The Last Ounce Of Courage Steals Your Last Ounce Of Dignity

Last Saturday at RumbleForeskins for college football, talk turned yet again to good old Horseplay U. This time in a sightly unique context. During Saturdays, Rumbles runs specials on gourmet hot dogs. For 3 bucks you can get a Pizza Dog, Chicago Dog, Carolina Dog, and more. I think there are like 10 or 12 options. I've had the Pizza Dog myself a few times over the years and it's edible, whatever that's worth. With that in mind, a conversation got started between Tommy, the bartender, and a number of the barflies/degenerate gamblers that swarm the joint each Saturday in the fall. Tommy, as I've mentioned before, hails from Alabama. He wears Bear Bryant attire each Saturday afternoon, right down to Bryant's signature Houndstooth hat. Tommy says to me, "What would be on a Bear Bryant Dog?" I responded that it would be soaked in Bourbon. Tommy then asks, "How about a Milosevic Dog?" I said it would come with vodka and a side of genocide. He then asks, "How about a Penn State Dog?" It didn't take me long to come up with an answer. I said, "Oh that's easy. There would just be a little chili on the tip of one end." And that did it. Several barflies spit out whatever libation they were currently consuming. Tommy said, "I should never have asked you that. You are a terrible person." Which is true, by the way. But can you imagine engaging your taste buds with a Penn State Dog? A raw wiener with just a dab of chili on one tip? Doesn't that make your stomach churn in horror?

I ran into my buddy Phil Sunday afternoon before Sunday Ticket got started. He showed me something on his phone that was astounding. And something that many of you will think is poetic justice or just desserts or whatever. Phil said that earlier in the week he was trying to dial his Mom. Her phone number contains 669 in it. Well, instead of entering 669, Phil typed in 666. Yes, the number of the beast from the old Bible. And guess who comes up in his phone when he types in 666. That's right, my name. That's close to scientific proof that I may indeed be, as many of you have long suspected, the devil himself...



