A Real Drag

Would Bobby Knight cut down the nets after a loss?

I mentioned in a recent post that I'd spent a little time at a drag show at some gay club here in the Gate City. The place was near Wendover & 29. It might have been called Sperm House 69. I'm not sure on that though. I could be a little off there. How, you might be wondering did I end up at a drag show? Well, I've been invited over the years to attend one of these things by the Operator of the now closed Wing Joint on Battleground. She used to manage gay bars back in the 80's and has many friends in the drag queen community. So, after a number of years of missing out on these drag shows, I finally showed up at one last Saturday night. I'm guessing a vast majority of the occasional readers of this blog have never experienced the world of late Saturday night drag shows. Let me fill you in on what you've been missing. The first thing I noticed was the dearth of women at a drag show. It was at least 90% dudes. So, if you're single and looking for tail, I wouldn't suggest looking for a babe at a drag show. In fact, as near as I could tell, there were exactly 3 straight guys in the bar - me, the bartender, and the bouncer. The other 150 dudes in there did not appear to get down with the ladies. The 2nd thing I took away from the experience was the actual drag show aspect of a drag show. Here's how it worked - there were 5 or 6 drag queens (past winners of a big drag queen competition in the state of North Carolina) who come out all made up in these gowns and lip sync to songs by Donna Summer or Lady Gaga or artists similar to Donna Summer and Gaga. The drag queens dance around while slip syncing. As the drag queens lip sync and dance a bit the patrons of the gay club line up in front of the stage with dollars bills in their hands to give the drag queens. This happened with every drag queen who performed. I'm not sure how much dough these "ladies" made, but I was impressed with the largesse of the gay dudes in the audience. The drag queens tended to be statue-esque with tons of make up. You could tell they put a lot of time and money into their drag queen endeavors. I was sitting at a table close to the stage. I never really interacted with any of the drag queens or the gay fellas at the place (except the gay fellas I was sitting with - all nice enough guys I've known for quite a while). The last thing I'll note about my experience at the gay club was after the drag show was over. The Operator of the old Wing Joint invited me to dance with her. Now, I never dance. But I made an exception in this case. The Wing Joint Operator & I walked out on the dance floor and did dance for a few minutes. She seemed to be having a good time. As we were dancing to some disco anthem I glanced around at all the gay patrons dancing and having the times of their lives. A few of them were making out. It sure wasn't my milieu, but it was okay. Anyway, I can now say that I have been to a drag show and a gay club. I killed 2 birds with one stone. It was certainly memorable.

I mentioned my buddy Goose in a recent post and his impending baldness. Well, I heard from Goose Monday. Turns out it was his birthday (26th birthday I believe) & Goose wanted to celebrate a little. So, I obliged the kid. It was his birthday after all. I met up with Goose and a few of his friends at some joint on Lawndale called The Backdoor (it really is called The Backdoor by the way, I'm not making that up). As you can imagine, shots flowed. After about an hour Goose was wasted - hammered off his ass. That's when things got interesting. That's usually when things get interesting. What happened in this case is that Goose got some bad news right in the middle of his little birthday bash. A gal he'd been seeing moved to San Diego about 6 weeks ago. Goose was pretty bummed about this development at the time. Well, this girl who upped and moved to Southern California on Goose a mere 6 weeks ago chose Monday night, Goose's birthday, to text and inform Goose that she had gotten engaged. I've heard of bitchy moves by girls over the years. Many, many bitchy moves. But this has to be up there in the pantheon of bitchy moves. To inform a kid on his birthday that you're engaged after leaving him a little over a month ago is downright cruel. Needless to say, Goose did not take the news too well. He went out on the patio of The Backdoor and threw a few things. He managed to calm down a bit and came back inside. He had another shot or 2. Then I told him not to sweat it too much. Any girl who would pull a stunt like that is one he's lucky to be rid of. Goose saw my point of view, had one more drink, and took off with his designated driver. All in all, a very weird birthday. It reminds me of something that could happen to Geilfuss. And that's never a good thing. Believe me.

Conference tourneys are heating up in college hoops right now, as many of the mid-majors are holding their tournaments this weekend. Of particular interest is the Missouri Valley Tournament in St Louis. It looks like Creighton and Wichita St are on a collision course for a 3rd meeting (although Northern Iowa may have something to say about that). I like the way the Blue Jays are balling recently.

