The Plumlee Brothers Walk Into Madison Square Garden

I wasn't planning on blogging tonight. But events over the weekend warrant a change in plan. And no, I'm not talking about some uprising in Egypt. Or the fact The Rite got all of 17% fresh at Rotten Tomatoes (Tony Hopkins mailing it in - yet again). Or that the Pro Bowl was an unwatchable fiasco. Or that Halle Barry is in an ugly custody fight. Or even The Tiger's mostly shitty play in La Jolla. Something much bigger went down yesterday. Which leads me to this -

Urgent Score Update from NYC: St John's 93 Duke 78 - and it was a massacre. A crucifixion. The Devils were run off the Madison Square Garden floor by the 10th or 11th best team in the Big East. It was beautiful. Coach K looked almost comatose on the bench, as he helplessly observed pitiful shooting and turnover after turnover. I don't think Duke would have beaten College of Charleston yesterday (no disrespect to Coach Cremins there -I'm a big fan of the guy). I'm beginning to think the hype over Mason Plumlee might have been just hype. And Seth Curry is no Dell Curry. Or Steph Curry either for that matter. It's a real blessing that Duke finds itself in the ACC this season. The conference is the worst I can ever remember. Maybe I'll delve into the terrible state of ACC coaching in a post soon. Beyond old Roy and the real Williams in College Park, all the ACC has of known quality is that Vicodin addict in The People's Republic of Durham.

Until next time - I am out.

Genital Ben Hits The Can

Our fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, travelled a great distance the other night to deliver some address about the state of a union. I didn't watch, obviously (TOSU was busy burying Purdue at the time). The only thing of note about this union address is that our awesome members of Congress decided to make it a "date night" of sorts. Evidently John Boner and Mitch McConnell mandated that members pair up for the evening with a potential sex partner from the opposite party. Which is a weird way to govern, but this is the new GOP, so...I did a little research into these "date night" pairings and was surprised at how much butt love must have gone down in the nation's capitol. I guess a shortage of ladies in Congress is to blame for this anal carnage debacle. I do wonder who Barney Frank's date for the night was though. Because at least with Mr Frank you'd have had a partner with deep knowledge of the dark world that is the anal arts. It's certainly something to consider. Personally, I'd have chosen that senator from NY, and no, not Chuck Schumer. The chick senator. I bet she was asked by dozens of dudes. It looks like my man John Thume was lucky enough to have bagged Ms Gillibrand. And Thume deserves it. He was the guy who ran Tom Daschle out of DC. After Ms Gillibrand the pickings were slim. There is a chick from Tennessee who would have sufficed. And if worse came to worse, Michelle Bachman would have been my safety pick. She's a straight up freak. And if you get down that way, well...more power to you. Not saying I do, but...

The Super Bowl is just over a week away. My famous yearly post with my pick will be up next Friday or Saturday. If you'd have read and followed my advice the past 2 years, you'd have gone 3-0. As in 2009 I touted the Cards and they covered. And last year I hyped the Saints and the Under. Both hit. I'm cooking up something special as always. I may call it An Ode To Cheese. We'll see. Genital Ben and his Steelers have made it back to the big game. And I for one am getting sick of these holier-than-thou folks ripping Genital Ben. Let me say for the record, right now, that Genital Ben is definitely one of the top 5 QB's in history to be accused of multiple rapes. No one can take that away from Genital Ben. When Genital Ben is working in close quarters, a public men's room say, he is tough to beat. I mean he will beat it, yes, of course Genital Ben will beat it in a men's room. But he commands a certain respect for his public restroom exploits. And his acumen on a motorcycle too. I just wonder if he's ever sexually assaulted a skanky coed while tooling around the Georgia countryside without a helmet. And by helmet I mean a condom. Not a bike helmet. Genital Ben is too cool for those. To all the fake Steeler fans around the country - support your QB. Do not make excuses for Genital Ben. Just tell Packer fans that if they have a problem with Genital Ben that "We can take this into the restroom and settle it like Ben would." That would show the real class of Steeler Nation. And yes, I'm talking about Fat Adam and his ilk. Not my friend Jeff. He's from Pittsburgh; so he's good on being down with the Steelers. And also about the nicest guy you'll come across in the whole world. Remember, back when I was in the ER in 2009 and thought I might be dying, Jeff raced to the hospital after performing a surgery at another hospital to be sure I was going to be okay. That's all you need to know about the guy.

