The Publisher Of YES Weekly! Says No To The Editor Of YES! Weekly

NO!!!

A couple of very interesting bits of news came out of the Gate City yesterday. Both of which I've written about on this blog over the years. The 1st item involves the Greensboro Mayoral race. You may remember 2 years ago, when that Nixonian figure himself, Robbie Perkins was running for mayor, I thought there was something terribly off about the guy and was very leery of him. And the stories that surfaced the past couple years about Perkins show that maybe I wasn't nearly leery enough of the ex-Dukie. He's been a disaster as a mayor. Not to mention a disaster as a husband, a father, and a businessman. I certainly don't have much interest in kicking Perkins now that he's down. And it turns out I don't need to kick him at all. The voters did with prejudice. After one term in office, Perkins was routed in his re-election bid last night. He was crushed by almost 20 points. What a humiliating defeat for Perkins. Goodbye, Robbie.

The 2nd bit of news involves the editor, or should I say now ex-editor, of the YES! Weekly, a kid who once took the time to write a long rant on this blog's comments section attacking me after I made some silly remarks about YES! Weekly almost 4 years ago. To this day, I don't know why this editor cared so much about a little mindless criticism dished out by some random blogger like me. His name is Brian Clarey. I saw the news of his firing this morning when I was looking into the Greensboro election results. I stumbled on it completely by accident. Anyway, it turns out the publisher of YES! Weekly may have been as unimpressed with Clarey's skills as an editor as I was several years ago. Clarey, after 9 years reigning over his little fiefdom of a local weekly, got canned. As I read a little further into the tale of his firing, I kinda started to feel bad for the kid. I really did. Turns out, Clarey is married with some number of kids. And seeing as he's not particularly adept as an editor (remember, he just got axed...), I worry for the family's well being. It sucks when someone like this Clarey cat gets his comeuppance and you can't enjoy it. Maybe Clarey can catch on at some other publication in Greensboro. But that's not likely, as the News & Record is within a few years of completely going under itself, & The Rhino, which recently resurrected itself after a brief hiatus, would never hire him due to their political leanings. Maybe Clarey can pick up some work bartending here or there. He claims to have a great deal of experience in that arena. They might be hiring at that catering place I did some work for as a bartender from time to time. Anyway, I kind of wish him well. Hell, maybe Perkins & Clarey can partner up and open a bed & breakfast in Siler City. Or a tattoo joint in Walnut Cove. Or a meth business in Asheboro. Or a massage parlor in Climax. Those all seem like reasonable suggestions...

It's Karma For Jen Bielema

Jen seems quite comfortable with her hog snout...

I came across one of the sketchiest of sketchballs last night at some Irish joint in the lovely city of Westerville. I was sitting on the far left (unusual for me to be far left in any sense...) of the massive bar, minding my own business, and hoisting back a few ice cold indiscriminate light beers when this kid came in and introduced himself to the bartender. It just so happens that this bartender had asked me my name about an hour earlier. And I'll be damned, but I told her my actual name, which is a big no-no and something I rarely do. It turns out that this kid who ambled up to the bar has the same first name as yours truly. Which is rare. I don't have a very common name. So, this bartender chick decides to inform the kid who just wandered in that he and I share this not so common first name. And boy do I wish the chick hadn't done that. This guy starts talking my ear off like we're long lost friends. He starts going on and on about how I'm the first person he's ever met in his life with the same first name as him. He claimed it was a miracle. I told him it was a coincidence, nothing more. But he wouldn't shut up about it. I walked out to smoke to get away from this kid for a bit. When I came back in I really was gonna make it a point to be curt with him in hopes that he'd leave me alone. No such luck. He asked me if I shoot pool. And as some of you know, I don't shoot pool. At least I haven't since 1996. I've retired from shooting pool, throwing darts, foosball, all of that nonsense that people do at bars to pass the time. This kid with the same first name as me was befuddled as to why I wouldn't shoot pool with him. I said that it wasn't personal. I just don't. Luckily at that juncture he found someone else to play pool with. I was spared for a bit from this strange guy. About 15 minutes later, he comes back from the pool table and asks me this gem, "Do you smoke?" And he didn't mean cigarettes by the way. I informed him that I did not partake of the old ganja myself but thanks for asking. He told me how cool he thought it would be to get high with someone who shared his first name. I told him that was absurd and added, "Could you please quit mentioning we have the same first name?" He sat down and seemed a bit perplexed that I was so nonplussed by the huge news that we had the same first name. He ordered several Coors Lights. I watched the USF/Houston game. A little more time passes. He then gets up and saunters over to the jukebox. A few seconds later, you guessed it, Pink Floyd comes on. Pink Fucking Floyd. Learning To Fly to be exact. Then Another Brick In The Wall Part 2. Then Time. Then finally Comfortably Numb. I was numb. It was approaching 8 and I really needed to leave. Between the pot offer and the Pink Floyd, I was a mental wreck. I paid up with the bartender chick, walked by the kid on my way out, and said, "Take care of yourself, _____." I went to some dive bar across the street to watch the Bengal/Dolphin game (and thank you Phins, as they were getting 3 and won outright). About the middle of the 1st quarter that same bartender chick from the Irish place pops up at this place. She tapped me on the shoulder. I didn't recognize her at first (I'm horrible about remembering who anyone is) but after a few seconds I remembered her. And I really took this girl to task for telling the guy at the Irish place my name. She apologized and said she had no idea what a sketchy character he was or she would have never divulged my name to him. I gave her a bit of a pass at that point. I certainly never have any interest in coming across this kid again though. None. Or as James Spader would say, "Nada."

I've been back to blogging for a couple of weeks now, after a 5 month hiatus or whatever. I'm not sure if anyone knows I'm back though. The number of page views is considerably lower than in the past. Which is fine by me. I really don't care if anyone reads any of this. I'm simply passing the time.

The college football season is flying by. This is already week 10. Can you believe that? Anyway, most teams only have 4 or 5 more games to play. And I haven't done this in a while. And considering almost no one will see it before it would matter a lick, I'm gonna go ahead and do some previews for several of this weekend's top games. And by top games, I mean the biggest and most vital battles in the history of human conflict. Obviously.

USC/Oregon St (-4&1/2) 9 pm tonight in Reser Stadium Corvallis, Oregon. It's always quite a spectacle when the Trojans do battle with the Beavers. An unsightly spectacle, a messy spectacle. a smelly spectacle, but a spectacle nonetheless. USC finally wised up and fired Monte Kiffin's kid last month as their head coach. The athletic director at USC is a Rhodes Scholar (and he will be happy to tell you all about it too ), so it stands to reason that eventually he'd dump Kiffin. Don't feel to bad for old Lane though. He's got plenty of dough coming his way. Corvallis has been a house of horrors for USC in the past. The Beavers have their number at home. If Pete Carroll struggled there with NFL players all over his squad, I don't see why Coach Orgeron wouldn't struggle as well. Take the Beavers. Always take the Beavers. On a serious note, watch Sean Mannion as much as you can. He may be your favorite NFL team's QB next year (that's you Brown fans, Viking fans, Jags fans, etc.).

Michigan/Michigan St (-5&1/2) 3:30 Saturday from Spartan Stadium in East Lansing, Michigan. I have been to East Lansing. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I have. It was 1994 I think. I remember it smelled around campus. Like rotting corpses or maybe just regular Michigan garbage, either one. That's all I remember other than stopping in a Vietnamese restaurant and having the hottest and spiciest Chicken Fried Rice in my entire life. Damn that was tasty. On that basis alone I think the edge goes to Sparty here. The problem is I think the line is a little high for such a rivalry game. Michigan head man, one Brady Hoke, has a terrible defense on his hands & a QB who can't stop turning the damn ball over. That is a recipe for disaster. My official advice is to watch and whoever loses, just relish the fact that one of the 2  has lost. That's something.

Minnesota/Indiana (-8) 3:30 Saturday from Memorial Stadium in Bloomington, Indiana. What's surprising is that both teams don't suck this year. Granted, IU's defense does suck. They are atrocious. They surrendered 63 points to Michigan for Christ's sake. Minnesota's coach, one Jerry Kill, has been struggling with epilepsy for years. He has seizures constantly. He convulses often. And I love seizures. It's always been a dream of mine to be epileptic. It really has. I used to fake seizures all the time when I was a teen. Very few people laughed, however. I don't know why. Whatever. All I can say about this contest is that it should be a wild shootout. It wouldn't surprise me if 100 points were scored. Did I mention Indiana plays no defense?

