The Russian Blonde Who Might Be From Ohio In The Future

Well, the fucking Faceshit struck yet again. Some of you may recall that back in the spring I became aware that a guy I knew back in 9th and 10th grade (and beyond to a certain degree - check out a post from back in that time frame with Electric Boogie Woman in the title). A short recap for those too lazy to search for the post (hell, I was too lazy to go back and find the exact date it was put up): turns out this guy I used to know has become a woman. My buddy Todd Myers linked me to a MySpace page that this guy has where he refers to him/herself as Electric Boogie Woman. Anyway, I hadn't thought much about Electric Boogie Woman after the post I wrote about 6 months ago or whatever. Then Friday, I noticed a friend request on the Faceshit. And I'll be damned but it was from the Electric Boogie Woman him/herself. Here is an actual back and forth I had over the last several days with the Electric Boogie Woman using the mail feature on the Faceshit (Note:my comments about the "conversation"will be in red, what I actually wrote to him/her will be regular black, as will what Electric Boogie Woman wrote to me):

EBW: Hi, _____ here from ____. Trying to connect with old friends. I assume he/she was sending out a generic message to everyone he/she ever knew, hoping to get replies. The problem is that he/she's picture is as a woman, and his/her first name has changed to a girl's name on the profile. Luckily, he/she put his old name and the school he went to in the little note. So at least folks who didn't know about the sex change would have a clue who the hell was friending them.

TBFH: ___, Todd actually gave me a link to your MySpace page about 6 or 7 months ago. Are you still married to that ambulance partner wife of yours? Also, I love the way you're presenting yourself as a woman online - it's hysterical. When I read your MySpace page back in the Spring, I got a big kick out of it. With Natalie (new female name he/she's using), I assume you're referencing the big chick from Facts Of Life - Mindy Cohn? Priceless. Good to hear from you, TBFH I know some of you might think this was unnecessarily cruel on my part. But, I couldn't help myself. He really does resemble Mindy Cohn a bit too.

EBW: 20 years later and I still can't tell when you're being sarcastic:) I assume you know the whole story. (I actually didn't know almost any of the story.) It turns out I was born intersexed, with 2 X and 1 Y chromosome. I went through gender transition about 7 years ago, and had surgery in 2004 (makes sense as 2004 was when John Edwards was running for President then the VP nominee for the Democrat Party). No one from high school or college will have anything to do with me. They're either afraid I'll turn them gay or god hates people like me. (Me- I can't be turned gay and I'm convinced God is dead. So, ...). I tried to get in touch with Todd and some other old friends last year, but every single one of them declined the request. You're the first person I've actually heard from. (That is sad. I'm the only person with the courtesy to write him back? Even if it was sarcastic in nature? At this point I wrote him/her again and was slightly sympathetic to his plight.)

TBFH: I'm always being sarcastic. I also don't understand how folks who claim to be God's children can turn their backs on someone, that has always puzzled me (it really has - these religious hypocrites...). Personally, I say Good Luck and I hope you're doing well - no matter the circumstances (and I meant that as sincerely as I possibly can). As for Todd, he's a good kid - one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. I'd give him a pass.

And that's how I left it with the Electric Boogie Woman. I had no idea about the intersexed thing. I'm not sure how he got married twice if he was intersexed (I'm not even sure what that entails exactly, which is a little embarrassing - but I think it means you've got both sets of equipment or not fully developed sets of any equipment - you gotta feel for the guy a bit). For what it's worth, I too declined the friend request on the Faceshit, not because of the sex change deal, but because the picture he/she is using freaks me out. I mean, if he/she looked hot as a chick, then maybe, but as a Mindy Cohn clone, nope.

Well, the folks I'm working with here in San Antonio from Atlanta left today (I'm heading out tomorrow myself, after 28 pointless and stupendously exciting days). And they had a going away get together last night at some joint called New Dork Bar. I decided to stop in for a bit to be nice. Well, it was pretty typical drinking and silliness. But, there was one situation I feel compelled to pass along. One of the guys in from the ATL had a number of Crowns (which is somewhat my fault, as I bought him 2 shots myself). Anyway, the kid was feeling it a bit. At one point he goes up to some blonde chick who is dancing away to some God awful song on the jukebox. No big deal. Well, my man Curtis was also at this get together and he was also feeling it (the poor guy is a Browns fan, you'd drink too), after several hours of knocking them back. So Curtis goes up to talk to this woman and turns out she was in from Russia. And the reason I bring all of this up is because at one point Curtis sarcastically asked this Russian if she was from Ohio (I guess she was asking about the Browns shirt Curtis was wearing), and here is what the Russian blonde said in reply, "I will be in the future, yes." So, when I heard all of this, I approached the Russian blonde chick who might be from Ohio in the future and leaned in to her ear and asked, "Have you ever been a mail order bride for a guy named J from Baltimore?"

