10 Questions About Full House

I stumbled into some quasi-sports bar last Friday about 8 or so and noticed on the notorious ESPN bottom line that His Excellency, The Tiger, shot a 79 in the 2nd round at Quail Hollow. Immediately I screamed to the bar wench to turn one of the TV sets to Golf Channel, as I know they rerun the day's coverage in prime time. And that was one of the best ideas I've had in a long time. Because I watched The Tiger's horrendous play. Horrendous. I have never, ever seen him play like that, not even as an amateur playing in Majors off his exemptions from winning the US Amateur. The only round you could compare it to, even remotely, was the 3rd round of The Open Championship at Muirfield in 2002 (but there was a sideways torrent of rain in play that day). No torrent of rain last Friday in Charlotte. The Tiger was atrocious. The Golf Channel should rerun it every night for the next hundred years. At least.

I also heard that one of The Tiger's most prized skanks, one Joslyn James, a porn skank to be exact, was "performing" at a strip joint in Charlotte over the weekend. And when I heard that, The Tiger's awful play came more into focus. I'm sure he couldn't wait to get the hell off the golf course, race to his rented palace, take handfuls of Ambien, have some lackey chauffeur him over to the strip joint where the porn skank in question was making a fast and cheap buck, lurk in the shadows of the VIP room, and wait to resume partaking in his life's real purpose - fucking shameless hos wearing red lingerie, disgracing his wife and marriage vows, and generally becoming the laughingstock of civilization.

I was at the old trivia last Wednesday, the one out at Scam's Lakeside. And this time, you may have guessed it, the kid asked 10 questions about Full House. I had no idea about any of them, save one. That particular question involved the name of the dog on the show. And while I don't know anything about the ins and outs of the Tanner household, I do know something about dogs, and I remembered that the dog shared his name with one of Santa's reindeer - Comet. It turns out that was the key to the whole game, because I ended up winning by 1 question. When I ran into Brandon later that night, I asked him some of the Full House questions, and he rattled off the answers fast. I never knew the kid enjoyed Uncle Joey and company. But he knew who Kimmie was. And Steve. And other things about the program no one should know. I asked Brandon if he spent a lot of time fixated on Kirk Cameron's little sister when he was a kid. And I never really got a straight answer out of him. Lastly on this, there was a big birthday party going on in the bar at the same time as the trivia game, and when the kid running the thing announced I'd won, several of the bigger gals there for the birthday festivities chanted, "Cheater, cheater, cheater!!!" I walked out to smoke.

Wild goings on in the NBA hoops world. The 1st round has vanished and the only real surprise was the Spurs taking Dallas. The Mavs had won like 9 of the previous 10 meetings entering the series. And George Hill was the key. His production got SA 2 of those 4 wins. I didn't know the kid had it in him. The other series went fairly according to form. Last week was a very good one as far as the dark world of 11-10 is concerned. Three of the last six days have been perfect. Including last Friday when I hit a 5 Teamer. Brandon was pretty happy when he walked into the bar about 1:20 that evening. I intend to keep it up here in round 2.

Speaking of the sordid world of gambling, I ventured up to the State For Lovers, or the Old Dominion, or whatever they call it now, for Saturday's hard hitting horse racing action. They have an OTB near the Martinsville Racetrack (it's just about 45 minutes up 220 from Greensboro). Now, as I've noted on this blog before, I pretty much stick to betting on hoops and football. I don't know nearly enough about the other sports to gamble successfully on them (and I know a lot about other sports, what does that tell you?). Anyway, I don't know a thing about them. But I know some guys who do. I've come across horse betters here and there in my lifelong travels among the degenerate underbelly of society. I'm certain that's shocking to hear! Shocking!!! Well, I got in touch with one of my horse guys and he gave me some tips on the racing action at Belmont and Calder for the day. I met a guy up there at the OTB who is also a serious horse handicapper. This guy is sharp. Anyway, he was handicapping the races at Churchill Downs and Philadelphia Park. We managed to do pretty well, as you can imagine. I even hit a 33-1 shot at one point. As far as the Derby, the guy who was out at the OTB with me, gave me 4 horses he liked, the 4, 7, 16, & 19. And I'll be damned but the 4 won the thing. I believe the horse is named Super Soaker. I was sitting next to an 80 year old lady and her granddaughter for the race, and they had a lot of tickets with them, but none with the 4 horse winning. On my advice (which really wasn't my advice), they put a 5 spot on Super Soaker. They were nice ladies. I was happy they cashed a ticket. As far as the OTB goes, the lowest of the lowest lowlifes were in there. I enjoyed it quite a bit, obviously. I'll be back again soon.

I was out at a cookout type deal for a few hours yesterday. A number of gay dudes were there. Anyway, talk turned to drag queens at one point. And some of the names are pretty funny, but whatever (Constance Fellatio, that type of thing). Evidently there is a big drag queen pageant this weekend at some bar I've never heard of. And I was invited to the thing. And I might show up for awhile. We'll see. It would certainly make for excellent blog fodder if I make it out.

Lots more, including the typical drunken tales from the wing joint on Battleground coming soon (one involves Dave using the phrase "innate nature," seriously).

You wax poetic about things pathetic

As long as you look so cute

I am out - TBFH