Black Friday Comes

I stopped into Scams Brassfield yesterday right as they opened at 4. And sure enough, by 4:45 or so the Cowboy fans were steadily trickling in to the point that there were more than a dozen of them milling around the joint. Only Dallas fans could get so over-excited by 2 straight wins that they forget their record (3-7 entering Turkey Day) and swear that if the Boys win out, well, by golly, watch out in the playoffs. In a perverse way, you have to admire their delusions of grandeur. Even if Dallas had won out, finishing 9-7, it was highly unlikely they would garner one of the two NFC Wild Card spots. There are too many teams, outside the West, that are gonna get to 10 wins this year. The Cowboys weren't gonna overtake any of the following teams -ATL, NO, GB, CHI, PHI, and NYG. And were highly unlikely to overtake TB or WAS for that matter. But they did beat the Lions - at home, as 7 point favorites!!! What an accomplishment!!! All of this phony hope turned out to be for naught, as Dallas fell yesterday. I was kinda hoping they'd keep the streak going and I could enjoy listening to Cowboys' fans talk of potential playoff glory this season. Malcom Jenkins put a stop to all that though. I sincerely hope to see Dallas fans back out next week for their meaningless game at Indy. Because if the Boys pull the upset and make it to 4-8, watch out!!! We'll get to hear more delusional talk of potential playoff glory.

Today is something that is called Black Friday - a term I have never understood. When I first heard it as a kid, it frightened me. I assumed it meant that white folks had to stay home that day and if we didn't there was gonna be hell to pay. I was way off there. Then I thought it had something to do with the stock market crash of 1869 and my man Jay Gould. Wrong again. Later I thought it was an homage to Steely Dan & a day to listen exclusively to Becker & Fagen. So I did for a number of years. In fact, one year I put on Katy Lied for hours on end. Turns out I was misinformed. Eventually I gave up trying to figure out what the hell Black Friday means in relation to the day after Thanksgiving. I just stick to watching college football.

On TV yesterday and today, these ads for jewelry stores are running incessantly. You know the type - some pitiful guy gives a not too terrible looking chick some diamond necklace under the old Christmas tree & voila! The babe gives said pitiful guy a big kiss with the unstated promise of relatively boring antiseptic sex to follow later in the day. And if these kinds of ads get guys to get off their asses and fight the traffic and the crowds at some mall somewhere to buy some overpriced trinket for a mediocre looking wife/girlfriend, then shame on the guys falling for this marketing ploy. I will admit that I have bought jewelry before as a gift for a girl. But not because of some scheme cooked up by Madison Avenue. I bought it because the girl asked for it. Too simple, right???

I noticed there is a new Harry Pothead movie that has invaded the mega-cinemas around the country. I have no clue why people care about this. Aren't these actors like 21 or something now? And portraying like 12 year old potheads? How is this believable? Several of my Faceshit "friends" commented last week that they were WAITING IN LINE to see this unwatchable piece of crap. It's baffling. Isn't the whole premise of the thing that Harry Pothead and his buddy, that little redheaded creep, and this babe named Harmony sit around the boarding school and toke for hours on end??? Just rent a Cheech and Chong movie for God's sake. What's the difference?

Alright, I'm bored with this today.

And catch the grey men when they

Dive from the 14th floor

A Mormon Steps Into It

One E Gordon Gee has stepped into the pointless debate over who is and isn't worthy of playing for the pointless BCS Title. Gee, president of TOSU, said that Boise and TCU have no right to play for the championship. I have no interest in exploring the validity of his argument. The whole system and the debate about the system are both silly. Gee is certainly entitled to his opinion. Blah, blah, blah. The interesting thing about this story for me is that I have met Gordy Gee. Gordy was president of TOSU when I went to TOSU. He moved on to Brown and Vanderbilt after that, but came back to TOSU for some reason several years ago. The key thing about Gee that is going unmentioned in this media maelstrom is that Gordy Gee is a Mormon. Yes, he wears the sacred undergarments. When I finished going to college, they threw this thing where all the students who have finished at that time get together in St John Arena wearing these robes and silly hats. Mr Gee, in his capacity as president of the university, was there to shake hands with the new graduates just after they were given their worthless diplomas. I had never met a Mormon before. And I don't think I've ever met one since. Anyway, what I did after getting my 2 grossly undeserved degrees was this: I walked toward Gordy Gee, shook his hand and said this, and I'm guessing he might remember this even 15 years later, "This is the first time I've ever shaken hands with a member of a cult." I walked away, down off the platform deal giggling. It was like 11 in the morning. It was Friday March 17, 1995. I was hungover because the night before was night one of the NCAA basketball tourney. But I managed a chuckle nonetheless. So remember, Gordy Gee is nothing but a Mormon. You can't take anything he says seriously.

