Hippies Vs Car Bombs

The 20.

The big football game in New Orleans is just 2 days away. The hype is unbearable, as always. Talk, talk, talk...As Bono would say - maybe too much talk. This year we get another scintillating match-up. For some reason the San Francisco 49ers are 4 point favorites over the Baltimore Ravens. Underdogs in this game have been very good recently, even winning outright with frequency. But before I get to my official pick for Sunday's tilt, I'm gonna break down both teams scientifically. This is my 5th write-up for the big game. In the previous 4, I have gone 5-1 with side/total/teaser picks. You can go back and read each of them if you want. An interesting side note on these write-ups is this; the one I did 2 years ago for GB/PIT still receives dozens of page views a month, possibly because the photo accompanying that post featured German babes in traditional serving wench outfits knocking back huge beers. What other reason would explain why anyone would read a post previewing a game that's long since been decided? Although, I did take Steeler fans across the country to task pretty mercilessly in that post as well - maybe that has something to do with it too?

When you look at San Francisco, several relevant facts leap out. The first being that the novel McTeague by Frank Norris is set in the city. I don't read books myself, but if I did McTeague would be near the top of my list. It's about this dude who practices crude dentistry in late 19th century San Francisco. He meets some gal, there's money problems, blah, blah, blah. I realize that synopsis won't make the prospect of reading the novel seem too promising. But it is. And if you hate reading or are functionally illiterate, you can catch the movie version. It's called Greed. It was directed by Erich Von Stroheim. The 2nd thing San Francisco has going for it is that Alcatraz is nearby. And if anyone has seen that terrible movie The Rock, you know that Alcatraz is one scary place. Al Capone was incarcerated there for a time. And who doesn't respect Scarface? The thing I've always found most fascinating about the movie The Rock is that The Rock himself, Dwayne Johnson, is not in the film. Does that make any damn sense? How can you call a movie The Rock and not feature The Rock in it? Weird. And upsetting. And unsettling. The 3rd thing San Francisco has going for it is really key - hippies. Free love in Haight-Ashbury with hippies. The only problem with free love and hippies is that 1) nothing is truly free & 2) hippies smell. I've often wondered how long I would of lasted in San Francisco during the Summer of Love in 1967. I'm guessing I would have gotten out of the car, been offered some grass, turned it down flat, then started smelling all the hippies. Maybe a few of the hippie gals would have been alluring. But when I got close to them, they'd smell like hippies. And hippies smell. So, I probably would have turned around and left Haight-Ashbury in the summer of 1967 after 5 or 7 minutes. It's not my milieu, if you know what I mean. I don't get down like that, if you dig. You dig? I also don't understand why hippies used the phrase, "You dig?" Am I holding a fucking shovel in my hand? Good God. The last and most vital thing San Francisco has going for it is that lots of gay folks call the city home. It's some kind of gay mecca. And I'm a huge fan of practitioners of the anal arts. Those dudes are awesome. They have developed quite a community for themselves in San Francisco. I've seen the movie Milk. So, I know. Jeff Spicoli and the guy who played W in the movie W. Having that force of gay pride with the Niners will be powerful and very tough for any football team to overcome. It's an uphill climb for the boys from the Charm City.

On the other hand, Baltimore has many positives as well. Tupac. Mike Phelps. Geilfuss. These names are a testament to all that Baltimore means. Tough. Gritty. Ready to throw down. It all goes back to the War of 1812. I don't remember San Francisco repelling the British Army. Then again, I was always a marginal student of history at best. So, who knows. But I'm pretty sure that the British Army didn't advance on Candlestick Park back 200 years ago. I've stopped and visited in many sections of Baltimore, or at least in bars of many sections of Baltimore - from Dundalk, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill, and Highlandtown  to the outlying areas like Lutherville, Parkville, Ellicott City, & Glen Burnie. And my old hometown, at least for a couple years, Towson, MD. The thing about all the bars in all these areas is that folks will drink. I mean drink to get hammered. Car Bombs flow in Baltimore like Chardonnay in San Francisco. Football weekends in Baltimore, some bars have been known to run out of Jameson for Christ's sake. I've seen it happen. And how in the hell can you top that? Hippies smoking joints vs hard looking men and women drinking to oblivion on the east side of Baltimore with accents so thick that you think you're in a foreign country? Please. It's not even close. It goes back to being tough, gritty, & ready to throw a punch for no good reason. Baltimore has it in spades over San Francisco.

The last thing I'll mention before getting to my official pick is that there has been quite a bit of rumbling that this game Sunday may be the 20's last game for the Ravens. Maybe his last game ever. I hope neither is true. As I've mentioned repeatedly on this blog over its 50 month lifespan, the 20 is my favorite player not named the 84 or the 10 (of course, the 84 is retired and calling college football games on ESPN & the 10 is doing I have no idea what). The 20 is the most electrifying player in football & he's a safety. A fucking safety. If this really is the last time the 20 gets on the football field, I hope like hell he gets the ball in his hands one last time and starts pitching it wildly to a  teammate to try and get a defensive or special teams score. I really hope the 20 goes ahead and scores the damn ball himself one last time. I guarantee I'll cry if that happens.

The picks: Baltimore +4, Baltimore Money Line (+140), Tease the Ravens and the Over.