Auburn/Arkansas (+8&1/2) 6 pm tomorrow at Reynolds Razorback Stadium in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Boy what a mess for Bret Bielema and his wife Jen Bielema. They up and ran out of Madison in the middle of the night for the big money and cosmopolitan lifestyle in Arkansas. It's baffling. Granted, Madison is a center of communism in the US, but other than that it's not such a terrible place. Bielema had become one of the easiest coaches in the world to root against at Wisconsin. He seemed to relish being a villain. Now? He's winless in SEC play and staring straight at an Auburn rushing attack that could gain 400 yards on the Hogs. Easily. As for Bret's lovely bride Jen, she tweeted back in September something pretty classless to Wisconsin fans after the debacle in the desert where the refs would not let the Badgers get a game winning field goal attempt off against ASU. She tweeted one word to Badger Nation: Karma. It's pretty funny in retrospect. The reason it's pretty funny is that the Hogs haven't won a game since her tweet went out. And it's awesome too. I hope the Tigers destroy the Razorbacks tomorrow.

Thug U/FSU (-21) 8 pm tomorrow from Bobby Bowden Field at Doak Campbell Stadium in Tallahassee, Florida. These teams are both undefeated. Both are in the BCS top 10. And yet, the Noles are 21 point favorites over the Thugs? Something fishy is going on. I don't know what it is exactly. Conventional wisdom says to take the huge dog in a rivalry like this. That was certainly my initial thought. But conventional wisdom can make you go broke quickly betting on football. I don't think I want any part of this whatsoever. One thing to keep an eye on is Jameis Winston's play for FSU. The kid's only 19. And about 18 months from now, he will be the 1st player selected at the NFL Entry Draft. He is awesome. Stephen Morris, on the other hand, has been up and down for the Canes. I don't like their chances much in this one at all.

Left Of The Dial

Another Long NBA Season Begins

Better than any Spielberg film...

Another wacky NBA season broke out last night, as the Lakers torched the heavily favored Clippers by 13. Of note is that the Lakers got 76 points from their bench full of has-beens & journeymen. Canada's own Steve Nash had all of 3 points for the Lakers. And most interesting to this viewer was watching Blake Griffin go 3 for 10 from the charity stripe. Terrible...

My favorite moment of opening night was watching Mo Harkless, the kid out of St John's, nail a 3 with 11 seconds remaining to rally the Orlando Magic to an impressive 10 point loss in Indianapolis. Why was that so impressive, you may wonder? Well, if you had the Magic +12&1/2, and I did, it was huge...

In the least interesting match-up from Tuesday's action, the Miami Heat routed the Chicago Bulls. I was good with that though, as I had the Heat -4&1/2. A nice and boring blowout...

Many, many games in the NBA this evening. The one I'm most interested in will take place in the capital of the decaying and almost bankrupt state of California. Yes, Sacramento, where the Kings are hosting the Denver Nuggets. The reason it's so huge is because just a scant few months ago the Kings were on the verge of relocating to Seattle. Then out of nowhere some dude named Kivek Ranadive, a native of Mumbai of all places, swooped in and bought the team and kept them is Sacramento. And that's a shame for fans of the old Sonics. But a win for Kings' fans nonetheless. Anyway, I feel like a huge party like atmosphere will permeate Sleep Train Arena tonight (that really is the new name, they used to call it ARCO...) and the Kings should ride that to a solid win over the Nuggets, who have a new coach, roster depletions, and injury issues. Take the Kings -3.

I found myself in the old Horseshoe last Saturday evening for the 1st time in 5 years, as TOSU was battling with the outstanding student athletes from good old Horseplay U. Can you say mismatch? It was over by halftime. TOSU was up 42-7. I decided to stick around at half and I'm glad I did. I'm not the biggest fan of marching bands you'll ever meet, but TOSU's marching band is a little different than your average marching band. They did this tribute to movies or something during the show. Anyway, at one point they marched across the field like a T Rex. It was quite impressive. I'm sure that shit is all over YouTube. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

I didn't stick around much after halftime because the game was over and it was chilly as hell. I sometimes here folks bitch about people who leave football games early. The argument is that they're not real fans or something silly along those lines. I can't speak for anyone else, but I will say that, while I'm not a fan in any sense of the word, I paid $200 for a pair of seats off some seedy scalper on Lane Avenue an hour before kick-off & if I wanna get up and leave at any point during the game, then that's my prerogative. If folks are offended by that, I would urge them to pay $250 for the same pair of seats to the same seedy scalper and then sit there and freeze their asses off for 4 hours watching a 63-14 ass-kicking.

This is just silly...I'm stopping now.

Jameson. Maybe Too Much Jameson.

The 18 Is A Bad Man

I was out at some joint for Sunday Ticket on Bethel and found myself sitting at the bar outside for the 4 o'clock round of games. And I was surrounded by Steeler fans. There had to be 60 of them lurking about, chain smoking, and getting hammered off their asses. Pittsburgh was playing the Ravens at the time and silly me, I had a bet on Baltimore +1&1/2. I lost that bet due to a very bad decision by John Harbaugh. But I digress...Anyway, needless to say, I was the only person on this bar's patio pulling for the Ravens. And if you know Steeler fan, you know he/she does not take kindly to someone pulling for their opponent on a given Sunday. I didn't particularly care about that though, as we are in America and I can certainly exercise my right to the somewhat free speech we still enjoy. And I did exercise that tenuous right repeatedly during the tilt from the Ketchup Bottle Stadium. I ran through the gamut of my tired comments concerning the Pittsburgh QB and his propensity for trapping coeds in bathrooms. This particular audience had never heard them before however. And they didn't like them much. Let's just say they were a little sore, as Holden Caulfield might opine. At one point in the 3rd quarter, one of the many big, burly Steeler fans decided she'd had enough of my shenanigans and had one of the staff of this awful joint request that maybe I should take off from the place. I was happy to oblige the request. I don't relish being disagreeable or anything. So I bid adieu to the Steeler people, headed to a place a brisk 30 second walk away, & watched the end of the contest. I don't think I'll be going back to that bar's patio any time soon for a Steeler game though. I don't think I'm welcome there...

Earlier that same Sunday I was at the BW3 nearby the joint I just mentioned. The Cincinnati Bengals were playing in Detroit against the scrappy Lions. Or should I say the crappy Lions. Whichever. There were a number of Bengal fans in the bar, many of them in shiny AJ Green jerseys. And that's cool because I like AJ Green as much as the next guy. He's awesome. However, amongst the sea of Green 18 jerseys was a young lady sporting a 32 Benson jersey. I asked several Bengal fans nearby if the girl wearing the Benson jersey was a fan of drunk boating. Alas, none of them laughed...

The day before Sunday, which is usually Saturday, I was out for the TOSU game at one of the worst dive bars in North America (this one is called Flabbys and is located on Tamarack Circle). It's a place I wouldn't recommend anyone reading this ever step foot in. It was an older crowd chalk full of hard looking and hard drinking folks who've probably frequented the place for 3 decades. I tried to stay to myself and keep quiet. But as always seems to be the case, things didn't work out that way. Instead, I struck up a conversation with some old woman who was draining Jameson shots every 1/2 hour or so. And these shots were huge - easily doubles at most bars. Maybe triples. I'm not sure, as I've never been to good at measurements...Anyway, this lady had a bit of a mustache issue. Which is cool and all, I have no problem with that. Except I found it really distracting to try and focus on the TOSU game while this woman and her mustache were swigging back Jameson at an alarming rate. Eventually this lady won like $72 playing Keno. She decided to share her winnings with me and some other dude who had the misfortune of sitting on the other side of her. Yes, you guessed it, she ordered enormous shots of Jameson. Over about an hour period I had 3 of them. And that wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done. I realized I needed to get out of that dive bar just after the game ended. And I did. I know my limits. But before I took off, I asked this old mustachioed gal how in the world she was gonna get home after like 6 or 7 of these at least double shots of Jameson. She said she lived with her mother and it was within walking distance of the bar. I was relieved that she would be able to walk home. But I was also surprised to hear that such an aged person lived with their mother. Out of curiosity I asked her how old her mother was. She informed that her mother was 98. I pegged the drunk I was chatting with to be 67 at the very least. At that point I raced out of the terrible place. Everything ended up okay. I got back home safe and TOSU pulled out a 10 point win over the Iowa Hawkeyes. I don't anticipate heading back to that bar any time soon. Damn Jameson and old women with mustaches...

Alright, Arsenal has a huge Champions League match with Dortmund here in about 45 minutes. I'm out.

Pretty Persuasion

Chatting With Old Men

I know it's been quite a long stretch since my last post on this unnecessary and pointless blog. But don't worry, I'm not dead or anything. At least that I know of. I've relocated from the Gate City to parts father north. It's not important where exactly. Although I bet some of the brighter readers here will be able to figure out where I am currently residing. And by brighter readers, that obviously includes each and every one of you, except Geilfuss. He's always an exception, an outlier, a lost soul searching for something just out of his reach, and generally prone to random and baffling acts of suspect behavior.

Speaking of Geilfuss, I have received several interesting texts from the kid recently. Here are some examples -
1) Sent October 3rd at 9:05 pm - Brandon Sweden is awful. I have no idea who Brandon Sweden is??? Maybe a character from Catch-22???