Speaking of college hoops, I'd be slightly remiss if I didn't mention TOSU's huge win in Bloomington the other night. The Buckeyes were 7&1/2 point dogs and won outright by 9. It was their best game of the year. By far. The Buckeye D smothered the Hoosiers in the 2nd half, completely shutting down Oladipo. Shannon Scott was all over the place on the defensive end of the floor. The strangest thing about the whole affair was that after the game Indiana celebrated. They cut down the nets. Seriously, Tom Crean had his team cut down the nets after getting smoked at home on Senior Night. Only in Indiana would they celebrate after getting their asses kicked. You gotta love the hicks from Hoosierland. Next thing you know they'll bring Kelvin Sampson back and start cheating again...  

The Guy With The Hairy Back Who Sips Tanqueray At Scams Lakeside

The Next Jimmer???

I was sitting at the bar at Scams Lakeside yesterday afternoon, taking in a couple of college hoops games, and an older gentleman was sitting directly to my left who had some of the most massive back hair I've ever witnessed. It's not something I was trying to notice, believe me. This dude happened to be wearing an ill fitting t-shirt for some reason. In fact, the t-shirt was so loose in the back that I had an easy glimpse of several inches of his back hair. It was a little unsettling to say the least. The guy was getting hammered as well. I'm not sure when he got to Scams exactly, but I do know that when the bartenders changed shifts around 4:20 his tab was $42. And let me assure anyone who hasn't been to any of the Scams around the Greensboro area that it is very difficult to run up that big a tab unless you're buying shots for multiple people. This hairy backed old-timer was doing nothing of the sort. After the guy paid his initial tab he kept on drinking. He was ordering these repulsive looking shots that were off crimson in color. Turns out his shot of choice was Tanqueray with a splash of cranberry. He attempted to speak to me several times over the 3 &1/2 hours we sat next to each other. The only problem with that is I couldn't make out a word he was uttering. I simply nodded a few times in his direction. My attention was solely focused on the Mich St/Michigan game at 4 and the NCSU/G Tech game at 6. I had a monetary interest in the Spartans covering +5 in Ann Arbor and the Jackets and fake Wolfpack going under 139 &1/2. Both things happened. It is March and my track record on college hoops is a good one. Anyway, if you happen to see a sloppily dressed gray haired fellow out at a bar sipping on shots of Tanqueray and cranberry for hours on end, and if you have a razor handy, please hand it to him and plead with said hairy monster to either 1) shave his damn back hair or 2) go ahead and slit his wrists. Maybe both if you can talk him into it...

I mentioned the Michigan Wolverines in the previous paragraph. There is a player on the squad named Trey Burke. And he's very, very good. Blah, blah, blah. One fact about Burke that has caught the attention of fans of TOSU is that Burke is from Columbus, Ohio (he played high school ball with Jared Sullinger for the Northland Vikings if anyone cares). I've read quite a bit of bitching from TOSU fans about why Burke is not playing for their beloved Buckeyes and instead for their hated rivals up north. And that's a fair question. The fact is that Thad Matta did not offer Burke a scholarship out of high school. In retrospect, Matta should have, obviously. But I give Coach Matta a pass on the whole "Why the hell is Burke not playing for his hometown team?" deal. Two years ago Matta signed an even more highly regarded point guard in the same TOSU class that Burke was not a member of - a kid out of the Atlanta area named Shannon Scott (son of UNC's very own Charlie Scott, the 1st brother to ball for the Heels). Scott doesn't start. Aaron Craft starts. But Scott does play vital minutes for the Buckeyes. I've probably watched Scott play in 60 or so games the past 2 seasons for TOSU (I watch TOSU hoops very closely). And you can definitely see what Matta and other coaches like about Shannon Scott. He's lightning fast. He steals lots of passes. His assist to turnover ratio is one of the best in the country. What Scott doesn't do is shoot the ball very well. And that's where Trey Burke excels. Burke can score the damn basketball. It'll be interesting to see if the Wolverines and Buckeyes meet a 3rd time this year at the Big 10 Tournament in Chicago. Some of Burke's worst games as a collegian have come against TOSU. Aaron Craft can flat harass any guard in the country into an off-night. I would just remind TOSU fans to not give up on Shannon Scott at all. Sure, he's no Trey Burke. I'll readily admit that. But I can still see big things ahead for Scott moving forward.

