I was out last Thursday evening and right at 8:30 I asked the nameless bar wench at the dive bar where I was sitting to flip one of the flatscreens to NBC for the opening game of the NFL season. She looked at me, rather puzzled. A dude sitting nearby chimed in and informed both of us that the NFL had kicked off the night before. I was a little incredulous, to say the least. I was like, "What the hell are you talking about? The NFL has kicked off its season on the Thursday after Labor Day for years now." This kid said, "Not this year, buddy." All I could say is, "Fuck. I really wanted to see Dallas battle the Giants. And now you're telling me the game happened yesterday? Why? Why the hell would the NFL change this year to the Wednesday after Labor Day?" The dude, who resembled Ronnie from Jersey Shore, said, "Because the Democrat Convention is being held this week and Obama is speaking tonight." I found this almost impossible to believe. Why would the NFL move a football game because our epic failure of a leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, was gonna get up in front of assorted liberal freaks and give everyone a bunch of jive, trying to explain why he should be reelected? The NFL is way more important than a tedious speech from a man who has done nothing but talk and talk and talk some more. The Jersey Shore wannabe at the bar couldn't agree with me more. Turns out the kid was a Giants fan. I meekly asked him how the game had turned out from the previous night. The juiced up Jerseyite said that the Cowboys had beaten his beloved G Men 24-17. I said, "Damn, that's surprising. How did Romo look?" This wide-jawed kid, the Ronnie from Jersey Shore lookalike, then went on some rant about Tony Romo. I tuned the kid out instantly. I'd heard this all before. Many times. You know, nonsensical and irrational hatred of Tony Romo. Many NFL fans suffer from this disease. Hell, even many Cowboy fans hate Romo. What I always ask them when they go on their typical tirade about Romo sucking is this, "Who available, would you rather have?" They have no answer for that, obviously. The Cowboys aren't trading for Rodgers, Brees, or Brady. They haven't drafted high enough to land a potential stud signal caller either. No one available is better than Romo. I think many of the Romo haters forget the kid was an undrafted free agent from somewhere called Eastern Illinois. An undrafted free agent who has thrown for 4,000 yards in a season, been to the Pro Bowl, and won the Cowboys their only playoff victory in like 15 years. If anything, Romo's story is an inspiring tale of an underdog overcoming great odds. But these haters don't wanna hear that. Even Dallas fans who hate him don't wanna hear that. And then there are the folks who feel such warped hatred for Romo that they result to slurs to try and insult him. I remember one such guy specifically who used a slur against Romo in an astoundingly inappropriate setting. Back in my glory days, when I was toiling away at at the Nancy Grasmick Building on W Baltimore St for the Maryland State Department of Education, there was an IT guy who worked there named Matthew Dammann. He was one of these balding guys who probably played a lot of lacrosse at some point in his past. Anyway, one day at lunch on the mezzanine level of the State Department of Education building in the Charm City, this Dammann kid sits down with about 7 or 8 other state workers. I, unfortunately, was one of those state workers. I was sitting there around some colleagues, probably eating a shitty sub, saying as little as possible. As always. This Matthew Dammann sits down at the table. I didn't know the kid at the time. He was loud and overbearing almost from the moment he seated himself. At some point talk turned to the old pigskin. There were two other gentlemen at the table who followed the NFL, two Rays specifically - Ray Scott and Ray Graleski. As the three of them bantered on about the NFL, Dammann, out of nowhere, dropped this gem on the group eating their crappy lunches, "I hate Tony Homo." Yes, in the middle of a professional lunch environment, with at least 20 people within earshot, Damman plays the gay slur card. I was taken aback. I considered saying something to him. I decided against that, got up, left the lunch area, and went back to my lonely cubicle. This happened like 4 or 5 years ago. And I still vividly remember this Matthew Dammann character deciding it was a good idea to drop a gay slur about Tony Romo in the middle of lunch at the State Department of Education. I figured someone who overheard him would be livid and have him reprimanded or fired. Not so much because Dammann hated Romo, but because he used a gay slur at one of the most liberal-minded places anyone could ever dream of working. Alas, Dammann wasn't fired or even told that using hate speech at lunch was not such a hot idea. I made it a point to steer clear of the kid after that. We didn't work together directly or anything. So it was easy to avoid him. I remember the last time I ran into Dammann. I was at some Railroad Museum for a Christmas party for folks who worked in Assessment and Accountability for the Maryland State Deprtment of Education. I found myself at a table with Matthew Dammann, unfortunately. I didn't say anything to him for like 45 minutes. Finally, Dammann decided to make a little small talk with me. I don't recall how the conversation started. It was silly chit-chat. After a few minutes I excused myself from the table. I was gonna say something pithy to the kid. I'm known for that sort of shit. But I decided not to. It wouldn't have been professional. I'm guessing that Dammann is still on the dole for the State of Marlyand, sitting in his cubicle, doing next to nothing 40 hours a week, and still plagued by irrational hatred of Tony Romo. Poor bastard...
