A Gobbler Fan Gets Lucky At Scams

I was looking at something on the Internets recently and noticed something interesting with this socialized medicine deal that Barry and his team are pushing on us - it will mean that folks who don't want any part of it will not only be fined if they don't participate (something I've been predicting on this blog for most of the year), but the way the bill is currently written Barry and his boys can throw your ass in jail to try and compel you to participate. I can't say I'm too surprised by this. It's just hard to believe that so many people are so eager to throw our hard fought freedoms away for something as silly and bound to fail as forcing Americans to buy something they don't want. I mention this only to inform readers of this blog (many of whom are young and healthy and have no need for health insurance in the first place) exactly what old Barry has in store for you if you don't comply. I'm guessing re-education camps are coming soon, then concentration camps, then who knows after that. Maybe at Barry's first concentration camp deal I can bunk with Ann Coulter. It would almost make it worth the whole socialist ordeal we're going through. Almost.

I also saw where William Jefferson Blythe was pushing the Democrat Party in the Senate to go through with this socialized medicine deal. And that's cool, he can have any opinion he wants. I did wonder though, if William Jefferson Blythe was getting behind the socialized medicine plan because it would cover paying the dry cleaning bill for a blue Gap dress with his semen smeared all over it. Or plastic surgery so skanks he nailed could transform themselves into looking like a Batman villain.

I was out at Scams last Thursday watching ECU battle the Gobblers (& got a lucky push on the game). Anyway, about midway through the 3rd quarter this sister walks in and sits down to my left. Scuba was bartending and he asks this woman what she'd like and she says "Can I get some wings to go?" And Scuba says "What flavor?" And I chimed in "How about Flavor Flav!" At least the girl laughed. Later, as she was waiting on the wings to come out, she asked me "What's a sista gotta do to get some white meat in this city?" And I said "Find the nearest Gobbler fan and tell him you're wearing a weave. He'll beg to do you." And I'd like to report that there were Va Tech fans in the bar, and this nice black girl did approach one of them, showed the guy her greasy wings, and promptly walked out with him. She got her white meat. I was so happy for the both of them. It was nice to see 2 people of different races come together for some lovely cheap sex over Gobbler football, greasy chicken, and rank desperation. It's what makes Greensboro so awesome.

I just watched last week's episode of The Office, the one where Michael dumped Pam's mom after realizing that she was 58 years old. He was an ass as usual. Clueless, pathetic ass. I did find it amusing however that Michael didn't take the time to consider that Pam's mom might be pushing 60 when he hooked up with her at Pam and Jim's wedding. He is breathtakingly stupid at times. But it's funny. It's painfully funny. It's like watching Notre Dame try and stop the Navy rushing attack. Unless you despise the Irish, then it's not painful at all. Then it goes back to just being funny.

Someone mentioned to me that it's been almost a year since I started this pointless and utterly stupid blog. And the person who mentioned it asked me "Why do you keep it going? What motivates you to keep writing against all odds as a lone voice in the wilderness about alcohol, gambling, cheap sex, Barack Hussein Obama, and trivia?" I thought for a moment about the gravity of the query. Then I answered "It passes the time."

Interesting slate of games this evening. I would urge everyone to put some dough down on the boys from Piscataway. The line is ridiculous. They should win by 6 or more.

Geilfuss texted me the other day to inform me he has jury duty coming up soon. I assumed he was looking for some tip to get out of it. First, I reminded him that he's a sucker for voting and this is the price for being "part of the democratic process." Then I told him on the questionnaire they give you at the courthouse, just casually put a note on there that he hates Mexicans, or any group for that matter. They'll dismiss him forthwith.

They're meaningless and all that's real.

Girls Who Sport The #20 Jersey

Geilfuss, on his awesome blog, was going on about Andre Agassi and some hair weave the dude wore back about 20 years ago. And I'm not certain what all the hullabaloo (sp?) is about over this. I watch Jerry Springer, and I can say with great certainty that every sister on the show wears a weave. The reason I know this is because whenever they fight over some deadbeat guy, inevitably some hair starts flying across the stage (it's about the most enlightening part of each show). So, if sisters on Springer are wearing the weave, isn't it only logical to assume that Agassi would as well? He's always been a trendsetter, no doubt about it.