Right after the graduation exercises had concluded I bolted out of the arena and walked the 7 minutes over to BW3 at Woodfruff and High. I got there just in time. Why? Because tip-off for day 2 of the NCAA basketball tourney was quickly approaching. That's why. I believe the Cuse was playing that afternoon. My man Lawrence Moten.

One other thing about that ridiculous graduation deal is that they printed up this program for the occasion with the names and hometowns of each freshly-minted, soon to be jobless, graduate. When I was filling the form out several weeks earlier, I thought to myself - "Self, why put your real hometown? Everyone will put Cleveland, Cincinnati, Dayton, Columbus, Toledo, Akron, Newark, Marion, other hick towns all over the state, etc." So what I did, after thinking for a moment, is wrote Sussex, England. They printed it that way too. I got a kick out of that when I saw the program. I've never been to England in my life. They wouldn't let me in anyway - what with parole agreements and all. That, and the fact that if I went overseas - would have international incident written all over it.

Going back to the controversy over the BCS and should there be a playoff, etc. I get asked pretty often about my opinion on this at sports bars around town. And I always have the same answer: "I could care less about the BCS system or a playoff or whatever. Just tell me who is playing and what the point spread is. That's all that matters." And it is all that matters.

Looks like Thanksgiving is upon us once again. I'm sitting the same place I was last year at this time. Blogging just the same as well. If anyone has any leftovers from dinner (leftovers that are good anyway) today, feel free to pass them along to me. I haven't had a real Thanksgiving meal in years and years. I mainly miss the stuffing.

If you wanna read a longer post where I reminisce about Thanksgivings past, go back to the one 2 years ago called The Thanks Of The Giving (there's a picture of Donna Reed). It's pretty amusing, if I may say so. It's a classic TBFH post, as it covers everything from Pocahontas to Edward G Robinson. And yes, there is a Geilfuss mention as well. I mock the kid. Shocking!

Speaking of Geilfuss, long suffering readers of this blog might recall the struggles Geilfuss has had with MegaTouch over the years. It used to be the case that if you posted a top 10 score at Titty Touchers or whatever on the MegaTouch and typed Geilfuss in as your name, the machine rejected it. Geilfuss was a bad name. Well, at one point about 20 months ago Geilfuss got in touch with a MegaTouch rep via his now defunct blog. I even blogged about this in a post called The MegaTouch Man Walks Into The Bar in Jan 2009 (there's a picture of Sherilyn Fenn). Anyway, this MegaTouch rep promised Geilfuss that his name would be removed from the prohibited list on new versions of the game. Well last night I finally came across a new version of MegaTouch at Scams Brassfield (the new machines are nice by the way - bigger screen for one thing). I was killing time playing Card Bandits. On my 3rd game I got the high score - 310,000 and change. And I entered Geilfuss as the name. And it was accepted!!! YES!!! This is probably the greatest news of the year. I suggest that every reader of this blog, whenever they get a top score on their MegaTouch game of choice, enter Geilfuss as the name. Geilfuss will take over MegaTouch in this country. As he should. About fucking time.

I'll try and get another post up tomorrow.

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble.

