Pumpkin Comes, Pumpkin Goes

I stumbled into the Wing Joint on Battleground last night right at about 9:40, and lo and behold, there at the bar sat a dude I call Meatloaf. The reason I call Meatloaf Meatloaf is because the kid resembles Meatloaf circa 1980. I've run across the kid before, but never spent any time speaking with him. That changed last evening. Some background - Meatloaf is known for 2 things at Wing Joint (besides looking like Meatloaf of course). 1) the dude sits for hours drinking water. WATER. He drives the bartenders nuts, particularly the day manager/resident lush KC. & 2) the kid is infamous for mis-ordering wings on the rare occasion that he actually eats there and drops a few bucks. There is a type of wing sauce called Hot Honey (which is pretty damn tasty by the way). Only Meatloaf doesn't say Hot Honey when he orders. Meatloaf says Honey Hot - which I love. When I head about this some months ago I started saying all the wing sauces backwards as well - Pepper Lemon, Jerk Jamaican, Teriyaki Sweet, etc. Anyway, I sat down next to Meatloaf last night and struck up a conversation with the guy -a conversation which, after about 5 minutes, had the kid so confused he had no clue what the hell he was saying, much less what I was saying. It was vaguely amusing. Sitting next to Meatloaf was his "roommate," a certain heavy blonde chick named Tammy. And this chick was not drinking water - she was pounding shots. Meatloaf and Tammy both claim that there relationship is strictly platonic. And I guess I take them at their word, as Tammy was coming on to me pretty strong from about 11 on. At one point I inquired if the duo was interested in acquiring a third roomie. Meatloaf informed me that the couch was available for $300 a month. I said, "Does that include sharing a bathroom with you Meatloaf? Because I'd rather fuck your roomie right here at the bar than share a bathroom with you." I don't think Meatloaf appreciated my candor. Guys like him never do. Needless to say, at about 1 I told Meatloaf to be sure to get Tammy home safe, as there was no way in hell I saw gonna take her anywhere.

Speaking of folks not appreciating my candor - I was out for Sunday Ticket at Scams Brassfield and my man Scuba (the bartender) was lamenting the fact he ever got involved in the dark world of fantasy football. At one point Scuba turned to me and Brandon and said, "I should be like the 2 of you and just gamble on the games. This fantasy football is stupid." I said in reply, quite loudly, "Fantasy Football is for losers." Well there was a guy to my left who said very angrily, "Why is that?" This kid had his computer out at the bar following every twist and turn in his all important fantasy football match-up for the week. He also had on one of those red and black checkered shirts - he resembled an effeminate lumberjack. And of course, the kid was pulling for the Lions. I explained to the effeminate lumberjack my issues with fantasy football and the guys who get so damn into it (things I've gone over on this pointless blog before). He couldn't really disagree with me and after a few minutes we just kind of let things stand without any real resolution to our dispute. I did tell him I was pulling for his Lions and they came through like champions again - losing by a mere 3.

There has been yet another new server turn up at Wing Joint on Battleground. Last Friday I had the great pleasure to spot for the first time a new hire, a woman I immediately called Pumpkin. Why, you may be wondering, did I label this woman Pumpkin? The reason I tagged her Pumpkin was because she had on black slacks and an orange shirt, and she was round in shape - she had some girth about her. Hence, she looked like a damn pumpkin. So, I started calling her Pumpkin. The moniker quickly stuck and by the time I saw Pumpkin again Sunday for the huge humiliation the Dallas Cowboys suffered at the Cheese everyone was calling her Pumpkin. I didn't get a chance to speak to Pumpkin until late Sunday evening and when I did she seemed pretty amiable, not altogether unpleasant in the least. I did ask her at one point if she grew up near a pumpkin patch. She didn't laugh. I then inquired if her father ever ran any hayrides out through massive fields of pumpkins. She didn't laugh. Finally I asked Pumpkin if she was a fan of carving jack-o'-lanterns. She said, "What's your fixation on pumpkins about?" I said, "Well, I have a latent sexual urge involving pumpkins. It goes back to my childhood." Pumpkin walked away from me at that point. She wasn't working last night and I asked Dave where the hell she was. Dave told me that Pumpkin, like so many servers before her, quit. Bye, bye Pumpkin. I never really knew you.

Speaking of Dave, he and Q have been going on and on about some new movie opening soon. It's something called Skyline. Q even threatened to kidnap me, drag me to a theater, and force me to watch this sure-to-be cinematic piece of crap. Dave spoke up at one point and stated the obvious, "Q, _____ hates everything." Well said, Dave. Well said. I hate everything but the point spread at this late date in my wasted life.

This time will be the last time

I'm out ----->