The Faceshit just gets sillier and sillier. One "friend" of mine (a girl I've spent 5-7 minutes talking to my entire life) had an update where she claimed she figured out a plot for her novel. Two things on this - 1) if it's ever published (which is highly unlikely) I would urge everyone not to read it & 2) I wrote a reply on her Faceshit "wall" that said - Is it a burial plot?

More tales of woe for old Barry, as when he got up to say a few words after the nutty Islamic Jihadist at Ft Hood murdered 13 people, he gave a shout out to some Indian witch doctor type dude first. And if you ever doubted that old Barry had nothing but utter contempt for the armed forces, that shout out to some medicine man should have cleared up matters for you once and for all.

Also, it seems that the Islamic Jihadist who murdered the 13 people has ties to Va Tech. And I'm not sure what it is about foreigners and Virginia Tech that seems to breed mass murderers. Someone with a worthless sociology degree would have to delve into that. But, my own thought is that none of these mass murders, the mass murders that have been done by foreigners with ties to Virginia Tech, would have ever happened if the school had never changed their nickname from the Gobblers.

I was out at Playas again over last weekend, and I can report that the lonely, old, drunk Jewish guy from Pikesville (the one who screamed "Let's go Maryland!" ad nauseum, when the Terps weren't even playing) has been banned from the place for life. I'm not sure how anyone can get banned for life from a den of inequity like Playas, but this old drunk from Pikesville managed to. I missed him terribly on Sunday, as his insight into what was wrong with the Baltimore passing game against the Bengals would have been super enlightening. And by super enlightening, I mean completely asinine and vocalized through slurred noises originating from his alcohol laced mouth.


Without the old timer at Playas for Sunday Ticket, Brandon and I were forced to find some other method of becoming annoyed for the afternoon. And sure enough, we did. It was called the Seattle Seahawks. They managed to fall behind Detroit, of all teams, 17-0 before rallying. The problem for us was that we needed the Seahawks to win by more than 10 and they were only ahead 25-20 with less than a minute left in the game. Then we got a miracle and became unannoyed (is that a word???), as Matthew Stafford tossed a pick six for us. 32-20 final. I sent Stafford a postcard on Monday to thank him. That pick six not only covered that game for us, but we also completed a 3 teamer with it. Huge.

Also, Brandon's buddy Ben was out for a good part of the day. I hadn't seen Ben in a long while. Anyway, at one point we got into a debate about what you can tell about a girl based on the jersey she chooses to wear. It was during the Ravens/Bengals contest that the whole notion hit me. I relayed that many of the normal "good" girl Raven fans would wear a Heap (maybe a Flacco now that he's getting so popular) and a bad girl, a girl who is flat out freakish and gets nasty at the drop of a hat, the kind of girl who Geilfuss seems so drawn to, would be wearing a #20 - Ed Fucking Reed. So, we got to talking about this idea with several other teams and about how what jersey a girl chose said if she was wholesome or skanky. It was pretty interesting. I can report that that Brandon spent a good part of the conversation on the floor laughing. Oh, and I can also report that if you ever meet a female Eagles fan wearing a #7, run for your fucking life.

Lastly at Playas, early on Sunday there was a hopelessly ugly couple that came into the bar to shoot pool (over 2/3 of the joint is pool tables, but I think there have been more than just cue balls racked on them, if you get my drift...get it? I kill myself). Anyway, before they went back to the pool part to shoot, the woman part of this couple asked Gina (the awesome bartender) if there was a list of today's drink specials listed on a page she could peruse. Gina pointed to the wall. On the wall were the 3 Sunday Ticket specials listed (Big Beers, Goldschlager shots, and something else - I have no idea). Well this ugly woman seemed taken aback that the specials were not written out on paper. Then this homely pool shooting chick requested a Diet Dr Pepper. At Playas. Ordering a Diet Dr Pepper at Playas is like asking a nun if she has an extra condom in her purse you can use. I started screaming - literally (many of you have witnessed this kind of reaction from me first hand). Finally, this couple walked back to shoot pool. Then I said, "I have just one word to describe that." Gina said "What is it?" I replied "Repulsive." Brandon spit his beer out. I then asked him "Are you sure you've never been to Get Bent Lounge before? Because that was Andy-esque right there."

