Yuuup!!!

Okay, 1st for the degenerates looking for college football picks - Mich St +5 (this line is laughable), Nevada -6 (the real Wolfpack will take out their frustration from getting killed in Eugene), Houston -7 (I'm rolling with Keenum as long as possible, the kid is awesome), Tulsa +13 &1/2 (huge game for the home team, and Ok St has Texas A&M next week). None of these games kick off until 3:30 today. For NFL picks, you're gonna have to wait to the end of this stupid post...

I just saw on Weather Channel that Giant African Snails have attacked Miami. The greater south Florida region is still reeling from what Tom Brady did to the area the other night against the Fins, and now these slimy and pesky Giant African Snails show up. You gotta feel for the overly tanned & aged folks of Dade & Broward counties. They can't catch a break. The thing I wonder about with these Giant African Snails is, what part of Africa did they migrate from??? My guess would be Gabon, obviously. Those Gabon snails are lethal. Fucking lethal. Also of note, at least to this observer, is that not only are Giant African Snails panicking the massively ethnic communities of south Florida, but TOSU is in town this weekend to play the baby Thugs. I'm not certain what you get when you cross a Giant African Snail with a buckeye nut, but I'm imaging it can't be too tasty. I mean, what kind of seasoning would need to be thrown into this concoction of Giant African Snails and buckeye nuts to make said concoction palatable??? The answer is most likely paprika. What the hell else could it be???

There's this song that's been running through my head this morning with the following lyrics - A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Now, I've never been too much into sugar. Nor have I ever been a particular fan of medicine. I know nothing about medicine. The part of the lyrics that interest me is the go down part. Anytime one of these dead lyricists threw in something about going down, it wasn't an all bad tune. As for what musical this go down song comes from, that I'm a little uncertain about. I think it may be the musical where that chick is a caregiver to a rowdy and restless group of Hitler youth. Or the musical where another chick is a caregiver to a gaggle of crooked toothed British brats. Either one. It doesn't matter. They both suck. Not the caregivers necessarily. Although on second thought, maybe the caregiver chicks in these musicals do indeed like to perform a little of the old fellatio on their wards from time to time. That would certainly fit with the whole go down aspect of the lyrics. I can't say for sure. But it's worth keeping in mind. That's the thing about Julie Andrews - maybe she's addicted to head. If so, it would explain her attraction to the roles in both of these musicals where some nanny type chick goes down all the time. Wouldn't it???

I got a text from Geilfuss the other day and he informed me that a caller to some sports radio station claimed that the reason the Steelers got blown out by the 20 and the rest of the Ravens last Sunday was because Pittsburgh got tired quickly due to wearing black uniforms. Black does absorb heat. That's a scientific fact. And that being the case, I feel like this enlightened Steeler fan was really on to something. In fact, I'm gonna start making bets against teams that wear black uniforms in warm weather games. Say, for instance, the Raiders, forced to wear black, play an away game in hell against Coach K, Al Gore, & Mohamed Atta; bet the damn home team. Hell, I'd lay up to 5 touchdowns in that scenario. For one, it's a little toasty down in hell. Two, Atta would reign fury down upon Jason Campbell from the outside rush spot. And 3, Coach K would sneak out into dead spots in the Raiders' secondary schemes from the slot for big play after big play. We all know Coach K loves the slot. Fucking loves it.

I'm not sure how many readers of this silly blog are familiar with a program on the old TV called Storage Wars. If you haven't seen it, I urge you to. There's a guy on there who has to be the biggest villain in the US right now (this side of our dear friend and epic failure Barry, anyway). His name is Dave Hester. He goes to these auctions around southern California and when he bids on a foreclosed storage unit, instead of nodding or politely indicating a bid to the auctioneer, he yells "Yuuup." Really obnoxiously, I might add. Do I hear $1200? Yuuup! Okay, $1350? Yuuup! You gotta check it out. It's so addicting that a few Saturdays ago at Stumbles for College GamePlan, I started yelling it really loudly during the Notre Dame/USF tilt. I was screaming "Yuuup!!!" over and over. The typical Stumbles' barflies were baffled. No one said anything to me though. The regulars in there have no idea how to react to me. And really, when you think about it, who does???

Speaking of old Barry, there was this item on the old news recently that claimed he was finally getting serious about trying to energize job growth in our pitiful economy. Now, I don't doubt for a moment that Barry would like to see more folks working. It would probably help with his reelection bid and all. But, someone should inform him that it's businesses that hire workers. And as long as old Barry is busy clowning around in DC with Joe Biden and his massive medically aided boner, companies are gonna be real leery of hiring folks. The best thing old Barry could do at this point to encourage the private sector to take on more employees, is to quit.

Okay, back to info for the degenerates, NFL Week 2: Top pick - SD+8 (roll with Phil Rivers when he's getting points, he's a covering machine). My advice is just put one big bet on the Bolts tomorrow.

Remember what Johnny Rotten said at the Winterland Ballroom in San Francisco in January, 1978 - Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?