It's Karma For Jen Bielema

Jen seems quite comfortable with her hog snout...

I came across one of the sketchiest of sketchballs last night at some Irish joint in the lovely city of Westerville. I was sitting on the far left (unusual for me to be far left in any sense...) of the massive bar, minding my own business, and hoisting back a few ice cold indiscriminate light beers when this kid came in and introduced himself to the bartender. It just so happens that this bartender had asked me my name about an hour earlier. And I'll be damned, but I told her my actual name, which is a big no-no and something I rarely do. It turns out that this kid who ambled up to the bar has the same first name as yours truly. Which is rare. I don't have a very common name. So, this bartender chick decides to inform the kid who just wandered in that he and I share this not so common first name. And boy do I wish the chick hadn't done that. This guy starts talking my ear off like we're long lost friends. He starts going on and on about how I'm the first person he's ever met in his life with the same first name as him. He claimed it was a miracle. I told him it was a coincidence, nothing more. But he wouldn't shut up about it. I walked out to smoke to get away from this kid for a bit. When I came back in I really was gonna make it a point to be curt with him in hopes that he'd leave me alone. No such luck. He asked me if I shoot pool. And as some of you know, I don't shoot pool. At least I haven't since 1996. I've retired from shooting pool, throwing darts, foosball, all of that nonsense that people do at bars to pass the time. This kid with the same first name as me was befuddled as to why I wouldn't shoot pool with him. I said that it wasn't personal. I just don't. Luckily at that juncture he found someone else to play pool with. I was spared for a bit from this strange guy. About 15 minutes later, he comes back from the pool table and asks me this gem, "Do you smoke?" And he didn't mean cigarettes by the way. I informed him that I did not partake of the old ganja myself but thanks for asking. He told me how cool he thought it would be to get high with someone who shared his first name. I told him that was absurd and added, "Could you please quit mentioning we have the same first name?" He sat down and seemed a bit perplexed that I was so nonplussed by the huge news that we had the same first name. He ordered several Coors Lights. I watched the USF/Houston game. A little more time passes. He then gets up and saunters over to the jukebox. A few seconds later, you guessed it, Pink Floyd comes on. Pink Fucking Floyd. Learning To Fly to be exact. Then Another Brick In The Wall Part 2. Then Time. Then finally Comfortably Numb. I was numb. It was approaching 8 and I really needed to leave. Between the pot offer and the Pink Floyd, I was a mental wreck. I paid up with the bartender chick, walked by the kid on my way out, and said, "Take care of yourself, _____." I went to some dive bar across the street to watch the Bengal/Dolphin game (and thank you Phins, as they were getting 3 and won outright). About the middle of the 1st quarter that same bartender chick from the Irish place pops up at this place. She tapped me on the shoulder. I didn't recognize her at first (I'm horrible about remembering who anyone is) but after a few seconds I remembered her. And I really took this girl to task for telling the guy at the Irish place my name. She apologized and said she had no idea what a sketchy character he was or she would have never divulged my name to him. I gave her a bit of a pass at that point. I certainly never have any interest in coming across this kid again though. None. Or as James Spader would say, "Nada."

I've been back to blogging for a couple of weeks now, after a 5 month hiatus or whatever. I'm not sure if anyone knows I'm back though. The number of page views is considerably lower than in the past. Which is fine by me. I really don't care if anyone reads any of this. I'm simply passing the time.

The college football season is flying by. This is already week 10. Can you believe that? Anyway, most teams only have 4 or 5 more games to play. And I haven't done this in a while. And considering almost no one will see it before it would matter a lick, I'm gonna go ahead and do some previews for several of this weekend's top games. And by top games, I mean the biggest and most vital battles in the history of human conflict. Obviously.