Morons At The Sports Bar

The worst thing about hanging out in bars is the morons. Of course the worst thing about hanging out at home is the loneliness, but I digress...Back to the bar morons, Brandon and I were out last night at the awful Kickin Chicken to watch the unwatchable Bears/Dolphins game (what the hell was that playcalling, Dan Henning?) and, as usual, we had morons all over the place. We were in the back bar, as the main bar was slammed. To my left was a big bear looking guy with a huge boil on his forehead, a Giants fan, obviously. He was there with his woman, and she was none too petite herself. They were playing the Buzztime Trivia deal. Between this boil sporting G Men fan asking me for the answers of the stupid trivia questions and his peppering me with questions about the upcoming NYG/Philly game, I was highly annoyed by him. For instance, there was a trivia question about what event did NOT happen in 1990. There were 4 choices I think. One was Iraq's invasion of Kuwait. And this boil king wanted to pick that as NOT happening in 1990. I said politely, "I believe that happened in late July/early August of 1990." He was incredulous. Eventually as the correct answer became clear - it was the Chunnel opening, which happened in 1994 I believe - this bear-like guy says, "Oh, I was thinking of the Gulf War. That happened in 1991." I said, "Exactly." This boil star was also really down on the Giants' chances against Philly. Now, I have no idea what is gonna happen in the game. But, I calmly explained the bounce back theory to this idiot. That is, when there is a team that got blown out in its last game playing against a team that blew out the opponent in its last game, take the team coming off getting the beat down. This happens time and again in the NFL. Well, hairy boil man didn't believe a word of it. These NFL fans - they are the worst morons in the world. Except for the morons at the bar who stand around and repeat back to you whatever they've heard on SportsCenter or talk radio that day. And unfortunately for me and Brandon there was just such a moron standing near the bar last night. This guy was probably in his 50's, had a shaved head, and slightly resembled an extra in The Lord of the Ring (I always thought it would be a better movie if they called it The Lord of the Ring instead of Rings, wouldn't a film about a guy who answered the phone on the first ring every time be fascinating?). And within 30 minutes this guy had said things like this, "Big win for the Eagles the other night." & "Duke should be strong again." & "Can you believe the Cowboys won that game?" & "That freshman for Carolina looks strong." Stuff like that. Stuff you can't really respond to except by nodding your head or saying, "Yeah." Really irritating as all hell. Fantastically annoying. At one point this baldy would be elf or goblin or whatever they call those Frodo freaks in those terrible movies, informed me and Brandon that Duke was playing Coastal Carolina. I asked, "In what?" Well, he claimed it was hoops. And when I saw a final score on this supposed hoops game between Duke and Coastal, I decided that it had to be the worst basketball game ever played. Why? Because the final was 2-1. I told Brandon that Duke won it on a last second Singler jumper made after the Devils went 0 for 60 from the floor to start the game. He laughed. At halftime of the Bear/Dolphin game, another moron in the same vein came into the bar. And that was a huge relief for me & Brandon. For the rest of the game these 2 kindred spirit morons talked to each other about this and that in the world of sports. The thing is that guys like that don't really talk to each other at all. They talk at and through each other. At least I didn't have to deal with the barely informed by the ESPN hype machine moron at that point. Be thankful for small miracles.

Speaking of trivia, there's been much gnashing of teeth over the live trivia game that's been held on Tuesdays here the past 7 weeks at the Wing Joint on Battleground . The problem is that my team is winning too much, or that is how the operator of the Wing Joint feels about it at least. We've won all but 1 game thus far. And the Wing Joint Operator wants to see the "wealth spread around," that was the exact Barry-like phrase she said to me several times the other night. She's afraid folks will quit coming because they don't feel they have a chance to win. A premise I totally disagree with by the way. I've found that teams come out to trivia to socialize with friends and have fun. Winning is not the most important thing for many teams. As far as the teams for whom winning is important, I've found that it's good to have a dominant team who rarely loses, a team with a target on its backs. When the dominant team is beaten on occasion, the group that vanquishes them has an all the sweeter victory. Having said that, the Wing Joint Operator is entitled to her opinion, misguided as it may be. I told the Wing Joint Operator that I would be happy to quit showing up for the game and give other teams a better chance. Hell, I don't really like going out that early anyway (it starts at 7). She didn't really like that idea. She then floated the thought of some rule where if one team wins 2 weeks in a row, they are ineligible to win the next week. I wondered aloud, "Why would we come to the game if we aren't eligible to win? You'd lose some business." The Wing Joint Operator seemed under the impression that the 3 of us (me, Phil, & Phil's wife) would show up and play "for fun" with no hope of receiving the 1st prize even if we blow the other teams out. That's not gonna happen. KC, resident lush that she is, was sitting nearby and suggested that I float from team to team each week. And that is a truly terrible idea. If you were playing trivia with 2 or 3 or 4 of your buddies and a question comes up about presidents, and your team debates for 2 minutes and decides Quincy Adams is the answer, and then turns to me, your ringer for the night, and I say, "Nope, it's Polk," how would that be fun? It would be insulting. And I wouldn't do it. I don't know what the solution to this trivia dominance conundrum is. But if folks really are pissed about our team winning virtually every week, I'll quit coming to the damn thing. But I'd still make Phil and Phil's wife the odds on favorites without me. Perhaps we should just continue to play the game every week and see what happens??? Is that unreasonable???

Someone asked me the other day if I'd seen Blythe Danner's daughter on Glee. And the answer to that is - of course not. I don't know much about the program. But I think all they do on the show is sing. Sing, sing, and sing some more. I don't think there is any dialogue whatsoever. And I hate musicals. Why sing at each other when you can converse? Or better yet, why sing at each other when you can say nothing? The whole premise of this show baffles me. I'm sure it's a fabulous bore. Not that I have any problem with Blythe Danner's daughter. She's quite fetching. But a solid hour of singing? Not for me, thanks.

Brandon mentioned that he'd appreciate me putting up some college football picks today. And even though I might catch up with him and his dad later this evening at Sloppy Seconds, I'll oblige the kid. I think NCSU has the Heels' number and will win outright. In the Big 10, TOSU and Wisconsin. Big 12 - Baylor and Iowa St are home dogs, I like them. Hawaii should win by 6 TD's. Also, Stanford, UTEP, Rutgers, and the Aztecs. NFL - I love Buffalo to win outright, and will certainly take the 5&1/2. Other dogs - Oakland, Houston, Arizona, and Seattle are all getting very generous lines. And Peyton is getting 4 in a huge game - take Indy. If you want a favorite, roll with the 10 against City of Tampa. And on MNF, getting 10 points in a division game is always worth throwing a bet out on.

