I haven't done any college football write ups in a long time. But here it is Friday afternoon. I'm bored and have nothing better to do. So, here we go ---
V Tech vs Pittsburgh (+10) Noon on ESPNU - Here we've got Gobblers against Panthers. In the brutal world of nature, you'd take a panther over a turkey every time (although the turkey may tire the panther out for a few minutes before being swallowed whole). On the football field things are different. Take the Gobblers. For one thing I guarantee there will be 5 times as many Hokie fans at Heinz Field as there are Pitt fans. Secondly, Pitt sucks. The only way things could go bad for Va Tech is if one of the mass murderers the school seems to attract waltzes onto the field and shoots Frank Beamer and Logan Thomas in the head. While that's unlikely, you never know. It's Va Tech for Christ's sake.
N Illimois vs Army (+3) Noon on CBS Sports Network - Cindy Crawford against Robert E Lee. I know Cindy didn't attend NIU, but she is from DeKalb and was valedictorian of her high school. Bob Lee most certainly did attend West Point, but wasn't valedictorian. In other words, this is a tough call. While the fake historian in me would like to pick the Cadets, I can't. It's Cindy Crawford. When faced with a call between a military genius and a supermodel, I'll take the supermodel every time,
Alabama vs Arkansas (+20) 3:30 on CBS - Forrest Gump vs hillbillies who wear pig snouts in public. No one wins here. Forrest Gump is the most unwatchable film to ever win Best Picture (I'm still miffed it beat Pulp Fiction). Compared to hillbillies wearing pig snouts in public, you may think Forrest Gump doesn't look so bad. But you'd be wrong. It's a real toss-up. However, the fact that John L Smith is coaching the Razorbacks swings things decidedly to Bama. John L Smith is no Bear Bryant, or Nick Saban, or even a Dennis Franchione for that matter. The Tide will kill the Hogs.
Navy vs Horseplay U (-7) 3:30 on ABC/ESPN2 - Roger Staubach against rhythmic ass slapping, err...horseplay. I keep forgetting, there is no rape. It's all just harmless horseplay. Take Navy. Horseplay U has no playmakers on offense. Their kicker is awful. And players are leaving the program almost daily. My hope is that by next fall so many players will have left Horseplay U under the transfer rules the NCAA put in place, that they won't be able to field a team. Maybe they could bust Jerry Sandusky out of prison at that point and give him 50 to 60 12 year-olds to coach at good old Horseplay U...
USC vs Stanford (+8&1/2) 7:30 on Fox - OJ Simpson against Herbert Hoover. Yet another tough call. While OJ does allegedly have 2 murders under his belt, and you can't sell him short there, he is leaving a chunk of his will to one of the Kardashians. I'm not sure which one. Hopefully Bruce Jenner will get a taste of the dough and get more plastic surgery. But I digress...Hoover does have some positives too. He was super successful in the mining business and a great humanitarian during WW1, but there's also the bit about him handling the Stock Market Crash of 1929 with a few missteps. Those missteps led to FDR. And FDR led to JBJ. And LBJ led to Barack Hussein Obama. There's really no advantage here, is there? Or as Nick Bakay used to say, "Advantage, push."
BYU vs Utah (+4) 10:00 on ESPN2 - One of my favorite games of the year. Mormom against Mormon. And when Mormons fight, we all know they fight dirty. I wonder which side Willard Mitt Romney will be pulling for. Probably the Cougars, as BYU is the official school of the LDS "Church." I like the Cougs myself. They got whipped at home last year by the Utes and there's no payback like Mormon payback. With the possible exception of Islamic payback, but I'm not getting political today. It wouldn't be nice. And above all, I pride myself on being nice.
Enjoy the games.
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