I Stand With The President

I stumbled out of my car one morning earlier this week at the place I occasionally show up to work and walked past a blue Toyota that had a bumper sticker on the back. It caught my attention, even at 8 in the morning. The bumper sticker read as follows: I Stand With The President. I started laughing uncontrollably. I almost passed out from laughing so hard. I mean it was too early for me to properly deal with this I Stand With The President bumper sticker. Once I calmed down a little bit, I lit a cigarette. A couple of co-workers were loitering about, catching one last smoke before the real fake work commenced for the day. I said to no one in particular, "I stand without the president." Then I said, "I sit without the president." Then, "I poop without the president." As I kept going with these bold declarations of everything I am capable of doing without the president's help, one of my smoking co-workers said, "What the hell are you ranting about?" It was a fair question. It really was. Most of my in-the-know (and even the in-the-dark) co-workers know to pretty much ignore anything I say. They are used to my mindless maniacal musings. Anyway, upon hearing the question concerning what the hell I was ranting about, I said, "I eat without the president." Then that same questioner asked me, "Is there any president you would stand with?" I replied, "None that I can think of, short of Jeff Davis..."

Speaking of our epic failure of a fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, I ran across an interesting factoid recently. Granted, it may only interest me. But, did you know that 1 in 7 Americans are currently receiving food stamps? A few of you might recall that I looked into getting food stamps about 18 months ago, and reported on this blog that I was eligible for like $57 a month in food stamps myself. I neglected to take Barry up on his $57 a month offer. Anyway, the thing about this food stamp epidemic that is new is that commercials are being run on various radio stations around the country trying to get folks to sign up for food stamps. I guess, like I was 18 months ago, many people have no idea they're eligible to receive them. Maybe Barry's eventual goal is to have 100% participation in the food stamp program. I have no idea. The thing that struck me about these food stamp ads is that the government is pushing joining the program as a vehicle to lose weight. Seriously. Don't join a gym to lose weight. Don't get involved in Jenny Craig to lose weight. Don't take any diet pills to lose weight. Don't do any of that shit. Fuck no. The best way to trim down is to get some fucking food stamps. I'm not sure what the bizarre rationale is behind this breathtakingly stupid claim. I mean what kind of healthy food could I buy each month for $57? Like 20 plums, a few heads of lettuce, & some Slim Fast??? More than likely food stamp users will buy cheap products loaded with calories and get fatter and fatter and fatter. I think what this whole thing is really about is Barry and his mischievous band of social tinkerers wanting to get as many folks as possible as dependant as possible for their day to day existence on the largesse of the federal government. Just a hunch. But I like my thinking there...