Lots of news lately on these new body scanners at the airports. I'm not sure what all the ado is about myself. If given the choice between a full-body scan or being groped, I'd ask for both personally. I have nothing to hide. Scan away - show the thing to whoever wants to look. As for being groped, even though I despise being touched, it does depend on who is doing to the touching to a certain degree. If TSA could get the right girls to do the groping, then I say rock on with your bad selves! Maybe Blythe Danner's daughter is available and looking for work?

Wisdom is ignorance

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Girls Gone Wild Comes To The Gate City

Yesterday we saw one of the wildest Sunday Tickets in recent memory. Scams Brassfeild was dead, which was a damn shame. About 10 minutes into the 1 o'clock action I told Brandon that I'd never seen such a poor collection of QB's playing at once - in all my years of watching Sunday Ticket (16 or 17 of them). With the exception of Peyton and Schaub, there was no one I'd want as my franchise QB (granted, Josh Freeman and the Mexican Joe Montana might get there soon). Favre was awful. Shaun Hill threw the ball like a Sun Belt QB. Carson Palmer is terrible and should be cut. Jimmy Clausen looks in over his head. David Garrard is atrocious, but the Texans D made him look like Warren Moon. Both Vince Young & Kerry Collins were terrible. All 3 Dolphins' QB's were erratic. It was really something to observe.

Then we got to the late games. And let me say this - the 10 was fucking dealing in Candlestick. I don't even know who to compare him to. He made play after play - gaining 365 yards on less than 30 attempts. The 10 had a swagger that is hard to imagine for a kid making his 4th career start. I probably yelled these 3 words about 10 times throughout the Niner game: Troy Fucking Smith. The Niners still have tons of issues - penalties & horrid offensive line play being the main 2. But the 10 masked all the issues, as for the second straight game he led SF from 7 down in the 4th quarter for victory. The super intense Mike Singletary refused after the game to name the 10 the starter for next week's key tilt against the Baby Bucs. And here's what will happen if Singletary goes back to Alex Smith right now - he will have a mutiny in his locker room. I haven't seen the Niners play with as much explosiveness on offense since Jeff Garcia was running the show. The fellas on offense love the 10 - just read the post-game quotes from Frank Gore, VD, and the other playmakers the Niners have been under-utilizing for years. These guys would kill for the kid - after only 2 starts! SF cannot go back to Alex Smith now. If Singletary does, he should be fired immediately and their offensive coordinator should be elevated to head coach forthwith.

As for the abomination that is the Dallas Cowboys season, I feel bad for Dallas fans. They have to be wondering where the hell that effort has been all season. There were absolutely zero Dallas fans at Scams - Nada. They've given up and are awaiting NY Yankee training camp, or Duke or Carolina basketball as the case may be. And if you're a G Men follower, I'd be wondering how the hell the lights don't work at a 1.6 billion dollar stadium. Only in the swamps of Jersey could that happen.

The night game was of particular interest to Brandon and myself. The Patsies +5 were my top choice of the NFL season thus far. And they embarrassed Pittsburgh at home. I loved NE for several reasons. 1) Brady basically owns them. 2) They Patsies were coming off a humiliating beatdown in Cleveland. 3) The Steelers have major issues with their O-Line. 4) Brady was getting 5 points in a primetime game. That is unheard of. The best part about it is that the cover was never in doubt. I barely watched the 2nd half - I was watching American Jail on Tru TV (a show I highly recommend by the way - my favorites are the arrestees the jail staff have to put in the restraining chair).

Saturday was a completely different experience as far as GamePlan went. The operator at the Wing Joint wanted to tag along with Brandon and I to get a feel for a college football Saturday. And I dare say she wasn't disappointed. We started at RumbleForeskins about 3:37, as the TOSU/Penn St game got underway. The Wing Joint operator proceeded to somehow drink 11 Miller Lites over the next 3 & 1/2 hours (for comparison, I'd had 4 Miller Lites and Brandon 5

Yuenglings over the same period). Needless to say, the Wing Joint operator was feeling it a bit. We left Rumbles and went to another bar downtown called Poor Shack. And that's when things got interesting. Parked outside Poor Shack was the Girls Gone Wild bus. It was early yet and I didn't see any girls who I thought might go wild at that point in the evening. After a beer, Brandon & I went out on their deck to smoke. When we came back in the bar, the Wing Joint operator was nowhere to be found. About 15 minutes passed and I was getting a little worried. I inquired of the bartender if she had any idea where the Wing Joint operator had disappeared to and she said she hadn't a clue. 10 more minutes passed and I wandered outside to look. Then I see it - something hard to describe. The Wing Joint operator stumbling down the steps of the Girls Gone Wild bus - hair dishevelled and clothes looking wrinkled. I asked, "Are you gonna be in one of their upcoming DVD releases?" The Wing Joint operator said, "I sure hope so, honey." I shuddered a moment, teared up, and thought it best to let the matter drop. Just a word to the curious - be on the lookout for an upcoming Girls Gone Wild special release called Girls Gone Wild: Middle Aged Bar Operators Edition...