Damn the Panthers let me down last night. They didn't run the damn football enough -exasperating.

A dream, too tired to come true

Left a rebel without a clue

If anybody is gonna be out around the town where Elaine Benes is from starting tomorrow night, you know where to find me - TBFH

Random Thoughts On Sunday Ticket Viewers

I'm not sure exactly how many readers of this blog are fans of the Baltimore Ravens. But I know some of you are. There is a Ravens blog that my buddy Dan McGrain has been doing this season. And it's pretty good. Dan knows the Ravens and he's pretty objective in his commentary. The blog is called One Winning Drive (I have no idea the exact URL thingy - just google it). I have actually been to a Ravens game with Dan (I blogged about it last December, the title involves the Dalai Lama) and it was the infamous Holmes catch at the goal line game. And his comments throughout the game were pretty insightful. Anyway, I encourage Ravens fans to check it out.

I don't really have any interest in going into deep analysis of yesterday's Ravens game myself. I will tell you that Cleveland is terrible, they quit playing in the middle of the 2nd quarter, and their coach looked like a petulant child, as he stood around the sidelines with a surly look on his face. And all of that is fine with me, because we bet on the Ravens and it was a rout. We have bet on them all 3 weeks and won $700 with them on straight bets and more on a 3 team parlay I hit yesterday (w/GB & NYG). In fact, I was on fire between 1 and 7:30 yesterday, as we were up $1350 for that stretch. I also hit a parlay on SD and CIN and when Carson Palmer threw the winning TD, with around 14 seconds left, I was slightly celebratory. Going into tonight's action we stand at $2260 on the season - a little more than doubling the initial investment of $1100 - so, we'll see how it goes.

One funny thing about Sunday Ticket is that no matter where you are in the country there are always fans of several teams you'll find at the sports bar. Here are some quick takes on the fans of some of those teams (remember, I've been watching the silliness at various joints in many different cities for about 15 years now, so I have some knowledge on this topic):

Raiders - They are dedicated, I'll give them that. They're also delusional, drunken assholes at times. Just yesterday, there were 3 or 4 of them here at the BW-3 in San Antonio and they stayed and watched the entire ass-kicking the Broncos gave them. When the Raiders were good (basically when they had Rich Gannon and Chuckie), their fans were really obnoxious. Now, wow - I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

Steelers - Not my kind of people for the most part (my buddy Jeff being an exception). There were always Steeler fans in Columbus for some reason (maybe more than the Bengals had at times) and they were super moronic about the game, totally unreasonable. And the women; oh the humanity! I am certain that there are cute Steeler fans, but I've only met one personally (and she was crazy - literally crazy, one of the many bulimics/anorexics I've had the pleasure of getting mixed up with in my life). One of the worst ways to spend time during Sunday Ticket is near Steeler fans when the team is winning. It's a living hell. Now yesterday there weren't any Steeler fans in the bar - and I would have enjoyed if there were at the end when Carson Palmer tore their hearts out (I've always had a soft spot for the Bengals - they're so harmless...and remember what Sam Wyche said, "You don't live in Cleveland." And boy was Sam telling the truth there).

Redskins - I'm almost starting to feel sorry for them now. But I can't. The Skins fans are some of the most clueless followers of their team in the world (not as bad as Chelsea fans, obviously). I have had to explain the basic rules of football to so many Skins fans over the past 20 years, it's nauseating. To their benefit, lots of their fans in the Southeast are attractive enough women. In fact there was a smoking hot Skins girl in the bar yesterday, and although she had no idea why they were getting beat by the Lions exactly, she was on the ball enough to note "We suck." I told her "You're dead on there."

Packers - Maybe the most knowledgeable fan base out there. I never mind sitting near a Pack fan during Sunday Ticket. And most of them are realists, they knew Favre was on a long downward slide from '99 on and they're much better off with Rogers and would have been better off the last 10 years with Matt Hasselback. I've always had a good amount of respect for Packer fans - although they don't tend to be the most svelte folks around, as I guess all the Polish Sausage and beer takes its toll over time.

Patriots - A relatively new phenomenon. Of course when you win 3 Super Bowls, you're gonna get bandwagon jumpers, it's inevitable. These fans aren't really fans yet, as with the exception of the Brady knee/stump situation, they've basically known lots of success (with some painful losses, admittedly). We'll see if the Patsies keep all these "fans" around the country after Brady retires, Belicheck commits suicide, or Bob Kraft is caught in bed with a live boy or dead girl. My guess is that the Patriot phenomenon will go the way of the 49er phenomenon. In the late 80's to late 90's they were everywhere in every city. Now, you almost never see one. As far as the actual Patsie fans - the ones from Boston and the surrounding area, they like to drink some Jack Daniels. I'll give them that. And my old friend Paul J Whitehouse is a Pats fan from way back when Steve Grogan was chucking the old pigskin. So, the old school, die hard Pat fan, you're cool with me (and Mary is cool with me too, although I have no idea why she likes them. I'm guessing it has something to do with Brady being a babe magnet and Mary's brother being a die hard Ravens fan).

