Mistakes Folks Make

Folks make mistakes pretty much constantly. Here's a look at some of the biggest ones...

1) Being Born - It's the start of a long terrible slide to death. That's the best thing I can say for being born. Although, to be fair, no one is really at fault for being born. It wasn't our choice, was it? I think it's only fair to give people a pass for this mistake. But, it does lead me to the next mistake...

2) Procreating - A huge issue, as churning out offspring seems to be done most prolifically by folks least capable properly raising said offspring. You don't wanna know my suggestion for curbing the seemingly perpetual birth of yet more dead weight on society...

3) Eating Tomatoes - I have no idea why anyone would do this. It's sick. Sick. Sick.

4) Watching Jay Leno - See above...

5) Using Your Real Name - Whoever decided it was a good idea to let folks know who you really are - that person was an idiot. Nothing good can ever come by giving your real name out. I never say anything about any name, real or fake, voluntarily. But, when pressed to give a name, I usually say "Jack. Jack Momma." I have also used Tucker Smith quite a bit. And, as I've admitted before on this blog, my old go-to fake name has always been Alex Chilton.

6) Calling The Cops - I just have never understood why anyone would ever do this. Why would you willingly bring armed representatives of local or state government into your business? I have never even considered calling the cops. Ever. And I can't imagine a situation where I would.

7) Boasting About A Professional Sports Team - Pitiful. Pitiful. Pitiful. You know these guys. The guys whose whole self-esteem and existence is wrapped around how the Yankees did, or the Red Wings, or the Cowboys. Or whoever. I have never understood why someone would brag, for example, that, "My Sox kick ass!" My question for these folks is this: What role did you play in the sterling and glorious victory or championship? They never have an answer for that. Because they didn't have anything to do with the victory or championship.

8) Dating - A pointless waste of time and money. And the talking. The talking. The fucking talking. Which reminds me...

9) Talking - I don't have anything to say. And I don't care about other people. So, why would I waste the time and energy to converse with my fellow man?

10) Getting Married - A prison of man's own making. Why would any sane person go through with a marriage? It's totally baffling to me.

11) Giving To Charity - What a scam. Charity. I just laugh at the whole concept. Maybe I'll throw a few bucks to Jessica Biel-esque strippers working their way through Med School from time to time, but I don't know if that's technically charity...

12) Going To School - Education is by far the most overrated thing in the history of Western Civilization. I know very little. Obviously. I'm stupid and intellectually incurious or dis-curious or whatever the right word is. And I fervently wish that I didn't know the little I do know. School is a huge waste of time, not to mention taxpayer expense.

13) Literacy - Pointless. Me, I'm barely functionally literate. And I wish I didn't know the few words I do.

14) Voting - The most tedious waste of time and energy ever invented by mankind.

Well, thanks for humoring me. Yet another completely solipsistic post on my part. As I always say - Ya gotta go with your strengths...

Stand tall like a man

Headstrong like a horse

I am out --->