I still haven't made it to the theater to see Due Date just yet. I'm gonna try later in the week.

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Pumpkin Comes, Pumpkin Goes

I stumbled into the Wing Joint on Battleground last night right at about 9:40, and lo and behold, there at the bar sat a dude I call Meatloaf. The reason I call Meatloaf Meatloaf is because the kid resembles Meatloaf circa 1980. I've run across the kid before, but never spent any time speaking with him. That changed last evening. Some background - Meatloaf is known for 2 things at Wing Joint (besides looking like Meatloaf of course). 1) the dude sits for hours drinking water. WATER. He drives the bartenders nuts, particularly the day manager/resident lush KC. & 2) the kid is infamous for mis-ordering wings on the rare occasion that he actually eats there and drops a few bucks. There is a type of wing sauce called Hot Honey (which is pretty damn tasty by the way). Only Meatloaf doesn't say Hot Honey when he orders. Meatloaf says Honey Hot - which I love. When I head about this some months ago I started saying all the wing sauces backwards as well - Pepper Lemon, Jerk Jamaican, Teriyaki Sweet, etc. Anyway, I sat down next to Meatloaf last night and struck up a conversation with the guy -a conversation which, after about 5 minutes, had the kid so confused he had no clue what the hell he was saying, much less what I was saying. It was vaguely amusing. Sitting next to Meatloaf was his "roommate," a certain heavy blonde chick named Tammy. And this chick was not drinking water - she was pounding shots. Meatloaf and Tammy both claim that there relationship is strictly platonic. And I guess I take them at their word, as Tammy was coming on to me pretty strong from about 11 on. At one point I inquired if the duo was interested in acquiring a third roomie. Meatloaf informed me that the couch was available for $300 a month. I said, "Does that include sharing a bathroom with you Meatloaf? Because I'd rather fuck your roomie right here at the bar than share a bathroom with you." I don't think Meatloaf appreciated my candor. Guys like him never do. Needless to say, at about 1 I told Meatloaf to be sure to get Tammy home safe, as there was no way in hell I saw gonna take her anywhere.

Speaking of folks not appreciating my candor - I was out for Sunday Ticket at Scams Brassfield and my man Scuba (the bartender) was lamenting the fact he ever got involved in the dark world of fantasy football. At one point Scuba turned to me and Brandon and said, "I should be like the 2 of you and just gamble on the games. This fantasy football is stupid." I said in reply, quite loudly, "Fantasy Football is for losers." Well there was a guy to my left who said very angrily, "Why is that?" This kid had his computer out at the bar following every twist and turn in his all important fantasy football match-up for the week. He also had on one of those red and black checkered shirts - he resembled an effeminate lumberjack. And of course, the kid was pulling for the Lions. I explained to the effeminate lumberjack my issues with fantasy football and the guys who get so damn into it (things I've gone over on this pointless blog before). He couldn't really disagree with me and after a few minutes we just kind of let things stand without any real resolution to our dispute. I did tell him I was pulling for his Lions and they came through like champions again - losing by a mere 3.

There has been yet another new server turn up at Wing Joint on Battleground. Last Friday I had the great pleasure to spot for the first time a new hire, a woman I immediately called Pumpkin. Why, you may be wondering, did I label this woman Pumpkin? The reason I tagged her Pumpkin was because she had on black slacks and an orange shirt, and she was round in shape - she had some girth about her. Hence, she looked like a damn pumpkin. So, I started calling her Pumpkin. The moniker quickly stuck and by the time I saw Pumpkin again Sunday for the huge humiliation the Dallas Cowboys suffered at the Cheese everyone was calling her Pumpkin. I didn't get a chance to speak to Pumpkin until late Sunday evening and when I did she seemed pretty amiable, not altogether unpleasant in the least. I did ask her at one point if she grew up near a pumpkin patch. She didn't laugh. I then inquired if her father ever ran any hayrides out through massive fields of pumpkins. She didn't laugh. Finally I asked Pumpkin if she was a fan of carving jack-o'-lanterns. She said, "What's your fixation on pumpkins about?" I said, "Well, I have a latent sexual urge involving pumpkins. It goes back to my childhood." Pumpkin walked away from me at that point. She wasn't working last night and I asked Dave where the hell she was. Dave told me that Pumpkin, like so many servers before her, quit. Bye, bye Pumpkin. I never really knew you.

