusetts. Anyway, some startling news has been leaking out about Barry's immense desire to eat lobster. From what I've seen, the dude has been eating lobster basically morning, noon, and night. I think Barry even has more lobster before beddy time with his nifty, monstrous-looking wife -whose name I can never remember. All this lobster has got to be playing havoc with Barry's intestinal tract. In fact, I was talking to a noted medical scholar once (I know he was a noted medical scholar because he told me he often took boner medication to get hard enough to nail his hideous wife, and really, isn't that all the qualification a random pervert needs for me to label said pervert an expert in the medical field?) and the guy told me that too much lobster will make you super gassy. He said that lobster, and all that butter folks dip the lobster in, gives people waves of farts that are impossible to hold in. Also, the lobster farts are both stinky AND loud. A lethal combination. No wonder Mrs Barry took an extended trip over in Spain a few weeks back. She probably wanted to get away from all the lobster induced farting that must be plaguing poor Barry. As for me, I've never tried lobster. Or any seafood really. Anything hanging out in water is not something I wanna have pass through the old crapping chute. Everyone is always like, "Hey _____, come out with us and eat lobster or other kinds of seafood." And I always say, "No thanks. You're gonna start farting uncontrollably. And then I'm gonna start farting. And then we won't be having a pleasant smelling environment. It's really not worth the trouble. But I'll meet you for a beer or 2." I've had that exact conversation so many times over the years that it isn't even funny. Why just the other day, I had that conversation with a foreigner at the place I occasionally show up to work. I think the guy is from someplace across a body of water, either Cuba or China. Whichever. I get the 2 confused on a regular basis, what with the communism and the rank b.o. that both groups seem so down with...

Take the Niners again tonight.

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