Doing The Furniture Market

Someone requested this, so here it is, or as they say say on Maury, here it be. I walked into this huge furniture showroom Saturday afternoon about 4. Here in the triad, in High Point, NC to be exact, they have this giant furniture market twice a year where furniture fetishists from around the globe descend to wheel and deal in the dark world of ottomans and teak bed frames. I had never been to the thing before myself. But I had the opportunity to make a few bucks at yet another fake fake job at this furniture market deal. I was handing out free beer and wine by this escalator. And I gotta tell you, I was very popular as a result. In 2 & 1/2 hours I opened 30 bottles of wine and passed out at least 100 beers. These furniture folks like to get a little toasty while leering at the latest designs in throw rugs and shitty wall art. Of particular interest to this disinterested observer was the crowd out at this event. It broke into 2 groups, 1) drunk women between 25 and 55, and 2) gay dudes from around the globe. I had to have met gay fellas from at least a dozen countries. I liked the drunk women a whole lot more. Why, you may ask? They tipped better. Way better. I don't know what it is about gay foreign furniture freaks, but they were much stingier with their wadded up bills than the drunk ladies. Hell, one drunk furniture maven kept handing me $10 bills for filling up a cheap plastic cup with some red wine. I was a huge fan. Also of note at this event is that the jittery kid who spilled a salad on a dude's shoulder at a wedding rehearsal dinner back in June (I blogged about it then) was out doing the barback work. He was running all over this huge showroom bringing wine and beer to 4 bartenders as fast as possible. And I think the kid has found his calling. He did a really good job. It's a little sad that he found his niche so late in life (I believe the kid is in his mid 50s). Most barbacks discover their talent to drop off beer and wine when they're like 16. But I applaud the jittery kid who dropped a Greek salad on some dude's shoulder - better late than never. I even told the guy how impressed I was. I said, " Mark, if you need a reference for a barback job, feel free to use the name of someone here. Not me of course, but someone. You've obviously found your niche." He replied, "Don't patronize me." I was impressed that the kid knew the word patronized. And I told him so. He thought I was patronizing him again by telling him how impressed I was that he knew the word patronize. You con't win with guys like that. I go and try and do something nice and this is the thanks I get...

On a dissimilar note, I sat there at the infamous Kickin Chicken yesterday and watched the entire Dolphin/Denver game (I had a big interest in the Broncos covering -2.) Anyway, I just wanna be clear about this for folks who did not watch the whole game or just saw highlights. Tim Tebow was atrocious. In the 1st three quarters he threw like a girl. Everyone at the back bar, including the Denver fans, were laughing out loud at the kid. It was comical. Now the Broncos did pull out the win in OT. That was due to his receivers making some great catches and Miami playing a semi-prevent defense. It's hard to credit Tebow much at all for Miami's epic collapse and bad coaching decisions. Overall Tebow was Ken Dorsey bad. Terrible. Putrid. Awful. He has to get better. He can't play worse. He can't possibly play worse. Can he???

Someone asked me if I was planning to see the new movie version of The 3 Musketeers that is in theaters. I didn't honestly know there was a new, and I'm sure needless, version of the book on film. I simply mumbled something about candy bars in reply...