Brandon Turns To Beck

A week ago Saturday I went out to the old ball yard here in Greensboro to watch the hard hitting exhibition action between my Hoppers and their parent club, the Florida Marlins. I've blogged about the ballpark before (in a post from last July), and it has gotta be the nicest Single A park in the country. Anyway, I was out at the game with Brandon and Brandon's dad. Baseball-wise, the key thing was getting to see the best player on the planet, my man Hanley Ramirez, play in person. But the key non-baseball part of the afternoon was hanging out at the bar down the left field line, listening to Brandon's dad tell stories about his honeymoon, and checking out all the babes at the game. The picture above was taken of the most interesting looking babe on hand. And yes, that is Brandon standing to the side of the babe in question. We had a great time, obviously. The only disappointing part of the whole experience is that the Hoppers failed to play the Do You Like Waffles video for me (I urge everyone to go to YouTube and check it out). I get super excited when they play the Waffles video, like a 3 year old on Halloween, or the guy who plays devil's advocate and studies his notes on Spanish Fly. Either way...

I saw where our friend The Tiger is catching some heat for a post-round interview he gave to CBS following Sunday's round in Augusta. And I'm not sure how anyone could possibly be surprised by how The Tiger comported himself there. I did see the interview as it aired and didn't find it the slightest bit unusual. The Tiger was a boorish ass. So what??? He's always been a boorish ass in defeat. The only difference is that this time it somehow offended people. And the only thing I wonder is this, where were all these supposedly offended folks the past 13 years??? As far as the golf itself, I was a little disappointed that Anthony Kim couldn't pull it out. And The Tiger's play was about what you'd expect, erratic shots mixed in with sheer genius. If he straightens out his driving soon, he's gonna win lots of tournaments the rest of the year. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

I was sitting next to a guy recently and he said to me, "How on earth do you work so fast?" He had a point. I walk out most days with a splitting headache, completely mentally drained. I don't know how I do it myself.

I walked into the wing joint on Battleground the other night and that Gobbler lady I've mentioned before was sitting at the bar with some nasty looking fellow teacher. And the pair saw me and screamed "Oh no! Not you again!" And that's always a nice greeting. I take it to mean that I must be doing something right. Because if the freaks react that way to just seeing me walk into the place, it means that the last time I interacted with them I pissed them off. Of course I walked right over near them and began mocking them about this or that. At one point there was a super nasty fattie over in the restaurant part of the place and I said something very rude about her. Well, the Gobbler teacher woman said, "That is so mean. I'm going to pray for you. I really am." I asked, "To who?" She replied, "To God." I said back, "You mean the dead guy?" It went even more downhill from there, as many of you can imagine.

Speaking of the wing joint on Battleground, my man Dave (the bartender in there most nights, and Dave is one of the best bartenders in town) has been talking quite a bit about skinny dipping in his boss's pool. That and Glenn Beck of course. Now, I have seen the pool in question. And you couldn't get me to skinny dip in there after hoisting back 10 Morphine Drips. But Dave, well...we'll see what happens. You never know.

I got a series of fascinating texts from my buddy McGrain last Saturday night. It was around midnight and here's what 1st the text said ---Drunk. 15 person van. Men At Work playing. Pathetic showing at Brian final. Thinking of you. Me and Andy --- Now, I liked this text quite a bit. The reason is that I can picture Dan and Andy, hammered, in a van, lamenting yet another championship trivia defeat (I've been there too many times, feeling the same way). I did inquire how the bad Tom fared at the final (that's 2 mentions for that cretin today). And the good news is that the bad Tom did even worse. Which is a good thing believe me, because if he'd have won, he'd have been over in Dan & Andy's vicinity boasting like an asshole. The only part of the text that Dan sent that I never got exactly clarified is what Men At Work song was playing. I'm hoping it was It's A Mistake. I really am.

Lots of typical craziness has been happening and I'll get to more of it soon. Particularly the conversation I had with Brandon's dad at the Hoppers/Marlins game about the wild world of competitive cheerleading. It was certainly enlightening. My only experience with cheerleading was mocking opposing schools' squads during basketball games back at the old Wellington School. I was not a nice boy. Not even close. I used words that some of the poor cheerleaders from the religious schools had never heard spoken aloud before in their lives. But I always said them very casually. Things like "Your pussy juice is dripping down your thigh." That type of thing. In that vein. It still amuses me to think of it over 22 years later...

They've gone and grabbed old Ronnie