2) Sent August 4th at 2:39 pm - At the Orioles game. There is a guy from Dundalk telling us how Obama is gonna bring back slavery. The slaves will be white. I simply responded - He's dead on. What else is there to say? 8 minutes later Geilfuss followed with this gem - Now he's ranting about how baseball umps have homosexual tendencies. You can pretty much guess how I responded to that - He's dead on again.

3) Sent on August 30th at 8:01 pm - Doesn't mean I couldn't find some West Virginia strange. I should probably explain the context that led up to this text. But I'm not going to. The fact is that Geilfuss probably did find some West Virginia strange that weekend. If there's one kid who toils away at T Rowe Price who could find some West Virginia strange, it's 100% Geilfuss. No question. I bet he found lots of West Virginia strange.

4) Sent last Saturday at 2:04 pm - I said Peterson is gonna have a Favre request performance. He asked what I meant. I walked away. I would have asked Geilfuss what he meant as well. A Favre request performance to me indicates that Peterson is going to send out pictures of his engorged member to some chick on the Jets media team. I don't think that's what Geilfuss intended. But you never know with Geilfuss. Maybe that's precisely what he intended. I have no idea.

I was out at some BW3 the last Saturday, sitting at the bar minding my own business and pulling hard for LSU -8&1/2, when an old timer struck up a conversation with me. He was wearing a Navy hat for some reason. And Navy had just lost to Duke 35-7. At one point I said, "Rough day there for the Midshipmen." He responded, "The who?" I knew I was in trouble at that point. He went on to inform me that he's in town for work. I didn't care. He further explained that he was from Kansas and hated the entire state of Missouri. And that piqued my interest. I asked him why and he told me that Missouri was pro slavery during the War Between the States back in the 1860's. I knew that of course, but was baffled as to why this old man would carry a grudge that dates back 150 years. He had difficulty articulating why. He was ill spoken to say the least. I was trying to ignore him and concentrate on the Gator/LSU game. Once he realized that I was interested in the game, he tried to engage me in pointless football banter. I learned that if he could he'd punch both Nick Saban and Pete Carroll in the mouth. I asked, "Are you into assault?" I then learned he wasn't big into legal terms, as he was clueless about what assault meant. He was drinking Stella pints and eventually ordered like 24 chicken wings. Now, he wasn't a fat guy by any means & I was curious why he ordered so many wings. I couldn't eat more than 10 of the damn things if my life depended on it. But this old dude ate all 24, very rapidly I might add. It was disgusting to witness. He didn't even eat the wings with any blue cheese. And that's communist shit right there. I went outside to smoke and he came strolling out to head on his way to wherever he was staying. I couldn't have been more relieved. I went back inside and ordered a shot. I felt a lot better after that. These damn old timers from Kansas, sitting there at the bar running their mouths about Missouri and football, they're the worst.

I was at some joint called Sloppys North last night watching Thug U/UNC, Seattle/AZ, and the ALCS simultaneously. Anyway, at one point I went outside to smoke and a gentlemen, this time from Oklahoma, started chatting with me. He had on an Oklahoma State Cowboy cap. I quickly reminded him of the 2004 Alamo Bowl when TOSU, as a 7 point dog, beat Ok State. He seemed nonplussed, which was fine. Then he started telling me that the great thing about Oklahomans is that they all have balls. He elaborated for about a minute on why Oklahomans have balls. It was fairly nonsensical, as you can imagine. Something having to do with tornadoes, farmers, the city of Tulsa, and the state of Texas blowing...I couldn't put my cigarette out fast enough at that point. I went back inside and you guessed it, ordered a shot. These damn guys from the middle of the country. They're really causing me to drink too much. They really are. I have no idea why they would speak to me in the 1st place. I'm not an inviting person. I'm really not...

I was flipping around the old TV the other day and ran across something about the government being shut down. I was all for it. I thought -" Cool, maybe it will shut down forever. That would be a start." Alas, I think it opened again. Oh well...

Bitter Tears

Barry Can't Bury 3's

Excellent Form...

I'm not sure how many folks are aware of this, but there are these message boards on many websites where like minded people communicate with others about whatever topic a particular website focuses on. For instance, many fans of a certain athletic team write back and forth on these message boards about the vagaries of that team's doings. If you've ever scrolled through comments left on any of these message boards, you know that the whole thing is tediously silly and generally a waste of time and effort. Most of the time the regular commentors on a given message board never meet each other. They are "online friends" or something ridiculous like that. However, as I learned last night, on some rare occasions folks from a message board actually get together in person to hang out and get hammered ass drunk. Here in the Gate City, the local Fox affiliate (channel 8) has a website and as you can guess there are a number of regular posters to the comment section of the site. I found myself at a get together of hard core members of the Fox 8 message board community yesterday at some kid's house off Battleground near the Village Tavern. I myself have never been on the Fox 8 website. And I have never left a comment on any message board associated with any website in the known world. It's about as pointless pulling for a Cleveland sports franchise to win a title. At this party for the Fox 8 message board people, I learned why no one should ever get involved with a message board group. The reason is that these folks were freaks. I showed up at this place right after 9. There were all of 6 people there. They'd been drinking since 1 in the afternoon. Tons of jello shots had been consumed to go along with dozens and dozens of beers. I am an acquaintance of the kid who hosted the party and he invited me and I was interested in seeing how a group of online friends might interact together in the flesh. I was there for strictly anthropological purposes. I was a benign observer. In the hour or so I was at this party, I never could figure out what common belief or whatever drew these 6 people together. None of them seemed civic minded in the least. There was no talk of politics, local or national. Instead there was endless talk of going to strip joints over the din of Van Halen playing on the stereo. It was reminiscent of college parties I stopped in on 20 years ago. Pure stupidity. There was a brother there whose name I believe is Justin. This kid was shit-faced drunk and screaming at a bald headed white kid to go to some skank riddled strip club in east Greensboro. That's all the talk I heard. It makes me wonder if Fox 8 is aware that their website fosters this kind of get together. I mean, does Fox 8 want a group of their message board posters getting fucked up for 10 hours on a Saturday and screaming at each other about the merits of dropping $100 at cheap sister laden strip club? Maybe they do. I have no idea. But I do know this. If you're involved in some message board silliness on a regular basis, that's weird. It's fine, but weird. But if anyone ever suggests that the group throw a party at some kid's house on a Saturday in early May where 6 of these message board regulars get oiled up to the point of inanity, someone should discourage it. Because the event was tedious. I took off just after 10, went to a nearby bar, ordered a Red Stripe, and watched the last quarter of the Pacers/Knicks game. I hoisted that Red Stripe back pretty quickly by the way. I felt dirty after attending that Fox 8 website party. I really did.

The biggest news event of recent note comes to us from the sordid world of White House hoops. Our dear fake leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, got into a 3 point shooting competition last month at some Easter Egg party where folks got rolled. Barry managed to jack up 22 shots from distance during the festivities. He made 2. Yes, Barry went 2 for 22. That's a sterling 9% from deep. Awesome. It's no wonder Barry never started for his high school team in the great state of Hawaii. The man shoots under 10% from 3 point range. Very impressive there. Maybe he should stick to skeet shooting. Barry's gotta be better than 10% successful at skeet shooting. Right??? Maybe???

A Real Drag

Would Bobby Knight cut down the nets after a loss?

I mentioned in a recent post that I'd spent a little time at a drag show at some gay club here in the Gate City. The place was near Wendover & 29. It might have been called Sperm House 69. I'm not sure on that though. I could be a little off there. How, you might be wondering did I end up at a drag show? Well, I've been invited over the years to attend one of these things by the Operator of the now closed Wing Joint on Battleground. She used to manage gay bars back in the 80's and has many friends in the drag queen community. So, after a number of years of missing out on these drag shows, I finally showed up at one last Saturday night. I'm guessing a vast majority of the occasional readers of this blog have never experienced the world of late Saturday night drag shows. Let me fill you in on what you've been missing. The first thing I noticed was the dearth of women at a drag show. It was at least 90% dudes. So, if you're single and looking for tail, I wouldn't suggest looking for a babe at a drag show. In fact, as near as I could tell, there were exactly 3 straight guys in the bar - me, the bartender, and the bouncer. The other 150 dudes in there did not appear to get down with the ladies. The 2nd thing I took away from the experience was the actual drag show aspect of a drag show. Here's how it worked - there were 5 or 6 drag queens (past winners of a big drag queen competition in the state of North Carolina) who come out all made up in these gowns and lip sync to songs by Donna Summer or Lady Gaga or artists similar to Donna Summer and Gaga. The drag queens dance around while slip syncing. As the drag queens lip sync and dance a bit the patrons of the gay club line up in front of the stage with dollars bills in their hands to give the drag queens. This happened with every drag queen who performed. I'm not sure how much dough these "ladies" made, but I was impressed with the largesse of the gay dudes in the audience. The drag queens tended to be statue-esque with tons of make up. You could tell they put a lot of time and money into their drag queen endeavors. I was sitting at a table close to the stage. I never really interacted with any of the drag queens or the gay fellas at the place (except the gay fellas I was sitting with - all nice enough guys I've known for quite a while). The last thing I'll note about my experience at the gay club was after the drag show was over. The Operator of the old Wing Joint invited me to dance with her. Now, I never dance. But I made an exception in this case. The Wing Joint Operator & I walked out on the dance floor and did dance for a few minutes. She seemed to be having a good time. As we were dancing to some disco anthem I glanced around at all the gay patrons dancing and having the times of their lives. A few of them were making out. It sure wasn't my milieu, but it was okay. Anyway, I can now say that I have been to a drag show and a gay club. I killed 2 birds with one stone. It was certainly memorable.

