There is a Swedish guy playing poker online today whose screen name or handle or whatever the hell they call it is Poke Her Tour. Most of the attempts at clever names on The Full Tilt are really stupid. Right now there is a MonkeyDLuffy for example. And a Stew Dilly. There's also an Astrocat, which I actually kind of like. Back to Poke Her Tour, the Swedish kid. If the kid really runs all over Sweden poking, or nailing, or doing, or whatever verb they might use over in Sweden that indicates the act of hitting it, then more power to him. I remember those beer ads that featured something called the Swedish Bikini Team, and while I can't swear all those chicks were really Swedish, I can't swear they weren't Swedish either, can I? I also know there was a Swedish Chef on The Muppet Show. He seemed deeply disturbed to me. I often wondered what demons were haunting this Swedish Chef. Perhaps thoughts of a lost love? Maybe some homosexual encounter from his youth with Jake Gyllenhaal? Or it could have been a longing, a longing for something more out of life than merely Swedish meatballs and a quick jack off into diners' mystery stew. It's something to think about, that's for sure.
Speaking of Sweden, another thing that comes to mind is Jesper Parnevik's nanny. She's been laying low lately. She's only gonna have about 750 million dollars to play with once this divorce is finalized (it might already be finalized for all I know). What Jesper Parnevik's nanny should do with this windfall is take about half a billion of it and bet one 2 teamer on the 1st week of Sunday Ticket. When that hits, she's got a cool $1,250,000,000. And if she bets with a legit bookmaker, she'll have a cool $1,300,000,000 to throw around. At that point, she should have enough to live comfortably for at least a few months. It's something for Jesper Parnevik's nanny to consider. My only advice to her is do not bet Phil Mickelson's "locks." That would be a mistake. Mickelson's "locks" or J's "locks," either way.
Speaking of J, I got a text from Geilfuss last night at 1:49. He mentioned that he & Tyson were at Get Bent Lounge throwing back shots, George and J were in the back snorting the same stuff they always tend to snort, & Fat Adam was hitting on Caroline. None of which should surprise anyone. The truth is that Geilfuss could have sent me the same text about half the nights the last several years. The only slight difference would be that Pat isn't there any longer. As for Caroline, she is one of the dreamiest of The Dream Team. And by dreamiest I mean the most disease riddled skank you'll ever come across (or cum on, or in, come to think of it) outside of Dundalk or Hollandtown.
Speaking of last night, I found myself in the confines of some joint on New Garden with Dave (the Glenn Beck addict) & my man Q (Mason Lee to the ladies). We were hoisting back a few shots of our own (much like Geilfuss & Tys were). Anyway, at one point talk turned to Chris Rock movies. Dave had seen something called Death At A Funeral recently. And then admitted to seeing Grown Ups and claiming to like it as he "laughed his ass off." I mocked Dave relentlessly for that (& he knew I would before he said it). I asked Dave & Q, Grown Ups aside, what was the last good movie Chris Rock has been in? Because after Dogma and Nurse Betty, it's been a bad stretch for Rock. A 10 year stretch. Dave was pretty dismissive of my argument, calling me a movie snob. And then I said, "Dave, have you seen Pootie Tang?" That ended the discussion pretty quickly. We had more shots and talked about how hideous the bartender was, or at least I talked about how hideous the bartender was. Dave & Q are both way nicer guys than I am. I have no idea why they like to hang out with me. Other than being one of the most entertaining people you'll ever meet, I've got virtually nothing going for me. As for the bartender, she looked like someone who, if the Panthers needed to bring in an extra D-Lineman during training camp, would be on the top of their to call list. She was ugly too. Lots of chins though, I'll give her that. Maybe all the chins will come in useful sometime. Like in a chin contest. Maybe?
All right, I'm bored of this today.
I am out. - TBFH
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