Speaking of Dave, he and Q have been going on and on about some new movie opening soon. It's something called Skyline. Q even threatened to kidnap me, drag me to a theater, and force me to watch this sure-to-be cinematic piece of crap. Dave spoke up at one point and stated the obvious, "Q, _____ hates everything." Well said, Dave. Well said. I hate everything but the point spread at this late date in my wasted life.

This time will be the last time

I'm out ----->

Barry Takes A Beating

W has some book coming out here soon. I won't read it, obviously. But he's out doing interviews to promote the thing, and in one of these interviews told a story about his drinking days. And this story shows why I am a huge fan of the guy. W was at his parents' house in Maine. This is way back in the day. His folks are there. His siblings are there. His wife is there. And other guests as well. W happened to be sitting next to an attractive older lady guest at this dinner. Dead drunk, W turns to her and asks, "What's sex like after 50?" My main man. The only other person I know of who would dare do such a thing is me. I'm sitting in Generic Bread at the moment and when I read the story, I laughed out loud for 20 seconds. The fact this country had a president for 8 years who would act that inappropriately in that setting is the reason this is the greatest country in the history of the known world. I never thought too much of W's policies - he spent taxpayer money like a drunken sailor - but I could hang out with the guy. We'd have a time.

It's been several days since the big silly elections. And, not to brag, but, as usual, my prediction was dead on. Back in August I predicted a 60 seat gain by the GOP in the House. There's gonna be at least 60 pick-ups, as several races are too close to call right now. It could go up a few more when it's over. I would have been right about Harry Reid losing (a prediction I made close to a year ago) except the GOP ran a moron against him. In fact, if the GOP had run better candidates in a couple of these senate races, they would have won that body as well. The best news of election night was Rand Paul, hyped on this blog, winning his race in Kentucky. The worst news was that Geilfuss did not win the race for governor in Maryland. I don't think he campaigned very hard. I went on the State of Maryland election website to see if they have made public the write-in results, and they haven't yet. So I don't know if Geilfuss got one single vote. As I said last month, Geilfuss would be a catastrophe as governor, but no worse a catastrophe than that fool Marty O'Malley. Why anyone with a brain would vote for that proven failure is beyond me. O'Malley has clearly demonstrated he's terrible and yet folks are begging for 4 more years of it. Of course I can't blame Marylanders too much, the Republican running was also terrible. It's certainly lamentable.

I've read a number of articles by various pundits trying to explain what the results of Tuesday mean and why it happened like it happened. And most of them are all wrong, as always. If you've been reading this blog with any regularity the past 2 years, you know why it happened like it happened. People didn't want what Barry was peddling. They voted for Barry because they had W fatigue. The Republicans spent like crazy. They got us into 2 unpopular wars. All that smoke and mirrors with change, hope, chope, I'm the one you've been waiting for, being a bridge, a healer, a miracle worker, a saviour, and our messiah - did not mean that folks wanted an aggressive left-wing agenda. The vast majority of citizens want the same things in this country and those things cut across all racial and socio-economic lines and political parties. They want an opportunity to lead a happy life and they want the government to be as little involved in it as reasonably possible. That's it. Government should simply try and foster an atmosphere where folks can sink or swim (hopefully swim) on their own merits. The number of folks who really believe in and want a super progressive, liberal agenda in this country is small. These true believers, and I don't begrudge them their opinions, are simply not in tune with the people. They never have been. And I don't think they ever will be. These professional lefties over read the election results 2 years ago and crammed that awful health care deal at us. Something most people don't want. At all. They want sensible reform - not some bureaucrat telling them they can't see a specialist for 16 months. They also don't think government knows how to spend our money best. A fact that leftists refuse to grasp or comprehend. Now, the moving forward part of the election is much trickier than explaining why it happened. We'll see how it goes. Never underestimate the ability of the Republican Party to screw things up though. Both parties are, by their very nature and existence, flawed. The only thing the GOP has going for it in the end is they happen to represent the views of more Americans - even if many of those Americans don't know it or refuse to admit it. This is a right leaning country. How John Boner and his boys proceed might be bad or worse than bad. They might do fine. Either way, the overarching force of history in this country is on their side - whether they deserve it or not.

