Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Fire Crotched Nigerian Terrorist


I saw something on the news the other day about a dude from Nigeria getting on an airplane with explosives in his shorts. I can only assume that the reason he did this was not to spread Christmas cheer. Evidently the incompetent folks at the TSA let this guy wander right onto an airliner full of like 300 folks wearing underwear laced with nitroglycerin. Now, I don't get kinky like that personally, but to each his own, I don't pass judgment...Anyway, I have spent a considerable amount of time going through security at airports in several cities since 9/11 and have found the inconvenience to be beyond nauseating. Some folks will argue that the inconvenience is okay because it ensures our safety in the air. My own feeling has always been that life is full of risks and I'd rather take my chances of being blown up, rather than consistently annoyed by watching these TSA employees cavity search 85 year old crippled women. I realize I'm in the extreme minority on this. But, I gotta say that I feel a little vindicated for my disdain of the TSA as a result of this Nigerian underwear bomb guy. If it wasn't for sheer luck and the dude's stupidity, all the folks on that plane would be dead - well done TSA!!! As far as the psyche of the underwear bomber, I won't speculate, other than to note that I have seen a picture of the undies this Nigerian was sporting and they looked a little flamboyant to me - like something Jason Giambi might wear to break out of a prolonged slump at the plate...


Some folks seem to be blaming old Barry and his minions for this Nigerian underwear bomber deal. And that's silly. I'm gonna defend our awesome leader on this one. I believe old Barry was over in the Hawaiian Islands when this incident on the Delta flight went down. He can't be expected to stop terrorists in this country. What with all the massive failures he's currently enduring, you gotta think checking for Nigerian underwear bombers is way down the list of his priorities. In fact, come to think of it, it's highly possible old Barry enjoys sporting similar skivvies as the Nigerian underwear bomber. That would be something to think about: an underwear lineup involving the Nigerian underwear bomber, Barack Hussein Obama, and Jason Giambi. Maybe they could get that skank Snooki from Jersey Shore to judge which of the three of them has the biggest package...


I got a note on the Faceshit from Jess and she noted she has quit Get Bent Lounge. I'm not exactly sure who is left at this point. No Pat. No Graham. No Jess. And that equals very little reason to go into the joint (no offense to Roland and Jason if they're still working there). I'm guessing Jess got fed up with Fat, err...Big Adam sucking down Miller Lites at a rate of one per every 2 minutes while listening to him rattle on about threesomes with imaginary women, eating Egg McMuffins after a morning workout, and changing his jeans...


I imagine this might be the last post for 2009, so if I don't get a chance to say so, Happy New Year!!! Geilfuss, on his blog, was going on about what he might or might not be up to on New Year's Eve. I'm guessing it will involve inebriation and skanks. Nevertheless, he did mention these bars that offer parties where it's all you can drink for the night. And I've never taken advantage, or I should say been taken advantage of, by one of these deals, but I have been out on New Year's Eve before. And it's not much fun, because folks are out getting hammered who don't make it out too often. Granted, that can be entertaining to a point, but it's generally exasperating watching lightweights get blitzed. You're much better off to get to a private party somewhere that nobody leaves. That way you don't have to get on the road with drunk amateurs. That or stay home, get to bed at a reasonable time, and get up and bet on the Outback Bowl (take NW + the points this Friday).


Speaking of getting blitzed on New Year's Eve - I was out once back in the 90's on New Year's Eve at this bar on S High St, I think it's called Hi Beck Tavern (I have no idea if it's still there). Anyway, I was there with a few folks and we were getting a little hammered (shocking!). There was this blonde there and she kept wanting to dance with me (as many of you know, I really hate dancing). I told her the only way that was gonna happen is if she got the deejay to play Kiss The Dirt. And I'll be damned, but within 15 minutes the song came on and I was stuck. So, I danced, or something approximating dancing. It wasn't so bad, because I was trashed and I do love that song. And I thought I'd share that with everyone.


Well, I took a peek at the Hoarders again last night on the A&E. And there was this woman from Scottsdale on there and she got into a strange debate about throwing out a huge stack of panties that she'd bought but never worn. And I wondered if the Nigerian underwear bomber had ever been to Scottsdale, because I think they might share the same taste in gold lame skivvies...


These passions seem to never end


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