I went to see some movie called Paranormal Activity last week. Evidently it's some kind of wildly successful phenomenon. Anyway, it was supposed to be scary. But I just kept laughing at how ridiculous the whole premise was - that whole thing at the beginning where the San Diego Police are thanked for their assistance with the film - stupid. And when the girl becomes possessed at the end by the demon or whatever, that was silly. If you haven't seen it, don't.

I was watching the Mad Men the other night. Now, I haven't followed it too closely this season (football, obviously). But, evidently January Jones (I think the character is named Betty) found out that Don's life was a big lie and he married her under false pretenses. Which is fine, whatever. But the thing about it is that when they showed her at her attorney's office to discuss divorce, she was there with a strange older looking dude. And I thought, there's hope for J yet.

More to come soon.

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?

The Vagaries Of Gambling On The Futbol De Norteamericano

In the news yesterday there was talk about several elections going on in a few states and I had no idea (we're in the heart of football season, so...). Anyway, upon learning this, I drove to the nearest retirement community and sure enough there was voting going on (as readers of this blog know, I don't vote - it's for suckers AND I don't want jury duty. Not to be coarse, but I would rather have Horseface straddle my mouth with her repulsive vagina than serve on jury duty). So, I walked up to the old broad running the polling place and she said "Last name please?" and I said "I'm just here to find out if there is any way I can vote against Obama?" She didn't laugh...

I guess the results of these meaningless elections yesterday mean bad news for our messiah, Barack Hussein Obama, as all his minions on the ballot got their asses kicked. I'm not too surprised, as I'm guessing all the worthless folks who voted for old Barry last year were too busy hoisting 40s and kicking it with their homegirls to actually take the 5 minutes to run over to the nearest retirement home and vote. I wouldn't get too concerned if I were old Barry. He should be more worried about that repulsive wife of his kicking his ass for going down on Oprah (allegedly).

The socialized health care mess is still dragging on. It seems like it's been going on for 6 months. And people still don't want it. When will Barry, Pelosi, and that rat Harry Reid give up on this nonsense?

I was out watching Sunday Ticket the other day (I went to Scams, as I couldn't bear the thought of sitting near the moron Raven dudes at Playas again). This time I got to be annoyed by Jets fans. If anyone is under the impression that New York sports fans are somehow sophisticated about things, let me disillusion you of that - as these people were retards. They kept going on and on about Mark Sanchez's poise. It was nauseating. When Ted Ginn Jr returned his 2nd kickoff for a TD in the 3rd quarter, I turned to these Jets people and said "Chope!" They, like the old lady at the polling place yesterday, didn't laugh...

Everyone will be happy to know that Geilfuss and I are alive in the Survivor League. The problem is that 56 other guys are too. But I bet we're the only guys standing who've used both Washington and Seattle so far.

Readers of this blog may recall back in the spring I predicted that Favre would come back, and torch the Packers in Lambeau. You might also recall that I said I would place a sizeable wager on Minnesota in the game. Well, the game happened Sunday and I did put a big bet on the Vikings, and as I predicted, they crushed Green Bay. I'm prescient. No doubt about it.