I got a comment recently on this pitiful blog that mentioned only "jimmer fucking fredette." Not sure who left it. But the key for this blog is that we were all way ahead of the curve on Jimmer. I hyped Jimmer up before he went off for 43 against the Aztecs - prescient as always. It's funny because the ESPN hype-machine doesn't know how to deal with Jimmer. They don't broadcast Mountain West games. As I said last month, if Fredette played in the Big East or the ACC, the kid would be ESPN's poster boy. Jimmer has gone off for 40-plus in 3 of his last 4 games. Shades of Pistol Pete at his best with the LSU Tigers. I implore all readers of this blog to tune in the next 2 months every time Jimmer and the Cougars are on Mountain Network or CBS College Sports Network. It's riveting. As to the commenter mentioned above, I have a feeling it may have been Geilfuss. And not only because Geilfuss has an unhealthy fixation on Jimmer, but more because no capital letters were used in the comment. That's very Geilfuss.

Speaking of Geilfuss, we're only about 9 weeks away from opening day for the O's. And I wanna caution Geilfuss and all the other O's fans as always - Keep expectations low.

I've mentioned that I've been toiling in Durham this month for work (I've shown up 20 damn days over there so far). And I'm not gonna rip Durham. At least not today. But it is worth noting that some of the men who also show up over there to put in some hours have bathroom etiquette issues. I wrote a whole post about this problem last year. And I saw more of that this past week. Specifically, I saw a 60-something year old dude walk out of the men's room on the 1st floor (it's a 3 story facility) and zip up his fly in the hallway. Then redo his belt after that. It's bad enough when old timers zip up as they turn away from the urinal en route to the sink. But this man's actions were beyond the pale. He skipped the sink completely and zipped up in the hallway. Did I mention he zipped up in the HALLWAY? I thought about giving this old timer a pass because I figured maybe Genital Ben was in the men's room assaulting a nasty Duke coed. But that seems unlikely. Even Genital Ben would stay away from Duke chicks. I mean Genital Ben's not that much of a sociopath. Is he???

I mentioned in my last post of 2010 that I was gonna be laying low in the new year. And I have been. Which is fine. Whatever. But the thing about it is that I have eschewed my normal diet of bar food as a result. I haven't had wings all month for example. Instead I've been subsisting on a diet of frozen foods from the Food Slug. I've never really eaten them before this month. And there's a reason why I haven't. The reason is that frozen foods are terrible. Hot Pockets for instance, these patented crisper sleeves - what the fuck??? The cheese in the Hot Pocket inevitably oozes all over the patented sleeve. It's gross. And the things taste like cardboard. Hell, I might as well eat the patented sleeve itself as opposed to the nasty Hot Pocket. I've also purchased some Hungry Man meals. The "meat" in these things leave me craving actual meat. Some of the other products aren't as terrible. But I don't know how people live on this kind of crap. My "favorite" is the Banquet chicken pot pie. I've been eating like 4 of those a week. It's still gross, but at least there are vegetables in the thing. Or something approximating vegetables anyway.

In my last post I mentioned the MSNBC. And that's a dead story. Blah, blah, blah. But I did want to note a nugget of information I unearthed about the MSNBC. It's the 28th ranked cable channel. 28th. I always suspected that the only folks who watch are die hard lefties and folks like me who tune in from time to time to mock it. However, I had no idea they were 28th. Wow. I mean the MSNBS has to be behind cable outlets like TRU TV and Spike and WE and Telemundo.

Oscar nominations are out and Mrs Warren Beatty snagged one. And I know I've said this time and again on this shitty and pointless blog, but Mrs Warren Beatty is mind-numbingly hot. And that's the fucking truth.

I put my hand upon the lever said let it rock and let it roll

I had the one arm bandit fever there was an arrow through my heart and my soul

Barry Hears A Who

Apparently our newly almost has a spine fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, invited a Chinaman to the White House last week. A Chinaman named Who to be exact. Now, I'm unclear on whether this Who is a doctor or not, but whatever. I noticed in one photo op that Barry was bowing to this Who person - a practice I belittled Barry for back in the halcyon days of 2009. Evidently Barry can't help himself from bowing to foreign "leaders." Maybe Barry feels woefully inadequate around them - from a penis size perspective??? Anyway, this is one leader who maybe Barry should bow and grovel towards. Why? Because this Who fellow and his Chinaman brethren hold a great deal of America's debt in their hands. The interesting thing to me is how closely Barry was listening to this Who. Did Barry hear a Who at all? Will Barry get fooled again? Did Barry look behind Who's blue eyes? Did Barry offer Who green eggs and ham? Did Barry say "Sam I am" to Who? Did the baddest motherfucker alive today, Pete Townshend, meet the Chinaman Who and windmill a guitar around while ranting about a seeker? These are things I wonder about. These and more.

Speaking of Barry, much is being made of the fact that all of the gray hair he was sporting has magically disappeared here recently. And this may surprise some of you, but I'm not gonna rip Barry for dying his hair. If dying his hair raises Barry's self-esteem, then I say rock on! Personally, I would just as soon be castrated as dye my hair (or actually use a comb on it for that matter...). But for Barry this dye job might be the right move. More interns might fall prey to his leering gaze as a result. I do have to speculate as to if Barry dyed his pubic hairs as well when he dyed his head hairs??? Or is Barry, like so many other middle aged mulattoes, shaved raw???

Big news out of the crazy world of cable news bluster, as the guy who used to work with the guy who says En Fuego, has been fired countless times, and steals from Edward R Murrow, has been fired. Yet again. Shocking! I have no idea what prompted the MSNBC to can the guy now. What were they waiting for? I for one will miss him. On those odd nights when I'd flip by the MSNBC the last few years, he was always good for a laugh or two. I find phony righteous indignation amusing I guess. Good riddance to him. And please, wherever you go next Keith, stop stealing the brilliance that is James Thurber. It's highly annoying. I did find it ironic though that Keith would steal from Thurber. What with Keith being an Ivy League man (Cornell if memory serves) and Thurber being a TOSU man.

Conference championship day is here again in the NFL. First we have GB at Chicago, and the whole world loves the Cheese. Or almost the whole world, as over 70% of the money is on GB. Which means I'm taking the Bears +3 &1/2. In the AFC game, the Jets are getting 4 in Pittsburgh. Take the dog. Neither of these games offer much value of any kind. If you want action today, tease up the 2 dogs 6 points. The totals - I have no interest in. If you want some hoops action to round out the day, take NCSU over Thug U, as the Pack is inviting back like 100 ex-players for the game - phony school pride and all that.

Much was made about Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes last Sunday night. I even went on YouTube and watched his monologue to see what the fuss was about. I thought Gervais was funny as always. Especially his joke about John Travolta and Tom Cruise. It's the kind of cheap joke that one might see on this cheap blog. My man David Brent.

As for the winners at the Globes, I did see where that girl from Jerusalem took home best actress. And I haven't seen Black Swan yet, but I will. I will.

Sorry for the spotty posts this month. I've been working in Durham and that's an 11 hour and 15 day between leaving the Gate City at 6:45 and returning just after 6. I don't have the energy to write much after those kind of days. I'm getting old.

I can't go outside

I'm scared I might not make it home

In Between Days

From Left - TBFH, Wing Joint Operator, Phil (eyes wide shut), Phil's wife. Of note is that this photo was snapped on Christmas Eve. Also of note is that I haven't posted in a week. I will try to get up a real post Saturday. Lastly of note, I'm a big fan of Robert Smith.

Kyle Singler Walks Into The Leon County Civic Center

Urgent Score Update: From Tallahassee, Florida - Noles 66 Duke 61. It has been over 10 months since our last Urgent Score Update, but watching last night's game made it worth the long wait. A kid named Kitchen came up huge for FSU. Kitchen was playing out of his mind. Duke was horrendous against the Noles' suffocating defense. The Devils jacked up like 37 3's on the night and exhibited no inside presence whatsoever. It was very enlightening. It reminded me of the days when if you defended Duke hard on the perimeter and denied the post, they were in trouble (who'd have thought they'd ever miss Greg Zoubek???). Last night may be a blueprint for other teams to try and follow. We'll see. Also of note is that last night's tilt was Duke's first true road game of the season. That's hard to fathom given that it's mid-January. The last Duke loss was in their last true road game prior to last night - in the Comcast Center to Greivis Vasquez and the Terps last March 3rd. It's amazing that a team can go like 25 games between real road tests. It was a dark day over in Durham. I witnessed it firsthand. Several of the ladies over there broke out into fits of tears during the course of the day. The guy I'm sitting next to inquired of me if I knew what was causing these ladies' agony. I told him it was all Leonard Hamilton's fault. The guy laughed, but I wasn't kidding.

Some interesting comments were left after the last post on this blog. And I'm gonna address them in order. 1) To the person who wondered if I could recommend a good gym, sorry but I really can't. I know Dave goes to the gym in Brassfield right near the Scams and he swears by it. 2) Geilfuss weighed in with the details of what went down last week at Delaware Park with Ross & Smedium. My conjecture on what might have happened wasn't far off at all. Scroll down and read it. It's amusing. 3) Not sure who left the comment about me being an asshole all the time. And that's okay. In fact anonymity is the beauty of the Internet. Let me say this to the commenter - I don't generally disagree with your assertion. It has a serious ring of truth about it. But I would take issue with being characterized as being on an "intellectual high-horse." Not the high-horse stuff so much as the intellectual part. I'm not even close to intellectual. I don't pretend to be. And as far as driving away potential readers of this blog, that is certainly never my intention. But remember, I'm not particularly looking for a vast readership of this blog. I've been doing it for 26 months to pass the time mostly. You'll notice that there are no ads on this blog. I don't allow Google to post them. I get nothing out of doing this beyond wasting an hour or two a few times a week. And I do try not to be an asshole all the time. Granted, I haven't been doing so well in that department the past 40 years...Alas...

I did catch an interesting film the other night. Something called Once Upon A Time In Mexico. It was mostly entertaining. Depp was pretty damn funny and the whole thing was pretty tongue-in-cheek. And that chick from Frida was in it, although all too briefly...

Sometimes you kick

Sometimes you get kicked

Uncle Fester Breaks Bad

I endured viewing the entire Corn Chip Bowl last evening. And I guess it was exciting on some level, what with the game coming down to the last play and all. But I mainly chuckled throughout the contest. As watching 2 gimmick offenses go at it, mostly clumsily I might add, was amusing at best. And kind of sad really. Anyway, the key to last night's tilt was that total. It went way under 74. Way under - just as I predicted on this blog last Saturday. Also of note is that if you'd have bet the 5 picks I touted in that very post, you'd have gone 5-0. Perfection. Seattle, the under in Indy/NYJ, Baltimore, and GB all hit in addition to the under in last night's battle. I'll try to keep it going this weekend.

