My newest hero, one Vladimir Grammer, has posted something new on the Faceshit. This time it was a succinct plea to Luke of Jacoby fame. Vladimir begged Luke to "hit him up on chat at like 8:00 sunday night." I have used the Faceshit chat function a time or two over the years, and I guess it's useful and all for something. But I am left to speculate what exactly Vladimir wanted to chat with Luke about at 8 o'clock last night??? Maybe crappy stoneware??? Crappy music??? Bible stories??? Advice for how to properly woo ladies??? I have no idea. But I do care. I really do. And yes, I hit the "Like" button all over Vladimir's most recent Faceshit pleas. The kid's gotta wonder who the hell I am & why I like everything he posts. Also, of interest to maybe only me is the fact that Vladimir claims he is now in a "relationship" with a girl who looks like a retarded version of Christina Ricci. Let's just say the picture this girl posted isn't particularly flattering. The thing that strikes me most about this chic is her harelip. It's not especially fetching...
Our epic failure of a leader, our buddy Barry, is going to grace Greensboro with his presence later today. I don't think he's here to give a speech or anything. I think he's here to raise money for his reelection bid. He'll probably be out at the Grandover or something - gland handing with wealthy liberals. I have no idea. But at this point, you have to wonder why Barry wants to keep doing this job he's so obviously terrible at. Wouldn't it make more sense for him to say, "Hey, I was a disaster. My bad. Let's give someone else a chance to be a disaster." But no, Barry wants to be a disaster for 4 more years. I guess if you are power hungry, you don't wanna give it up no matter how shitty a job you've done wielding your power. If Barry were a pitcher in his beloved White Sox organization, he certainly wouldn't be with the big league club at this point. He'd have been sent back down to the minors to get more seasoning or work on his control issues. Hell, at this point Barry would be riding a bus around Alabama with Mike Jordan...
I just looked up what Barry is ostensibly in the area for. And supposedly it is to push for some dead-on-arrival jobs bill he wants passed by congress. That is just laughably silly. He's campaigning. If you believe the latest polls Barry is losing to Mitt Romney. That's right, a terrible candidate is beating Barry at the moment. A Mormon no less. I would really enjoy a Barry/Romney battle next year. They could bill this clash of losers as The Muslim vs The Mormon. I won't pay any attention to it. It's too damn depressing...
Speaking of politics, several folks have asked me what I think of some brother named Herman Cain. Here's what I think of Herman Cain - he's not a real candidate. He's selling a book. Instead of paying to do a book tour, Cain is getting all sorts of free publicity as he goes on every imaginable talk show to hype his fake candidacy. He seems like a nice enough cat and all. Don't get me wrong. But please don't waste any time or energy considering that Cain is remotely interested in being our next fake leader. He's not.
Other folks have asked me about Cain's plan to put a national sales tax in place and lower income tax rates. I'm all for it. I love recessive taxation. But it won't happen. Move on...
I was out at Wing Joint last Friday night and I'm sitting there chatting with this acquaintance of mine Joe for several hours. At one point Joe was encouraging me to hit on a young lady. I kept saying, "What's stopping you from hitting on her?" Joe said, "I don't have your charm." And if that's true, what a sad commentary on Joe's charm. I have no charm. I'm charmless. I have no idea why anyone would ever talk to me. It's baffling...
I was working yet another of my fake fake jobs on Saturday (I missed GamePlan, which is very rare). At this fake fake job I was bartending some wedding reception way out west of Lake Norman in the Charlotte area. It was fine and all. Blah, blah, blah. However, toward the end of the function one of the many drunk women (me and my buddy Jay poured at least 150 glasses of wine that night) decided to talk my ear off about the cost of being a bridesmaid. This woman had a horse-face by the way. Anyway, this drunk chick informed me that she'd been a bridesmaid at 2 weddings in the past month or so and the cost was outrageous. Between the 2 dresses she had to buy, the gifts for the bachelorette parties, and travel costs here and there; she said the total ran to well over $1000. I asked her if she considered saying no to either bride who asked her to be a bridesmaid. She looked at me like I was mentioning something that had never crossed her mind. She said, in a slurry voice, "You don't do that. If a friend asks, you just say yes." I never knew that. One big bonus of being aloof, self-centered, and narcissistic is that you never get asked to be a groomsman. Hell, I haven't even been invited to a wedding in almost 20 years. I'm the last person you'd want at your wedding. God knows what I'd say to some old bag or other. Maybe, "Are you wearing crotchless panties for the occasion?" Something like that. Obviously.
I did get out yesterday for Sunday Ticket at the infamous Kickin Chicken. Brandon and I would occasionally go out to the patio area to smoke. Well, there was this about 4 year-old little boy wandering around seemingly unsupervised for minutes on end. I was a little concerned for the kid. Who would bring a 4 year-old to Sunday Ticket??? And then let him aimlessly walk around the hundreds of degenerates getting drunk and rooting for Washington or Pittsburgh??? I almost got one of the managers to try and help this poor little kid. But sure enough, after about a half-hour of walking around lost amid the smokers and Cam Newton lovers, this little kid's Dad swoops in and scoops him up. Then scolds him. This guy scolded a 4 year-old after not watching out for him for 30 plus minutes. What a terrible father. Brandon & I just looked at each other. I said, "What a jackass. It figures he's here pulling for Mike Vick..." Brandon laughed.
Okay, this post is over...
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