Speaking of the Wolverines & Buckeyes rivalry, that 2nd game they played about a month ago in Ann Arbor was the best game I've seen all season. Riveting. Butler/Indiana is right there as well. And don't forget Gonzaga/Butler either. Or Michigan/Wisconsin. I could keep going and going. The fact is that this has been a tremendous year for college hoops. As always, it's a shame that so many folks in these parts pay no attention to any of the games not involving UNC, NCSU, or Duke. It really is. They call themselves college basketball fans, but have no clue who Shabazz Muhammad, Doug McDermott, Kelly Olynyk, or my main man  Tyler Haws is. And just in case you haven't been following late night WCC hoops this year, Tyler Haws is no Jimmer, but he is close. He can flat gun it. And yes, Haws is a Mormon...

I was out a drag show Saturday night at some gay club in Greensboro. And no, I'm not making that up. As you can imagine, I've got a few stories to tell. It'll have to wait til next time though. Gotta run...

John Paul Jones Arena Not Mike Krzyzewski's Milieu

Ambassador Worm

I was just in one of those pharmacy places a bit ago to buy a pack of smokes. One of the clerks in the place is an aged bag named Chris. She's terribly slow checking folks out. As I was standing there for 2 or 3 minutes while Chris took forever to help some middle-aged redneck broad, I became a little irritated. I'm impatient. So, just to fuck with old Chris the Clerk at the pharmacy, when it was finally my turn to be helped I threw her a 5 spot and said, "I need 5 bucks on pump 3."

Urgent Score Update from Charlottesville, VA: UVA 73 Duke 68. Yet another debacle for the Devils. Some white kid named Joe Harris went off on the vaulted Duke defense to the tune of 36 points in the contest. I will give Coach K some credit, as instead of sitting there looking comatose, as he has so often in recent years, Coach Kry was super animated, trying in vain to rally his boys. It didn't work. Duke was soft. Mason Plumlee was pushed around like a rag doll under the boards. Again. The Devils have lost 4 games this year. Each time the winning team stormed the court. I'm not sure why UVA students decided to do so last night, as the Cavaliers were favored by a point. And you should never storm the court when you win as a favorite. It's stupid. In a post-game press conference, the coach of the Duke's men's basketball team complained about students storming the court and how dangerous it is for him and his poor fragile players. And that smacks of sour grapes. It's very simple for the coach who resembles Hitler, if you don't want hammered drunk kids from UVA  rushing the court after you lose, that's understandable. There's an easy solution for Duke to this frenzied court rushing that worries Coach K so much, that is: don't lose to the Virginia Cavaliers. It's that simple.

Lots of talk in the news about something called a sequester. Our dear leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, has been running his mouth about how terrible this sequester deal will be on the American people. I'm not sure how any reasonable person could take Barry seriously on this. Nothing is being "cut" with this sequester. All it does is slow the rate of growth that Congress spends at. This talk about pain being inflicted on average folks resulting from this sequester is a bunch of nonsense. Pay no attention to it.

Speaking of dear leaders, my main main man Dennis Rodman was over in North Korea this week to hang out with my favorite young dictator, Kim Jong Un. Young Kim is a huge Chicago Bulls fan from back in the 90's when he was a kid. I've noted before on this blog that Un's favorite Bull was none other than Toni Kukoc. Anyway, word has leaked that Rodman and Un became fast friends. Who would have ever thought that it would take Dennis Rodman to thaw relations between North Korea and the old USA? Unbelievable. It might be Rodman's greatest moment since he won Celebrity Mole 2. And as I've noted before, Rodman winning Celebrity Mole 2 is the most amazing achievement in the history of western civilization. Hands down.

I mentioned some college hoops news earlier in this post, and here we are in March with plenty of huge games on the docket this weekend. Tonight features a massive game in the Ivy League, as the Crimson of Harvard travel to Jersey to take on the Princeton Tigers. Harvard will pretty much lock up the Ivy title with a win. Of note is that the Crimson are a 6 point dog tonight. I'm gonna roll with the boys from Cambridge. They beat the Tigers by 12 in their last meeting. Note that the game is on ESPNU tonight at 7. Tomorrow features so many great matchups that it will be hard to keep up with them all. Louisville/Syracuse, Arizona/UCLA, Butler/VCU, & Notre Dame/Marquette highlighting the day. There's also that big game in Durham where Duke will be looking for revenge from the 27 beat down they took in Coral Gables against Thug U. My guess is that Duke will be favored by 6. Enjoy.

Your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear