Religion & Sunday Ticket - An Interesting Mix

Brandon & I have spending Sunday afternoons at Scams Brassfield here the past 3 weeks. They have installed about 18 all new crisp flat screens this year. So, that's nice. Also, we've known the bartender for years (my man Scuba) and he reserves us seats - we just stroll in right before 1 and sit down. It's a good situation to watch Sunday Ticket. Something interesting has happened each of the last 2 weeks though. Something involving the mixing of religion and Sunday Ticket. For week 2, after the 1 o'clock games had gone off and before Scuba had switched over all the TV's to hard hitting 4 o'clock games, I noticed on several screens that there was a religious telethon type show on. A guy in an ill-fitting and too shiny suit was ranting about atonement. In fact, this raving sinister minister was begging folks to call and pledge dough to get atonement. So, what I did, naturally, is call the number on the screen. After a few rings a woman with a twangy southern accent picks up the phone and says hello and informs me of the name of whatever the ministry is called. I think her name was Rhonda. I said, "Hi there. I'm calling about buying some of your atonement. Can you send me some atonement through the mail?" Brandon was laughing pretty hard. Rhonda seemed confused by my query. She informed that I must be watching a rerun of the telethon, but that she'd be happy to take some of my not very hard earned money. I said, "No problem Rhonda. But you gotta assure me I'll get some of that pesky atonement through the mail." Rhonda then let me know she was having a hard time hearing me. I told her that I was calling from a sports bar and there were lots of drunk, screaming Cowboys fans nearby (there were about 7 of them and the Boys had just lost to Chicago, so they were pissed). Rhonda said "Whaaat honey?" I told her I had to run but might call back for atonement when I was some place quieter. I haven't called back yet. Religion showed itself again yesterday at Scams Brassfield, as I found a pamphlet sitting on the sidewalk outside the entrance, where people stand around chain smoking. This pamphlet was printed by some church in Walkertown (which is near Winston) and titled 5 Things God Wants You To Know. I started to read the thing aloud to the about 7 or 8 folks out smoking at the time. I did wonder aloud how this group deemed themselves able to let the world know the 5 things God had to tell us. 1st, it seemed like a limited number of things. I mean, only 5 things? That's it? Also, I was puzzled that none of the 5 things mentioned being a good person, treating animals nicely, giving to charity, blah, blah, blah...One kid out there, a Browns fan, was falling over in fits of laughter. The 5 things the church in Walkertown thought that God wanted the world to know dealt with the idea that you're doomed and going to hell if you don't do what these folks want. It said we are all born to go to hell and then mentioned how to avoid this unpleasant fate. It seems like an odd recruiting tool to pass these little pamphlets out at a sports bar. I wonder how many converts this church gets from this tactic. I will say that no one outside at Scams yesterday seemed swayed to turn their life over to God after I read the 5 points aloud. In fact, there seemed to be more of a sense of mockery than possible acquiescence to this church's ideas on salvation.

Speaking of little religious pamphlets, I was talking to a girl who works at one of the higher end steak joints in town (Ruth's Crisp, I believe) and this girl has worked at other joints in the past. She informed me that one of the worst things about serving diners is early Sunday afternoon. Evidently, churchgoers sometimes go out for a meal once freed from the shackles of church pews. And, instead of tipping money, many of these churchgoers leave behind little pamphlets like the one I described above, or tiny bibles. I had never heard of this. And I can certainly see why that would be frustrating for servers depending on tips for their livelihoods. I would just advise these churchgoers that maybe going ahead and giving a 20% tip might warm up servers to your selected faith better than propaganda and tiny bibles. Seems likely. Doesn't it?

Speaking of religion and football, I've always been surprised when, in post-game chats with a sideline reporter, players thank God for the victory. Just once I'd love for the sideline reporter to ask the player what I'm always wondering, which is: do you honestly think God cares who wins a football game? And if God does care, why would he choose you to win as opposed to your counterpart on the other squad? But reporters never ask those questions. Instead, these ridiculous claims that God was on one side or the other in a football game goes unchecked. Baffling.

Speaking of religion and football, I have seen fans at games praying for their team to win (these tend to be female fans for some reason, maybe the level of inebriation is the key here, as most male fans are hammered drunk). Sometimes praying for the very team I was pulling for at the time (most likely a certain school located off High St in Columbus). And I always wanted to tell them that God, if he wasn't dead, would have slightly more important things on his mind than the outcome of a silly college football game. I feel pretty confident that I'm right about that.

An anonymous commenter simply left this note at the end of a recent post: Have you no shame? Now, I don't know if this was in reference to something specific I had no shame about or if it was an overall assertion that I generally have no shame. So, I'm left to speculate. I encourage the anonymous commenter to go into detail about this, as I have no issue taking criticism. I would be a hypocrite if I did. But, to give an overarching answer to the question - no, I have no shame. Absolutely none.

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