The only good thing about Last Ounce Of Courage

 In Tuesday's super post on this blog, I mentioned the film Last Ounce Of Courage. It caught my attention because it received a 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I promised to go see this epic myself. And I did. I watched it yesterday at Regal Cinema by Friendly Center. Turns out, I had a private screening. I was the only person in the theater for the 4:05 showing. I'm glad nobody else was in there, because I was laughing at it throughout. It's gonna be difficult to describe what I saw, as I'm not a movie reviewer by trade. But I'll give it a shot. And whatever you do, trust me that what I'm describing is accurate. Because the last thing you want to do is endure the movie firsthand, only to find out that it's as bad as I said it was. The movie centers on old guy named Bob Revere. Bob is a pharmacist by trade. He's also the mayor of a small town called Mt. Columbus, located somewhere in the Rockies. Bob has troubles though. He son died in some unnamed war 14 years before the movie is set. His daughter-in-law has run out of town with his grandson, Christian. Yes, Christian Revere. I'm not making that up. Bob is hurting. You can see the pain in his eyes from grief and whatnot. His wife stands around looking at him with a forlorn face. Then the long lost daughter-in-law and grandson show up and move in with Bob and his wife on Thanksgiving. Christian, the grandson, is eager to learn more about his dead father. He rummages through a chest with old videotapes of his Dad and demands to watch them. Bob lets him. This causes 14 years of repressed feelings to float up in Bob. Meanwhile, as mayor, Bob laments that Jesus Christ has largely been removed from public displays during Christmastime. He watches Bill O'Reilly and learns that secular liberals are trying to outlaw Christmas. He gets angry. He decides to put up tons of Christmas decorations all over town. He even gets this Christmas tree and puts it up by town hall. The tree is bigger than the one in Rockefeller Center. Well, Bob's actions piss off some liberal group in DC. There's a gentleman named The Hammer, an Al Sharpton type played by Bill Williamson, who calls and threatens action against Bob if the Christmas stuff is not removed. That's the premise of the film. Bob has to deal with those damn liberals as well as come to grips with his feelings about his son's death, his grandson being around, his daughter-in-law, and, I forgot to mention this, the fact his daughter ran out on the family and hasn't been heard from in decades (don't worry, she shows up at the end of the movie). You can see the ending coming about 20 minutes into the movie. And it doesn't disappoint. As ridiculous as the premise is, the resolution is one of the stupidest, most implausible, poorly acted, poorly written, poorly directed, pieces of crap I have ever seen. Where the folks who came up with this idea that Christmas is disappearing from public in America is baffling. I went to the Christmas tree lighting in downtown Greensboro just a few years ago. There were thousands of people there. Bob and The Hammer get into these "debates" several times in the movie that center on this notion that there are liberals actively trying to destroy Christmas. Now, maybe there are some. But they aren't doing a very good job of destroying it. The political aspect of the movie is unwatchable as a result. Eventually Bob gets fired as mayor by the City Council after all the pressure from The Hammer. The huge Christmas tree is knocked over like that statue of Saddam Hussein. Then there's a silly Christmas miracle as folks wake up to the fact that Christmas is being stolen from them. Bob erects a cross on a building and gives an impassioned speech. Blah, blah, blah. Folks love him and the nasty liberals have been vanquished. On the personal side of things, young Christian comes to love his grandfather and fight against the local school banning Christmas. There's a whole part of the movie that involves the school Christmas pageant. Only since Christ has been banned from school, the show revolves around a space opera that's parallel to the story in the Bible surrounding Christ's birth. This part of the movie is even dumber than the part about Christmas being driven underground by liberals. Christian and 7 or 8 other tweens hatch a plan to high jack the Christmas show and put on the nativity story from the Bible. The plan is asinine. But it works!!! And at the end of the show, Christian has this screen come down on the stage and this A/V nerd play one of those videotapes I mentioned from that trunk with his Dad's stuff in it. The videotape Christian plays is the one of his father dying in combat. Really. His Mom is in the audience and everyone starts crying before they start standing one by one saluting. Bob isn't in the audience for the show. He'd been hauled off to jail for erecting that cross I mentioned. What law he was breaking was unclear to me. But Bob did get to hear the performance on a little transistor radio provided to him by this mysterious Jesus like figure that shows up in the film from time to time. He's then released from jail, walks outside, and the whole town is there! They sing Silent Night!!! That's how it ends. I have walked out on 2 movies in my life - Late For Dinner & The January Man. Last Ounce Of Courage is just as bad as those films. I only stayed so I could write about the resolution to all of Bob's issues. I'll tell you my favorite stupid thing in the movie. Bob rides a Harley from time to time. He's buddies with this biker club. They show up in the movie several times. Well, these bikers in the movie hang out at a joint called Knuckleheads. It's the most lame biker bar in the world. What I love about the scenes in the biker bar is that none of the bikers are drinking beer or whiskey. They're all drinking out of white Styrofoam cups. I think that tells you just how stupid and insulting the film is. Bikers in a biker bar drinking Cokes out of Styrofoam cups. What planet are the folks who made this movie living on?

Deaf Folks Descend On The Bar

I was looking through Rotten Tomatoes a bit ago and came across a film that got a 0% fresh rating. That's right, 0%. I'd never seen a movie with a 0% fresh rating before. Even the unwatchable Lindsay Lohan epic I Know Who Killed Me received a 9% fresh rating. The name of the 0% fresh rated film is Last Ounce Of Courage. I read up on it. Evidently an extra from the unwatchable movie Roadhouse plays a small town mayor who fights against a perceived assault on American values by liberals. Or something like that. It sounded like a whole lot of religious propaganda by bible thumpers. So, I checked to see if the movie is playing in Greensboro. And by God, it is playing at Friendly Center. I'm gonna make it a priority to get over to watch this Last Ounce Of Courage in person soon. It might be the only chance I ever get to see a movie so bad that it didn't receive a single favorable review in the entire known world. I'll let you know how bad it is later in the week. I am pumped.

