No Pig, No Pickin

When I left you last time, I was headed out to Sloppy Seconds to attend an event known as a pig pickin. It wasn't much of an event. As it turned out, a half hour after I showed up, it started pouring down rain. The organizers moved the event inside the bar. I just sat there watching Rory Mcilroy embarrass the USGA and Congressional Country Club - which I enjoyed immensely. I never did eat any pig. I never did see any pickin of the pig. Instead, in between golf shots, I drank beer and SoCo lime shots with Brandon. After about 3 hours of that, I stumbled out of the bar, went over to Wing Joint and ate some of their damn fine chicken wings. The only remotely interesting things I observed at Sloppy Seconds were a) seeing Michigan Molly for the 1st time this year & b) watching Brandon's dad overbid on items in an auction to raise dough for some outfit called Operation Frown (some deal to help folks with cleft lips and whatnot get braces or something, I wasn't paying very close attention to be honest). Michigan Molly was there with her latest paramour - some pitiful middle aged man who couldn't get hammered fast enough. The highlight of that fiasco was when the 2 of them slow danced to the band's version of Brown Eyed Girl. I was almost puking up indiscriminate light beer from laughing so hard. At one point, when the band was playing a particularly loud song (something by Tom Petty), Michigan Molly made her way to the bar and whispered something in my ear for like 20 seconds. The good news is that I couldn't hear a word she was saying. The even better news is that she never came back over. As far as Mike, Brandon's dad, buying stuff in the auction portion of the event, I know he overpaid for both a flatscreen TV that he didn't need & a home brew kit that he'll never use. Well done, Mike. The money did go to a good cause and all (those pesky cleft palate sufferers). So that's something I guess. The whole thing was a big letdown. And yes, as I predicted, there was the infamous Cornhole being played...Damn Cornhole.

I showed up this morning at the place I occasionally show up to work. And my dear colleagues in Durham managed to not have the servers working for the computer system we use. Alas, I sat around there until 10 doing nothing. Then took off for the weekend. It does give me a chance to blog though. Damn servers.

We're at a great point in sports where the NFL is in a lockout, the NBA is in a lockout, the LA Dodgers are bankrupt, NASCAR is still NASCAR, & ESPN is hyping the Women's World Cup beyond all reason. An occasional reader of this blog came by my work area the other day with a post-it. On the post-it was written: USA 2 N Korea 0. I asked the occasional reader of this blog what the meaning of the post-it was. I was baffled to be honest. He informed me that it was the final score of a Women's World Cup tilt. I thanked the occasional reader of this blog for the thought, but informed him that I was more interested in the results of the dice game going on behind the building than any Women's World Cup score. He chuckled. Damn Women's World Cup. Damn dice games.

I stopped in the old Wing Joint Tuesday, very briefly, to check in with my trivia team. I hadn't stopped in for a game in 6 weeks. I got the distinct feeling that they didn't miss me. Anyway, I'm glad I stopped in. For one thing, Dave, Greensboro's favorite bald headed bartender, was there. I hadn't seen the kid since March. I'm not sure what kind of training he's been doing to prepare for whatever deployment he may be making soon. But whatever it is, the kid has trimmed down considerably. I bet Dave has dropped 25 pounds. He was looking quite svelte. As far as the trivia game went, we won going away. We were up a couple points going into the last question & they asked to name one baseball player besides Barry Bonds to attain 2,000 hits, 300 homers, & 300 steals. I wrote the name Willie Mays on a napkin and laughed. The girl on our team who gets involved with European enterprises mentioned Ken Griffey Jr as a possibility. A wrong guess, but that's okay. A few other names were tossed around, including the other right answers (A Roid & The Hawk). It's always good to win the damn trivia game. If you're gonna go to the trouble to play the thing, you might as well win it. Earlier, the chick running the thing asked a Star Whores question. And that's too easy. Damn Star Whores.

I was out doing some work at some joint in High Point, North Carolina last weekend. There was a kid there working with me, a jittery fellow whose name I can't remember, who dropped a salad plate on a Greek dude's shoulder. I felt kind of bad for the kid. What happened as a result is the kid got banished to prepping dirty dishes for washing for like 3 hours. Not a fun assignment. I learned a valuable lesson as a result. The lesson is to be very careful not to drop a salad on a Greek dude's suit. It's worth remembering. A free tip from me to you. Overall, I had a pleasant time working the event out in High Point. I spent a good deal of the time making sure the kids there had enough chicken tenders, french fries, and ketchup. Kids, they crack me up. Especially when they're requesting something like extra chicken tenders and ketchup. It was nice. Damn chicken tenders.

I haven't been keeping up with our friend Barry much at all this summer. Things are going so badly for the guy that I feel kind of sorry for him at this point. I mean, he brought all this on himself and all. So, I don't feel too bad for him. Anyway, I did see where there was some golf summit that Barry threw with John Boner, Joe Biden, and my old congressmen John Kasich. I'm not sure what the hell was accomplished at this golf summit. Probably nothing. The only thing that interested me about it was seeing a picture of Joe Biden swinging his massive putter around the greens. A sight not fit for tepid eyes. Damn Joe Biden & his massive putter.

Speaking of my old congressmen, and the current governor of Ohio, John Kasich, I was given the task of introducing him at a school assembly once back in middle school at the old Northland Academy. Why I was chosen is beyond me. I don't recall ever expressing the slightest interest in politics at the time. I still have no interest in politics. And what with me being a bit of a wild card as far as the fact that almost anything could come out of my mouth at any time, the school bigwigs were taking a bit of a risk in bestowing the honor on me. I don't recall exactly what I said in my introduction. Probably something along the lines of how I wish the girls would go ahead and honor John Kasich by removing their tops. Something like that. Seeing girls topless was about all I was interested in at the time. Come to think of it,...

Independence Day is coming up here next Monday. It celebrates the idea that a bunch of rich white cats didn't want to pay taxes to other rich white cats. Seems as good a reason as any to get hammered.

I need a photo opportunity. I want a shot at redemption.