The Lady Who Was At The Raw Bar

I was watching this movie called Star Wars Episode 1 - The Fainting Man Ass. It wasn't very interesting. But they had Natalie Portman in it and she was probably like 16 when they filmed the thing - so I'm looking at this actress who plays this double for her character (I think Portman's character is called Paidme) and I'm like is that Keira Knightley? Is Keira Knightley a double for Natalie Portman in this movie? And I think she is. That's a very tough debate right there. There is no wrong answer. Philosophers would kill themselves settling that debate. My head is about to explode thinking about it. Keira Fucking Knightley.

I was never very impressed with Mace Windu. The guy who plays him is good when he's quoting bible verses (now I'm wondering if I'm the shepherd...) but not as Mace Windu. They should have gotten Mike Tyson to do it - because when I think of a Jedi Knight, I think of Mike Tyson first.

At the Ramada the other night, this trivia question comes up about what the Krispy Kreme sign says when the donuts are fresh - I guessed "Shove this in your mouth?"

The coronation is coming up here in a few days from what I can gather. And there was another question at the Ramada along those lines - what is unique about the bible Barack Hussein Obama will be holding when he assumes the throne? Dave said "It's in Swahili." Andy said "I think it has something to do with belonging to his Grandparents." I said "The pages are sticky from all his ejaculate?"

I was out last night for a bit and I'm talking to Grama Dave and he's going on and on about some pump. So I said "Penis Pump?" Really loud. And there were a number of ladies in this bar (it was something called a raw bar - but I didn't see any girls wandering around bottomless shaved raw - which was really disappointing) drinking wine and this one lady overhears me and says "How often have you used a penis pump?" I said "I was raised using a penis pump. I started when I was like 4." She said "I would love to watch you play with that penis pump baby." I said "Not tonight madam - I've gotta shave." She said "I just shaved before I left tonight." I said "Did you shave yourself raw? Is that a rule before you come into this raw bar - to shave yourself raw?" She said "I'm as raw as a 10 year old girl." I said "That's it for me. I'm outta here. You've been great." I threw $25 down and left that raw bar.

If you're looking for excitement tonight - the Bananabees should be rocking with a very spirited game of ridiculousness. And it will be packed with ugly people. - TBFH