The big meaningless election season is upon us, and in light of this unquestionably irrelevant fact, I think it's time that this irrelevant blog make some irrelevant endorsements on some of the breathtakingly irrelevant races.
Delaware Senate - Chris Coons (D) vs Christine O'Donnell (R) - Lots of media fascination with this contest, mainly centering around the fact that Ms. O'Donnell might be a witch, an anti-masturbation crusader, and a tax dodger, among other things. None of this matters. What does matter is that Ms. O'Donnell isn't a fat, ugly, butch-dyke, like, say, Barbara Mikuslki. That and the the fact that Mr. Coons has an unfortunately inflammatory name, not to mention he's a self-described Marxist, should make endorsing Ms. O'Donnell a cinch. Unfortunately, Ms. O'Donnell is also a kook. I can't support either of them. Official TBFH Endorsement: write-in vote for Joe Biden's stash of boner medication.
Connecticut Senate - Dick Blumenthal (D) vs Linda McMahon (R) - Huge race for all the fans of professional rasslin'. Mrs. McMahon's husband, Vince, has run the WWF forever. And that's enough for me to back her. Any woman who has been in business with Rowdy Roddy Piper, Big John Stud, George The Animal Steele, Superfly Jimmy Snuka, and The Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart has my 100% backing. If Mrs. McMahon wins, I'm hoping she can schedule a steel cage match between Mrs. Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Clinton, as long as they are both oiled up to the gills with Crisco. As for Mr. Blumenthal, he looks like a crook, something straight out of the Nixon White House. Official TBFH Endorsement: Mrs. McMahon.
Nevada Senate - Harry Reid (D) vs Sharon Angle (R) - This might be the most important race in the history of the Republic. Well, maybe not. Harry Reid is possibly the sleaziest liar in this entire 2 person field. I predicted way back about a year ago that Reid would lose this year. What I didn't know at the time is that the GOP would manage to put up a candidate even kookier that Glenn Beck. For one thing, this woman is involved with Scientology freaks. She also is so kooky that she shares my positions on a number of issues, including withdrawal from the United Nations and eliminating Social Security. In short, Ms. Angle should have no chance to win. Nada. But, she just might anyway. Because Harry Reid is the 3rd most hated person in the country, right behind Brett Favre and Coach K. And Harry Reid is a member of a cult, the LDS church. Yes, he's a Mormon. He wears the holy undergarments. I can't support either of these nuts. Therefore, Official TBFH Endorsement in Nevada: write-in a random skank from that Bunny Ranch show, maybe Air Force Amy?
South Carolina Senate - Alvin Greene (D) vs Jimmy DeMint (R) - One of my personal favorite contests. Why? Because Mr. Greene is perhaps the worst candidate in the history of the Palmetto State. He lives with his dad and has been charged with showing porno pics to an 18 year-old coed. And I say, rock on Alvin! Way to go Democrat Party - nominating a borderline pedophile for senator. Unfortunately, I'm guessing Mr. Greene will lose by about 50 points. Those well-heeled SC voters will rebuke him. As for Mr DeMint, I would never consider voting for him, he looks like the kind of tool that cheers for the Clemson Tigers (not that all Tigers fans are tools, they aren't; just most of the old white male Clemson fans are tools). Official TBFH Endorsement in SC: write-in for that Junior Miss South Carolina 2007, the one who opined about The Iraq. That chick is awesome. Maybe she's been harassed by Alvin Greene?
Maryland Governor - Marty O'Malley (D) vs Bob Ehrlich (R) Huge battle here. Marty O'Malley is an absolute failed disgrace as governor. He should have been impeached 3 years ago. I used to technically be Mr. O'Malley's employee, and that fact made me damn near suicidal. Even though O'Malley is an awful human being, he will very likely win. Why? Because the GOP has put up the ex-failed governor, Mr. Ehrlich, to try and unseat the current failed governor, Mr. O'Malley. And that was a fatal mistake, like when the Democrat Party nominated Walter Mondale to go up against Ronald Wilson Reagan in 1984 - a joke. It's a shame, because I can assure you that Marty O'Malley is loathed in and around the town Elaine Benes is from. Official TBFH Endorsement: Geilfuss. Yes, Geilfuss. He would be a catastrophe, but no worse a catastrophe than these other 2 bozos. Plus, Geilfuss would throw some ridiculous skank laden parties in the Governor's Mansion - Ross and I would be there, getting hammered, obviously.
On that note, I should stop making endorsements.
1 comment:
by the way, the former Junior Miss South Carolina who famously mangled her "The Iraq" response? Know where she was in school at the time? That's right, 2 hours away in Boone at the esteemed Appalachian State University. Just thought I'd add that little tidbit. Go Bucks!!!!!!!!!!
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