A Trip To The Town Elaine Benes Is From

I wandered into the Patrick Bateman's for trivia (playing with Nana's Crew - alas, we came in 2nd) in the town Elaine Benes is from last Thursday evening just after 8 and what do you know, I ran into one of the Greek Gods. The short Greek God - I couldn't tell you the kid's name to save my life. This tinier Greek God quickly informed me that he'd gotten hitched a few months back. And I was nice. I didn't mock the kid, at least not at first. In fact, I congratulated him on his exciting news. He was sitting at a round table with non-Greek God trivia players and informed me that he and the fatter Greek God had hooked on with another trivia team and done the old merging deal to be more competitive in the sordid world of team trivia. I have no idea if it's working for them. The thing about this team the Greek Gods have merged with is this - they are enormous people (and considerably homely I might add). 3 of the folks who the Greek Gods have merged with are ladies - big, repulsively ugly, Beck-worthy ladies. After congratulating this short Greek God on his marriage deal and then meeting and looking over this new trivia team he's playing with, I asked the kid this, "Which of these fat chicks sitting here did you marry?" I walked away quickly at that point.

I was killing time last Friday afternoon/early evening at the Charred Pork Bucket up near Luther Campbellville. When I got there about 3:30 there were 4 ladies to my right enjoying a couple of end-of-the-week drinks. They were nurses of some stripe or other. I overheard them talking about crack houses and bad neighbors. So I started chiming in with many scatological comments (as I always do in those situations). No one seemed offended. To the contrary, they were laughing it up. One nurse in particular was laughing it up - too much as a matter of fact. And having experienced this kind of behavior from time to time from lonely, single, nurse types, I knew what was coming at some point. That is - the one laughing too hard was gonna hit on me. And she wasn't bad looking or anything, but I wasn't in the Charred Pork Bucket to meet single nurses. I was there to pregame (slowly get some beers in me before the night really starts). At one point, as I was returning from the ever so clean men's room in the joint (it always smells like a nursing home in there), I overheard these ladies talking about how much someone looked like that actor from the movie In Good Company (not Topher Grace). And I knew right away what was going down. These nurses were discussing how much I resembled old Dennis Quaid. When they informed me of what they'd been discussing, I thanked them and gave my same old joke about, "Well, at least you're not comparing me to Randy Quaid." All very self-deprecating on my part. Blah, blah, blah. After an hour or so of more silly talk about meth-heads, enemas, and handjobs these nurses started to file out. And you guessed it, the last one sitting there of the quartet was the one laughing too hard at my purely juvenile and inane comments. She sat there for about 15 minutes, waiting in vain for me to hit on her, and finally took off. I escaped unscathed yet again.

The reason I stuck around the old Charred Pork Bucket last Friday was because I was waiting for the Jacobys to show up. When they did turn up, we got to goofing around with Luke's little IPhone deal and the Faceshit application on it. Well, I had him give me the Iphone and then proceeded to go onto random pages of Luke's friends. What I started doing his hitting the "Like" button on every post I could get to. For example - So and so is going biking Sunday - Luke likes this! Pray for my mother, she's got the crabs - Luke likes this! Please listen to my favorite song - Luke likes this! That went on for several minutes. When Luke figured out what I was doing, he and his brother Mark started laughing uncontrollably. Then I started laughing uncontrollably. I kept saying, "Luke likes this!" It was utterly stupid.

Speaking of Luke Jacoby's Faceshit page, I was scrolling through it over the weekend and came across a friend of his. A kid named Vladimir Grammer. Now, keep in mind that I'm sure Vladimir is a sweet kid. Luke told me he's a college student with way overprotective parents (they won't let him on the Internet unsupervised, for instance). Well, I started hitting the "Like" button for every post the kid had written. Here are two notable examples: 1) Hello my friend hws yous doing. Work hectic probably yeah I can't wait til we chill. 2) Hello sir sorry I beat you to the punch on Facebook but I wanted to get you as a frined as soon as I could impatient I know but post stuff on my wall I don't mind it can be anything and best to you at the Maryland Historical Society. Now, old Vladimir's last name is Grammer. Yet, his spelling is not the greatest & he never met a run-on sentence he didn't like. Also, his favorite TV show is Wipeout! I think the kid is my new hero. I tried in vain to get Luke to get Vladimir out to trivia Monday night. I very badly wanted to meet the kid. Maybe next time. I'm desperate to get to know the grammatical genius that is Vladimir Grammer. I really am. I mean that sincerely as all hell.