Speaking of Greensboro, the City Council passed some harsh new ordinances last week regarding panhandling around town. I've mentioned my run-ins with hobos before on this blog. They stand at virtually every busy intersection up and down Battleground every day. I'm all for bums doing whatever they need to do to make an easy buck to buy the much needed 40 and pack of Newports. I really am. But I don't like to actually see them standing there with their little cardboard signs that say something like - Down on my luck. Any help appreciated. God Bless. Granted, the word appreciated is rarely spelled correctly, but you get what I mean. The City Council has made all these guidelines about where these derelicts can beg for change. I'm just waiting for the next City Council meeting when all the hobos show up to gripe about how the new ordinances are cramping their style. Hell, I'd love to go that City Council meeting myself and take notes on the complaints from these panhandlers. I may try and do that. The only problem is that I'm not sure security would let me in the meeting. I've mocked just about every member of the City Council in the past on this blog and imagine my name is on some Do Not Let Enter list. You can't really blame them for wanting to bar me from the meetings, as I'd laugh and laugh and laugh.

Speaking of laughing and laughing and laughing, last night I almost keeled over dead with laughter. I had a bet on the Seattle Seahawks on the money line at +150. Seattle was down 5 points. I needed a touchdown to win. Seattle's quarterback, noted Rockies' 2nd basemen farmhand Russell Wilson, heaved a ball into the corner of the end zone as time expired. A Green Bay defender jumped and intercepted the weak pass. Then noted Golden Domer Golden Tate grabbed some of the ball from the Packer defensive back as 4 or 5 players toppled to the ground. The back judge, some brother, starts waving his arms signalling a touchback, Packer ball. Game over. I lose. Then out of nowhere another official runs toward the pile of players from the pylon and signals touchdown Seattle. After several seconds of utter confusion, the referee decides to go ahead and call the play a touchdown. That's when I started giggling. Then I went outside to smoke. Then I really started laughing uncontrollably. It's the first time I have ever covered a bet on an interception that awarded 6 points to the team that just threw the pick. Many NFL fans seem all bent out of shape about that call and the officiating in general to start the season. I say, keep using them. I love the replacement refs. Those are my main men. I'm not sure how many 10's of millions of dollars changed hands on that call last night. All I do know is that a losing bet became a winning bet for me. And how could I possibly be upset by that? It even got a little better for me when I remembered that one Matthew Dammann, the noted homophobe at the Maryland State Department of Education I mentioned a few weeks back, was a Packer fan. You gotta love unintended consequences.

Speaking of the NFL, I was out Sunday at the infamous Kickin Chicken for Sunday Ticket, same as always. Only things were decidedly different during the 4 o'clock games. Why, you may wonder? Because the back bar area was filled with deaf people. Seriously. At the friendship table near the bar I noticed about 11 or 12 folks waving and making odd hand gestures to each other. Being that I was at the Kickin Chicken and the Steelers & Eagles were playing at the time, I didn't think anything of it. After about 10 minutes Brandon tells me he thinks the folks making the hand gestures and flailing their arms around are deaf. And that had a ring of truth to it. Then I noticed that a handful of other tables in the back bar also were packed with deaf people communicating through bizarre hand gestures. There were 3 or 4 guys at the bar to my and Brandon's left. They were mainly there following their fantasy "teams." But were okay guys nonetheless. Well, as you can imagine, I had these poor fellas falling over laughing and spitting out their iced teas mid gulp. I noted that now I finally know what it's like to be a minority because we were surrounded by deaf folks. I kept asking everyone if they thought the deaf people were making fun of us and we were clueless because we didn't know what all the crazy hand posturing meant. I asked how long they thought a fantasy football draft would take if the deaf people had a league. My guess was all night. I mean, can you imagine that? 12 deaf people trying to draft and all the confusion over the Johnsons in the NFL? One guy thinks he drafted Calvin and another thinks he drafted Chris and the confusion, arguing, and inevitable fighting that would ensue as the communication problems deteriorated into mayhem? I kept telling Brandon and the 3 or 4 other fellas that if you ever wanted to do a deaf chick that you'd better go for it now, because this might be the only time in your life that there are more than a dozen deaf babes all in the same place as you at the same time. I wondered aloud if the deaf babes express an orgasm using hand gestures. Then I started speculating what an orgasmic signifying hand gesture might look like. One gentleman, sporting a #43 Steeler jersey told me I was going to hell. But he was laughing as he said it. I told him, "Hey, man. Don't worry about it. It's not like they can hear me anyway."

