Fantasy Preview 2014

Coming Soon To Philly

Football is fast approaching once again. It's like clockwork every last Thursday in August. And along with the hard hitting games, skanky cheerleaders, awful announcers, and dead drunk Steeler fans, we get the return of Fantasy. Fantasy...

I've done a few Fantasy previews over the years on this blog. No one seemed to care. But that's not gonna stop me from doing another one today. Here's who to be looking to add to your Fantasy squad for this fall -

1) Wes Welker - Obvious choice. He plays in the slot...I know there are concerns about Welker's concussion problems. But when you play in the slot the way Welker plays in the slot, then concussion issues be damned. Plus he has a QB who has undergone multiple neck surgeries.

2) Matt Prater - Another Bronco. He made a 64 yard FG last December! And he kicks in the mile high air. And with weed being legal in the greater Denver area these days, I suspect that the ball will fly even farther. Did you know that when potheads exhale at a football game that the ball flies 20% farther? It's true. I read it on Faceshit. And that means it has to be true.

3) Mark Sanchez - The Mexican Joe Montana has found a new home in Philly. He's not gonna start the season for the Eagles, bur when Nick Foles inevitably gets injured, Chip Kelly will turn to Sanchez. And that means erratic throws, confused faces, and butt fumbles. I can't wait to see Sanchez play again. It's been too long.

4) Johnny Football - My favorite. I know he's been atrocious in the preseason, but these games don't count. When JFF gets in a real game, he will deliver. He might deliver lots of picks, but he'll deliver. And if Manziel flames out in the NFL, that's okay because he can join the SEC Network and sit right next to Tim Tebow and analyze Nick Saban's oversigning of recruits.

5) Bob Griffin - A gentleman on ESPN last year named Rob Parker called Bob a "cornball brother." I had never heard the term at the time. What it means is that a black dude doesn't fit Mr. Parker's views on what a back dude should believe. Mr Parker thinks that Griffin is somehow not authentic. I think it stems from some political comments Griffin made in support of Republicans or conservatives. And that makes Griffin, in the eyes of many folks, a "cornball brother." Very strange. Me? I'm okay with corn. And I like a nice ball as much as the next guy. And Brother by Toad The Wet Sprocket is really good. So, if someone called me a "cornball brother," I wouldn't be too upset. It's funny that ESPN fired Mr Parker after he made that statement last year. Doesn't Skip Bayless, Steve Smith, and Mike Ditka say equally insensitive and possibly derogatory things almost constantly?

6) Dan Snyder - A strange little man, indeed. Many journalists have stopped using the name of the Washington football club in their writing recently. And that's lovely and all, but I do wonder why the outrage now. When I first started hearing about this movement last year, it surprised me quite a bit. Where was the outrage 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago? I remember thinking at some point in the early 90's that the name of the Washington football club is cruel and racist. Why have so many folks become suddenly enlightened? It's quite vexing. Snyder is hellbent on keeping the name, claiming it honors Indian heritage. He might even believe that. It's possible. The name honors and flatters Indians the way the term redneck honors and flatters folks who are rednecks...

7) Golden Tate - Interesting cat. Tate allegedly had an affair with Russ Wilson's wife. That's right, his QB's wife. Whatever happened, Wilson is divorced and Tate is playing in Detroit. Yes, the Motor City. Matt Stafford got engaged a few months back. And you guessed it, Stafford's future bride is a hot blonde like Wilson's wife was...Be careful Matt!

Okay, I'm bored with that.

I got a text from Geilfuss last night. He's dragging me back into yet another year in the Survivor Pool. The last 4 years have been unkind, to say the least. Since making it to week 15 in 2009, I don't believe we've made it out of early October since. The Bengals did us in in 2010 & 2011. Tom Brady screwed in 2012. I don't remember off the top of my head who we lost with last year. But I'm sure Geilfuss will remember. He stays up nights worrying about Survivor.

Speaking of Fantasy, although I loathe it, I do have friends who participate in it. And my buddy Phil is one of them. His draft was last Sunday at the Kicken Chicken in the Gate City. I couldn't be there, but I did call in to help out. I heard that several children were drafting for away Dads or Moms. Like 8 year-olds. And I heard that a Chinese woman was drafting a team as well. I'm sure it was quite the eclectic scene. Anyway, the fact that little kids and foreigners were so heavily involved could explain why many picks were shockingly awful. At one point, I was informed that someone selected Sidney Rice. I'm guessing it was the Chinese chick (you know, Rice,,,). It was an interesting selection considering that Rice retired last month...