Geilfuss left a note after that same most recent blog post. In it he informed me that on some night not too long ago, he, Ross, & Smedium traveled to the scary state of Delaware. Evidently the trio found themselves not too far from Delaware Park. They got drunk. Then went into the casino at Delaware Park. Details beyond that were left unstated. I can only surmise that since Geilfuss didn't mention anyone dying or being tossed in jail, that the night did not have too tragic of an ending. I've seen Geilfuss and Ross try their hand at the old poker. All I can say is that I hope the ATM at Delaware Park didn't malfunction from the two of them repeatedly going back to it in hopes of winning back however much they were losing.

More winter weather has struck the Triad. The reason I'm sitting here on this Tuesday blogging is that the office in Durham is closed due to the conditions today. And they're not great, I'll admit that. About 2 inches of snow fell and then a little coating of ice on top of that. Better safe than sorry and all that. Blah, blah, blah. The local news media had everyone in a panic yesterday. "Expert" weather folks were calling for all sorts of snow throughout yesterday afternoon. And it didn't materialize until after around 5. About 7 or 8 folks besides myself are commuting to Durham for the same silly project. And the weather geniuses had those poor colleagues of mine so stricken with fear that half of them didn't go in at all and the rest left around noon - even though it wasn't snowing in the least in Durham. Nothing. I stayed the whole day. And by the time I took off from Durham, the conditions were so benign that I made it back here in just under 70 minutes - same as always. Thanks again to the local weather morons. You guys are the best.

Speaking of Durham, I got into a brief discussion with a freak over there last week about Fox News (or the Roger Ailes Network, as I like to call it). I gave my same 10 year old joke about how I love it because "they report, I decide." This freak had no sense of humor evidently (I'm pretty sure said freak is a Duke fan) because no laughter or smile was forthcoming after my stupid little comment. So, what I did after that is started going on about why would a whole news network be based around Samantha Fox? Alas, I don't think this Durham freak knew who Samantha Fox is (or was, or whatever). I don't know why I ever bother talk to people. I really don't. It's a waste of energy.

I heard there was some incident that occurred over the weekend in Tucson, Arizona involving assassination & mass murder. I haven't quite caught the kid's name who perpetrated this act. But I did see his picture last night on the old TV. He looked like the progeny of Uncle Fester & Rosie O'Donnell. Not a good look. I also heard that this kid was adamantly anti-grammar for some reason, which is an odd motivation to kill people. I turned back to the news station at halftime of the football game and this time I was informed that this deranged Uncle Fester type wasn't really at fault for the killings. Instead it was that ex-governor from Alaska, one Sarah Palin's fault. That got my interest up a bit in the whole sordid affair. So I listened for 10 more minutes and learned that this kid doesn't even know Sarah Palin, much less is he taking marching orders from her. I was left to wonder how there is any plausible link between Ms Palin and this weird killer. No one adequately explained it when I sifted through some online articles a bit ago. Very odd. Maybe instead of blaming folks who this psychopath has nothing do with for his actions, we should blame him??? Does that seem unreasonable??? Give him his day in court and forget about him. As far as the young congresswoman who was shot at point blank range in the head, I wish her a speedy and full recovery. The last thing the media should do is hype this moron up as anything more than a loser with some perceived slight against society. That would be a very bad idea. If they do that, what's next? A Susan Boyle looking loser copycatting? Or a Peter Boyle look-alike? Or a Peter Brady look-alike? Or a Peter, Paul, & Mary lover? Or Paul Reubens himself? Where would it end?