I mentioned my buddy Goose in a recent post and his impending baldness. Well, I heard from Goose Monday. Turns out it was his birthday (26th birthday I believe) & Goose wanted to celebrate a little. So, I obliged the kid. It was his birthday after all. I met up with Goose and a few of his friends at some joint on Lawndale called The Backdoor (it really is called The Backdoor by the way, I'm not making that up). As you can imagine, shots flowed. After about an hour Goose was wasted - hammered off his ass. That's when things got interesting. That's usually when things get interesting. What happened in this case is that Goose got some bad news right in the middle of his little birthday bash. A gal he'd been seeing moved to San Diego about 6 weeks ago. Goose was pretty bummed about this development at the time. Well, this girl who upped and moved to Southern California on Goose a mere 6 weeks ago chose Monday night, Goose's birthday, to text and inform Goose that she had gotten engaged. I've heard of bitchy moves by girls over the years. Many, many bitchy moves. But this has to be up there in the pantheon of bitchy moves. To inform a kid on his birthday that you're engaged after leaving him a little over a month ago is downright cruel. Needless to say, Goose did not take the news too well. He went out on the patio of The Backdoor and threw a few things. He managed to calm down a bit and came back inside. He had another shot or 2. Then I told him not to sweat it too much. Any girl who would pull a stunt like that is one he's lucky to be rid of. Goose saw my point of view, had one more drink, and took off with his designated driver. All in all, a very weird birthday. It reminds me of something that could happen to Geilfuss. And that's never a good thing. Believe me.

Conference tourneys are heating up in college hoops right now, as many of the mid-majors are holding their tournaments this weekend. Of particular interest is the Missouri Valley Tournament in St Louis. It looks like Creighton and Wichita St are on a collision course for a 3rd meeting (although Northern Iowa may have something to say about that). I like the way the Blue Jays are balling recently.

Speaking of college hoops, I'd be slightly remiss if I didn't mention TOSU's huge win in Bloomington the other night. The Buckeyes were 7&1/2 point dogs and won outright by 9. It was their best game of the year. By far. The Buckeye D smothered the Hoosiers in the 2nd half, completely shutting down Oladipo. Shannon Scott was all over the place on the defensive end of the floor. The strangest thing about the whole affair was that after the game Indiana celebrated. They cut down the nets. Seriously, Tom Crean had his team cut down the nets after getting smoked at home on Senior Night. Only in Indiana would they celebrate after getting their asses kicked. You gotta love the hicks from Hoosierland. Next thing you know they'll bring Kelvin Sampson back and start cheating again...  

The Guy With The Hairy Back Who Sips Tanqueray At Scams Lakeside

The Next Jimmer???

I was sitting at the bar at Scams Lakeside yesterday afternoon, taking in a couple of college hoops games, and an older gentleman was sitting directly to my left who had some of the most massive back hair I've ever witnessed. It's not something I was trying to notice, believe me. This dude happened to be wearing an ill fitting t-shirt for some reason. In fact, the t-shirt was so loose in the back that I had an easy glimpse of several inches of his back hair. It was a little unsettling to say the least. The guy was getting hammered as well. I'm not sure when he got to Scams exactly, but I do know that when the bartenders changed shifts around 4:20 his tab was $42. And let me assure anyone who hasn't been to any of the Scams around the Greensboro area that it is very difficult to run up that big a tab unless you're buying shots for multiple people. This hairy backed old-timer was doing nothing of the sort. After the guy paid his initial tab he kept on drinking. He was ordering these repulsive looking shots that were off crimson in color. Turns out his shot of choice was Tanqueray with a splash of cranberry. He attempted to speak to me several times over the 3 &1/2 hours we sat next to each other. The only problem with that is I couldn't make out a word he was uttering. I simply nodded a few times in his direction. My attention was solely focused on the Mich St/Michigan game at 4 and the NCSU/G Tech game at 6. I had a monetary interest in the Spartans covering +5 in Ann Arbor and the Jackets and fake Wolfpack going under 139 &1/2. Both things happened. It is March and my track record on college hoops is a good one. Anyway, if you happen to see a sloppily dressed gray haired fellow out at a bar sipping on shots of Tanqueray and cranberry for hours on end, and if you have a razor handy, please hand it to him and plead with said hairy monster to either 1) shave his damn back hair or 2) go ahead and slit his wrists. Maybe both if you can talk him into it...

I mentioned the Michigan Wolverines in the previous paragraph. There is a player on the squad named Trey Burke. And he's very, very good. Blah, blah, blah. One fact about Burke that has caught the attention of fans of TOSU is that Burke is from Columbus, Ohio (he played high school ball with Jared Sullinger for the Northland Vikings if anyone cares). I've read quite a bit of bitching from TOSU fans about why Burke is not playing for their beloved Buckeyes and instead for their hated rivals up north. And that's a fair question. The fact is that Thad Matta did not offer Burke a scholarship out of high school. In retrospect, Matta should have, obviously. But I give Coach Matta a pass on the whole "Why the hell is Burke not playing for his hometown team?" deal. Two years ago Matta signed an even more highly regarded point guard in the same TOSU class that Burke was not a member of - a kid out of the Atlanta area named Shannon Scott (son of UNC's very own Charlie Scott, the 1st brother to ball for the Heels). Scott doesn't start. Aaron Craft starts. But Scott does play vital minutes for the Buckeyes. I've probably watched Scott play in 60 or so games the past 2 seasons for TOSU (I watch TOSU hoops very closely). And you can definitely see what Matta and other coaches like about Shannon Scott. He's lightning fast. He steals lots of passes. His assist to turnover ratio is one of the best in the country. What Scott doesn't do is shoot the ball very well. And that's where Trey Burke excels. Burke can score the damn basketball. It'll be interesting to see if the Wolverines and Buckeyes meet a 3rd time this year at the Big 10 Tournament in Chicago. Some of Burke's worst games as a collegian have come against TOSU. Aaron Craft can flat harass any guard in the country into an off-night. I would just remind TOSU fans to not give up on Shannon Scott at all. Sure, he's no Trey Burke. I'll readily admit that. But I can still see big things ahead for Scott moving forward.

Speaking of the Wolverines & Buckeyes rivalry, that 2nd game they played about a month ago in Ann Arbor was the best game I've seen all season. Riveting. Butler/Indiana is right there as well. And don't forget Gonzaga/Butler either. Or Michigan/Wisconsin. I could keep going and going. The fact is that this has been a tremendous year for college hoops. As always, it's a shame that so many folks in these parts pay no attention to any of the games not involving UNC, NCSU, or Duke. It really is. They call themselves college basketball fans, but have no clue who Shabazz Muhammad, Doug McDermott, Kelly Olynyk, or my main man  Tyler Haws is. And just in case you haven't been following late night WCC hoops this year, Tyler Haws is no Jimmer, but he is close. He can flat gun it. And yes, Haws is a Mormon...

I was out a drag show Saturday night at some gay club in Greensboro. And no, I'm not making that up. As you can imagine, I've got a few stories to tell. It'll have to wait til next time though. Gotta run...

John Paul Jones Arena Not Mike Krzyzewski's Milieu

Ambassador Worm

I was just in one of those pharmacy places a bit ago to buy a pack of smokes. One of the clerks in the place is an aged bag named Chris. She's terribly slow checking folks out. As I was standing there for 2 or 3 minutes while Chris took forever to help some middle-aged redneck broad, I became a little irritated. I'm impatient. So, just to fuck with old Chris the Clerk at the pharmacy, when it was finally my turn to be helped I threw her a 5 spot and said, "I need 5 bucks on pump 3."