Later last Friday night, the Jacobys, Jeff, & I were out at the awful Bananabees on Padonia Rd for yet another terrible and spirited game of Final Score Trivia. We had a good time. We played very well. In fact, going into the last question we were up 6 points on 2nd place. There were 17 teams out playing. Well, considering none of us had been in the bar in over 2 years to play the game, there were several teams that went up to the host and complained that we had to be cheating. The host is a young kid who I've dealt with before at Bananabees (he's the kid I went up and asked, "Who is this Ana Graham you speak of?" back in 2009). Well, this host informed one of the losers who accused us of cheating that he's seen us around trivia games for years and that it was no fluke that we were kicking ass. Anyway, after the final question was over and we received our stupid little Bananabees gift certificate, I walked up to the booth where the guy who most loudly accused us of cheating was sitting with his pitiful running buddy. I said, "You guys come in here often?" The one guy said, "We do." I threw the gift certificate down on their table and said, "There you go." We walked right out of that terrible Bananabees & drove straight to the cougar bar nearby on York Rd. Alas, the cougar bar was dead. Only 7-10 cougars were milling about, looking for a night of alcohol-fueled sex to ease the loneliness in their cougar existence. It was a little sad.

Saturday was pretty much a big shitfest, as Andy & I started watching football at 1:30 at the Wrecker. Needless to say, by the time the TOSU/Corn game started at 8, I was feeling it a bit. Anyway, I got to hang out with the Dan & Katie for a few hours and that was nice. You have to love the McGrains. At least I do. The Jacobys have been bugging me for years to take them to the den of inequity that is the Ramada on Loch Raven for Saturday night karaoke. Sue B and her crew hung out there like clockwork for years on end singing poorly and drinking too slowly (I've blogged about Saturdays at the Ramada on Loch Raven before, go back and read the posts to get a sense of how amazingly terrible it was). So, about 11 o'clock the 3 of us headed over there. When we walked in, it was like a different world. Instead of Sue B, her crew, various hookers, and random drug activity, we ran into about 200 black folks doing karaoke and socializing normally. It freaked me out. I said, "This has to be an alternate universe. This place is normal now." We quickly left, as without Sue B's crew and the old-time debauchery going on, there was nothing of interest for us to see there...

Sunday night I stopped in Get Bent Lounge for old time's sake for the night game between the ATL and the Cheese. And yes, George was there as always, driving me crazy with sports related queries. Luckily Geilfuss came in for the 2nd half and he & I chatted about this and that for the remainder of the game. And I can report that Geilfuss has indeed finished college and received his degree back in May. Congratulations to Geilfuss. As for Get Bent Lounge, it is so opposite of what is it was 2 &1/2 short years ago, that I can't see any reason to hang out there at all. None of my favorite bartenders work there any longer. No Pat. No Roland. No Graham. No Jess. Nobody. I did see Fat Adam ambling across York Rd at one point when I was out smoking. Let me report this - Fat Adam is still fat. And it looked like he may have changed his jeans that day...

On Monday night, we got a final game of trivia in at some joint called 7 Pest. Andy, Jeff, the Jacobys, and I really had a great game. We missed all of 2 questions I believe. The only thing that bugged me was missing a question on the year of the Great Chicago Fire. I did atone by properly putting some albums in order of their release dates on the final question. They also asked a Beavis & Butthead question at one point (new episodes start Oct 27th by the way). And that's too easy. Geilfuss came out after the trivia game & we hung out for a few more hours at Wrecker. It was nice.

After I got back into the Gate City yesterday, I texted Brandon that I made it back alive. He simply texted me back with this: No alcohol poisoning? Alas, the kid had a point...

On a final and serious note about my little visit up to the town Elaine Benes is from, last Friday afternoon I got a chance to visit with Mama Stills. And if you're not down with Mama Stills, I have zero time for you. She's been having a few health issues here recently and I just wanted to say that I wish her a speedy recovery. Godspeed to you, Kathy.

I am out.