Dallas Cowboys - I could go on for thousands of words about the Cowboys fans. I have spent more time sitting with or near Dallas fans than any other team over the years. And boy, do Cowboys fans have issues. When Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer had the Cowboys riding high, the team was 1) fun to watch, but 2) had the most obnoxious fans in the world. Truth be told, when I was a kid, I too pulled hard for the Cowboys, as Roger Staubach is the absolute truth. But, as the years went on and I found myself sitting around other Cowboy fans in the mid 90s, they lost me. Most of them have no football IQ at all (I'm not including the Cowboy fans who actually live in Texas, many of them know football backwards and forwards) and they get silly with their breathtaking ignorance of the basics of the NFL game. I will say this though, the Cowboys have by far the most attractive female fans. And it's not even close. It's ironic that the Steelers and Cowboys used to have a big rivalry back in the 70s, because on the attractive female fan scale, they are close to being at polar opposites.

Take the Panthers and the points tonight.

Life's a bummer

Barry Lauded By The Freak From Libya

First, before I get to the normal silliness, one thing - if you haven't seen the movie Little Children, I urge you to. I remember reading a lot about it when it came out in 2006 and wanting to go see it. Well, I never did and hadn't thought about it in a long while. Anyway, the other night, I was having a tough time getting to sleep and turned on HBO, and there it was at like 2:30 to 5 in the morning - Little Children. Kate Winslet is so good and so real in this movie - she's mesmerizing. There is also a thing they do with it where a guy does voice-overs fairly often - although it's not like a narrator type voice-over - it's like a documentary type voice-over. It is genius. I don't wanna give away too much about it, but I'll say this - if you don't find it to be one of the most spot on reflections of the human existence you've ever experienced through any art form, then I can't help you. It's that good. I'm gonna make it a point to see it again soon.

Now, onto the normal silliness.

Q: In the land of blind, one armed, one legged, drunken, retarded academicians, who is king?

A: Barack Hussien Obama

Speaking of old Barry, I saw where he went to speak at some fake one world government organization the other day. During his talk, old Barry referred to this once great country as "my country" and he kept inserting the word "I" into his speech when referencing the USA. It goes to show that old Barry really does believe he is our messiah - as he relays to the rest of the world that we are but his subjects, as he wisely presides over his kingdom and acts by himself to undo our centuries long litany of sins. It's slightly pompous on his part, to say the least - not to mention meglomaniacal, presumptuous, and downright uncool. One of the things that caught my ear was when he promised that Palestine would have a state with contiguous borders. Not to bore anyone with history/geography, but that's gonna be a problem. That would mean Israel would give back much of the territory they gained during the 1967 Six Day War - a war they did not start by the way. Now, I'm no fan of Israel by any stretch of the imagination. The folks over there should just move back to the Upper West Side of Manhattan, where their real homeland is. But since that isn't happening and Israelis are hell-bent on staying over there, they aren't gonna just give back all that land to Palestinians. And if Barack Hussein Obama believes for one second that they might, then he is even more breathtakingly ignorant than I imagined.

The best part of the festivities at the fake world government organization the other day was when a very well respected African leader got up and spoke for 90 minutes about a myriad of topics. Now, this guy looks good. I mean he looks like a freak. A freak from Libya. Anyway, this freak from Libya, as part of his important and spell-binding address, heaped lots of praise on Barack Hussein Obama. In fact, at one point, the freak from Libya called old Barry "our son" and claimed old Barry was a native of Kenya. The freak from Libya also expressed some interest in having Barack Hussein Obama be anointed, err...appointed, fake leader of our once great country for life - which I'm sure old Barry is plotting to do this with all 3 or 4 of his active brain cells, nonetheless...I guess what I'm left wondering after one of the worst human beings on Earth (a man we've bombed before due to his support of terrorist plots in Europe in the 80s) spends considerable time praising Barack Hussein Obama is this - are the 2 of them somehow related? I mean uncle/nephew? Maybe??? Father/son??? Is that a possibility??? We know old Barry's mom liked the brothers. I don't know if this is true, or even plausible. But, for me, I wonder. The freak from Libya did call old Barry "son" after all. A Freudian slip??? Perhaps???

