Special NASCAR Preview

The big auto race on the beach in Daytona is gonna be run this afternoon. And many of you know how strongly I feel about the fierce competition that is stock car racing - I am a super huge fan. And by super huge fan I mean I have no conception of why anyone would watch 43 dudes drive around for hours making left hand turns. Having said that, I'm gonna bring all my years of not remotely observing these races into play by handicapping the field (or some of the field at any rate). As always, bet with caution - particularly in this case because I have no clue what might happen. My picks are as follows:

Clint Bowyer - 13 to 1: My favorite French driver at the moment. Bowyer has lots going for him today. One, he's in the field -which is key. Two, he knows how to steer a car to the left. And three, he's never won a race of importance. So, Bowyer is due. I'd be stunned if he doesn't take down the all important checkered flag. Stunned.

Brian Vickers - 40 to 1: I love this kid. He's a party animal. Vickers is probably well into his second bottle of booze by now (it's 10:56 at the moment). And when we can get a great price like 40 to 1 with a hard-living drunk, we gotta bet it. I'm putting 10 bucks on the kid. You absolutely have to.

Juan Pablo Montoya - 30 to 1: I love the fact that there is a drug kingpin in NASCAR now. What will be awesome is when the biopic is made of Montoya's life, Al Pacino can play the guy. I have to wonder how much blow Montoya totes around in the car with him while he's racing? I mean, I'll grant you that it's pointless to drive 500 miles with illegal drugs in your vehicle, only to end up right back where you started. There's that.

Keselowski - 33 to 1: I've already forgotten the kid's 1st name since looking up the odds 15 minutes ago, but I figure we should have a 2nd country in Europe covered after France (the French have been known to retreat from time to time). So, why not a Pole? I hope this Pole is on the pole for the race. Get it??? I kill myself. I really do. I have a feeling this Pole will be a big factor today. Watch out!!!

There you go, bet those 4 racers to win and sit back and count your dough. Maybe they'll all win. Now that would be a payday!!! There are ties in NASCAR, right? When Bowyer, Vickers, Montoya, and Keselowski pull 4-wide across the finish line, you'll be thanking me. As J would say, "It's a mortal lock."

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