Urgent Score Update from Charlottesville, VA: UVA 73 Duke 68. Yet another debacle for the Devils. Some white kid named Joe Harris went off on the vaulted Duke defense to the tune of 36 points in the contest. I will give Coach K some credit, as instead of sitting there looking comatose, as he has so often in recent years, Coach Kry was super animated, trying in vain to rally his boys. It didn't work. Duke was soft. Mason Plumlee was pushed around like a rag doll under the boards. Again. The Devils have lost 4 games this year. Each time the winning team stormed the court. I'm not sure why UVA students decided to do so last night, as the Cavaliers were favored by a point. And you should never storm the court when you win as a favorite. It's stupid. In a post-game press conference, the coach of the Duke's men's basketball team complained about students storming the court and how dangerous it is for him and his poor fragile players. And that smacks of sour grapes. It's very simple for the coach who resembles Hitler, if you don't want hammered drunk kids from UVA  rushing the court after you lose, that's understandable. There's an easy solution for Duke to this frenzied court rushing that worries Coach K so much, that is: don't lose to the Virginia Cavaliers. It's that simple.

Lots of talk in the news about something called a sequester. Our dear leader, one Barack Hussein Obama, has been running his mouth about how terrible this sequester deal will be on the American people. I'm not sure how any reasonable person could take Barry seriously on this. Nothing is being "cut" with this sequester. All it does is slow the rate of growth that Congress spends at. This talk about pain being inflicted on average folks resulting from this sequester is a bunch of nonsense. Pay no attention to it.

Speaking of dear leaders, my main main man Dennis Rodman was over in North Korea this week to hang out with my favorite young dictator, Kim Jong Un. Young Kim is a huge Chicago Bulls fan from back in the 90's when he was a kid. I've noted before on this blog that Un's favorite Bull was none other than Toni Kukoc. Anyway, word has leaked that Rodman and Un became fast friends. Who would have ever thought that it would take Dennis Rodman to thaw relations between North Korea and the old USA? Unbelievable. It might be Rodman's greatest moment since he won Celebrity Mole 2. And as I've noted before, Rodman winning Celebrity Mole 2 is the most amazing achievement in the history of western civilization. Hands down.

I mentioned some college hoops news earlier in this post, and here we are in March with plenty of huge games on the docket this weekend. Tonight features a massive game in the Ivy League, as the Crimson of Harvard travel to Jersey to take on the Princeton Tigers. Harvard will pretty much lock up the Ivy title with a win. Of note is that the Crimson are a 6 point dog tonight. I'm gonna roll with the boys from Cambridge. They beat the Tigers by 12 in their last meeting. Note that the game is on ESPNU tonight at 7. Tomorrow features so many great matchups that it will be hard to keep up with them all. Louisville/Syracuse, Arizona/UCLA, Butler/VCU, & Notre Dame/Marquette highlighting the day. There's also that big game in Durham where Duke will be looking for revenge from the 27 beat down they took in Coral Gables against Thug U. My guess is that Duke will be favored by 6. Enjoy.

Your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear

Mexican Eddie Disparages Danica Patrick

Last Friday night I found myself sitting at the bar at Sloppys around 8. To my right a couple of stools sat one of the Gate City's most infamous barflies, none other than the Moose himself. I hadn't run into Moose in a couple of months, which is a good thing, believe me. He promptly reported to me that he'd been in the bar since 1 in the afternoon. Which meant that he was trashed. And when Moose is semi-sober, he has the uncanny ability to annoy even the friendliest of folks. But drunk, Moose gets insufferably tedious. He was chatting with some Mexican who frequents the joint from time to time. A kid named Eddie, I believe. Eddie is a huge Duke fan. It's amazing how many Mexicans pull for the Plumlee brothers around town, but that's neither here nor there. Last Friday, instead of Moose & Mexican Eddie running their mouths in completely ignorant fashion about the Duke/Carolina rivalry, talk instead turned to auto racing. Evidently a big NASCAR race was about to go down and Moose and Mexican Eddie had some strong opinions about one of the drivers. That particular driver being someone I've mentioned before on this blog - Dan Patrick's daughter, Danica. In short, they despise Ms Patrick for some reason. Moose and Mexican Eddie were going back and forth about how many laps into the race before Ms Patrick would wreck and be shipped to the garage area to cry. After a few minutes of misogynistic silliness, Mexican Eddie went so far as to predict that Ms Patrick would wreck on the very first lap of the race in Daytona. I don't know anything about NASCAR, other than Clint Bowyer is my favorite French driver of course, but that seemed like a bet worth taking. And Moose tried to take Mexican Eddie up on this bet. In fact, several drunk barflies at Sloppys were eager to cash in on Mexican Eddie's ridiculous offer. What happened at that point is perfectly predictable in Sloppys. After minutes on end of running his mouth predicting Ms Patrick would shit the bed and wreck on  the 1st lap, and having 3 or 4 guys take him up on his offer, Mexican Eddie backed off. His excuse was priceless, "I no wanna takes you guys money." Something along those lines (I have a terrible time understanding a word Mexican Eddie ever utters). Eventually, Moose and Mexican Eddie tired of their stale NASCAR talk. I was relieved about that. But in no time at all, talk turned between the 2 of them to another line of  nonsense - how much they hate the NHL. I couldn't take much more of it, paid my pitifully low $6 tab and left. It should be noted that not only did Ms Patrick not wreck on the 1st lap of the race, she finished 8th. Next time I see Mexican Eddie, I will remind him of this endlessly. Mexican misogynists, they suck. As for my man Bowyer, I'm not sure how he fared. I'll ask Brandon the next time I run into the kid.

I mentioned above that Mexican Eddie is a big fan of the Plumlee brothers and Duke hoops in general. We're only 2 days away from the magic month of March. And that means college hoops will take center stage once again in offices all over the country, as folks throw in 10 or 20 bucks, fill out a bracket or 2, and pray that Duke doesn't get bounced in the 1st round again to Lehigh. Me? I've been watching college hoops every day since mid-November, as always. I've put a few bets down here and there to pass the time. Anyway, I haven't written too much about college hoops over the past few months on this blog. But that will change now that March is rolling around once again, like clockwork every 12 months (the damn calender, it's an amazing deal). Back in early November, I was looking into the future bets you can make on a given team to win the NCAA Title. One super long shot caught my eye - the St Louis Billikens. At that time the Billkens were 350:1 shots. I told Brandon one Sunday during hard hitting NFL action, that a $5 wager on them would be a potentially amazing investment (it would have paid $1750 if my math is right, and it is occasionally). I checked the futures odds again  yesterday, and St Louis is down to 60:1 now. I'm not saying the Billikens will win the thing. Hell, I'm not even saying they'll get out of the first round. But if you watched the way the they manhandled Butler last week in the 2nd half at Hinkle Fieldhouse,  you can see why they are a very dangerous and intriguing darkhorse. They play tough as nails defense, rebound the ball, and don't turn it over. Other teams off the radar that I've been following very closely are Air Force, UCLA, Iowa, & the Akron Zips. Iowa & Air Force may not make the real tourney, but watch out for them in the NIT or CBI or the College Insider. I love the College Insider tourney - no one follows it and it's a potential goldmine for betters. As far as the big name teams, it's a real toss-up trying to pick favorites to make the Final 4. I take it round by round myself. So, I could care less who makes the Final 4. Although it's always nice when Duke doesn't make it. Obviously...

Later last Friday, after getting the hell out of Sloppys, I went to a joint near downtown called Westerwood. Many of the regulars from the now defunct Wing Joint were there. It was a pleasant time. They have the best jukebox in Greensboro, hands down. At some point, my man Goosie came in the place. He promptly bought  a round of shots and that's a good thing. So, I'm standing there and Goose is rambling on about something or other. And I noticed that his hairline seemed to be receding, seemingly before my very eyes right there at the bar. I said to Goose, "Uhm Mickey, you know that within a few years you'll be as bald as Mr Clean or Dave White." Goose didn't take to kindly to my opinion on this matter. I wasn't trying to hurt the kid's feelings or anything. I'm telling you, he's gonna go bald by the time he's 30. I said to him, "I'm just preparing you for it, as a friend." He responded, "Fuck you, asshole." We then went out front of the joint to smoke. The rest of the night all poor Goose could think about was his impending male pattern baldness. I don't feel the slightest bit bad about telling Goose he's going Telly Savalas on us. Someone had to. And since I'm so nice and caring that way, it was me.

I saw where Catwoman won an Oscar the other day (although I don't think she won for that silly Dark Knight Is Risen movie). As any reasonable movie watcher could tell you, this Catwoman should have won years ago for Rachel Getting Married. Her victory was long overdue. Congratulations to you, Anne.