Carolina Panther Fans Go Home Unhappy

Last night was one of the stranger nights in Greensboro in recent memory. The Carolina Panthers were playing the NY Giants. The game was not available locally on Time Warner Cable, as Time Warner is the only major cable company that has not come to a deal with the NFL to carry the NFL Network. So, all the Panther fans in Greensboro who don't have DirecTV or Dish Network were forced to head to a sports bar to watch the Cats get humiliated by the G Men. Everywhere was jam packed. I stopped into Sloppys at 8:30, expecting to see the usual 8 to 10 barflies sitting around getting drunk, running their mouths about nothing, passing the time in their pitiful lives. Instead, there were probably 50 people there. Some brother outside told me there was a 2 hour wait at the infamous Kicken Chicken. I left Sloppys and went to the old Wing Joint on Battleground. No parking was available. I had to park two lots over by a BP station. I finally walked into the bar midway through the 1st quarter. The Panthers were already down 10 to nil. It got worse from there. By midway through the 3rd quarter Carolina fans started filing out. By the end of the game there were less than 10 folks left in the bar. Poor Panther fans. They get all excited for once, go out and support local bars, and then their team gets embarrassed on national TV. I hope the NFL never schedules the Panthers for another Thursday night game. I like it a lot better when I can stroll into any sports bar right at kickoff on a Thursday night, easily find a seat, and monitor my bet.

Speaking of bets, I whiffed on the Panthers myself. I figured Cam Newton would really be pumped for his 1st prime time game. I was wrong. Newton was awful. The only good news was that I had a bet on the Mormons too. They were playing on the Smurf Turf in Boise. And they lost by a single point, which in the dark and shady world of gambling is the same as winning 100 to 0.

Speaking of the Panther fans I saw out and about, most of them are clueless as to what's going on during a pro football game. A kid to my right at the bar last night kept saying something about illegal possession. After  awhile I got the feeling he was talking about the Giants' players holding some meth in their jocks. A big gal with an enormous ass was at the end of the bar wearing an ill fitting Delhomme jersey and she kept wondering why the Panthers couldn't stop Andre Brown from running all over the Panther defense. It was a fair question I guess. But eventually I informed her that the reason Carolina couldn't stop Brown was because they suck. I also told her that if Ron Rivera would put Jake Delhomme in the game the Panthers would make a rousing comeback. Alas, she agreed with me, even though Delhomme hasn't played in Charlotte since 2009...

Speaking of Delhomme, did you know that in 2010 Delhomme was being paid almost 13 million dollars by Carolina to play QB for the Cleveland Browns? He was also being paid 7 millions dollars to play quarterback for the Browns by the Browns. That means Jake Delhomme made 20 million dollars in 2010. He threw 2 TD passes and tossed 7 picks during 5 games. That's 10 million dollars a touchdown pass. Not bad work if you can get it. We should get his agent to run for president. That guy is a genius.

Speaking of geniuses, Geilfuss & I survived week 2 of Survivor. We tempted fate yet again with the Cincinnati Bengals. They've knocked us out each of the last 2 years. This time they came through like champions, beating Cleveland by 7. It was a particularly good pick in light of the fact that half the guys in the Survivor pool had the Patsies. And New England lost to the Arizona Cardinals. At home. It could not have gone better for us. This week we're rolling with Drew Brees at home. Who dat???

Last week I gave some silly college football write ups on this silly blog. I don't really feel like doing it right now. But I will tell you that I really do honestly like the UCLA Bruins tomorrow afternoon against the Beavers. Any time you get a Bruin with a chance to munch on a Beaver, take the damn bear. Everyone knows that bears will eat the hell out of some beaver. It's a scientific fact. I saw it on a nature show once.