I was sitting in some of the most boring meetings imaginable for Wednesday and most of Thursday this week. My plan was to say very little. I've given up hope (not that I ever really had much hope anyway) on this whole undertaking. Anyway, at one point Fran was babbling on about some petty demand of hers to the vendor, and I was zoning her out completely. I was sitting well down and across from her at the conference table. Then at one point during her long winded harangue, I hear her say "Is that right _____, don't you agree with me?" I guess she was looking for back up on whatever her pointless and selfish request was. Well here's what I said in reply to her plea for back up on whatever she was pursuing, "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying a bit of attention to you Fran. I zoned you out an hour ago." Fran wasn't too pleased with that. Everyone else laughed though. They thought I was making a funny. But between you and me, I really wasn't listening to her. She's an awful,not particularly bright, egocentric, condescending idiot. Can you blame me?

I may have hit a new low the other night (which I realize is really saying something). I stumbled into that awful Irish bar here in San Antonio Monday night at halftime of the Colts/Fish game. And I won't get into too many of the details of what ensued. But here's what happened in a nutshell: there was some dude in there who was too friendly and too drunk. And there was a drunk waitress in there from another horrible bar and she was drunk, really hammered. The dude moved over to where I was sitting to bum smokes off me (I've regressed on my no smoking efforts) and invited the drunk waitress to come over as well. Fast forward to about 1 am - the dude is long gone, but the drunk waitress and I are in a certain state of alcohol fueled phony bliss. Then a woman, who just entered the bar, comes up to the drunk waitress, taps her on the shoulder and says "You need to come home now." Well, it turns out that this drunken waitress was 21 years old and the woman doing the tapping was her mother. As I said, a new low for yours truly. It sounds like something that would happen to Geilfuss, except I'm 38 and Geilfuss is 24 - so it's way worse than if it happened to Geilfuss. In my defense, the drunk waitress was somewhat not too undoable - and very aggressive. I mean she pulled her jeans down at one point to give me a better look at how her pink and white thong accentuated the creamy color of her ass. So, ...

I guess I should give everyone a gambling update as well. As of this moment, we are down $35 on the season - sitting at $1065. Got burned last Saturday on a number of games. But, did well Sunday as Saints, Ravens, and Giants all came through. And if the Titans had covered against Houston (remember they were up 21-7 at one point in the 1st half), instead of being down $35 on the season, we'd be up $625. Alas, such are the vagaries of the sordid world of degenerate gambling.

Trust me when I say I know the pathway to your heart

Peace - TBFH

When A Gobbler Turns Hokie

I was talking to Curtis here in San Antonio about the whole Hokies vs Gobblers debate and he was asking what a Hokie was and I'm not sure - I think it's a made up, fierce looking, bird - whatever. Well, we both think Va Tech should have never changed their name from the Gobblers. It's really a shame. I used to work with an old drunk who went to Va Tech when the nickname was the Gobblers and he used to laugh his ass off when I'd bring it up (I had to fire him eventually for being lit on the job, and I didn't enjoy firing him - I hate firing people, especially drunks). Well, the reason Curtis and I were discussing the Hokies/Gobblers is they have a game with the Corn People tomorrow. For what it's worth, Curtis likes the Corn (they should be getting about 6 &1/2 or 7). Me, I like too many games. I'm gonna have to narrow down - you can get into a lot of trouble betting too many games. That and chasing - chasing is not good. I tell guys who are new to the sordid world of degenerate gambling to never chase. Never. Oh, and the Due Theory - the Due Theory will get you in so deep that the bookie will be fucking your girlfriend as partial payment (J is a big fan of the Due Theory, obviously).

I don't really have time for anything else today. I just wanted to put the picture up... (I know, I know, it's like I'm 12...)