Situation no win

Mason Plumlee Bombs In The Comcast Center

Mismatch

Urgent Score Update - From the Comcast Center in College Park, Md. Terps 83 Duke 81. It was awesome. Mason Plumlee, a kid who has been hyped by the Duke loving media as National Player of the Year, scored all of 4 pts. Plumlee managed to get more fouls in the game than points. He was completely outclassed by Alex Len. Coach K and his boys from Durham had no answer for Len. Nada. Len was on fire against the vaunted Devil defense. I was watching the game out at the infamous Kicken Chicken with my buddy Phil and Phil's wife. Phil's wife is a big Terps fan, being that she's from Maryland. We were having a time watching the 2nd half. The only disappointing thing about the whole night was the dearth of Duke fans at the bar. It was very busy, as probably 150 folks were in the joint during the game, munching on the atrocious food they serve. But only about a half dozen of them were pulling for the Devils. What a bummer. I was strolling around looking for Duke fans to mock & much to my chagrin found nobody nearby. It wasn't that upsetting though. I went over to the bar and ordered a celebratory shot, drank it quickly, and raced out of the Kicken Chicken. It's gonna be a real shame when the Terps leave the ACC for the Big 10. The Duke/MD game in College Park is always fun to watch, especially when the Terps win. And that's gonna end in a couple years. Hopefully, the 2 schools will schedule each other in the non-conference moving forward. They probably won't though. It's hard to blame Duke for possibly being reluctant to schedule games in the Comcast Center. The students spend a great deal of time and energy chanting "Fuck Duke" throughout the game. I'm guessing that's gotta be hard on the fragile psyches of Duke basketball players. It's amusing though. You gotta admit that.

Speaking of Duke and students chanting, a few weeks ago the Devils hosted the NC State Wolfpack in Durham. Duke managed to avenge their loss to NCSU from January, pulling it out 98-85. Something worth noting went down during the contest though. NC State has this point guard named Tyler Lewis, a skinny white kid who plays with moxie. Anyway, Lewis' grandmother died recently. A pretty sad occasion for any young man. During the game at Cameron, Lewis got to the foul line. While setting up to shoot his free throws, Lewis was paraded by the Duke students with this gem of a classy taunt - "How's your grandma?" That's right, leave it Duke students to rub it in that this Lewis kid had lost his granny, all in an attempt to distract the kid while trying to net 2 points. Those Duke students will do anything to "help" the team. Very nice, Dookies. Well played. I'm not the slightest bit surprised myself. ESPN has done a number of stories over the last 20 years about how well coordinated and clever the Cameron Crazies are with their taunts. The students have been praised for their depth of research on opposing players and creativity in getting under their skin. Why should we expect anything less from this current crop of undergraduates in Durham?

Searching For Discount Dan

I mentioned last week that the Wing Joint on Battleground had closed its doors for good. Immediately someone put up a page on the Faceshit lamenting the news. I've looked at the page a few times over the last week. Lots of disappointed folks started debating which bar they should start hanging out in to play the somewhat tedious NTN Trivia game. Others were worried where to go to hang out drinking with their fellow barflies. Then the Faceshit page degenerated into old photos taken at Wing Joint of various people in some state of inebriation standing near other folks in a similar state of inebriation (shockingly enough, I appeared in  a photo or 2 taken over the years and posted to this Faceshit page). No matter how hard these folks try and stick together and socialize at some other bar, they will drift apart as the weeks and months go by. From my point of view, the closing of the Wing Joint will mean that I won't know where the hell to go at about 10 or 10:30 on a given night. Perhaps I'll just head to bed and eschew a nightcap or 2. I have no idea. I find the whole situation very vexing.

I stopped in some place on W Market last Thursday night called Winnie Cooper's Ale House. My buddy Dave, the Glenn Beck acolyte, was sitting at the bar. It was right around 8:15 at the time. Dave had been in the place since about 3. He was feeling it a bit when I sidled up to the bar. To Dave's left was an Irish lass whose name I don't remember. I was impressed with this gal, as she was hoisting back Jameson at a quick rate. Talk between the 3 of us turned to the sordid world of trim presentation for a bit. Then Dave started talking about a shadowy figure who has been seen around the bars in the Gate City for the last 6 months or so. A kid Dave has labeled Discount Dan. I have yet to run into this Discount Dan character myself. Dave swears Discount Dan is endlessly entertaining. I have my doubts about that, but Dave's opinion carries a lot of weight in my mind. So, I'll take Dave at his word about this Discount Dan dude. Evidently, Discount Dan sneaks into bars, orders a beer and a shot, says something that cracks people up, then disappears as quickly as he came in. He's also been known to piss off the regulars at Sloppys as well, as folks in that dive have told me tales of his shenanigans. I look forward to running across Discount Dan sometime. It should be an interesting conversation if it ever happens.

I saw where Lance Armstrong was named the most hated athlete in America according to Forbes magazine. And that's gotta be sweet music to Tiger Woods' ears. Woods finished 3rd in the voting. Somehow, Manti Te'o came in 2nd ahead of Woods. I'm not sure why anyone would hate Te'o. He's just a dumb rube. I guess in the minds of the American public, it's worse to be tricked into carrying out a "relationship" with a woman who never existed than it is to relentlessly cheat on Jesper Parnevik's nanny while she's home watching your kids...

The 20 Is Money

It's a scientific fact that if I show up at a Super Bowl party wearing the 10 jersey & Brandon shows up at the same party wearing an Ed Reed Thug U throwback, the Niners have zero chance of winning.

Not gonna write much of a post here today. I just learned that the Old Wing Joint on Battleground has closed its doors for good. Very bad day in the Gate City...

 I will note though that if you bet my 3 picks for the big game last night, you went 3 and 0. The money line soared to +170 before kickoff. 3 one hundred dollar bets would have got you a cool $370...

I am reminded once again of what Neil Young said - Once you're gone, you can't come back

Hippies Vs Car Bombs

The 20.

The big football game in New Orleans is just 2 days away. The hype is unbearable, as always. Talk, talk, talk...As Bono would say - maybe too much talk. This year we get another scintillating match-up. For some reason the San Francisco 49ers are 4 point favorites over the Baltimore Ravens. Underdogs in this game have been very good recently, even winning outright with frequency. But before I get to my official pick for Sunday's tilt, I'm gonna break down both teams scientifically. This is my 5th write-up for the big game. In the previous 4, I have gone 5-1 with side/total/teaser picks. You can go back and read each of them if you want. An interesting side note on these write-ups is this; the one I did 2 years ago for GB/PIT still receives dozens of page views a month, possibly because the photo accompanying that post featured German babes in traditional serving wench outfits knocking back huge beers. What other reason would explain why anyone would read a post previewing a game that's long since been decided? Although, I did take Steeler fans across the country to task pretty mercilessly in that post as well - maybe that has something to do with it too?

When you look at San Francisco, several relevant facts leap out. The first being that the novel McTeague by Frank Norris is set in the city. I don't read books myself, but if I did McTeague would be near the top of my list. It's about this dude who practices crude dentistry in late 19th century San Francisco. He meets some gal, there's money problems, blah, blah, blah. I realize that synopsis won't make the prospect of reading the novel seem too promising. But it is. And if you hate reading or are functionally illiterate, you can catch the movie version. It's called Greed. It was directed by Erich Von Stroheim. The 2nd thing San Francisco has going for it is that Alcatraz is nearby. And if anyone has seen that terrible movie The Rock, you know that Alcatraz is one scary place. Al Capone was incarcerated there for a time. And who doesn't respect Scarface? The thing I've always found most fascinating about the movie The Rock is that The Rock himself, Dwayne Johnson, is not in the film. Does that make any damn sense? How can you call a movie The Rock and not feature The Rock in it? Weird. And upsetting. And unsettling. The 3rd thing San Francisco has going for it is really key - hippies. Free love in Haight-Ashbury with hippies. The only problem with free love and hippies is that 1) nothing is truly free & 2) hippies smell. I've often wondered how long I would of lasted in San Francisco during the Summer of Love in 1967. I'm guessing I would have gotten out of the car, been offered some grass, turned it down flat, then started smelling all the hippies. Maybe a few of the hippie gals would have been alluring. But when I got close to them, they'd smell like hippies. And hippies smell. So, I probably would have turned around and left Haight-Ashbury in the summer of 1967 after 5 or 7 minutes. It's not my milieu, if you know what I mean. I don't get down like that, if you dig. You dig? I also don't understand why hippies used the phrase, "You dig?" Am I holding a fucking shovel in my hand? Good God. The last and most vital thing San Francisco has going for it is that lots of gay folks call the city home. It's some kind of gay mecca. And I'm a huge fan of practitioners of the anal arts. Those dudes are awesome. They have developed quite a community for themselves in San Francisco. I've seen the movie Milk. So, I know. Jeff Spicoli and the guy who played W in the movie W. Having that force of gay pride with the Niners will be powerful and very tough for any football team to overcome. It's an uphill climb for the boys from the Charm City.

On the other hand, Baltimore has many positives as well. Tupac. Mike Phelps. Geilfuss. These names are a testament to all that Baltimore means. Tough. Gritty. Ready to throw down. It all goes back to the War of 1812. I don't remember San Francisco repelling the British Army. Then again, I was always a marginal student of history at best. So, who knows. But I'm pretty sure that the British Army didn't advance on Candlestick Park back 200 years ago. I've stopped and visited in many sections of Baltimore, or at least in bars of many sections of Baltimore - from Dundalk, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill, and Highlandtown  to the outlying areas like Lutherville, Parkville, Ellicott City, & Glen Burnie. And my old hometown, at least for a couple years, Towson, MD. The thing about all the bars in all these areas is that folks will drink. I mean drink to get hammered. Car Bombs flow in Baltimore like Chardonnay in San Francisco. Football weekends in Baltimore, some bars have been known to run out of Jameson for Christ's sake. I've seen it happen. And how in the hell can you top that? Hippies smoking joints vs hard looking men and women drinking to oblivion on the east side of Baltimore with accents so thick that you think you're in a foreign country? Please. It's not even close. It goes back to being tough, gritty, & ready to throw a punch for no good reason. Baltimore has it in spades over San Francisco.

The last thing I'll mention before getting to my official pick is that there has been quite a bit of rumbling that this game Sunday may be the 20's last game for the Ravens. Maybe his last game ever. I hope neither is true. As I've mentioned repeatedly on this blog over its 50 month lifespan, the 20 is my favorite player not named the 84 or the 10 (of course, the 84 is retired and calling college football games on ESPN & the 10 is doing I have no idea what). The 20 is the most electrifying player in football & he's a safety. A fucking safety. If this really is the last time the 20 gets on the football field, I hope like hell he gets the ball in his hands one last time and starts pitching it wildly to a  teammate to try and get a defensive or special teams score. I really hope the 20 goes ahead and scores the damn ball himself one last time. I guarantee I'll cry if that happens.

The picks: Baltimore +4, Baltimore Money Line (+140), Tease the Ravens and the Over.

Passing The Time At A Ski Resort Bar

Safety first, even at the Ski Lodge bar...

I found myself sitting at the bar of a ski lodge on Saturday afternoon in West Virginia. Most folks were there to enjoy an afternoon of outdoor winter fun, participating in snow skiing, snowboarding, and whatever else crazy people do on mountainous snowy slopes to pass the time. I have zero interest in getting involved in any of that crap. I've trudged through and driven in enough snow in the past to last a lifetime. So, I decided to hunker in at the bar to pass the time. There were 2 middle-aged ladies manning the bar during the afternoon, 2 frumpy looking gals with big knockers and frosted blonde hair - you know the type. They were really slow with their service - pitifully slow. I had to wait almost 10 minutes at times for a lousy draft beer to come my way. During the course of the afternoon, I made the acquaintance of a nurse from Charlotte. She was also at the ski resort not skiing. She was there passing the time while her friends and family took part in fun-filled snow activities, like all the loons out that day. Anyway, this nurse from Charlotte was a sister named Tanya and she too got a little annoyed at the shitty service the 2 buxom bartenders were providing. Tanya got into the vodka shots pretty early in the day, so she was feeling it a bit. At one point, Tanya became so irritated with the slow service at the bar that she informed me that the 2 white gals behind the bar were working on CPT. She giggled a bit and asked me if I knew what CPT meant. I had a thought or 2 but decided not to offer an opinion about what CPT meant. Then Tanya informed me that CPT was short for Colored People Time. I responded by telling Tanya, "That's some racist shit right there." Tanya found that amusing, being that she was black and all. Later Tanya told me about a conversation she overheard in one of the ladies bathrooms at the ski lodge. Evidently Tanya witnessed a Vietnamese woman chastising her son about something or other in the can and expressed some concern that this Vietnamese mom would take an 8 year old into the women's room at a ski lodge. I asked Tanya, "Did you catch the son's name?" She responded, "No, why?" I said, "I'm thinking it might be Hung So Low. That would account for why an 8 year old needed help using the bathroom. I mean if the kid really was Hung So Low, wouldn't it stand to reason that he might need a little help in aiming his piss into the toilet. And who better than dear old mom to aid this youngster?" At that point Tanya had fallen off her bar stool in fits of laughter. She couldn't disagree with me though. My theory had some validity.

Speaking of the bathrooms at this ski place in West Virginia, I ventured into the men's room near the bar several times myself during the day. On one of those occasions I found myself at a urinal located just to the right of a stall. I only mention it because while standing at the urinal for around a minute, I heard these wild cries coming from some man in the stall to my right. Whoever this guy was, he was in great pain on the shitter. He was crying in agony, loudly moaning stuff like, "Ooohhhh fuck," or "Aahhhh!!! Uugghhh!!!" I went back into the bar and informed some of the folks about my experience. One of the guys I was there with accused me of exaggerating what I'd heard. About an hour later, I went back into that same bathroom and noticed a sign on the stall where the gentleman was screaming that said - Closed For The Day. I didn't peek inside to see what had occurred to cause the staff at the ski lodge to shut down the stall for the day. But I had some thoughts on what that stall might look like. Flash forward another hour, that same guy who insisted I was telling a bit of a tale about what I'd experienced in the can, came in from some quality time on the slopes. He needed to piss, seeing as how he'd been drinking all day between trips to the slopes. This kid used the same bathroom near the bar that I'd been using. He came back a few minutes later and he was screaming at me, "D, holy fuck, D!!!! I looked into that stall that said Out Of Order. There was shit everywhere!!! Even on the fucking walls, D!!!" I said. "A, why would I  make up a story about a guy in agony in a bathroom stall. And B, what in the world possessed you to look inside the stall? That's some sick shit right there." The kid in question couldn't disagree with me. So, instead of disagreeing with me, the kid ordered a 7 & 7 and drank it quickly. I couldn't blame him. I'm not sure what the protocol is after seeing 2 hour old shit all over a bathroom stall, but I'm guessing that a fast drink isn't a bad start...

Earlier I mentioned the Vietnamese woman and her son in the bathroom, with that in mind, I've always thought it would be cool if Hope Solo, goalkeeper for US Women's Soccer, had a son and named him Hung. Hung Solo. It probably won't happen. I'll grant you that. But I can hope. Can't I?

The Django Unchained Movie

Urgent Score Update - From Coral Gables, Florida: Thug U 90 Duke 63. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was sitting near several Duke fans during the game at Sloppys & those folks were in total shock during that 1st half run where the Canes outscored Coach K's boys 25-1. Seth Curry went 0 for 10 from the floor. Quinn Cook  went 1 for 12 from the floor. Tyler Thornton went 0 for 7 from the floor. That's 1 for 29 for those 3 amazing Blue Devil stars. That's just north of 3%. And the defense was atrocious. Hall Of Fame shortstop Barry Larkin's son, Shane, embarrassed anyone that Duke had trying to check him. The oddest thing about the whole affair was Coach K's attire. Instead of going with his typical dark mortician style suit, Coach K went with a dark sport coat and charcoal hued slacks. Maybe his luggage was lost on the flight to Miami, I have no idea. But it was bizarre to see Coach K attired so shabbily. One of the Duke fans at Sloppys kept bitching about the officiating. I encouraged him to keep it up. There's little in life that amuses me more than witnessing Duke fans try to rationalize a shitty effort by blaming the zebras. I kept telling the Duke fans within earshot that they only have to wait about 8 more weeks before they can try and get out of the 1st round of the NCAA Tournament, so long as they don't draw Lehigh again...

I went and saw Django Unchained recently (the D is silent, as they repeatedly remind us throughout the film). And maybe I'm getting old or something, but I didn't like it nearly as much as I assumed I would. Historically, it's wildly inaccurate. But that didn't bother me much. Poetic license and whatnot. There's a scene featuring the KKK that's pretty funny, as the klansmen don't have big enough eye holes on the sacks that hide their faces. They keep complaining about not being able to see anything. The movie is set in 1858. The Klan wasn't founded until after the Civil War ended. Whatever. Watching Nash Bridges himself, Don Johnson, get murdered during the scene made up for it. I'm not sure why I didn't like the movie very much. There's lots of violence, which I thought was well done. The acting was pretty good, especially Mace Windu playing a house slave. I guess it just seemed very silly overall. In the end, all the white people are dead (killed by Jamie Foxx of all people) and Django and his wife ride off into the sunset.

As always in Tarantino's films, he casts himself in a part. In Django Unchained, Tarantino plays an Australian slave overseer (Jamie Foxx kills him too). Anyway, I know Tarantino is pushing 50 years old at this point, but he looks really fat. It was unsettling to see how much weight he's gained. At the rate he's going, Tarantino will be in Orson Welles territory before long...  

Speaking of Tarantino, I really think that his best movie is Jackie Brown. When in came out in 1997, I didn't like it as much as Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction. But as the years have elapsed and I've re-watched all 3 of them more and more, it really is his best movie. It's the only one where you care about the main character (Pam Grier in this case). The rest of Tarantino's movies, while entertaining and funny and smart, are more exercises in showing off his genius as an auteur. Which is okay I guess. I'll continue to watch his movies. But the problem with Django Unchained is you are never invested in any of the characters. It's good. It's entertaining. It's worth your 7 bucks at a matinee showing. But you just sit there going, "that's interesting" or "that's a pretty funny line." And after 2 and 1/2 hours it ends. It won't resonate with you. It's kind of a shame.