The vagaries of gambling will make weak people go insane. We (me, Andy, Tyson, Mark and Luke of the Jacoby's and Steve) were flying high (somewhat high anyway) for the 1st six weeks of the season. Then things got weird. Oct 17th I had a good day working as NW covered the number against Sparty. Later I hit another big one with Idaho. Well, it seemed like a good day and it was, but it should have been so much better and I'm convinced what transpired that Saturday started a bad streak that ruined our little gambling club thingy just a week later. I had a 4 teamer working and it was looking golden, all that was left was for USC to hold on and cover against Notre Dame. The Trojans were up 34-14 with just over 10 minutes left and choked. They ended up winning by 7 (we had them at -10). Okay, no great loss right? Wait, on the late Pac 10 game I had a big bet on Washington at Arizona State (the Huskies were getting 6&1/2). The game is tied at 17 with half a minute left, U Dub punts, ASU takes over at midfield. They run a deep pass and the Huskies safeties let 2 receivers get behind them - 2! ASU scores and wins 24-17. Awful. Just awful. But it seemed okay a bit because we were still up quite a lot on the day. Well, the next day was bad. Seattle and Philly got rocked and then then the Bears could have saved us, but inside the Falcon 10 they had an interception, lost fumble, and turned it over on downs. AND they STILL could have covered the 3&1/2. Alas, no dice. Then the following week was the really bad one. And the lesson is this - if the weekend of the 17th had gone as it should have, the big losses of the following weekend would have been completely mitigated. As it happened the Dolphins blew a 21 point lead to the Saints and gave up a pick six with right around 2 minutes left to lose by 12 (although they still had a chance to cover as they drove the ball all the way to the 8 yd line as time expired) and the G Men were atrocious. So, don't take any game for granted. Every bet is vital. Even if you're 5 and 1 on a day - you still want to get every last dollar you can. It could come back to be very important later. On a happier note, I killed them this past weekend. And not just with Favre either. Temple, Illinois, and the Chicago Bears were huge. Hell, I even won on the Carolina Panthers. They were getting 10 in the desert and won outright. I was giggling...

I saw the De Niro/Pacino thing last week. It's called Righteous Kill or something. Anyway, don't waste your time. It's silly and you can see the "twist" ending coming like 15 minutes into the thing. As for the 2 leads, well they seemed to be mailing it in. They were no better than Donnie Wahlberg for God's sake. In fact Pacino looked bizarre. I have no idea what was going on with his hair. It looked like something you'd see on a dude in a bar off Ritchie Highway...

You might be wondering why I haven't written lately. Well, it's a long and pointless tale, much like life itself. And I won't bore anyone with the details. I'll try and do better moving ahead.

I'm out.

