Too Many #s

A Shocking Photo

Have you ever been scrolling aimlessly on your phone through whatever website and all of a sudden a message overtakes the screen? It says something along the lines of - Congratulations!!! You have won a $1000 Walmart Gift Card!!! Or a free iPhone or whatever. I see these from time to time like everyone I'm guessing. Well, I actually clicked on one recently instead of closing the Chrome and reopening it. Needless to say, I was not a winner - not even close. What happened after clicking on the offer was an endless loop of other offers. Once I had "accepted" my big $1000 gift card, I was directed to answer yes/no to a series of other things. For example -

Do I suffer from diabetes?

Would I like to complete my GED?

Do I have itchy skin?

Would I like arch supports?

Do I need assistance with medical bills?

Do I support Israel?

Would I like a 2 day trip to the Caribbean?

Am I looking for lonely married women?

Do I have erectile dysfunction?

Do I smell?

Am I interested in Paganism?

Do I support a border wall?

Would I willingly have sex with Nancy Pelosi?

Do I have boners that last more than 8 hours?

Etc, etc, etc...

At some point I'm guessing that since there is no "end" to the series of offers, most folks, like I did, simply close the browser and give up. Does anyone know of anyone who actually got a $1000 gift card or free iPhone out of this scam? By the way, I answered Yes to every question, obviously.


Speaking of the web, I seem to get a lot of ads that direct me to things like: Shocking Photos of Woodstock. It's what someone told me is called click-bait or something. At one point I recently took the bait and checked out the "shocking" photos of Woodstock. Here's what the "shocking" photos consisted of - hippies, Janis Joplin, topless hippies, Jimi Hendrix, stoned hippies, Bowser from Sha Nan Na, muddy hippies, Country Joe and the Fish, smelly hippies, Carlos Santana, sleeping hippies...In other words there was nothing "shocking" about a single photo. I was shocked!


The big presidential race is really heating up this summer as like 200 Democrats are running to wrestle away the throne of power from Donald J Trump. I'm trying very hard not to pay any attention to it. But, try as I might, some news seems to find it's way into my brain. One of the gentlemen pursuing the throne is the mayor of South Bend, Indiana of all places. His name is Peter Buttigieg. Yes, Pete Butt. Mayor Buttigieg is trying to become the first man to become president who has a husband. I wish him well and all, but I would remind everyone that you could argue that Pete would not be the first president to have a husband. Have people not seen photos of Mary Todd Lincoln and Eleanor Roosevelt???



I happen to be browsing the Faceshit a few weeks ago and there is big news from the Jacobys. From what I could tell, Luke Jacoby is engaged. The reason I think he's engaged is because there are countless photos on his timeline (not sure if that's the correct word) of Luke and a woman in various states of bliss - at a beach, in a random car, at a picnic, at a national park, in a parking garage, at the grocery store, atop the Eiffel Tower, at a  Burger King, on the can, you get the idea.The best thing about the photos aren't the photos themselves, although they're lovely and all. The best part of all is the hashtags. Here are some of them and I swear I'm not making any of them up -

#forlife

#myfavoritehistorian

#gluttenfreegeek

#mymarylandman

#youmakemesmile

#mybaltimorebabe

#diversion

#mylight

#idahome

#nofilter

#halifaxing

#damnprettyboy

Those are just the tip of the old iceberg. How many hashtags are too many hashtags? It's not for me to say. I've never done a hashtag in my life. But it seems like there are an inordinate amount of hashtags on Luke's Faceshit. At any rate, I wish the kid the best. He's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. I'm always amazed that he and the other Jacobys remotely tolerated me, much less Geilfuss...


Dead Souls

Drunk Hippies Walk Into A Bar...

My Guy Falkor

I was out at some joint on Battleground over the weekend and was having a pleasant enough time (although the Reds were getting smoked by the Cleveland Indians - so that sucked) when in walks a couple of hippies. I mean a couple -a guy and a gal. The guy hippie looked like a cross between Bozo the Clown and Gary Busey in Point Break. The gal hippie just looked like a standard middle-aged granola woman - straight brown hair, no make-up, plain brown dress. They quickly informed everyone at the bar they'd been on a bender since Tuesday (this was Sunday afternoon), which seemed odd as Dead and Company (the guy hippie was rocking a Dead and Company tie-dye) were in Dallas that night - nowhere near Greensboro. Anyway, I don't think they were kidding. They managed to get thrown out in about fifteen minutes, which is really hard to do on a random July Sunday afternoon. The woman hippie managed to launch into her life story for no reason. She followed the Dead from 1988 to 1993 religiously. She gave up the Dead lifestyle to have kids. She's disillusioned with her kids. She wants to go back to the Dead lifestyle (I don't know what that could possibly mean 24 years after Jerry Garcia's death). Yes, she was drunk and over-sharing, as drunk hippies are wont to do. Folks became pretty annoyed pretty fast. So this on a bender hippie chick starts to get pretty incredulous as she realizes she might be a little off-putting to the bar patrons. She proceeded to wander from the left side to the right side of the bar, desperately looking for a friendly person who would listen to her blather on about her date's wild shock of blonde hair or whatever. She happened to choose my buddy Vic as that potentially friendly person. It became rapidly apparent to this hippie that Vic would not be her knight in shining armor or even in rusty armor. She said to Vic "What, you won't listen to me either?" Vic innocently said back "What did I do? I just ordered a sandwich for fuck's sake." It was at this time that the bartender asked her and her portly probable lover to scram. They said they were headed to IUD down the road - a place no one ever gets kicked out of - ever. I hope to run into them down the road, obviously.

Like many folks over the weekend, I binge watched season 3 of The Stranger Things. It was good and all, blah, blah, blah. But this kid who plays Mikey Wheeler is so bad - cringe-worthy bad really. I kept hoping they would kill off his character and put everyone out of their misery. Alas, he survived and will be back for season 4. As for my guys Dustin and Steve; they were awesome.

Speaking of The Stranger Things season 3, my favorite scene is where Dustin and his Mormon chick Suzie sing the theme to The Neverending Story. Amazing,,,

I got a text last month from Geilfuss concerning the sad and atrocious story surrounding Kellen Winslow II and his rape convictions. I had heard very few of the details when Geilfuss sent me the text. So I investigated a bit, and read some of the most disgusting stories imaginable. This thing Winslow had with raping 60+ year old women was painful to read. Not the younger victims had it better or anything. Anyway, one of the the details that came to light was his masturbatory history while in the NFL. I mean the guy masturbated constantly in front of anyone for years while in the league. The fact he lasted for so many years and that five teams gave him a chance says it all about the NFL - if you have talent, that trumps everything.

As Jerry Seinfeld said - Not that there's anything wrong with that.


I'm a little rusty here with the blogging, but am gonna try to get back into the swing of it.