It looks like things are getting worse by the hour for The Tiger, as his poor mother-in-law was rushed to the hospital overnight. I have no idea what the problem was, but wouldn't be too surprised if she passed out from watching the TV coverage of all the cocktail waitresses he's banged coming forward for their fleeting moments of fame. That or maybe there was some foul play involved. You never know. The Tiger might have gotten so pissed by his mother-in-law badgering him about all his skanks, that he lost it for a minute and in a state of drunken and Vicodin fueled rage did something regrettable. I sure hope that's not the case. But, if you've ever seen the way he snaps at photographers on the golf course, it's clear he has anger management issues. I've seen him fly off the handle a number of times over the years - at the drop of a hat. Whatever the case, my guess is that Jesper Parnevik's nanny may want to consider getting herself and her mother on a plane back to Sweden and try to forget she ever got mixed up with a perverted and angry golf prodigy. Who could blame her?
I also saw where one of The Tiger's skanks claimed that he liked her to wear red lace panties during their extra-marital sex sessions. The Tiger has a thing for red, as he wears it during the final round of tournaments. I guess what I'm wondering is, if you marry a Swedish bikini model/Jesper Parnevik's nanny, wouldn't she look just as good, if not better, than these cocktail hos in some red lingerie? Doesn't that seem plausible? I fear what may be coming out next is news that The Tiger himself enjoys wearing red lace panties during his extra-marital sex romps. I know, I know, you think I'm being unnecessarily cruel with this speculation. But, just wait. Wait for more details. The Tiger may be a kindred spirit of my man Marv Albert (YES!). Time will tell, because this awesome story is not dying any time soon.
I got a number of texts during last night's football game. And the general theme was one of utter disgust at the Ravens play, Cam Cameron's play calling, the officials, and Joe Flacco. Personally, I think the play calling was such because Cameron has lost some confidence in Flacco. Now, why that is, I can only speculate. But Flacco did look completely lost on a number of plays last night. You don't want to overreact to something like that, but it's disturbing for Ravens fans, I know because I'm friends with many of them. Their season is not over, yet. But they need to win their last 4 games and hope Denver or Jacksonville collapses. As far as the officiating goes, it wasn't good, but the weird calls didn't exclusively hurt the Ravens. It was equal opportunity crap. There was plenty to go around. One other thought on the Ravens, it's clear they should have spent more high draft picks on cornerbacks in recent years. The guys out there this season, when they've faced any kind of respectable quarterback, have been exposed. As frauds. It almost makes you long to see Cory Ivy covering the slot against Hines Ward again. Wait, scratch that. No it doesn't. I spent a whole afternoon in the cold watching that last December and then again in the AFC Championship game. It wasn't pretty. The kid did is best though. Remember Cory Ivy played in the XFL and led the league in interceptions. And no one can ever take that away from him. Ivy will forever be the all time leader in career interceptions for the XFL. If you remember the quality of quarterback play in the XFL (Wally Richardson and Casey Weldon come to mind), then that is an impressive feat by Ivy. Well, it is if you define impressive as meaning pathetic. Also, I should never mention the XFL without saying something about my main main main man, Rod Fucking Smart - He Hate Me. In all seriousness, I feel like my entire life has at least some tiny bit of meaning due to the fact I got to watch Rod Smart play football. Because, when Rod Smart was returning kicks for the Carolina Panthers (particularly his incredible 100 yard TD against the Saints), I would scream 3 words every time he got the ball in his hands, those words were - "He Hate Me!"
Geilfuss sent me a text last week from his stint in jury duty. I'm assuming he'll blog about it at some point (and that blog entry will no doubt be incoherent, per usual). Anyway, he noted that the folks at the courthouse made all the jurors watch a video that explained what a sacred duty they were all performing. I texted Geilfuss back with this query: Does the video feature Christy Canyon?
Speaking of Geilfuss, I guess it's time for another survivor update. We are, in fact, still alive after 13 weeks of NFL action. The problem is that 31 others are as well. Most guys gotta be running out of good teams to use at this point. Geilfuss and I have a number of decent options left for the final 4 weeks. I think we gotta roll with the Titans this week though. And hope we weed the number of guys left down to under 20 somehow.
I feel like I've been giving our fake leader, Barack Hussein Obama, a free pass here lately. I've barely been mentioning him. And I don't really have anything to attack him for at the moment either. Although, come to think of it, Geilfuss sent me another text recently from some check-out line and saw in one of the publications they sell at check-out lines (maybe the NY Times???) that old Barry was gay. I saw a similar headline back in the winter and commented on it in this very blog (I think the punchline was: pitcher or catcher?). I do wonder how old Barry has the time to ruin our economy, push socialized medicine, scare the hell out of our allies, be a good dad, and stay on his wife's good side, while partaking in a little anal lovemaking with I'm not sure who. He's stretching himself awfully thin. I'm a little worried about the guy. Maybe if he'd just concentrate on one thing fully, his health would be better. Personally, my vote would be for him to focus on this alleged butt cowboy friend of his. At least if he's all involved with passionate gay lovemaking, he can't screw things up at quite the same rate as he has been. It's certainly something to think about.
Can't get much worse...
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