The Clueless Drunk Old Timer Ravens Fan Who Makes A Bizarre Analogy

I was sitting in that awful dive bar on W Market Street for football Saturday 2 weeks ago and this drunk, old, lonely guy wanders in. He was a Terps fan (turns out he's originally from Pikesville - and yes, I know what you're thinking, and he is Jewish). And this guy is a piece of work. He yelled "Go Maryland!" over and over. I got a little annoyed with him and decided to fuck with him a little. So at one point I told him his behavior was lascivious. Sure enough, he had no idea what lascivious meant. But, the old timer was so drunk and so tedious that he kept repeating the word lascivious over and over trying to get someone in the bar to explain what it meant. And shockingly, no one at Playas did! He accused me of being a school teacher. And that I took as an insult of course. He then just accused me of trying to confuse him. That's when I told I told him, "You're not as stupid as you look." Anyway I took off and thought nothing of it. Then the next day, I was there again to watch Sunday Ticket. And the same little old lonely drunk Jewish guy was there again to watch the Ravens/Bengals game. Only this time he was there with a buddy who was from the town Elaine Benes is from. And I know lots of Ravens fans. Some of them know what's going on and some are fairly clueless morons. But these 2 guys took the cake, they knew nothing about football, and very little about their own team. I told them at the outset to expect a tight game and don't be shocked if Cincinnati wins. They thought I was crazy. Well, 3 hours later, as Ray Lewis was letting the Bengals go down the field with a crazy personal foul penalty, these 2 didn't think I was so clueless. They actually got pissed at me - like my prediction somehow sealed the Ravens fate. Oh, and the buddy of the drunk guy - he drank Coke the entire game. He's the only Ravens fan I've ever seen at a bar not getting ripped during a game (except Ray G, but he's cheap and hates the taste of beer). A week passes and I see the old timer from Pikesville again on Saturday and he's tanked again when he walks in about 6 o'clock. This time he screams "Go Maryland" again and again and again (even though the game wasn't on TV at the bar and they were getting beat in the 4th quarter). Then the old drunk put money in the jukebox. And no one wanted to hear his awful music (it was a mix of Motown and putrid country). So the bartender wench muted it up in the front part of the bar. And that pissed the old timer drunk off. He was about to get into a fight with a dude who was about 6'3" 280 and played college football someplace or other (he told me where, once years ago, and I forget). I was getting worried for the little old Pikesville drunk's safety. Eventually he called a cab and took off before getting his ass kicked. Then on Sunday, there he was again with his Coke drinking buddy watching the Vikings/Ravens game. Here's how stupid the 2 of them are: they were convinced the game was over after Minnesota got up 14-0. And I was sitting there with my buddy Brandon. And he and I know a thing or 2 about not getting too nervous or confident about the outcome of an NFL game too soon. I kept trying so hard to not listen to either one of these Ravens idiots and their mindless pessimism, but at one point I turned to them and said "Fucking Relax! The Ravens will get back into this game. Goddammit!" I told Brandon we can never sit by these morons again. He wholeheartedly agreed. As many of you know, the Ravens did come back and lost by 2. When it was over, the Coke drinking idiot said "Well, that was a tough loss." I said "That depends how you define loss doesn't it?" He said "Huh?" I said "In the only world that matters, the Ravens won by a point." He left, seemingly oblivious to what I meant. Well, the old drunk from Pikesville left as well. But around 6:30, just as I'm having it handed to me in both the Seahawks and Eagles games, this little guy comes back in the bar. He was wasted. Really wasted. He comes, puts his arm on my back (which I hate), and starts lamenting the Ravens loss. I don't remember all that was said. I'm sure I was mocking him pretty good because Brandon was laughing his ass off. Then this old timer made an analogy I'll never forget. This is the part of what he said that was awesome. He said "We got beat. We got our ass kicked. We got beat so bad it was like a Chevy Camaro." I said "What? How?" Brandon fell off the bar stool. I told the old, drunk, Jewish guy from Pikesville to head out because he was starting to get to the point I was gonna have him thrown out. He left. This guy puts the old drunk at Charred Pork Bucket to shame as far as being annoying. I'd rather hang with Dick any day. The ironic thing is this: both this little, old, drunk, annoying Jewish guy and the old drunk at the Charred Pork Bucket are from Pikesville. Unbelievable.

Barkeep gimme a drink

Barry Hits The Peace Pipe

Recently there was some incredible news out of one of the socialist countries in Europe (I think the country has something to do with Norwegian Wood by John Lennon, but whatever). A few guys over there decided to give the Nobel "Peace" Prize to my man, Barack Hussein Obama. I'm not sure if he's the first Hawaiian mulatto to get the thing or not. Now, many cruel and insensitive folks are ridiculing the fact that this awesome prize has been bestowed on old Barry. I say, don't be a hater. The man won this prize fair and square. Congratulations Barry! After all, our cool and hip leader has done many things so far worthy of a "Peace" Prize. Let me list just some, because if I tried to list everything, I'd be typing for days and days:

1) Barry went on Letterman a few weeks ago

2) Barry plays golf pretty often

3) Barry gets Joe Biden reduced cost boner medication

4) Barry has an Ivy League education

5) Barry is somewhat literate

6) Barry screwed our allies in Eastern Europe on missile defense

7) Barry is capitulating to every request from Moscow

8) Barry is completely giving in on the Iranian nuclear program

9) Barry is leaving our troops in Afghanistan twisting in the wind by not sending more men to help

10) Barry gave a speech, and another, and another, and another...

There you go! See how Barry does warrant this prestigious "Peace" Prize? And remember this too, he's in very good company as a winner of this deal. Albert Arnold Gore won the thing, and he and his nasty wife Tipper once tried to censor rock lyrics! Jimmy Carter won too, I assume for his great job growing peanuts. Kofi Annan won and he was a crook when he ran the UN. Yasser Arafat also won and he led the PLO for many years and they were largely a terrorist organization. So old Barry is in really good company on this whole thing. Send him an email of congratulations.