Speaking of nature shows, I never really did watch one. I was stretching the truth there. I hate nature. As I've said over and over on this blog, I prefer the cool regulated air indoors. Nature is stupid.

College Football Write Ups For 9/15/12

I haven't done any college football write ups in a long time. But here it is Friday afternoon. I'm bored and have nothing better to do. So, here we go ---

V Tech vs Pittsburgh (+10) Noon on ESPNU - Here we've got Gobblers against Panthers. In the brutal world of nature, you'd take a panther over a turkey every time (although the turkey may tire the panther out for a few minutes before being swallowed whole). On the football field things are different. Take the Gobblers. For one thing I guarantee there will be 5 times as many Hokie fans at Heinz Field as there are Pitt fans. Secondly, Pitt sucks. The only way things could go bad for Va Tech is if one of the mass murderers the school seems to attract waltzes onto the field and shoots Frank Beamer and Logan Thomas in the head. While that's unlikely, you never know. It's Va Tech for Christ's sake.

N Illimois vs Army (+3) Noon on CBS Sports Network - Cindy Crawford against Robert E Lee. I know Cindy didn't attend NIU, but she is from DeKalb and was valedictorian of her high school. Bob Lee most certainly did attend West Point, but wasn't valedictorian. In other words, this is a tough call. While the fake historian in me would like to pick the Cadets, I can't. It's Cindy Crawford. When faced with a call between a military genius and a supermodel, I'll take the supermodel every time,

Alabama vs Arkansas (+20) 3:30 on CBS - Forrest Gump vs hillbillies who wear pig snouts in public. No one wins here. Forrest Gump is the most unwatchable film to ever win Best Picture (I'm still miffed it beat Pulp Fiction). Compared to hillbillies wearing pig snouts in public, you may think Forrest Gump doesn't look so bad. But you'd be wrong. It's a real toss-up. However, the fact that John L Smith is coaching the Razorbacks swings things decidedly to Bama. John L Smith is no Bear Bryant, or Nick Saban, or even a Dennis Franchione for that matter. The Tide will kill the Hogs.

Navy vs Horseplay U (-7) 3:30 on ABC/ESPN2 - Roger Staubach against rhythmic ass slapping, err...horseplay. I keep forgetting, there is no rape. It's all just harmless horseplay. Take Navy. Horseplay U has no playmakers on offense. Their kicker is awful. And players are leaving the program almost daily. My hope is that by next fall so many players will have left Horseplay U under the transfer rules the NCAA put in place, that they won't be able to field a team. Maybe they could bust Jerry Sandusky out of prison at that point and give him 50 to 60 12 year-olds to coach at good old Horseplay U...

USC vs Stanford (+8&1/2) 7:30 on Fox - OJ Simpson against Herbert Hoover. Yet another tough call. While OJ does allegedly have 2 murders under his belt, and you can't sell him short there, he is leaving a chunk of his will to one of the Kardashians. I'm not sure which one. Hopefully Bruce Jenner will get a taste of the dough and get more plastic surgery. But I digress...Hoover does have some positives too. He was super successful in the mining business and a great humanitarian during WW1, but there's also the bit about him handling the Stock Market Crash of 1929 with a few missteps. Those missteps led to FDR. And FDR led to JBJ. And LBJ led to Barack Hussein Obama. There's really no advantage here, is there? Or as Nick Bakay used to say, "Advantage, push."

BYU vs Utah (+4) 10:00 on ESPN2 - One of my favorite games of the year. Mormom against Mormon. And when Mormons fight, we all know they fight dirty. I wonder which side Willard Mitt Romney will be pulling for. Probably the Cougars, as BYU is the official school of the LDS "Church." I like the Cougs myself. They got whipped at home last year by the Utes and there's no payback like Mormon payback. With the possible exception of Islamic payback, but I'm not getting political today. It wouldn't be nice. And above all, I pride myself on being nice.

Enjoy the games.