I told you homeboy

The Worst Human Being I've Met In At Least A Couple Days

I was out last night at some sports bar joint and met one of the worst, most annoying people I've come across in days. Right after halftime of the Bills/Patsies game, I wander into the bar and see one open area at one end of the bar. So I walk over to the spot and wait for the bartender to see me. Well, there was a guy to my right and I didn't think much about him, but a few minutes passed and he says "What you drinkin'?" I said "I guess just whatever crappy beer is the special tonight." He then proceeded to call for the bartender and order me a Bud Lite (and they are terrible, but whatever). Then the guy introduced himself to me as John and then things went downhill - fast. Over the course of the next 2 hours, I became suicidal with utter disdain for this John. Why? Well, let me count the ways: 1) He talked about his fantasy football team. I didn't pay attention to what he was saying, but it went on for over 5 minutes. 2) He talked about his 4 kids. And I remember some of what he said about them and they seemed like they might not be too awful (they were all college age or out of college - his oldest son is a pharmacist!). 3) John complained about how much he'd lost gambling on Sunday (and he was getting killed last night too) and I made the mistake of telling him who I'd picked and, oh fuck, that was a mistake. I got into a 3 or 4 minute conversation with John about the SF/AZ game and he thought I was lying about taking the Niners. Now, normally I wouldn't care about a drunk moron at a bar not believing me. But, I got so agitated that I showed him the text I sent out about 5 minutes before the kickoff Sunday that clearly stated SF +6&1/2 for 100. And that was a mistake because he wanted me to give him my picks for the rest of the season because he was so impressed over one correct bet. Pitiful. 4) He wanted to play some game he called speed betting, where you put a dollar on the bar for each play and predict what is going to happen. I had no interest in his idea, but he insisted. I agreed to do it for one play. Now the play was right after a Bills return to about the 40 or 45 yard line (this is late 3rd/early 4th quarter). I said "Play action pass." John said "No. Fuck no. Run." Right after the Bills did indeed try a play action pass, the moron said "Incomplete. You don't win." I said "You can't fault me for Trent Edwards throwing a bad ball." I was hoping we were finished with this absurd speed betting game. But John wanted a chance to win his dollar back (even though I wouldn't take it off the bar and put in my pocket anyway). So, a few more plays go by and I say "Okay. One more play. Then that's it. OK?" John said "You call it." I said "Shallow cross is the call - probably to T.O." And sure enough that is exactly what happened. I think he was stunned that I have some grasp of NFL play calling. 5) He wouldn't leave when he was hammered and couldn't drink any longer. John wanted to do shots of Tuaca. 3 shots later (and this was after he had God knows how many Jack and Cokes {at least 7}), John was done - slurring his words terribly and complimenting the nearest girl on the size of her rack (she WAS heaving them out there, I had noticed that fact myself from the moment I walked into the place). He kept wanting to shake my hand and say "It's all your fault." Believe me, I didn't want to pursue whatever that meant. Well this goes on until the end of the 1st quarter of the Bolts game. Finally, I moved away from him completely. But he stuck around - just standing there hammered and looking completely foolish. Here's my advice - do not talk to middle aged men in sports bar during Monday Night Football, even if they wanna buy you a beer or two. It's not worth it. It was so bad that I'll say this: if I had a soul, part of it was crushed and ground up forever last night from meeting the horrendous John (fortunately for me, I have no soul to speak of and, FYI, there's probably a giant hole where my heart should probably be as well).

I was talking to the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago and he was telling me about some chick who had friended him on the Faceshit. And this is really bizarre. Evidently he worked with this girl about 6 years ago and one day gave her a ride home. Well this girl made the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago drop her off like 2 blocks from her house because she was embarrassed about the dilapidated state of her home. So, this broad gets out of the car and gives the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago a hug and starts kissing his neck a bit. Well at this point in the story, I asked the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago this "Why would she start making out with you if she didn't want you to come inside and nail her?" He ignored that question (which I thought was totally appropriate). He continued with the story and said that she was a whack job and he wanted no part of her. He had to get her fired from work and put a block on her calls and email to get away from her. Anyway, he hadn't heard from her in 6 years and now she friends him on the Faceshit and the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago ACCEPTS! So, now she's writing all these bizarre comments on his Faceshit wall - psychopathic. The whole reason I bring the whole thing up is because at one point I was trying to ascertain what made this girl a whack job. And the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago says "Well, I'll tell you this, she has her Masters in something called Fat Studies." And I said "That's not hip hop related is it Paul?" He laughed and said "No." Well, Fran was sitting across the table (this happened at lunch) and she says "Was this girl heavy?" And I said "Of course she was fat. You don't think Calista Flockhart is gonna get a Masters in Fat Studies, do you? Maybe Roseanne." And the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago confirmed that she is indeed a bigger gal (I can confirm this, as I've seen her picture on the Faceshit). And Fran said "What does someone do with a Masters in Fat Studies?" I said "Probably a lot of sweating in their ass crack."

Good weekend gambling, as we were up $555 on the week - now up $200 on the young season. Thanks especially to John Harbaugh for going for a late TD on 4th & Goal - And The Ohio Bobcats for going for 2 at the end of the 2nd OT against N Texas - Whew!

Rudy Can't Fail

Go See Whiteout (for a few minutes anyway)

I was out at lunch with some folks who I'm working with here in San Antonio and good old Fran was there (I have mentioned her at least once on this blog). Anyway, Fran is notorious for complaining about every aspect of a restaurant experience. So, I figured today would be no different and just kind of waited. Well, she ordered chicken quesadilla and sure enough after she had been dealing with eating the stuff for awhile, she said "Look at this, it's mostly cheese - there's only 2 tiny bits of chicken." I said "Whew! I was getting worried you weren't gonna complain about the food today." Later I was mentioning to the table how compassionate I am (I don't recall what the sarcastic context was that I said it) and Fran spoke right up and said "Yeah right, and I've got a bridge to sell you." At least she doesn't mask her contempt for me. She's up front with her contempt.

The guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago was also at this lunch and he started talking about a new movie called Whiteout. After asking him if it was about the Klan, the guy who writes movie reviews in Chicago informed me that the movie starts with Kate Beckinsale in the shower. He said it's all downhill from there. But, he did admit that it would probably be worth the price of admission to see the scene with Kate Beckinsale in the shower. At least it's at the beginning of the movie evidently. You can watch that part and get up and leave and honestly say you got your money's worth. I checked Rotten Tomatoes about Whiteout a little bit ago and out of 54 reviews, only 1 was fresh - so it must really suck.

Steelers really let me down last night. It was a very surreal game for the 1st half. Weird. Bironas was way off and Pittsburgh looked lethargic, except for that freak with the hair and then he left the game with an injury. We still could have gotten a cover if Ward had not fumbled there with a little over 1/2 a minute left. My biggest issue was with the Steelers O-Line - they were terrible. They gained 1.6 yards a rush. What's funny is I was texting back and forth with Brandon (a buddy of mine in Greensboro) about the college game because he wanted to bet it. And I told him to take Clemson. The reason is this: the whole day money was pouring in on G Tech, as the line had risen all the way to 6 &1/2 by kickoff, and here's the rule - when the betting public is heavily favoring one side, bet the other team. By heavily favoring, I mean 80% or more of the action is going one way. Vegas was thrilled last night, as both dogs (Titans and Tigers) covered. Clemson was down 3 touchdowns and came back and lost by just 3. So, Brandon hit that bet by simply going against the public sentiment. It's a good strategy to employ.

I saw where some congressman yelled at Barack Hussein Obama the other night. I guess old Barry was giving yet another tired speech about his plans for socializing the health care in this once great country. I can't believe anyone wants to hear it anymore. He's been babbling for months about this garbage and people don't want it - I'm not sure what more there is to say. Anyway, this guy yelled "You Lie" at some point in old Barry's speech. And my first thought was, he only yelled it once? Wasn't the entire speech full of the same moronic and insulting lies the dude has been shovelling forever? Then, when I heard that some folks consider this guy a traitor for expressing his outrage, I thought back to all the horrible insults hurled at old W during his speeches by the Democrat party and don't recall any outrage about it. It seems yet another case of liberal hypocrisy. As for how appropriate it was for the dude to scream to old Barry during his speech, well, it's not my thing, I mean I wouldn't have been there in the first place, why would anyone waste a perfectly nice Wednesday evening to listen to Barack Hussein Obama? If you wanna get pissed at the guy who yelled (I have no idea what the guy's name is), it should be for wasting his time and energy by listening to old Barry.

I was out at some joint called Stone Works last night here in San Antonio watching the football action (they have a huge outdoor patio part and a 10 or 12 foot projection screen out there) and this hostess was stumbling around in what I gathered was a drunken stupor. Which was fine with me, whatever. But at one point she sat down at the table with me and asked if I ever watched something called Gossip Girl. And I have heard of the show because Mary has mentioned it. But I have yet to see it. So I told this girl that I was a huge fan. And she said "Don't you think I look like Blake Lively?" And I had no idea if this chick looked like whoever Blake Lively is, but I said "Damn. I was thinking that before you came over here." This drunk hostess said "Really you do? Because my ex-boyfriend doesn't think so. He laughed at me over this." So I said "Look, you obviously are a dead ringer for Blake Lively and your ex-boyfriend is a jerk." She appreciated me saying that to her. She really showed her appreciation. Who knew that listening to Mary talk about Gossip Girl could prove to be such a worthwhile thing? Thanks Mary!

You, you were talking about the end of the world.

TOSU

Peace - TBFH

Bushrod

Somewhat big match up tonight, at least I think it will be for the Steelers. They got killed in Nashville last December and even though they're coming off 7 months of being patted on the back, they will want to exact revenge. And they should be able to. As far as I can tell, Pittsburgh is healthy on offense and should make big plays in the passing game. As for the Titans, I would normally love them in a situation where they are getting almost a TD - a situation like tonight. However, the Steelers should be able to create lots of 3rd down and 4 or more, get pressure on Kerry Collins, and maybe even score off a turnover at some point. Not too worried about backdoor cover for Tennessee, as Titans are limited in big playmakers at receiver, as in they don't have any right now. Take Pit -6. Also, if you're desperate for parlay action, take the over.

I was reading up for this weekend and the Saints have an offensive lineman with this last name: Bushrod. He might be my new favorite player.

I am gonna try and get some analysis up tomorrow on a few of the weekend games, but time will dictate that, because people keep peppering me with questions and they probably will continue to for the rest of the month.

One of the websites I look at for some insight into the Pac 10 was mentioning something about fans of the Texas Longhorns (don't recall why exactly as the Horns are playing Wyoming Saturday). Anyway, I think his basic point was that the girls at the games in Austin are hot. And I can support that wholeheartedly. Maybe girls at Ole Miss games are slightly hotter, but...