USC/Oregon St (-4&1/2) 9 pm tonight in Reser Stadium Corvallis, Oregon. It's always quite a spectacle when the Trojans do battle with the Beavers. An unsightly spectacle, a messy spectacle. a smelly spectacle, but a spectacle nonetheless. USC finally wised up and fired Monte Kiffin's kid last month as their head coach. The athletic director at USC is a Rhodes Scholar (and he will be happy to tell you all about it too ), so it stands to reason that eventually he'd dump Kiffin. Don't feel to bad for old Lane though. He's got plenty of dough coming his way. Corvallis has been a house of horrors for USC in the past. The Beavers have their number at home. If Pete Carroll struggled there with NFL players all over his squad, I don't see why Coach Orgeron wouldn't struggle as well. Take the Beavers. Always take the Beavers. On a serious note, watch Sean Mannion as much as you can. He may be your favorite NFL team's QB next year (that's you Brown fans, Viking fans, Jags fans, etc.).

Michigan/Michigan St (-5&1/2) 3:30 Saturday from Spartan Stadium in East Lansing, Michigan. I have been to East Lansing. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I have. It was 1994 I think. I remember it smelled around campus. Like rotting corpses or maybe just regular Michigan garbage, either one. That's all I remember other than stopping in a Vietnamese restaurant and having the hottest and spiciest Chicken Fried Rice in my entire life. Damn that was tasty. On that basis alone I think the edge goes to Sparty here. The problem is I think the line is a little high for such a rivalry game. Michigan head man, one Brady Hoke, has a terrible defense on his hands & a QB who can't stop turning the damn ball over. That is a recipe for disaster. My official advice is to watch and whoever loses, just relish the fact that one of the 2  has lost. That's something.

Minnesota/Indiana (-8) 3:30 Saturday from Memorial Stadium in Bloomington, Indiana. What's surprising is that both teams don't suck this year. Granted, IU's defense does suck. They are atrocious. They surrendered 63 points to Michigan for Christ's sake. Minnesota's coach, one Jerry Kill, has been struggling with epilepsy for years. He has seizures constantly. He convulses often. And I love seizures. It's always been a dream of mine to be epileptic. It really has. I used to fake seizures all the time when I was a teen. Very few people laughed, however. I don't know why. Whatever. All I can say about this contest is that it should be a wild shootout. It wouldn't surprise me if 100 points were scored. Did I mention Indiana plays no defense?

Auburn/Arkansas (+8&1/2) 6 pm tomorrow at Reynolds Razorback Stadium in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Boy what a mess for Bret Bielema and his wife Jen Bielema. They up and ran out of Madison in the middle of the night for the big money and cosmopolitan lifestyle in Arkansas. It's baffling. Granted, Madison is a center of communism in the US, but other than that it's not such a terrible place. Bielema had become one of the easiest coaches in the world to root against at Wisconsin. He seemed to relish being a villain. Now? He's winless in SEC play and staring straight at an Auburn rushing attack that could gain 400 yards on the Hogs. Easily. As for Bret's lovely bride Jen, she tweeted back in September something pretty classless to Wisconsin fans after the debacle in the desert where the refs would not let the Badgers get a game winning field goal attempt off against ASU. She tweeted one word to Badger Nation: Karma. It's pretty funny in retrospect. The reason it's pretty funny is that the Hogs haven't won a game since her tweet went out. And it's awesome too. I hope the Tigers destroy the Razorbacks tomorrow.

Thug U/FSU (-21) 8 pm tomorrow from Bobby Bowden Field at Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahassee, Florida. These teams are both undefeated. Both are in the BCS top 10. And yet, the Noles are 21 point favorites over the Thugs? Something fishy is going on. I don't know what it is exactly. Conventional wisdom says to take the huge dog in a rivalry like this. That was certainly my initial thought. But conventional wisdom can make you go broke quickly betting on football. I don't think I want any part of this whatsoever. One thing to keep an eye on is Jameis Winston's play for FSU. The kid's only 19. And about 18 months from now, he will be the 1st player selected at the NFL Entry Draft. He is awesome. Stephen Morris, on the other hand, has been up and down for the Canes. I don't like their chances much in this one at all.

Left Of The Dial