A Romo Hater Exposed

I was out last Thursday evening and right at 8:30 I asked the nameless bar wench at the dive bar where I was sitting to flip one of the flatscreens to NBC for the opening game of the NFL season. She looked at me, rather puzzled. A dude sitting nearby chimed in and informed both of us that the NFL had kicked off the night before. I was a little incredulous, to say the least. I was like, "What the hell are you talking about? The NFL has kicked off its season on the Thursday after Labor Day for years now." This kid said, "Not this year, buddy." All I could say is, "Fuck. I really wanted to see Dallas battle the Giants. And now you're telling me the game happened yesterday? Why? Why the hell would the NFL change this year to the Wednesday after Labor Day?" The dude, who resembled Ronnie from Jersey Shore, said, "Because the Democrat Convention is being held this week and Obama is speaking tonight." I found this almost impossible to believe. Why would the NFL move a football game because our epic failure of a leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, was gonna get up in front of assorted liberal freaks and give everyone a bunch of jive, trying to explain why he should be reelected? The NFL is way more important than a tedious speech from a man who has done nothing but talk and talk and talk some more. The Jersey Shore wannabe at the bar couldn't agree with me more. Turns out the kid was a Giants fan. I meekly asked him how the game had turned out from the previous night. The juiced up Jerseyite said that the Cowboys had beaten his beloved G Men 24-17. I said, "Damn, that's surprising. How did Romo look?" This wide-jawed kid, the Ronnie from Jersey Shore lookalike, then went on some rant about Tony Romo. I tuned the kid out instantly. I'd heard this all before. Many times. You know, nonsensical and irrational hatred of Tony Romo. Many NFL fans suffer from this disease. Hell, even many Cowboy fans hate Romo. What I always ask them when they go on their typical tirade about Romo sucking is this, "Who available, would you rather have?" They have no answer for that, obviously. The Cowboys aren't trading for Rodgers, Brees, or Brady. They haven't drafted high enough to land a potential stud signal caller either. No one available is better than Romo. I think many of the Romo haters forget the kid was an undrafted free agent from somewhere called Eastern Illinois. An undrafted free agent who has thrown for 4,000 yards in a season, been to the Pro Bowl, and won the Cowboys their only playoff victory in like 15 years. If anything, Romo's story is an inspiring tale of an underdog overcoming great odds. But these haters don't wanna hear that. Even Dallas fans who hate him don't wanna hear that. And then there are the folks who feel such warped hatred for Romo that they result to slurs to try and insult him. I remember one such guy specifically who used a slur against Romo in an astoundingly inappropriate setting. Back in my glory days, when I was toiling away at at the Nancy Grasmick Building on W Baltimore St for the Maryland State Department of Education, there was an IT guy who worked there named Matthew Dammann. He was one of these balding guys who probably played a lot of lacrosse at some point in his past. Anyway, one day at lunch on the mezzanine level of the State Department of Education building in the Charm City, this Dammann kid sits down with about 7 or 8 other state workers. I, unfortunately, was one of those state workers. I was sitting there around some colleagues, probably eating a shitty sub, saying as little as possible. As always. This Matthew Dammann sits down at the table. I didn't know the kid at the time. He was loud and overbearing almost from the moment he seated himself. At some point talk turned to the old pigskin. There were two other gentlemen at the table who followed the NFL, two Rays specifically - Ray Scott and Ray Graleski. As the three of them bantered on about the NFL, Dammann, out of nowhere, dropped this gem on the group eating their crappy lunches, "I hate Tony Homo." Yes, in the middle of a professional lunch environment, with at least 20 people within earshot, Damman plays the gay slur card. I was taken aback. I considered saying something to him. I decided against that, got up, left the lunch area, and went back to my lonely cubicle. This happened like 4 or 5 years ago. And I still vividly remember this Matthew Dammann character deciding it was a good idea to drop a gay slur about Tony Romo in the middle of lunch at the State Department of Education. I figured someone who overheard him would be livid and have him reprimanded or fired. Not so much because Dammann hated Romo, but because he used a gay slur at one of the most liberal-minded places anyone could ever dream of working. Alas, Dammann wasn't fired or even told that using hate speech at lunch was not such a hot idea. I made it a point to steer clear of the kid after that. We didn't work together directly or anything. So it was easy to avoid him. I remember the last time I ran into Dammann. I was at some Railroad Museum for a Christmas party for folks who worked in Assessment and Accountability for the Maryland State Deprtment of Education. I found myself at a table with Matthew Dammann, unfortunately. I didn't say anything to him for like 45 minutes. Finally, Dammann decided to make a little small talk with me. I don't recall how the conversation started. It was silly chit-chat. After a few minutes I excused myself from the table. I was gonna say something pithy to the kid. I'm known for that sort of shit. But I decided not to. It wouldn't have been professional. I'm guessing that Dammann is still on the dole for the State of Marlyand, sitting in his cubicle, doing next to nothing 40 hours a week, and still plagued by irrational hatred of Tony Romo. Poor bastard...

