The Jittery Falcon Fan

There is this kid who shows up from time to time at various bars around the Gate City for Sunday Ticket. A kid who, before yesterday, I'd only heard about. He's a Falcon fan. The stories that had been relayed to me from the past several years concerning this Falcon guy centered around him very nervously watching his team while acting like a little kid who needs to pee. You know, constant movement of the legs and feet. This Falcon fan also had a reputation for drinking cokes - no beer or booze. Well, yesterday I finally encountered this guy myself at the infamous Kickin Chicken. He was by himself at a high-top watching Atlanta/City of Tampa. And he did not disappoint. During the tense 2nd half of the game, this guy was rubbing his legs together the entire time. Or showing over-pained expressions on his face just about every play. Or standing up and shuffling his feet as Matty Ice dropped back to pass. This bizarre behavior went on all the way to the gun when Josh Freeman drew Atlanta offside to preserve a Buc victory. I was enjoying the show this Falcon fan put on immensely. In fact, I went over and spoke to him at a couple of key junctures. And I can report that the kid is crazy. If you ever see a middle-aged kid out for Sunday Ticket, wearing a #33 Turner jersey tightly tucked into his beltless jeans, jittery as all hell, making a pitiful spectacle of himself, with an expression on his face that screams "I really need to piss!," you too have encountered Crazy Falcon Man. He wasn't super happy with me; as I informed him I had a bet on City of Tampa -1&1/2. I won that bet. He told me he doesn't gamble. And that's a good thing. Because if he did gamble, he'd die of anxiety the first time the team he bet on went down 7.

Speaking of gambling, it was a bit of a mixed bag over the past weekend - which was a dramatic improvement over the previous week. BYU, OK St, City of Tampa, & Kansas City all came through like champions. The only bitter pill to swallow was the damn Cincinnati Bengals. Not only did they manage to lose outright in their home opener to a bad football team, but for the 2nd straight year Geilfuss & I got knocked out of Survivor rolling with them. I don't mind it too much personally. But I hate it for Geilfuss. I minded them not covering -3.

I've warned gamblers before on this blog about placing lots of exotic bets; namely parlays & teasers. They are sucker bets. If you wanna play a few for the hell of it, go right ahead. But I wouldn't lay too much out on them (like poor Legend did last week with his $1000 parlay that went bad thanks to San Diego's miscues in the red zone). Brandon has been playing some 2 and 3 team teasers here recently for some higher stakes and has had mixed results. If you do wanna dabble in the world of teasers, here are some very important things to keep in mind. 1) Keep key numbers in mind. When throwing out the 6 or 6 &1/2 point tease, try and take teams where you can move the line over as many key numbers as possible. For the uninitiated, the key numbers in the NFL are 3, 4, 6, 7, 10, 13, 14, 17, 20, & 21. For instance, yesterday the Bears were getting 4 &1/2 against the Cheese. You're already over 2 key numbers (3 & 4) right at the start. If you take them up 6 pts, you go to +10 &1/2 - crossing over 3 more key numbers (6, 7, & 10). That's a smart teaser bet right there. The Bears did end up losing by 10, but if you had them in a 6 pt tease, you got a win out of it anyway. 2) Conversely, try and stay away from teasing small favorites of 2 to 4 points. You are getting no value by making a 3 pt favorite a 3 point dog; as most often, if they win, it will be by more than 3 anyway, or if they lose it will be by more than 3 as well. You're better off just making a straight bet if you like a small favorite. 3) Don't throw teams in just for the hell of it, looking for a bigger payout. Gamblers are often tempted to bet 8, 9, 10 or more team teasers. These lose 99% of the time. You get nothing for going 14 & 1 on a 15-teamer. Just yesterday, I threw out a silly 8-teamer myself. Everything hit on the 1 o'clock action. 3 of 4 hit on the late games. I still won nothing thanks to the Rams stinking it up and getting blown out at home by 30 points. Granted, it was a $7 bet to win & $100 - no big deal, but I might as well have gone 0 & 8 on the damn thing. 4) Don't make 2 or 3 team teasers your top bet of the day. I realize this is very tempting at times. Just yesterday, Brandon threw out a 2 teamer on Brady & Vick. He teased down both favorites to under a FG. Not a bad thought, I'll grant you. But any time 2 things have to happen to win a bet, that's dicey territory right there. If you like 2 teams a lot on a given Sunday, bet them both straight up. If you go 1 & 1, so be it. You're out the damn juice. And that's where I think so many guys get easily seduced by the parlay or teaser. They don't pay any juice unless it's on a 2 team tease. They love the idea of sticking it to the book without risking that pesky 10% on straight bets. It's fool's gold - always has been, always will be.

I was gonna delve into the world of the NFL's placekickers here today. But that's gonna have to wait for later in the week. That & I got a special post brewing about nuts running for the Greensboro City Council I want to get done by the end of the week, as the primary is quickly approaching.