I was out at a place called O Put In Dill last Friday night and that place was filled with the distinct stench of desperation, as several hundred middle-aged singles hung out, drinking just enough to try and forget how pitiful they are for going into the place at all. So, I ordered a beer and was standing there lamenting the fact that I wasn't remotely drunk and that life is nothing like a box of chocolates, but more like a box of prophylactics. Then some loud drunk woman comes up to me and asks me if I watch something called 24. I told her "I've never heard of it." And she didn't like that answer. It was a horrible way to approach men - at least in my opinion. Then she said "You're just saying that because you don't want to talk to me." I replied "At least you aren't as stupid as you look." She got sore after that and meandered back to her ugly friends. So, I'm thinking this whole place is a complete bust. But I decided to have one more beer and see what happened. And that's when evidence of chope (for the uninitiated, see post from way back in November titled Chope for an explanation) finally popped up in my life. I was standing outside smoking on this screened in patio thing, when this woman comes up to me and asks for a light. So she's not so untappable, and I light her menthol something or other for her. Then instead of saying thanks or nodding her head or whatever women do in polite company (admittedly - I'm not polite company), she grabs my crotch with her left hand and says "I wanna see what I'm getting into for the night." I said "Okay, no problem." The only thing was that she wasn't just copping a fast feel, she was holding on and massaging for like 15-20 seconds. So, at that moment I felt like there was only one thing to do, seeing as how this woman is caressing my package and there were about a dozen people standing around smoking (not that I'm strictly against exhibitionism mind you - but I've got to be pretty drunk to do it); so I yelled "Chope!" Unfortunately for me, this had the opposite outcome than I was hoping for. She threw me down on the nearest chair, jumped on me, and said "You are one of those naughty Obama haters." Which is slightly true - I am naughty (in a puerile and purely adolescent way), but I certainly don't hate old Barry. And I just hoped everyone out on that patio would not use their cell phone cameras. Because I worried that things were about to get graphic. And then they did. I might go back some time. I'm certainly considering it.
I did see where Barack Hussein Obama has rammed some legislation down the country's throat that is likely to create something called "shovel ready" jobs. And I don't know if you've noticed who the guys are who seem to do all the shovelling in all the shovel jobs that you see along the road, but I think old Barry must be catering to the Beaner vote (I am not using the term Beaner in a pejorative way, but in more of a crass way) with this legislation - because I never see any white dudes or brothers out there shovelling anything except bullshit pick-up lines in hideous dive bars.
Someone told me once that truth is relative. And all I said back was "No relative of mine."
I was flipping back and forth between these two cable shows last night. One was with the guy who used to work with the En Fuego guy, steals from Edward R. Murrow, and has been fired countless times. The other was with the guy who used to host Inside Edition and calls people pinheads. And here's what I figured out is the difference between the shows when you get past the bombast and demagogic silliness - almost nothing. Although I will say that I found the show with the guy who used to work with the En Fuego guy, steals from Edward R. Murrow, and has been fired countless times slightly more amusing - because I think he might actually believe some of what he's saying. And that is hilarious.
The guy from Chicago who writes movie reviews posted a review of the new Friday the13th and he seems disappointed that there is lots of gratuitous sex and nudity in the thing, and I wondered "Why else would anyone possibly bother seeing it?"
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