I'm not gonna make fun of Tim Tebow's 2nd straight awful performance, this latest one coming against Detroit last Sunday. The kid can't play. But it is worth noting a new phenomenon called Tebowing. I was out last Sunday at the infamous Kickin Chicken for Sunday Ticket & during the 4 o'clock games, when Denver was playing the Lions, I started Tebowing right in the middle of the back bar. There were about 50 or 60 folks in the area at the time. What I would do is this - anytime Tebow was sacked or threw a pitiful girly like toss wide of his target, which was often, I'd drop to one knee, put my elbow on dropped knee, and bow my head like I was praying - in other words I was Tebowing. The first couple times I Tebowed, the folks around me, who were paying zero attention to the Bronco game, looked at me like I was crazy. But after awhile, even the dumbest Steelers' fans caught on to what I was doing. And everyone was laughing their asses off. I must have Tebowed 10 or 12 times in total. I liked Tebowing. I encourage everyone to get to a bar for Sunday Ticket tomorrow and Tebow during the Oakland/Denver game. The reason to try and get out tomorrow to Tebow is that I'm not sure how many more chances you'll have to Tebow. I can't imagine John Fox & John Elway continuing to start Tebow for much longer unless he shows dramatic improvement - which is not impossible, but highly unlikely. So, get out there & Tebow now while you have the opportunity, because those opportunities are dwindling - quickly.
Speaking of last weekend's Sunday Ticket, it happened to fall on the day before Halloween. Now, as I've mentioned before on this pathetic blog, I don't generally dress up for the occasion. But I made a rare exception last week. I went to Sunday Ticket as the 10, Troy Fucking Smith, as I donned my #10 Ravens' jersey for the 1st time since the AFC Championship game in January of 2009. When I informed several folks of this weird turn of events via text, I got a couple interesting replies. Geilfuss noted that the 10 & I do kinda look alike. And Luke of Jacoby fame responded by inquiring if I was in blackface. And the answer was no, I was not in blackface. Lots of brothers come into the Kickin Chicken for Sunday Ticket & I didn't want to explain to a hundred of them why I was wearing blackface. That could of got testy, to say the least.
Speaking of Halloween costumes, Brandon was also out in costume for Sunday Ticket. He donned a #22 Cowboys' jersey and old school Cowboys' hat. In other words, Brandon was an obnoxious Dallas fan for Halloween. And I gotta say, Brandon came through like a champion as an obnoxious Dallas fan. During the Cowboy/Philly game, Brandon screamed for a penalty flag to be called on the Eagles on just about every play - just like all Dallas fans. He also kept screaming, "Let's go Romo!" - again just like a typical Dallas fan. I was amused greatly by the shenanigans. I contributed a bit myself to the frivolity. I contributed by yelling, "Ron Mexico is a convicted felon!" every time Mike Vick dropped back to pass. Or yelling, "Pedophile!" every time the camera caught a glimpse of Andy Reid. We had the regulars in the Wing Joint laughing uncontrollably. In fact, at one point, my man Goosie looked over, between fits of laughter, and said, "That is so wrong." He had a point...
I mentioned in a previous post that I've been working over in the Bull City recently, Durham, North Carolina to be exact. Anyway, I won't go into my typical and tired disdain for Durham yet again. I'm sure everyone is sick of that. Instead, I'm gonna delve into some of the unique laws that are only on the books in Durham (and possibly Ann Arbor, Cambridge, & Berkeley). For instance, did you know that in Durham it is illegal to walk past a homeless person with a bag of food in your hand? It's 100% true. The rationale behind this ordinance is that homeless folks feel bad enough about being homeless already, and to walk past one with a tasty sandwich or taco or gyro is rubbing in the fact that the homeless people can't afford to get a tasty lunch for themselves. It's a very thoughtful law, if you ask me. I got a ham & swiss on rye the other day for lunch. While walking back to the office I saw a homeless gentleman standing on a corner. And I really didn't want to get in trouble with the Durham PD. So, I stopped in my tracks and wolfed down my sandwich. I was sensitive. I didn't break any laws. And the homeless fellow didn't feel like less of a person. Win. Win. Win. Another interesting statute unique to Durham regards getting rid of trash. As I've mentioned before on this stupid blog, trash cans are outlawed in Durham. You can't find one anywhere. I know on the face of it, this law seems ridiculous. But it's not. The reason there are no trash cans in Durham is that the city wants people to discard their garbage right on the city sidewalks. This way, if there is some bread crust or the odd french fry lying around, the hungry illegal immigrants that permeate Durham don't have to go through the humiliating ritual of digging edible food out of a garbage can. They can simply pick up the edible trash right off the ground and enjoy a free & nutritious treat with no hassle. It's a very enlightening concept if you think about it. One final interesting law of note involves looking people in the eye as you pass them on the street. It's forbidden. And with good reason. I learned this the hard way a number of years ago. I was ambling down 9th St and walked by a homely Duke grad student. I made the error of saying, "Good afternoon," as I walked by her, looking her straight in the eye, just as I was raised to do in the orphanage years ago. Big mistake on my part. A minute later, a very nice Durham police officer stopped me. She explained to me that I had really hurt this homely girl's feelings by looking her in the eye. The female cop told me that it was very jarring & unsettling for this young ugly Dukie. It was the first time any man had looked at her since she moved to Durham. I guess at orientation, all new Dukie men are told to never look a Dukie woman in the face. It has long term scarring effects on them. The rationale being that no man has ever made eye contact with them before and to do so would freak these girls out to the point where they'd need months of counseling to venture back out of the library. I do know this, I haven't made that mistake again. It's all about live & learn in the Bull City. And I'm an idiot, but a quick learning idiot. So, I've got that going for me...
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