Way In The Manger

Another Christmas is quickly approaching here and I still struggle to understand the whole point behind it. I remember getting into a heated debate one time, many years ago, about the whole issue of the Virgin Mary and her ability to breast feed her son in light of the fact that she was inseminated by an angel, as opposed to getting knocked up by Joseph. Maybe a medical expert could weigh in on this, as I find it hard to believe that the Virgin Mary could adequately lactate without being impregnated through the normal means. Anyway, the guy I was having this debate with didn't much appreciate my speculation on this whole thing. In fact, at one point during our contentious conversation, this guy said "You are definitely going to hell." And that might be true, if such a place exists (I have no idea). So, I decided to steer the conversation away from the whole Virgin Mary lactating issue and instead started to engage the guy in a debate over the size of the Virgin Mary's nipples. I was pretty adamant that they were quarter size, as opposed to half dollar size. Needless to say, the guy I was talking to couldn't refute my speculation. Instead he invoked the idea of me going to hell again. I finally said, as I was walking away from this guy, "Well Pastor Clyde, you don't have any more insight about these things than I do. At least I'm willing to go out on a limb here." I should probably note that I was 11 years old at the time...

I went back and read last year's Christmas post on this blog and it's reasonably amusing I guess. But rereading it got me to thinking about Boobie's annual Christmas trivia game at the Ramada. The 1st time we played the game (we won by the way), Beck was out with me and Andy and he came up with an interesting team name. That name was: Aborted Christ. Boobie did not like this team name at all. She asked us to change it, which was fine with me, as I don't go out of my way to offend folks, especially around the Holidays. So, we did indeed acquiesce to Boobie's wishes and called ourselves something like: Santa's Pole Points North (Andy might remember it more clearly). I've never been quite sure why Boobie is so sensitive to possibly offending Christians, as she has reminded me on a regular basis the past 2 and 1/2 years that she's Jewish...And balding, but I'm not sure that one has anything to do with the other.

I saw where Mike Vick has been given the NFL Courage award. And I'm not sure what the criteria could possibly be for such an award. How did Vick display courage by drowning, hanging, and electrocuting helpless dogs? Vick winning this award is way more baffling than Barack Hussein Obama winning the Nobel Peace Pipe deal. It's so bizarre that I can't even think of a silly joke to make about it...

Many shoppers are going to be racing around this afternoon for last minute gift purchases and I have a few gift suggestions for these poor folks: 1) You can't go wrong at the Quickie Mart, as plenty of 40's, ribbed for her pleasure condoms, porno mags, and lottery scratchers are all right there. 2) Liquor store is good too, the only problem is that today is the busiest day of the year at the liquor store. 3) The Sex Toy Shoppe is also an option, as nothing says "Merry Christmas Grandma" more than a nice classy pair of crotchless panties. 4) If you're really desperate, just stop in the nearest grocery store and buy a bunch of whipped cream, wrap it up with a note for your Aunt that says "Smear generously over trim area and let Uncle Stan do work." If these suggestions don't help you, then you're not helpable (if that's even a word???).

Rudolph is probably gearing up right about now to guide Santa's sleigh for the night. I always wondered about Rudolph and that babe Clarice he was trying to nail at the Reindeer Games. Did they ever get together after Rudolph became famous? Or did Rudolph leave her for some Hollywood babe like Jessica Alba? It's something worth thinking about. I mean, what with his glowing red nose and all, you gotta think the ladies would find his potential cunnilingus skill to be irresistible...

I would relay a nice Christmas story from the past, but I don't remember one. So, we're gonna have to leave it at this: Merry Christmas to all. Goodnight now. -TBFH