The worst thing about hanging out in bars is the morons. Of course the worst thing about hanging out at home is the loneliness, but I digress...Back to the bar morons, Brandon and I were out last night at the awful Kickin Chicken to watch the unwatchable Bears/Dolphins game (what the hell was that playcalling, Dan Henning?) and, as usual, we had morons all over the place. We were in the back bar, as the main bar was slammed. To my left was a big bear looking guy with a huge boil on his forehead, a Giants fan, obviously. He was there with his woman, and she was none too petite herself. They were playing the Buzztime Trivia deal. Between this boil sporting G Men fan asking me for the answers of the stupid trivia questions and his peppering me with questions about the upcoming NYG/Philly game, I was highly annoyed by him. For instance, there was a trivia question about what event did NOT happen in 1990. There were 4 choices I think. One was Iraq's invasion of Kuwait. And this boil king wanted to pick that as NOT happening in 1990. I said politely, "I believe that happened in late July/early August of 1990." He was incredulous. Eventually as the correct answer became clear - it was the Chunnel opening, which happened in 1994 I believe - this bear-like guy says, "Oh, I was thinking of the Gulf War. That happened in 1991." I said, "Exactly." This boil star was also really down on the Giants' chances against Philly. Now, I have no idea what is gonna happen in the game. But, I calmly explained the bounce back theory to this idiot. That is, when there is a team that got blown out in its last game playing against a team that blew out the opponent in its last game, take the team coming off getting the beat down. This happens time and again in the NFL. Well, hairy boil man didn't believe a word of it. These NFL fans - they are the worst morons in the world. Except for the morons at the bar who stand around and repeat back to you whatever they've heard on SportsCenter or talk radio that day. And unfortunately for me and Brandon there was just such a moron standing near the bar last night. This guy was probably in his 50's, had a shaved head, and slightly resembled an extra in The Lord of the Ring (I always thought it would be a better movie if they called it The Lord of the Ring instead of Rings, wouldn't a film about a guy who answered the phone on the first ring every time be fascinating?). And within 30 minutes this guy had said things like this, "Big win for the Eagles the other night." & "Duke should be strong again." & "Can you believe the Cowboys won that game?" & "That freshman for Carolina looks strong." Stuff like that. Stuff you can't really respond to except by nodding your head or saying, "Yeah." Really irritating as all hell. Fantastically annoying. At one point this baldy would be elf or goblin or whatever they call those Frodo freaks in those terrible movies, informed me and Brandon that Duke was playing Coastal Carolina. I asked, "In what?" Well, he claimed it was hoops. And when I saw a final score on this supposed hoops game between Duke and Coastal, I decided that it had to be the worst basketball game ever played. Why? Because the final was 2-1. I told Brandon that Duke won it on a last second Singler jumper made after the Devils went 0 for 60 from the floor to start the game. He laughed. At halftime of the Bear/Dolphin game, another moron in the same vein came into the bar. And that was a huge relief for me & Brandon. For the rest of the game these 2 kindred spirit morons talked to each other about this and that in the world of sports. The thing is that guys like that don't really talk to each other at all. They talk at and through each other. At least I didn't have to deal with the barely informed by the ESPN hype machine moron at that point. Be thankful for small miracles.
Speaking of trivia, there's been much gnashing of teeth over the live trivia game that's been held on Tuesdays here the past 7 weeks at the Wing Joint on Battleground . The problem is that my team is winning too much, or that is how the operator of the Wing Joint feels about it at least. We've won all but 1 game thus far. And the Wing Joint Operator wants to see the "wealth spread around," that was the exact Barry-like phrase she said to me several times the other night. She's afraid folks will quit coming because they don't feel they have a chance to win. A premise I totally disagree with by the way. I've found that teams come out to trivia to socialize with friends and have fun. Winning is not the most important thing for many teams. As far as the teams for whom winning is important, I've found that it's good to have a dominant team who rarely loses, a team with a target on its backs. When the dominant team is beaten on occasion, the group that vanquishes them has an all the sweeter victory. Having said that, the Wing Joint Operator is entitled to her opinion, misguided as it may be. I told the Wing Joint Operator that I would be happy to quit showing up for the game and give other teams a better chance. Hell, I don't really like going out that early anyway (it starts at 7). She didn't really like that idea. She then floated the thought of some rule where if one team wins 2 weeks in a row, they are ineligible to win the next week. I wondered aloud, "Why would we come to the game if we aren't eligible to win? You'd lose some business." The Wing Joint Operator seemed under the impression that the 3 of us (me, Phil, & Phil's wife) would show up and play "for fun" with no hope of receiving the 1st prize even if we blow the other teams out. That's not gonna happen. KC, resident lush that she is, was sitting nearby and suggested that I float from team to team each week. And that is a truly terrible idea. If you were playing trivia with 2 or 3 or 4 of your buddies and a question comes up about presidents, and your team debates for 2 minutes and decides Quincy Adams is the answer, and then turns to me, your ringer for the night, and I say, "Nope, it's Polk," how would that be fun? It would be insulting. And I wouldn't do it. I don't know what the solution to this trivia dominance conundrum is. But if folks really are pissed about our team winning virtually every week, I'll quit coming to the damn thing. But I'd still make Phil and Phil's wife the odds on favorites without me. Perhaps we should just continue to play the game every week and see what happens??? Is that unreasonable???
Someone asked me the other day if I'd seen Blythe Danner's daughter on Glee. And the answer to that is - of course not. I don't know much about the program. But I think all they do on the show is sing. Sing, sing, and sing some more. I don't think there is any dialogue whatsoever. And I hate musicals. Why sing at each other when you can converse? Or better yet, why sing at each other when you can say nothing? The whole premise of this show baffles me. I'm sure it's a fabulous bore. Not that I have any problem with Blythe Danner's daughter. She's quite fetching. But a solid hour of singing? Not for me, thanks.
Brandon mentioned that he'd appreciate me putting up some college football picks today. And even though I might catch up with him and his dad later this evening at Sloppy Seconds, I'll oblige the kid. I think NCSU has the Heels' number and will win outright. In the Big 10, TOSU and Wisconsin. Big 12 - Baylor and Iowa St are home dogs, I like them. Hawaii should win by 6 TD's. Also, Stanford, UTEP, Rutgers, and the Aztecs. NFL - I love Buffalo to win outright, and will certainly take the 5&1/2. Other dogs - Oakland, Houston, Arizona, and Seattle are all getting very generous lines. And Peyton is getting 4 in a huge game - take Indy. If you want a favorite, roll with the 10 against City of Tampa. And on MNF, getting 10 points in a division game is always worth throwing a bet out on.
Lots of news lately on these new body scanners at the airports. I'm not sure what all the ado is about myself. If given the choice between a full-body scan or being groped, I'd ask for both personally. I have nothing to hide. Scan away - show the thing to whoever wants to look. As for being groped, even though I despise being touched, it does depend on who is doing to the touching to a certain degree. If TSA could get the right girls to do the groping, then I say rock on with your bad selves! Maybe Blythe Danner's daughter is available and looking for work?
Wisdom is ignorance
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