I was out Sunday for NFL Ticket at the infamous Kicken Chicken on Battleground. It was pretty subdued in there for some reason (probably because the Cowboys weren't playing and their clueless, obnoxious fans were nowhere to be seen). It was packed as always though. Brandon and I were sitting at the back bar, squeezed into a corner, watching several games very closely. The game we were monitoring most closely was the Philly/Cleveland tilt. And I'm hard pressed to ever remember a game with worse quarterback play. The kid from Oklahoma St, Brandon Weeden, was terrible. It was almost like watching Ken Dorsey play in the NFL. And Ron Mexico was atrocious for the Eagles. I was getting very frustrated with Mexico. He wouldn't tuck the ball and run when he had wide open lanes in front of him. Instead, Mexico continuously threw the ball up for grabs across his body. He threw 4 interceptions (it could have easily been more). One of the interceptions the Browns returned for six, accounting for their only TD of the day. I can't wait to see what the Ravens have in store for Mr Mexico this Sunday. I'm gonna bet heavily on Baltimore. I can promise you that.

I mentioned earlier that the Democrat Convention was last week. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I had no clue it was taking place. Not that I'd have watched much of it anyway. Maybe a little for the comedic value. I don't know why anyone would want to go to a Democrat Convention. I'd rather be in Gitmo getting water boarded myself. I would like to make fun of the convention. I really would. But, as I said, I had no clue it was happening. I did see one interesting bit of info about our favorite plagiarizer, one Joe Biden. Biden was at an event recently and was asking local Democrat dignitaries to stand up and be recognized. Nice gesture, right? Maybe, but at one point he asked some dude in a wheelchair to stand up and wave to the crowd. That's right, Joe Biden must think he has the healing powers of Benny Hinn or some other fraudulent television scam artist evangelist. Biden literally asked a cripple to get up out of a wheelchair and wave to the crowd. That is awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I got an email from Geilfuss last week. Turns out that over the summer, Geilfuss, Tys, and a few other fellas decided to venture to Philly for some harmless fun. Only with Tys tagging along harmless fun generally turns to a big ugly scene pretty quickly. I've seen it first hand. Anyway, on this particular night, after taking in a ballgame, Geilfuss and crew headed to one of Philly's finest strip joint establishments. Are you guessing trouble ensued? Well, it did. Shocker! Tys proceeded to get loaded. Tys started talking shit. Tys was asked to leave by the bouncers. Tys kept trying to sneak back into the strip joint. The bouncers didn't appreciate this. I'm sure at first the bouncers found Tys's drunken nonsense somewhat amusing. But after awhile, I'm guessing they got sick of Tys screaming obscenities and trying to get back into the strip club. Things ended badly. The local authorities were called. Tys was cuffed. Geilfuss eventually caught wind of the fact that Tys had gotten into a spot of trouble and went outside to try and help the kid. The picture below is pretty priceless. Note the name of the titty-flop joint - I wonder if Samson was lurking  around somewhere...

Speaking of Geilfuss and Philadelphia. We somehow survived Week 1 of Survivor when the Eagles got that last minute score over Cleveland. Whew...

Coffee is for closers