There was a guy who I called Off-Topic Eric who I used to work with at The Old Measuring Stick. I also called him Eric The Read and The Big E and Magnum MI on occasion. He would walk up to a group of people having a conversation about anything and wait for the slightest lull and then say something about sports out of the blue. He was a big Redskins fan (literally big) and had a thing for a NASCAR driver named Tony Stewart as well. So he would start every conversation about like this - Did you see where Dan Snyder is thinking about adding midget strippers to the 'Skins cheer squad? Or - Did you hear that Joe Gibbs pulled Tony Stewart aside and told him to keep his mouth off Jeff Gordon's balls? He was also a close talker - so he would stand about 6 inches from your face sometimes. Last I heard he was becoming a minister for some offshoot of the Quaker or 7th Day Adventurist Church. And I can only imagine how his sermons are structured - probably around how Steve Spurrier and Marty Schottenheimer need to find the Lord and how if we all just ask ourselves - What Would Joe Gibbs Do? - we'd be in good stead with God in day-to-day decision making. The only reason I thought of him today is that the Super Bowl is coming up and he used to have a thing for Kurt Warner (probably because Warner is always talking about the Lord) and now Warner is a 7 pt. underdog in the game Sunday and I want the Cards to cover, but I don't want old Off-Topic Eric to be happy. It's a real pickle. The other thing about Eric is that he's probably about 43 years old now and I guarantee he is still a virgin - last I saw him, he'd yet to go on a date and that was about 3 years ago. He's not the best looking guy and he can only talk about sports and he wears sports paraphernalia every day and he smells like Johnny Marzetti and he's a close talker and he's a religious bigot and he has a hairy neck and he has a giant hernia in the middle of his massive gut and he's not a very nice person and he's never held down a real job and he's slightly hard of hearing and he says that if they ever make a movie of his life that Tom Bosley should play him. Need I go on? Believe me, I could.
Phoenix has all the advantages in this week's game - but the only one that really matters is that Barry Goldwater was born in Phoenix in 1909. I read this story about Patrick J Buchanan chauffeuring folks at the 1964 Republican Convention around the Cow Palace in San Francisco and the license plate on the car was - AuH2O. Incidentally, the Sex Pistols final concert was in San Francisco at the Winterland in Jan. 1978 - and I believe Jenna Jameson lives in Phoenix (see previous post) - so with all of that info pointing to the Cards, how can they not cover the 7?
I haven't seen J recently, but I hope like hell he's taking the Steelers - and calling it a mortal lock. Or lock-a-rooni or some such childish gibberish. Speaking of,...
They have this Megatouch game at Get Bent Lounge. On there is this game called Wordster. The Jacobys come in and like to play it and Andy and I will help them by yelling suggestions. I won't bore anyone with the details of how to play it. Anyway, we tend to do quite well at it - not because of me of course- I have the vocabulary of a 10 year old retard. When we get a high score, and we have all them I think, Mark tries to type in Geilfuss as our team name. Well Megatouch doesn't accept the name Geilfuss (much like any sober, reasonable girl doesn't accept him). So, one night The Megatouch Man was in the bar, cleaning the machine, and taking all the $1 bills out (he was probably about to head to the titty-flop bar). I said to him "Do you guys have some vendetta against Geilfuss?" He said "Have you seen him lately, because he was wandering around downtown without any shoes on and my sister picked him up and had her way with him for a night and then he ran away and hasn't called her." I asked the only appropriate question at that point "Just how fat is your sister?"
There is every indication that Creech might be starting a blog of his own soon. And that will be beyond the limits of awesomeness. Between Geilfuss, Creech, and The Megatouch Man the whole Internet is finally reaching the potential that Albert Arnold Gore thought it would when he "founded" it back in the day.
If you get a chance to see the movie Two Moon Junction with Sherilyn Fenn - Do. It also has Burl Ives, but...
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