You Know It. I Know It. Bob Dole Knows It.

There seems to be quite a bit in the news regarding something called Wikileaks. I haven't been paying too close attention to the story. But I do wonder what all the fuss is over about pissing. I mean, we all have to pee, right? The whole thing is a little baffling to me. I'm not certain if this Wikileaks deal goes into detail about the various flow issues different government officials are having. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if Joe Biden was having problems with going too often in the middle of the night or Harry Reid had low flow or John Boner had trickling concerns or Barack Hussein Obama had issues spraying pee all over White House bathrooms. Still, do we really need to know any of this? I certainly don't.

Not that too many folks reading this blog care about the following, but it's my blog and I can write about whatever I want. Denard Robinson of Michigan was recently named Big 10 player of the year. And I take great issue with the selection. Robinson was very good this year at 2 things, 1) garnering monster stats against bad teams and 2) garnering meaningless garbage time stats against good teams when the Wolverines were hopelessly behind. Those things and throwing the ball like a Sun Belt QB. Oh, and getting hurt in many games as well. Not to denigrate Robinson personally, he was playing on a team with an historically shitty defense. And I guess he was exciting to watch at times. But remember this, Michigan was 3-5 in conference play. The 3 wins came against Purdue, Indiana, and that triple overtime farce with the Illini. In those games, any decent QB would have put up huge numbers. Against the better teams of the conference, Robinson struggled to keep Michigan competitive, as every defeat was by double digits. The guy who most impacted his team this season in the Big 10 was Dan Persa of NW. But the ESPN hype-machine fueled media would never reward a deserving player from the smallest and only private school in the conference. Would it?

Speaking of Michigan, someone asked me over the weekend if one Rich Rodriguez should be fired. And the answer is - NO! PLEASE NO! What the Wolverine athletic brass should do is give the man a long contract extension. The somewhat phony Mexican has been a godsend thus far. What with the shady dealings regarding the stupid NCAA, players transferring left and right (including Ryan Mallett), the terrible defense, and the fact that U of M has been outscored by TOSU 100 to 24 the last 3 games, I think Mr Rodriguez should be given a lifetime contract. Or at least the same deal Notre Dame gave Charlie Weis after the Irish barely lost to USC back in 2005. That only seems fair. I can hope at least, can't I?

Speaking of the ESPN hype-machine, I'm not sure how many folks waste their time surfing the ESPN.com website. But if you have, you may have come across a blogger in their employ by the name of Adam Rittenberg. The guy "covers" the Big 10 for the site. And by covers, I mean he writes incoherent and farcical pieces about the conference. I'm not sure what the criteria is for landing a prestigious gig blogging about college football for ESPN. But I'm guessing that Rittenberg's hire is some kind of bizzaro world deal where the behind the scenes puppeteers of ESPN tried to get different types of shitty "journalists" to cover each big-time conference for the site. In Mr Rittenberg's case, I think he fills several niches for the hype-machine: 1) the midget/troll niche and 2) the guy who doesn't understand football but writes about it niche. He's awesome in both cases, I'll give the kid that. You may be wondering why I look in on Mr Rittenberg's poorly conceived and executed Big 10 musings from time to time. The answer is that the guy is in tight with SID's at each school and does give a pretty thorough injury report each week - something invaluable to a degenerate gambler like myself. For that I thank Mr Rittenberg. It saves me from going to multiple websites to see who is nicked up or out on any given week.

I ran into Pinky and her sister the other night at the Wing Joint on Battleground. They wanted me to blog about an upscale steak joint and the horrendous service they received there (I think they sent food back 3 times or something ridiculous like that). And I would be happy to oblige them here, but I forget which restaurant it was and the particulars of the problems they encountered there. Why? Well the blame rests squarely with Q. He was out and that means shots of cognac, or something like cognac that no one should be doing shots of. Of course, I had a few. Hence the exact details of Pinky's problems at dinner that evening escape me. What I do remember is Q trying to do work on Pinky's sister and not getting anywhere. I remember that distinctly because I was standing right next to him a good portion of the time and, as always, had to bail his ass out from some comment/pick up line he was throwing out there. I'm good at getting girls to laugh - even when they're slightly peeved. It's a strength. And you gotta go with your strengths. Plus Q is one of my best friends, there's that too.

Yet another truly terrible show is being aired by that truly terrible network, TRU TV. This one is centered around a biker bar called Full Throttle Saloon. And it is watchable, in an unwatchable way if you know what I mean. The owner of the bar is a white dude with dreadlocks named Michael Ballard. What I like about Michael Ballard is that he refers to himself in the 3rd person pretty constantly, reminiscent of my man Robert K Dole, whom the NY Times once labelled the Dark Prince of Gridlock. If you'd been hanging around the BW-3 at Woodruff and High in 1996 you'd have had the great annoyance of hearing me punctuate almost every statement with this: "You know it. I know it. Bob Dole knows it." Anyway, back to Full Throttle Saloon, Mike Ballard and his kind of partner Jesse James something or other are pretty clueless businessmen. And that makes for vaguely amusing reality television. Also, there's a chick on there named Angie who works a part of the biker bar named Angieland. That's pretty much another reason for checking out the awful show. Why? Because this Angie character has a unique talent involving her ass. I recommend the show for that reason alone.

In this theater I call my soul

I always play the starring role

So lonely...