Some girls are bigger than others

Trivia at Charlie Clown's

I walked into an awful, terrible, horrible dive called Charlie Clown's just before 7 last night. I have been in the place a couple times before and here is how awful it is - it is located in this strip mall and the inside smells like a mixture of cum soaked panties and menthol cigarettes. Most of the women are terrifyingly putrid. Ridiculously putrid. In fact, I'd wager that if you pooled them all together, they might have one decent set of teeth combined. The lady running the trivia is awesome, in a not so complimentary way. The first time I played trivia with her was a couple years ago - and back then she was screaming for free shots and had a gaping hole where the top row of her teeth were supposed to be. To her credit, she has gotten caps or dentures or something for her teeth since then and she doesn't scream at people to bring her free shots anymore. But here's how surreal her trivia games used to be: Last year, for the halftime "question," the only way you could get points was to bring a girl born in the 1980s (with an ID to prove it) to the hostess' area and buy 3 shots (one for the hostess herself, one for the girl born in the 80s, and one for yourself). I played along, because I wanted the points for the trivia game and I was in an awful place (both literally and figuratively) where being drunk is highly desirable. By the way, the girl I found with an ID showing she was born in the 80s - she wasn't too bad (especially for Charlie Clown's). I remember 2 things about her 1) she was born in 1981 and 2) she kept flashing me the 2nd half of the game (it's important to note she was there with her FATHER) and she did have attractive enough breasts. Now, 2 years ago was worse in a way, as this was when the hostess screamed for shots. For the halftime that night, she had the teams do a scavenger hunt - seriously. You had to find a state quarter (I think Oklahoma, but could be "misremembering" a la Andy Pettitte and his recollection of watching a needle go into Roger Clemens' butt), a used straw wrapper, a hairbrush, and a condom (not a used one, thank God). I didn't have any of the crap on me or even in the car and I sure as hell wasn't going to walk around and ask the women at Charlie Clown's if they had any condoms on them. Okay - back to last night. The game starts and the slightly reformed loud alcoholic woman running it asked the stupidest questions imaginable - I even knew the science questions. And I'm terrible at science. I did miss a question on Jethro Tull and that agitated me to no end. So, I'm sitting there and there were about 8 teams playing. Most of the folks playing were getting hammered, I mean fast like they do at Martini's Bar in that movie with that dumb angel Clarence. There were 2 guys who must have taken 4 or 5 rounds of shots up to the newly dentally enhanced trivia hostess and did them with her (if one of them did her is another matter entirely). At one point I had to have a shot just to keep from wanting to pound my head into the table due to the sheer absurdity of what was going on - I mean between the trivia questions and everyone getting blitzed, it was alarmingly silly for a Tuesday between 7 and 9. I ended up getting a "prize" at the end of the game and was told I could reach into the hostess' treasure chest and pick something. I told her very frankly that I didn't consider her chest much of a treasure. And I will admit, she did laugh. She had a sense of humor. The best thing about the trivia is that she took music requests throughout the game. And this awful, shot loving, dentured hostess played the following songs for me: Some Might Say, Hey Ya, Get Back (the Luda version, not the Beatles), and Mo Money, Mo Problems. And I will tell everyone this - when it got to the part where Christopher Wallace says: B-I-G P-O-P-P-A - I started to cry like always. The folks at Charlie Clown's had to think I was insane. And they might not be wrong.

After the trivia I stumbled into an Irish joint called Finnegan's for 2 beers. And some dudes were at the bar debating Led Zeppelin. And frequent readers of this blog know my feelings on Led Zeppelin (for the uninitiated, they aren't positive - to say the least). Anyway, I wasn't paying too much attention to them, but I heard them threaten to put some of it on the jukebox. When I did, I raced over to the jukebox and put 5 bucks in and played lots of Oasis. Anything to head off having to hear the fucking Led Zeppelin. Jesus.

Federal agents mad cause I'm flagrant

Tap my cell and the phone in the basement

Gotta Run -

Barry Loves The School Childrens

I noticed that Barack Hussein Obama is "talking" to school children today. It's all over the news. Some parents are worried that old Barry is trying to indoctrinate their kids to some far left ideology with this address, and thus keeping their kids home for the day. And I have no idea what old Barry could possibly say to kids that they'd pay any attention to. I assume everyone will zone the idiot out and just be happy they're missing some class time. If I were still in school, I would heckle loudly and be sent to the Principal's office. There I could debate the finer points of political dissent with the principal and miss even more class time!!! So, I would look at this stupid and pointless presidential address as an opportunity - an opportunity to slack off and debate moronic technocrats about De Tocqueville and his ilk. Because school is pointless. It really is. Hopefully old Barry is telling kids the truth about that today. But I doubt it. I bet he loves school children. And believes an education matters. Sucker!!! I truly wish I was even more illiterate than I am, and had never stepped foot into any institution of learning at any level. The reason is: when you start to hear things and they stick with you, you're ruined. Totally ruined.