I mentioned Letterman earlier, and apparently he has come out and boasted about all these babes he's nailed - which is fine, a bit juvenile to boast about it in public, but whatever. The thing about these countless babes he's been doing is that they worked for him. And that is really creepy. It's not like getting together with a co-worker (which happens all the time). He's the boss of the company. And that is really uncool. I think he's lost touch with reality. I wrote a long piece about Letterman earlier this year (not totally flattering) and I had no idea this was gonna come out. One of these babes he was doing, he was sharing with her husband. I don't pass judgment on how folks wanna get freaky, but that's pretty fucked up. I mean all 3 of them, the babe, the babe's husband, and Letterman - weird freaks. Maybe Sarah Palin isn't so slutty looking after all, huh Dave?

I saw The Office a few weeks ago when Pam and Jim got married by some waterfall. And it was pretty excellent. Anyway, on the episode Dwight becomes a ladies man. He bags one of the bridesmaids and does her hard. Then the next day, he rebuffs the chick and moves on to another lonely wedding goer. It was pretty interesting to say the least. Over the years Dwight has never been portrayed as a guy who gets a lot of tail, much less as a guy who would disrespect a girl the next day (in other words, he hasn't been portrayed as a Geilfuss or, to be fair to Geilfuss, a me in regards to cheap, worthless, pointless sex). I was slightly troubled by this facet of Dwight's personality coming to light. It makes him even more unlikable than ever. Strange.

Also, they have this show on A&E where these people redo parts of your house to get it to sell faster. Anyway, it's silly. But they have this girl on there, and I can never remember her name, but she's something.

When I get to the bottom

I go back to the top of the slide

Where I stop and turn

And I go for a ride

Til I get to the bottom and I see you again

I'm out-

Barry Gets Rebuked In Denmark

Uproar over this whole situation involving Barack Hussein Obama and the Chicago Olympics (well the not Chicago Olympics is more accurate I guess) seems pretty silly to me. Did any rational person reasonably expect that Barry would help Chicago? If anything, Barry's snobbish demeanor figured to hurt Chicago's chances. I mean I've never had the fortune (or misfortune) of meeting Barry one on one (not that way, sickos), but it seems to me that if you're not one of his leftist elitist buddies, then he talks down to you and barely tolerates listening to you. When he speaks with folks who disagree with him, the photo ops of these meetings indicate sheer disdain on his face. So, it comes as no surprise that after meeting with IOC officials, they would rebuke him and his superior attitude by voting out Chicago first. And that's a real shame, because Chicago is maybe my favorite city in this country. If you spend a weekend in Chicago and don't have a good time, then I can't help you. I was really rooting for them. Now, I don't know how much of a realistic chance Chicago had at winning the games to begin with. But, I do have a strong suspicion that, whatever the odds were, they were shot to hell when old Barry and that monstrous looking wife of his got involved. Doesn't he have an economy to run further into the ground? And a war to further fuck up? You'd think he'd be happy with those awesome marks on his resume. Instead old Barry adds this Olympics fiasco to his list of failures, errr....accomplishments. That's right, they're accomplishments. I've gotta keep reminding myself of that. Stupid me.

Also, it looks like the somewhat lame comedians at SNL did a skit that very softly mocked old Barry last weekend. I only saw snippets of it. But, it didn't seem particularly mean spirited. When Lorne Michaels brings Will Ferrell back to the show, has Ferrell get into black face, and endlessly mock old Barry for being a huge disappointment to the moronic worshippers who put him onto his thrown, err...seat of power, then SNL will have begun to 1% approach the mockery of Barry as compared to it's treatment of old W. But, until then, people complaining about this skit from last week, they look silly, and petty. By the way, the guy who impersonates old Barry on SNL is not very good. In fact, I haven't seen one comedian yet who does a spot on impression of old Barry. There is the potential for mocking old Barry to be deadly funny and make the person who does it super famous.

I was sitting out at Charred Pork Bucket Monday night for awhile. Dave was playing with Dick again. Anyway, this super easy question comes up about where Frank Beamer is the football coach. And they give me the slip and I write it out. Now, my handwriting is small, and can be very difficult to read, I'll grant you that. But I made it a point to write the answer out in all caps and make the letters plenty big. Well, no one else on the team knew the answer right away and the team has an annoying habit of passing around the answer slip so everyone can get on board (which is pointless if no one else even has a clue on an answer) with what's written down. Well, this very nice Irish lady on the team looks at the answer slip for about 20 seconds and says, "I can't read this. What does this say?" I said "It says Baltimore Ravens." She said "Oh, okay. I should have heard of him." Dick was sitting there half in the bag, one hand over his eyes, the other clinging tightly to his glass of scotch, and he says, "Who gives a fuck?" I was in total agreement as always.

