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| Jittery Falcon Fan, and yours truly, at the infamous Kicken Chicken just after halftime of the Seattle/ATL game yesterday. I'm not sure what I love most about Jittery in this photo - the warrior helmet, the big foam hand, the fake Turner jersey tucked too tightly into his jeans, the goofy grin, or the crazed look in his eyes... |
Saturday night, I had the pleasure of hanging out at some joint downtown called the Less Fortunate House. The weather was unseasonably warm - mid 60's. So, the outside bar was open and the Baltimore/Denver game was being shown on a wall to the right of the bar. And as many of you know, if there is an outdoor bar area and the weather is cooperative, the damn Cornhole will inevitably be played. And the damn Cornhole was played. Specifically played by about 14 lesbians. I'm not sure if Less Fortunate House is known around town as a lesbian bar or not. But Saturday night it was almost exclusively lesbian (I've always said that if I was a chick, I'd be 100% lesbo myself). Anyway, all these lesbians were dead drunk, screaming at one another about who would take whose keys so no one drove drunk, and heaving those ugly bean bags all over the place. I started to become annoyed with the lesbian bean bag tossing. On one typical errant toss, a bean bag nearly hit me in the head. Plus, the drunk lesbians were heaving the bean bags right in front of the wall where the huge playoff game was being projected. It made it difficult to follow the game, to say the least. I got out of there after regulation ended and watched the overtime at RumbleForeskins. My favorite of the dozen or so hammered lesbians was a short blondish woman with the oddest pear-shaped body I've ever seen. What I liked about her so much was that you could see the Tommy Hilfiger boxers she was wearing, as her ill-fitting jeans were hung way too low. She was yelling gibberish about not being too drunk to operate a motor vehicle. Let's just say that the display was not very lady-like. It gave me 2nd thoughts on my whole "if I were a chick, I'd be a lesbian" approach to life. These lesbians were awful.
Speaking of the NFL playoffs, who was that in Champ Bailey's uniform Saturday night? There's no way that was the real Champ Bailey. For a moment I thought ex-Raven nickel back Cory Ivy had kidnapped Bailey and put on his uniform so he could get torched one last time by an NFL receiver...
Speaking of defensive backs, my favorite player in the NFL, as many of you know, is the 20. And in all the years I've watched the 20 play, I can never recall a game where he was so invisible. I kept saying, to no one in particular, "Is Ed Reed even on the field?"
Speaking of the NFL playoffs again, am I the only person who is now convinced that Russell Wilson is the best quarterback in the league? Admittedly, I've been a longtime Wilson fetishist. I loved to bet on NCSU when Wilson was there and getting any points in a game against a quality opponent. He was money, especially against the Heels. But I never imagined his game would translate like this to the NFL. His poise and decision making are unreal.
I was out at the old Wing Joint recently, and as we all know, servers come and go there constantly. You see one for a week or 2, then they vanish. Thus, the servers rarely distinguish themselves. But there is a server working there right now who has caught my eye. I couldn't tell you her name to save my life, but I've taken to calling her Big TP (the TP stands for trailer park, if anyone cares). She's a large gal. Anyway, one of the bartenders at Wing Joint, Rayni to be exact, informed me that Big TP has a 4 year-old child. I asked, very quickly, after being told this news, "Is the kid still inside her?" Someone laughed.
I'm done for the day --->
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