Also, old Barry still hasn't given up on his socialized medicine dream. I warned him months and months ago how this would turn out if he pursued it. And sure enough, I was right. His popularity is nonexistent with everyone but his mindless true believers - the kool aid drinkers like everyone at MSNBC. It's very funny listening to leftists try and paint socialized medicine as a moral cause (Albert Arnold Gore did this recently). Like it's somehow immoral for folks not to have crappy government run health care. What's "immoral" is making anyone sign up for such a sure to be fiasco. I know that there are well meaning compassionate folks who really believe that somehow there is some societal benefit to the government running health care and having the masses be "insured." But, trust me, when you get past the good intentions, what will result will be catastrophic for a vast majority of people. And the well intentioned do-gooders don't realize this, obviously. It's a shame. It really is. Because some of them are pretty nice people. Most are awful, but some are okay. Me, I'm awful too. But at least I admit it. I don't hide that fact.

I did that stupid fantasy draft thing that Geilfuss is running last night. And it worked out perfectly. I had the 1st overall pick and I took Sebastian Janikowski. And everyone was stunned. Most of the guys were typing into the instant message thing: WTF? or What just happened? or Is he serious? or I'm confused. It was awesome. Andy enjoyed watching the reaction and Geilfuss just mentioned the same thing in a text. My strategy was to take as many guys who've been arrested as possible and still field an actual team -a team that will have almost no chance to win a game, but that's not the point. I was making a statement about how silly this whole fantasy football nonsense has gotten. And I made it loud and clear by taking a kicker from one of the worst teams in the NFL with the #1 pick. Then I kept taking criminals (with 3 exceptions, as 2 of my criminals were drafted by other teams before I could take them {Shockey and Jamal Lewis}). And after I drafted one, I would type in the instant message thing what they'd gotten in trouble for. It went like this:

1) Sebastian Janikowski - roofies, bar fights, bribery

2) Baltimore D - murder, allegedly

3) Brandon Marshall - likes to beat women

4) Larry Johnson - likes to beat and spit on women etc... Then I saved these 2 for last, and this is really cool...

16) Rams D - killed a woman

17) Donte Stallworth - killed a Mexican

I got off to a bit of a rough start to the college football season as UTEP did not come through for me Saturday night - neither did UGA or Illinois for that matter. I made about a quarter of it back last night as Thug U pulled out a thriller and won outright while getting 6. What we're doing this year is a little different, as guys bought shares for $50. Then all the money is pooled together and bet as one block. In all there are 22 shares worth $1100 - well, they were worth $1100. I'm currently down $355 - so that means $745. I'm planning a big comeback this weekend.

I was out at Club Scandals here in San Antonio last night and Mondays there are awesome. It's karaoke night and they have this guy who is there and sings every Monday. And, yes, he is retarded. He's been there every Monday that I've been in town the past 3 years. Last night he hit us with some All 4 One - I Swear. And I swear it was so brilliant that I was on the floor laughing. At one point Andy called to celebrate the Canes victory and the retarded guy was singing another song at that point and I just screamed "Listen" and held up the phone. I hope it was coming through pretty clearly, but it's hard to say if that would really matter, because the retarded guy is so guttural with the noises emanating from his mouth that maybe hearing him clearly is not a real benefit. You probably gotta be there in person to truly appreciate his genius.

I was out Sunday for a bit at some joint called No Shit Sherlock and there were these humongous Hispanic chicks in there. And some dude was playing his guitar acoustically and asking for requests and one of these fat Hispanic chicks ambled over to him and requested something, then meandered back to her friends and sat down. After the next song, the dude playing guitar said "This next one is for the ladies right over there (he pointed to the big Hispanic chicks)." And then he played Fat Bottom Girls. I wandered over to their table on my way out and asked to none of them and all of them, "Are you ladies wearing thongs?"

They had this thing on ESPN Classic yesterday about Reggie White - the Minister of Defense - and they played snippets of the address he gave to the Wisconsin State Legislature. And I hadn't forgotten about it, but it had been awhile since I'd heard it - and it is even more awesome now, 11 years later. He talks about the strengths of each race - my favorites are 1) Hispanics are good at family structure because they can fit 20 to 30 people into a 1 bedroom apartment and 2) Asians are inventive because they can turn a TV into a watch. It's priceless. If you haven't heard it, I'm guessing the highlights can be found on YouTube.

I was flipping around the channels later yesterday and came across something with Hilary Swank as a check out girl in a Quickie Mart. And I thought about the last time I put a picture of Hilary Swank on this blog and how Keith commented that I had to have found the only attractive picture of her that existed. So, I am proving him wrong - again. Between me and The Greek Gods, Keith has it rough.

I'm gonna try and get to a trivia game here in San Antonio tonight. It should be eventful. I'll let you know how it went.

The sun shines out of our behinds.

Peace - TBFH