As far as our friend Barry is concerned - he's not relevant. Whether he can understand this painful fact or not, we'll see. I'm not saying Barry won't win another term. He very well could. Again, don't underestimate the GOP's ability to nominate a horrible candidate in 2012 -something that looks likely based on what I'm seeing. I actually feel kinda bad for Barry. He seems to have a complete misunderstanding of the very people he purports to lead. Mocking him for this quit being quite as much fun some time ago. There isn't anything he can do except veto legislation. Legislation that might be good or bad - but that's not the point. He's a lame duck - be it for 2 or 6 more years. A lame duck. That's the beauty of our system. He's little more than a figurehead now. The American people have inevitably pushed Barry to the sidelines of history. Bye Barry.

On a similar note, chope is dead. And not fast enough, I might add.

On a dissimilar note, someone told me that Due Date might be worth checking out. I might have to, considering that it reunites Robert Downey Jr and his co-star in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (I know I've said this before, but if you haven't seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, I urge you too).

Death to tyrants. Long live the revolution.

I am out.

Manning The Phones At The Board Of Elections

Well, the big silly election is happening as I type this. And the results should be interesting, to say the least. Back 10 years ago I did a little work during election season for the Guilford County Board of Elections. I had a bit of a lull at work and a very nice lady I worked with named Libby was doing work for the GCBE (she handled absentee ballots) and they needed help with this and that and Libby got me this brief job with them. I mainly worked entering voter registration cards into a database for 8 or 9 hours a day - sheer drudgery. After a few days of only doing this menial, although important task, the guy running the place, a George Gilbert if memory serves, was sufficiently impressed to give me the expanded task of answering incoming phone queries. And that's where the job got interesting. In between entering the voter registration data, when a phone would ring I'd pick up and say, "Guilford County Morgue, how can I help you?" Almost no one laughed when I did that. As you can imagine, some of the calls were from the most clueless would be voters that ever could have been dreamed up in the history of western literature. My favorites were the folks who wanted to know who was running for president. Seriously, some people did not know the 4 candidates on the ballot - Albert Arnold Gore, W, Nader, and my man Harry Browne (the Libertarian candidate). Once I'd list the 4 choices on the NC presidential ballot, many of these idiot callers would question why they couldn't vote for William Jefferson Blythe yet again. I tried to explain the 22nd Amendment to these confused possible participants in the messy world of democracy; alas, my efforts tended to prove fruitless - they bore no fruit, not a single orange, or tangerine even. I also enjoyed members of the Democrat Party who dialed me up thinking they were getting the Guilford County Democrat Headquarters. They'd request Gore signs to put up in their yards or spew mindless hatred about W - weird stuff like that. I quickly had the Democrat Party Headquarters number memorized and urged the fools to call them instead. Some weren't so willing to hang up too fast. I had one angry old woman on the phone for 5-7 minutes trying to convince her that I did not work for the Democrat Party (if she'd only known the complete lunacy of that suggestion...). One of my favorite recollections of working at the GCBE was that the ladies who were full-timers there couldn't have been nicer to me. They must have been under the impression that I never got a home-cooked meal (which I rarely did) because these ladies would bring me food almost every day - soups, roasts, stuff in crock pots, breads. It probably didn't hurt that other than George Gilbert, their boss, I was the only guy working there. And being that I was much younger than anyone else there (not quite 30) they wanted to mother me, I guess. It's funny because RumbleForeskins is just a block down W Market across the street from the GCBE and every Saturday as I drive past the Guilford County Courthouse on my way to watch Gameplan I think about those crazy would be voters, the way too nice ladies, and the utter stupidity of the whole election process.

Someone asked me the other night about the World Series. I told the guy that if they play a World Series and no one cares, did it ever really happen in the first place?

I'm at the point where I could certainly use a haircut.

I've been watching this season of The Office online, usually a few days after an episode airs. And I gotta tell you, with the exception of the season opener and one other episode, it has been pretty bad. That whole thing with Andy and his play or when Andy and Darryl start their band or even last week with the Halloween stuff - not funny, painfully not funny most of the time. I know this is Steve Carell's last year with the show and I really think they should go ahead and end it next spring. It's sad to see the show going down this road. One bright spot on that Halloween episode was seeing Angela dressed as a very sexy nurse in one scene.

Blah, blah, blah...

A Trip To The Kickin Chicken

Quick note for anyone who has been trying to get in touch with me via cell phone: I'm having some issues with Verizon at the moment and hope to have everything resolved here soon. If I haven't been responding to texts like normal, it's because I'm not getting them - not because I'm being a dick. I especially miss Geilfuss's incoherent text musings covering his daily travails.

Another wild Sunday in the NFL. If you recall, last week I noted that the 10 was gonna get his first shot to start a game in 3 years. And the 10 did not disappoint. After the Niners fell behind 10-3 and Mike Singletary let the kid play his game, the 10 was spectacular - making play after play and leading SF to 3 touchdowns. Of note is the 10 yards per attempt and 0 turnovers. The Niners have found their starter.

