A Barry Awesome Election Night

Just a friendly polling place reminder of who our messiah is...

I'm not sure how many folks were aware of this, and I sure as hell wasn't until last night, but Roseanne Barr ran for president. She really did. Roseanne, the TV icon best known for her breathtaking rendition of the National Anthem at a San Diego Padres game in the 90's, managed to come in 6th place last night. I'm not making that up. About 50,000 voters chose Roseanne Barr to be our next fake leader. I'm guessing I've worked with several of these Roseanne voters over the years, as I've come across many fat women with horrendous singing voices who probably worship her. Granted, she probably would make a poor president. Although she couldn't be much worse than Barry, Mitt, the Libertarian kook, the Socialist kook, and whoever the hell came in 5th...

I wasn't following the big election results too closely last night. I had a much keener interest in what was happening at the Glass Bowl in Toledo, Ohio (and thank you to the boys from Muncie, as Ball State got the outright win). But I was strolling down to the end of the bar every so often where several brothers were watching the returns with bated breath (I'm guessing they weren't pulling for that Mormon). The reason I was doing so was because I had a bet on the election. I ran across some kid at RumbleForeskins last Saturday during college football. One of those tedious political ads came on one of the televisions at one point and I made some snide comment about it. Then I got to talking to this kid about the election. Turns out he was a big Barry lover. A huge Barry lover. As we conversed I expressed my opinion that Willard Mitt Romney would win North Carolina. This kid scoffed at me. I said, "I'm pretty certain. Don't get your hopes up." I thought that would be the end of my little political chat for the afternoon. But this Barry worshipper wouldn't drop it. Finally, the kid offered to bet me on the outcome here in the Tar Heel state. I jumped at that. I even told him I'd give him 1.5%. He jumped at that. We agreed on a $100 wager. I giggled and told Brandon that I was gonna make the easiest hundred bucks anyone has ever made. And I'll be damned, but I was right. Turns out old Mitt won North Carolina by about 2.2% (50.6% to 48.4%). And I wanna thank Mr Romney for doing me this one huge favor as he exits from the public stage and enters the ash heap of history. So, thanks there Willard. After the Obama loving kid took off from the bar, I asked the chick who helps my man Tommy out on Saturday afternoons if she knew the kid and did she think he's good for the dough. She said that the Barry fanatic is in the joint quite often and that he would pay up. I'll stop in Rumbles Saturday as always and see if the kid is in there. My guess is, being an Obama voter, the kid will try and pay me in food stamps...

Another interesting thing about the big election yesterday is that our dear leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, got about 8 million fewer votes this time around compared to the halcyon days of "chope" back in 2008. Barry received over 66 million votes last time and only 58 million votes this time. Where were all his people? We know only 50,000 of them voted for Roseanne Barr. What the hell happened to the rest? I would speculate that many of those 8 million voters from 2008 have either become disillusioned with Barry or they're in the can somewhere...

I also saw where half the people who showed up to vote, and you know who you are you poor suckers, blamed the dismal economic news that's crippled this country during Barry's awesome tenure, on old W. These folks gave Barry a pass for his failed turn in the old throne of power. Very interesting rationale there. Then again, no one ever went broke banking on the ignorance of the American voter. Kudos to Barry there. He successfully banked on sheer stupidity to get another try in assuming the position of power. I wish Barry and his merry band of socialist misfits the best the next term. And just think, 4 years from now, if I'm still alive somehow, I can write all about Joe Biden's landslide victory. Those will be great days. Tremendous fucking days indeed. I can't wait for that shit...