I was sitting in that bar on W Market St for a little bit the other night, surrounded by guys who have warrants out for their arrests (which is the norm in there, believe me). Anyway, one of the guys was going on about how he needed a place to crash to avoid the Sheriff's office picking him up, and another guy knew a guy who had a basement available for just such a contingency. And I'm sitting there listening to all this and even chatting with these guys a bit (they actually didn't seem like bad guys at all, just guys who get in trouble with the law), and I said to myself, "Yep. These are my people right here. Hanging out in this dive bar, talking to guys whose sole purpose is finding ways to avoid going to jail. Perfect."

I'm back in Greensboro here for awhile and was back at that park I've mentioned on this blog before (the one where all the anonymous gay sex goes on in the men's room) trying to get a little exercise (not gay sex exercise, sickos). Anyway, at one point around the about 2 and 1/2 mile loop, these 2 dudes emerge from a path that goes back in the woods, and I did a bit of a double take, as one of them was trying to clean up a spot on his shirt, a spot on the shoulder of his shirt to be precise. The thing that stood out about this spot on his shirt is that as he kind of gathered the substance onto his index and middle fingers, he moved his fingers over to his buddy's mouth. Then the buddy greedily licked the substance off the guy's fingers and seemed to relish the taste of this substance as he swallowed it down. The only thing I could figure to do at this juncture is yell over toward the one of them who did the swallowing. This is what I yelled, "George Michael?"

Took a bit of a step back on the gambling over the weekend. But we're still up several hundred for the season. I'll try and keep everyone posted.

Also, I saw something on the HBO called Reservation Road the other day, and my advice is to skip it. It was really slow. Really slow.

I won't get to get what I'm after, til the day I die.

Peace - TBFH

The Lonely Russian Jacoby

I got a comment recently on the post I wrote about trivia in San Antonio (at some joint called Charlie Clown's). What happened is that over the course of the 4 Tuesdays I went into the place, I got to know one of the teams in there and ended up playing on their team the other night (we won the game too). And I want to be sure to note that the folks on the team were very cool to let a strange dude from out of town hang out with them (although the fact that I know some trivia answers probably didn't hurt). So, thanks to Chris, Jesse, Chloe, and Shawn (and we were the only team to know what all the letters in UNICEF stand for the other night on the final question). Well, I gave them the address to this blog. And Shawn left a comment somewhat defending the Charlie Clown's as not that bad of a place, as he rightly pointed out that I came into the place 4 times of my own free will. And I gotta say, Shawn is exactly right. I don't know how many posts he's waded through on this blog so far, but it's important for readers of this blog, especially new ones, to remember that you can't take too much of what I say too seriously. The way I describe events that have happened (or kind of happened in some cases) is generally to entertain, so being factually accurate only serves my purpose to a certain degree. Also, the way events happened in my mind vs the way events happened in reality are often at great odds with each other - of course, that's merely a byproduct of my delusional narcissism.

Now onto more delusional narcissism.

I think we're long overdue for another pointless and exciting edition of If I Could Ask Barry. As always, remember that it would probably go something like this:

Barry - Damn, son. Where the hell you been? You haven't popped up in months.

TBFH - You don't wanna know sir. I've been on the run for part of the time, as the ACORN pipe hitters and Israeli Intelligence dudes have made my life a bit of a nightmare.

Barry - Yes! Serves you right for questioning me!

TBFH - I'm learning that sir. You may eventually wear me down and have me bow before you and call you messiah like all the other fake press people.

Barry- That's my goal brother. I'm gonna make you my bitch yet. HA! You got any questions for me today? You had to come out of hiding for some reason.