Brandon was paying particularly close attention to his baby Bucs during the late games. And Josh Freeman is for real. So too is the Blount kid out of Oregon. Although I kept waiting for Blount to punch somebody in the face, he never did.

There is yet another new sports bar here in the Gate City. They seem to be sprouting up monthly. This place is called Kickin Chicken and it's located down Battleground, not too far from the cinema. I strolled in there Saturday night right around 7:45. The place is huge. It's probably too huge for Greensboro. There are at least 50 giant flat screens in the enormous joint and three of those wall-sized TV's to boot. I sat down at the bar in the main section of the place. There were probably 200 people in there at the time. I waited a few minutes, found a manager and had him put the TOSU/Gopher game on for me, and apparently I was the only person in there who asked for it. The servers in the place looked like meth addicts dressed in cheap Goodwill Halloween costumes. The main chick I dealt with was a strange blonde named Heather. She was dressed like something out of a Cyndi Lauper video from 1985. Heather was fine as a server/bartender, but overly friendly. She kept eating off my plate of cheese fries at one point. I didn't really care too much, as I wasn't gonna finish them all. And I figured Heather was ravished for food, what with being a meth addict and all. About the middle of the 3rd quarter of the Buckeyes' dismantling of Minnesota, sure enough, up walks some nasty brunette in a #28 Beanie Wells jersey. I never caught her name. But I quickly learned that she was from Akron and managed the Victoria's Secret at Hanes Mall in Winston. When I learned the part about her managing a lingerie joint, I immediately started in with questions about cross dressers and transvestites and how she handles them at the store. Her answers, although slurred from being hammered fucking drunk, were enlightening. This Beanie Wells worshipper informed me that they do allow guys into the fitting rooms on some weekday afternoons to see if their lacy fetishistic cravings properly fit their male anatomies. They only let the freaky cross dressers in the fitting rooms when there are no women in them, hence the weekday afternoons. I then started peppering her with questions about various pantie cuts and whatnot. She started to get too close to me and then a miracle happened. Out of nowhere, Q came up and said hello. He saved me big time. I excused myself from the Akron non-hottie and sat at the bar with Q and his buddy. Of course if you know Q, you know that within 15 minutes we'd done 2 shots of Patron each. And that's when I had to get the hell out of the Kickin Chicken. I imagine I'll be back in there from time to time. They do have $2 PBR drafts, and although PBR is repulsive, I'll drink it if it's cheap. Drinking cheap beer - it passes the time.

After all the fuss over Halloween costumes last week, I didn't see too much of note Saturday night or last night. At RumbleForeskins for Gameplan Saturday afternoon one of the servers was dressed as Barbie - and that was nice. She was sitting next to me toward the end of the UGA/Gator game and got hit on by some moron in there dressed as Johnny Depp in Fear And Loathing. This kid was pitiful. The Barbie chick was rebuffing him left and right. Yet the kid kept coming back for more and more rejection. I mentioned the awful costumes at Kickin Chicken. There was one good outfit to be seen though. A shapely blonde had on a red devil-type costume. Granted it was more the way that the lingerie type costume fit on her comely body, but whatever (Q was certainly smitten by her). Q wanted me to go hit on her, but she was there with a guy and a toddler. I declined. Besides I'm not interested in hitting on anyone these days - at all. The Rasta chick at Wing Joint did have on a fetching Raggedy Ann costume. Other than her and the little Asian server who was donning some kind of flapper dress, it was all fairly lame. As for my friend Dave, he decided against wearing any Mexican costume at all. Probably a wise move on Dave's part.

Last Friday I was out with Brandon and his dad at Sloppy Seconds for a brief visit. I kept trying to leave, but Brandon's dad was feeling it and bought me beer after beer, not to mention the bourbon - don't forget the damn Jim Beam. There was a toothless Canadian in there as well. He was keenly interested in the Carolina Hurricanes for some reason. Anyway, I only note that because at one point talk turned to Tony Romo (the kid was a Dallas fan). This Canadian thought that Romo was a top 3 QB. And while I wholeheartedly think Romo is a top 7 QB, I don't see top 3. Not as long as P Manning, A Rogers, D Brees, T Brady, and Phil Rivers are in the league.

The big election is just one day away. Thank God it's almost over. I noiticed one of those pesky political signs in the window at RumbleForeskins for some candidate named Yon. I asked several of the regulars in there if the opponent of this Yon character is named Hither. If that were the case, it would make for a perplexing decision in the voting cubicle or whatever they call it (I have no clue, not being privileged to vote is part of my parole agreement - that and staying more that 1,000 feet away from schools...). Who would you choose - Hither or Yon?

If you're gonna waste time voting, vote that way ----->