America's Bow-Legged Sweetheart

I was sitting around last night, watching the latest installment of the unwatchably vacuous Bachelorette, when the twisted nuts at ABC News broke in and informed the world that our dear leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, was about to address the nation on a critical issue. I figured Barry's speech would either cover yet another assassination of a radical jihadist somewhere in the upscale suburbs of Pakistan or he'd prattle on about how he alone should be given credit for the NFL labor issues being settled. Shockingly, neither topic was on Barry's plate. Instead, our awesome fake leader decided to give a cynical, bizarre, and deceptive talk about this silly debt ceiling crisis. What a letdown. I did listen to about 7 minutes of this weird attempt at propaganda. It was extremely reminiscent of the kind of tactics one Richard M Nixon used to employ in speeches 40 years ago. It was nice, in a sense, to see Barry channeling his inner Tricky Dick. I found that aspect of the shameless display heartwarming. Well, Barry wrapped up his little chat and then William Jefferson Blythe's old Greek hack, one Lil Georgie Stephanopoulos, came on the air to rip Barry for a bit. Then ABC threw it to one John Boner to give him a chance to respond to Barry's foul stench of lies. Which was completely needless. It was clear from Boner's talk that he's got Barry right where he wants him. And blah, blah, blah...This whole thing is so pathetically silly. Finally, ABC went back to the innocuous action from Fiji where America's bow-legged sweetheart, one Ashley something or other, was getting dumped by a strange Greek fellow (not sure if said Greek freak is related to the one who used to be a hack for William Jefferson Blythe or not). You may be wondering aloud, "TBFH, why in the hell are you watching The Bachelorette?" Well, that's a fair query. It really is. I've been watching the program because every time I see that chick, I say things like, "Damn, she's bow-legged." Or "Damn, she looks bored." Or "Does she ride horses?" Or "Is there an alien about to pop out of her vaginal canal?" Or "Why does she keep picking at her teeth like a 4 year old being forced to eat some vegetable they despise?" Things like that. It passes the time. I mean MNF is still several weeks away from their hard-hitting and mostly pointless exhibition schedule. So, I've gotta look at something on a Monday night during the summer. And what with Hoarders becoming totally redundant the last 2 years, as every episode is pretty much the same, the exploits of America's bow-legged sweetheart has had to suffice.

I mentioned back in February that no one would be subjected to reading anything about the NFL labor issues on this blog. And I've kept my word. I never wrote one word about it. Now that it's over, I will say that I find it amusing that the talking heads at ESPN and other fake media outlets are debating about which side "won." I'm not sure what the debate is about. The owners won. The owners always win in these deals. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

The bad news about the NFL's labor issues being settled is that fans of a number of teams will have to actually watch their teams play games this fall. Ouch. Right here in North Carolina, all the poor Panther fans will be subjected to another debacle of a season. Maybe they'll even get to see Cam Newton tear his ACL and MCL scrambling for 3 yards on 3rd & 22. Fun times.

I made it out for a bit over the weekend to Sloppy Seconds. Moose & his crew were in there like always, being the drunks that they are and all. I chatted with them a little here and there about typical pointless bar chat. Anyway, to my left at the bar were 3 gay brothers. I mean 2 of these fellas were flaming - on fire. Well, I was overhearing some of their conversation and at one point one of these gay brothers was talking about trying to sell some kind of barber chairs for $1000 a pop. Then one of this dude's running buddies (a stereotypical gay black man if there ever was one) mentioned chains on the barber chairs. And that's when I chimed in on the merits of chaining someone to a barber chair to initiate some type of domination fantasy. I informed the gentleman looking to sell the chairs that my kinky sex angle might be useful as a selling point in trying to unload these pesky barber chairs. And when I finished offering my unsolicited advice on this barber chair problem, I got one of those, "Whoa, honey. You're one of those guys," type of responses from the most outspoken of the trio. For the next hour or so, I wouldn't say I particularly held a conversation with the 3 fellas, but I was throwing out lots of comments involving vats of Crisco, rusty razors, & The Weather Girls. Obviously. What the hell else would I say to these gay dudes???

Later that same night, I stumbled into The Village Idiot Tavern. I was watching my Reds battle those annoying Atlanta Braves. Anyway, to my left (yet again) at the bar, was a kid from S Carolina who had graduated from the University of Tennessee. The kid was a Braves fan and an amiable enough guy and all. Well, we started talking a little college football. And his alma mater is having very similar issues as my alma mater vis a vis NCAA problems with the football program. At one point this Vol fan asked me if I thought the old TOSU would suffer worse than UT in terms of getting back to some kind of prominence in the college gridiron universe. I told the kid I didn't think so. I mentioned that the key problem that the Vols are facing is that so many players are so scarred from being romanced by Lane Kiffin, that it might take a decade to fully clean their old poop chutes. Alas, the Vol fan didn't laugh. "Too soon?" I asked. The kid merely nodded his head...

Okay, I'm bored of this today.

And I wish they would stop