TBFH - As a matter of fact, I was curious about a couple of things. First, this whole thing with Iran and their nuclear program. I'm wondering if you have even one advisor who has been willing to step out and suggest that you actually deal with this in a real way. I mean, has anyone even mentioned to you the thought of bombing these Iranian nuclear facilities off the face of the Earth?

Barry - Well, you make a valid point on a couple fronts there. I'll concede that. One, my advisers are so insulated from the real world that they have a super naive view of how things really work. Two, most of them are so afraid of Rahm that they probably don't tell me what's really on their mind. And third, remember that my view of the world and our place in it is drastically outside the mainstream of about a century or so of accepted thought. I mean, I'm an appeaser. I know that, to be honest with you. I feel like we're due some comeuppance for our long history of oppressing other peoples. So, secretly I'd be fine with a little payback directed at us and our allies like Israel, because to be frank, I feel like it's been a long time coming.

TBFH - Wow! I can't believe your candor there sir.

Barry - It's something I've been longing to say. I'm glad I got it off my chest finally.

TBFH - The other thing I was curious about is this whole brouhaha over anyone criticizing you being a de facto racist. Do you really think that's accurate? I mean, if someone thinks your socialist medicine debacle is a bad idea, does that automatically make them a racist?

Barry - I think so, yes. I'm certain you're a racist for example. In fact, to be very candid, I think all white people are racists by definition, even if they don't know it or won't admit it to themselves. It's in you blue eyed devil's blood. And you're right about the whole socializing health care thing. I cant' believe more people don't see through what my ultimate goal is on this. It's mystifying that so many are so ignorant. But you seem to get it exactly. And the beauty of it is, my young friend, your opinion is null and void, totally dead on arrival, because I've set it up so that anyone who disagrees with me is labeled a racist and discredited. Genius, huh?

TBFH - That's one way of putting it sir.

Barry - You got anything else today?

TBFH - No, I guess not. I gotta run. There's a guy tailing me around the country who appears to have a raging boner at all times. It's a little off-putting.

Barry - Ha! That! That's my man Joe Biden. I had to give him some assignment to keep him out of my hair. And you're it boy. If he catches you, he's gonna turn you over to his daughter for intense sexual torture. I'll warn you of that kid. Good luck to you. You're gonna need it.

TBFH - Thanks for the heads up sir. I'm out dude.

I ran into the Jacobys last night and we were chatting about this and that for an hour or two at Get Bent Lounge. Anyway, both Luke and Mark were curious why I never blogged about the last Friday I was in town here. There was a Russian Jacoby out that night. And the reason I never blogged about it is because I really didn't think it was appropriate to mock the Russian Jacoby. I mean the guy sat there and lamented the fact he had no woman in his life for a long while. It got a little depressing. Also, he laughed like crazy at every silly thing I said. And I don't think he was exactly getting everything. The Russian Jacoby seemed like a super nice dude overall - he fits right in with the rest of them.

Fantasy Update - my team of criminals currently stands 0-3 on the season. The thing is, they've been pretty competitive each week. If we win a game, I'm gonna be stunned. No one in the league who took the draft seriously (and that is everyone else) should be allowed to ever play fantasy football again if they lose to my merry band of arrested players (and Matt Schaub - he's legit. I had to take one legit QB to make things interesting. Although, I could bench him for Vick at the drop of a hat. I probably will against Andy. But not Geilfuss - I'm gonna pull out all the stops that game).

I was flipping around the TV with the old clunker the other night and came across the Michael Clayton. And I'd seen it before and it's really good. Tilda Swinton is simply brilliant - I have no idea how she does it. And Clooney, he's good. He's a likable guy. If you haven't checked it out yet, it's worth your time.

Also, I read that Patrick Swayze passed away a few weeks ago. And his movies were mostly cheesy crap. But, he was in the Donnie Darko. And Donnie Darko is one of my favorites. I've bored countless people about what the movie really means (and maybe even convinced a few???). I won't bore readers with that now, but if you ever wanna see me get really worked up, ask me about Donnie Darko. If I'm in the mood, I'll go on forever. If I'm not in the mood, I'll just tell you it's mind-blowingly brilliant.

Here's another clue for you all

The walrus was Paul