Tiny Daggers

Christian Laettner Revealed As Scummy Fraud

Big news out of the world of Duke basketball. Not on the court. But off it. And this news is huge. Recent reports in various newspapers have divulged the fact that Christian Laettner and his old "roommate" Brian Davis are being sued left and right by folks (including Shawne Merriman) who they bilked out of millions of dollars. Evidently Laettner and Davis sold investors on tales of urban renewal in places like downtown Baltimore. And the duo has failed to live up to promises made to these moronic investors. I don't feel too bad for the Merrimans of the world. They deserve to lose a fortune for getting mixed up with ex-Devil teammates and lovers (allegedly). Why you would trust Laettner (remember the kid stomped on a Kentucky Wildcat player's head) is beyond me. But it does go to show that, as is usually the case, I was right in thinking that Laettner was a no good scumbag. I had that feeling back in the early 90's. There was something off-putting about the kid. I had the same feeling about The Tiger for the longest time. And I was dead on there as well. In the Laettner case, it took almost 20 years for his scumminess to come to light to the rest of the world. But now it has.

Speaking of downtown Baltimore, I had occasion to wander the streets around 1st Mariner Arena from time to time for several years. And the only renewal I ever observed was the daily renewal of bums pissing in alleys and begging for a free smoke.

Speaking of being right, last year I said that this health care debacle would not be undone by Congress. I said that the US Senate would never vote to undo it. And that is exactly where we're at. John Boner and his boys will vote to repeal this mess soon. But the whole thing is a nonstarter in the Senate. The only chance to get rid of it, or at least portions of it, is in the courts. This "individual mandate" that I railed against most of 2009 may well be deemed unconstitutional by the Supreme Court here in the next 2 years. It should be. Forcing individuals in this country to purchase health care is tyranny of the highest order - completely against everything the founders fought for back in the day.

Speaking of health care, I don't have any insurance at the moment. Nor do I want any. I've only had coverage for 3 years of my adult (I use the word adult loosely) life. If this individual mandate is not undone via judicial means, I look forward to being thrown in jail for refusing to join in on buying the mandated insurance. Those will be fun days. I can finally be a martyr for a just cause, much like Joan of Arc, Joan Rivers, Joan Didion, Joan Holloway, or even Joanie Cunningham from Happy Days. Take your pick. As far as not having insurance, my belief is that if I'm in dire straits health-wise, the medical professionals should let me suffer and die. It's my choice. It's my right. Do not put me in a mountain of debt to save my pitiful life. Let me die. People who are abject failures like yours truly, folks who have failed so miserably in this world that they don't even have a shitty enough job to carry insurance, deserve to die. We failed in life. There must be consequences for our failure. At least in a just society there ought to be.

Speaking of health issues, I ranted last month about Scotty Card from the Rhino here in the Gate City. I was pretty cruel concerning his being mixed up with a cult (The LDS to be exact). And maybe I shouldn't have done that. Because Card had a stroke over the holidays. The idiot wrote about it in the latest must-read issue of the Rhino. This kind of thing has happened a number of times over the 26 month life of this stupid blog. One example being that just a few weeks after I made a snide comment about the loser MSNBC host Keith Olbermann's mother 2 years ago, she died. I may have more power in that area than I was ever aware of. That said, I do wish Mr Card a speedy recovery from his stroke. Without Card, there's one less Mormon freak to mock. And that would be a damn shame.

I'm at the Generic Bread on Lawndale and there are 2 aged women at the table in front of me. I'm catching a little of their conversation. It seems to be revolving around nipple rings and cock-and-ball torture. Certainly enlightening.

NFL playoff time is here again and today starts the not so wild Wild Card round. As for the gambling aspect of these games, there are a few spots I like. The Seahawks are getting 10 at home. You have to bet them. In tonight's clash, I like the Under of 44 &1/2. Tomorrow is in my opinion the day of reckoning for both the KC Chiefs and Ron Mexico. Take the Ravens and the Cheese. Matt Cassel, meet the 20. And Ron Mexico, meet Clay Matthews.

As far as Monday's game between the Ducks and Auburn, the total is 74. That is too high for a "title" game. Teams tend to play tight and not-to-lose in these affairs. As for the winner, I could care less.

A woman across the way just said the last episode of MASH aired in 1987. Way off. 4 years anyway. I don't want her on my trivia team. That's for sure.

In the end

There really is

There really is no difference