I was out Sunday for NFL Ticket at the infamous Kicken Chicken on Battleground. It was pretty subdued in there for some reason (probably because the Cowboys weren't playing and their clueless, obnoxious fans were nowhere to be seen). It was packed as always though. Brandon and I were sitting at the back bar, squeezed into a corner, watching several games very closely. The game we were monitoring most closely was the Philly/Cleveland tilt. And I'm hard pressed to ever remember a game with worse quarterback play. The kid from Oklahoma St, Brandon Weeden, was terrible. It was almost like watching Ken Dorsey play in the NFL. And Ron Mexico was atrocious for the Eagles. I was getting very frustrated with Mexico. He wouldn't tuck the ball and run when he had wide open lanes in front of him. Instead, Mexico continuously threw the ball up for grabs across his body. He threw 4 interceptions (it could have easily been more). One of the interceptions the Browns returned for six, accounting for their only TD of the day. I can't wait to see what the Ravens have in store for Mr Mexico this Sunday. I'm gonna bet heavily on Baltimore. I can promise you that.
I mentioned earlier that the Democrat Convention was last week. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I had no clue it was taking place. Not that I'd have watched much of it anyway. Maybe a little for the comedic value. I don't know why anyone would want to go to a Democrat Convention. I'd rather be in Gitmo getting water boarded myself. I would like to make fun of the convention. I really would. But, as I said, I had no clue it was happening. I did see one interesting bit of info about our favorite plagiarizer, one Joe Biden. Biden was at an event recently and was asking local Democrat dignitaries to stand up and be recognized. Nice gesture, right? Maybe, but at one point he asked some dude in a wheelchair to stand up and wave to the crowd. That's right, Joe Biden must think he has the healing powers of Benny Hinn or some other fraudulent television scam artist evangelist. Biden literally asked a cripple to get up out of a wheelchair and wave to the crowd. That is awesome.
Speaking of awesome, I got an email from Geilfuss last week. Turns out that over the summer, Geilfuss, Tys, and a few other fellas decided to venture to Philly for some harmless fun. Only with Tys tagging along harmless fun generally turns to a big ugly scene pretty quickly. I've seen it first hand. Anyway, on this particular night, after taking in a ballgame, Geilfuss and crew headed to one of Philly's finest strip joint establishments. Are you guessing trouble ensued? Well, it did. Shocker! Tys proceeded to get loaded. Tys started talking shit. Tys was asked to leave by the bouncers. Tys kept trying to sneak back into the strip joint. The bouncers didn't appreciate this. I'm sure at first the bouncers found Tys's drunken nonsense somewhat amusing. But after awhile, I'm guessing they got sick of Tys screaming obscenities and trying to get back into the strip club. Things ended badly. The local authorities were called. Tys was cuffed. Geilfuss eventually caught wind of the fact that Tys had gotten into a spot of trouble and went outside to try and help the kid. The picture below is pretty priceless. Note the name of the titty-flop joint - I wonder if Samson was lurking around somewhere...
Speaking of Geilfuss and Philadelphia. We somehow survived Week 1 of Survivor when the Eagles got that last minute score over Cleveland. Whew...
Coffee is for closers
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