I know it's been quite a long stretch since my last post on this unnecessary and pointless blog. But don't worry, I'm not dead or anything. At least that I know of. I've relocated from the Gate City to parts father north. It's not important where exactly. Although I bet some of the brighter readers here will be able to figure out where I am currently residing. And by brighter readers, that obviously includes each and every one of you, except Geilfuss. He's always an exception, an outlier, a lost soul searching for something just out of his reach, and generally prone to random and baffling acts of suspect behavior.
Speaking of Geilfuss, I have received several interesting texts from the kid recently. Here are some examples -
1) Sent October 3rd at 9:05 pm - Brandon Sweden is awful. I have no idea who Brandon Sweden is??? Maybe a character from Catch-22???
2) Sent August 4th at 2:39 pm - At the Orioles game. There is a guy from Dundalk telling us how Obama is gonna bring back slavery. The slaves will be white. I simply responded - He's dead on. What else is there to say? 8 minutes later Geilfuss followed with this gem - Now he's ranting about how baseball umps have homosexual tendencies. You can pretty much guess how I responded to that - He's dead on again.
3) Sent on August 30th at 8:01 pm - Doesn't mean I couldn't find some West Virginia strange. I should probably explain the context that led up to this text. But I'm not going to. The fact is that Geilfuss probably did find some West Virginia strange that weekend. If there's one kid who toils away at T Rowe Price who could find some West Virginia strange, it's 100% Geilfuss. No question. I bet he found lots of West Virginia strange.
4) Sent last Saturday at 2:04 pm - I said Peterson is gonna have a Favre request performance. He asked what I meant. I walked away. I would have asked Geilfuss what he meant as well. A Favre request performance to me indicates that Peterson is going to send out pictures of his engorged member to some chick on the Jets media team. I don't think that's what Geilfuss intended. But you never know with Geilfuss. Maybe that's precisely what he intended. I have no idea.
I was out at some BW3 the last Saturday, sitting at the bar minding my own business and pulling hard for LSU -8&1/2, when an old timer struck up a conversation with me. He was wearing a Navy hat for some reason. And Navy had just lost to Duke 35-7. At one point I said, "Rough day there for the Midshipmen." He responded, "The who?" I knew I was in trouble at that point. He went on to inform me that he's in town for work. I didn't care. He further explained that he was from Kansas and hated the entire state of Missouri. And that piqued my interest. I asked him why and he told me that Missouri was pro slavery during the War Between the States back in the 1860's. I knew that of course, but was baffled as to why this old man would carry a grudge that dates back 150 years. He had difficulty articulating why. He was ill spoken to say the least. I was trying to ignore him and concentrate on the Gator/LSU game. Once he realized that I was interested in the game, he tried to engage me in pointless football banter. I learned that if he could he'd punch both Nick Saban and Pete Carroll in the mouth. I asked, "Are you into assault?" I then learned he wasn't big into legal terms, as he was clueless about what assault meant. He was drinking Stella pints and eventually ordered like 24 chicken wings. Now, he wasn't a fat guy by any means & I was curious why he ordered so many wings. I couldn't eat more than 10 of the damn things if my life depended on it. But this old dude ate all 24, very rapidly I might add. It was disgusting to witness. He didn't even eat the wings with any blue cheese. And that's communist shit right there. I went outside to smoke and he came strolling out to head on his way to wherever he was staying. I couldn't have been more relieved. I went back inside and ordered a shot. I felt a lot better after that. These damn old timers from Kansas, sitting there at the bar running their mouths about Missouri and football, they're the worst.
I was at some joint called Sloppys North last night watching Thug U/UNC, Seattle/AZ, and the ALCS simultaneously. Anyway, at one point I went outside to smoke and a gentlemen, this time from Oklahoma, started chatting with me. He had on an Oklahoma State Cowboy cap. I quickly reminded him of the 2004 Alamo Bowl when TOSU, as a 7 point dog, beat Ok State. He seemed nonplussed, which was fine. Then he started telling me that the great thing about Oklahomans is that they all have balls. He elaborated for about a minute on why Oklahomans have balls. It was fairly nonsensical, as you can imagine. Something having to do with tornadoes, farmers, the city of Tulsa, and the state of Texas blowing...I couldn't put my cigarette out fast enough at that point. I went back inside and you guessed it, ordered a shot. These damn guys from the middle of the country. They're really causing me to drink too much. They really are. I have no idea why they would speak to me in the 1st place. I'm not an inviting person. I'm really not...
I was flipping around the old TV the other day and ran across something about the government being shut down. I was all for it. I thought -" Cool, maybe it will shut down forever. That would be a start." Alas, I think it opened again. Oh well...
Bitter Tears
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