Speaking of Django Unchained, Spike Lee has taken Tarantino to task for making a movie depicting slavery.  I guess he doesn't think a white dude should be allowed to make a film that depicts slaves being viciously beaten, tortured, forced to fight each other to the death, and torn apart by rabid dogs. And maybe Lee has a point. But if Lee bothered to go see the movie, he'd quickly realize that Tarantino is not really saying anything profound about slavery as an institution. He's not trying to say anything profound about the plight of slaves. It's merely the only setting Tarantino could use to fulfill his fantasy of making a movie where a black man can justifiably kill every white person he comes in contact with. Nothing more, nothing less.

Lastly on this Django film, it was widely reported that Tarantino was trying to get Will Smith to play Django and Smith turned him down flat. I think I know why that might be the case. I'm guessing that Smith read the script and realized that the Django character is poorly fleshed out. He's a slave who becomes a bounty hunter, then goes to get his wife away from Leo DiCaprio and kills all the white people on Leo's plantation in the process. That's it. Django isn't a real character in any sense. You never get any sense of Django as a person at all. Thus, you can't really blame The Fresh Prince for taking a pass on the movie.

Okay, enough about that...

God Keeps Punishing Irish Fans

Will Dorothy be Manti's next fake girlfriend? She really existed and she's really dead.

Barack Hussein Obama will be inaugurated for his 2nd term next Monday. I don't get the sense that folks are nearly as excited this time around. I flew from BWI 4 years ago the day after Barry's 1st inaugural and as I blogged about at that time, I'd never seen more black ladies in fur coats in the same place at the same time in my life. It was a festive atmosphere to say the least. I remember standing in line to buy a New Yorker at the newsstand in the Southwest terminal for about 20 minutes, as dozens of folks who attended the inaugural the day before were snatching up copies of every newspaper available to take home as souvenirs. I get the feeling there won't be nearly the same thirst for newspapers next Tuesday. Attendance is expected to be way down from 4 years ago. Also, the charity set up to raise money for the inauguration parties and whatever else goes down to celebrate winning an election is having a terrible time getting their fat cat liberal donors to give them a penny. They wanted to raise $50 million but are way short of the goal. Perhaps the lack of enthusiasm is understandable, as the occasion is not nearly as historic as last time. Or perhaps the lack of enthusiasm is due to Barry letting so many folks down over the last 4 years. Perhaps it's some of both. Any way you slice it, a certain malaise is hovering over Barry now. Eventually some big news magazine will call it Obama Fatigue (mark my words on that.) He's a lame duck now, fighting over petty silly issues with John Boner and his boys in the GOP. Nothing that really needs to be addressed will be. At least I hope Barry and his family have a good time at the $50 million extravaganza  his cronies are throwing for them the next couple days.

In a related story, Joe Biden and his medically induced constant erection will be sworn in for 4 more years of fun as Vice President. Only in America...

There is a big story out of South Bend, Indiana about one of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football players claiming he had a girlfriend who died of cancer last September. Turns out, this supposed girlfriend never existed. The kid with the fake girlfriend played linebacker at the school. If you watched the BCS "Championship" game last week, the kid in question was the Irish defender whiffing on tackle after tackle (oh wait, that was the entire Notre Dame defense whiffing on tackle after tackle, my bad). There's lots of speculation in the media about this kid and the fake dead girlfriend. From my own, and admittedly unique, perspective, one of two things has to be true about this linebacker from America's flagship Catholic University. One, the kid made all this up in some misguided attempt to hide the fact he's not down with the ladies. If that's the case, as weird as the whole tale is, you can kind of give the kid a pass. With the noted exception of the shower room at Penn State, gay lovemaking is generally frowned upon in the world of big time college football. So, you could kind of understand why this linebacker would make up some story about having a long distance relationship with a girl so that none of his teammates would question if he liked gals. Of course the execution of this ruse was botched horribly, but what do you expect? The kid's not the brightest guy you'll come across. The other thing that could be true about this Irish gridiron legend  is that a few folks went to a lot of time & effort to fuck with the kid. To what end, I have no idea. It seems implausible. But let's pretend that this Mormon tackling machine is really gullible enough to have been catfished. If that's true, and you wanna go down that road, then you'd have to say that he's the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. He never once went and visited with her after she supposedly almost died in a car crash last spring. Or when she was supposedly diagnosed with leukemia in early summer. Or went to her funeral after she died. He couldn't say for certain what her major supposedly was at Stanford. He couldn't recall when he supposedly met her exactly. The list goes on and on and on. Now, I've been accused of being a bad boyfriend a time or 2 over the years, believe me. I've had some accusations thrown at me about being thoughtless, selfish, etc. So, I know a little about this topic. But, I would go ahead and make it a point to drop in a girl if she was in the hospital with life threatening injuries or going through chemotherapy. Not even I'm that thoughtless or selfish. So, there you have it in a nutshell - this Notre Dame football star is either gay and won't come out of the closet (and again, you can't blame him for that) or he's the worst boyfriend since that dude who killed Dorothy Stratten. It's one of the 2...

The Lincoln Movie

Johnny Booth - ignored by Spielberg

The weirdest part about the Lincoln movie is that towards the end of it (and the film is REALLY long, by the way), Tommy Lee Jones takes off his wig and hobbles into bed with the black police lady from Law & Order. I started laughing. The folks nearby in the theater seemed none too pleased.

The 2nd weirdest part of the Lincoln movie is that Sally Field plays Mary Todd Lincoln. The movie is set in early 1865. Mrs Lincoln would have been 46 at that time. She had a son who was born in 1853. Sally Field was born in 1946. Thus, she's 66 years old. That's a 19 year difference. I found it totally unbelievable that moviegoers are supposed to buy into the premise that Sally Field could have given birth at 54 years of age. I couldn't suspend my disbelief. Couldn't Spielberg have hired an actress closer in age to Mrs Lincoln? Is that asking too much? Maybe it's because Spielberg was also born in 1946 and thinks he and Ms Fields are spring chickens. I have no idea.

Did I mention the Lincoln movie is REALLY long? It went on for what seemed like 4 hours. I would have left at some point before it ended, but it was so suspenseful I just couldn't do it. I needed to know that the 13th Amendment was passed in the House of Representatives, the Union won the war, and Lincoln was assassinated. I'm glad the movie covered all of that ground because I had no clue until the last 20 minutes of the thing that history turned out that way. Did anyone know any of this before seeing the Lincoln movie? I, like many other ignorant folks, thought that slavery was still legal, the South won the war, and Lincoln lived a happy life to the ripe old age of 92. Thank you for setting me straight there, Spielberg.

The most disappointing thing about the Lincoln movie is that Johnny Booth never made an appearance. The scene I waited around the theater 4 hours for never was shown. I wanted to see Booth jump at Lincoln, yell "Sic semper tyrannis," shoot him, and race off into the spring evening. But for some reason Spielberg didn't show the assassination. Maybe he wanted to leave the audience wanting more???

I was so disappointed that Johnny Booth never showed up, that when the movie finally ended, I bolted up from my seat and said "Where the hell was Johnny Booth?" Alas, none of my fellow moviegoers laughed...

I'd heard from about a dozen folk the past 2 months that the Lincoln movie was very good and that I really should see it. I feared it would be typical Spielberg propaganda. I admit I was wrong about that. Spielberg did present the other view of Lincoln, that he was little more than a petty, power grabbing, tyrant. So, I appreciated that. In fact, the best character in the movie is some ex-mayor of New York City who gets up on the floor of the House of Representatives and rips into Lincoln. I enjoyed that immensely. Instead of a piece of antagonizing propaganda, Spielberg delivered a slow moving story that everyone knew the end of. Pretty pointless.

The 3rd weirdest thing about the Lincoln movie, while I'm thinking of it, was the way Daniel Day-Lewis walked. His gait as Lincoln was reminiscent of a horse who pulls up lame just after breaking the starting gate at Belmont...

The best acting in the movie, and this should come as no shock, was done by James Spader. He was hilarious. Although, as always when I see James Spader, I kept hoping he'd deliver his best line from Pretty In Pink, "That girl was, and will always be, nada."

Drunk Lesbians Toss Bean Bags On A Saturday Night

Jittery Falcon Fan, and yours truly, at the infamous Kicken Chicken just after halftime of  the Seattle/ATL game yesterday. I'm not sure what I love most about Jittery in this photo - the warrior helmet, the big foam hand, the fake Turner jersey tucked too tightly into his jeans, the goofy grin, or the crazed look in his eyes...

Saturday night, I had the pleasure of hanging out at some joint downtown called the Less Fortunate House. The weather was unseasonably warm - mid 60's. So, the outside bar was open and the Baltimore/Denver game was being shown on a wall to the right of the bar. And as many of you know, if there is an outdoor bar area and the weather is cooperative, the damn Cornhole will inevitably be played. And the damn Cornhole was played. Specifically played by about 14 lesbians. I'm not sure if Less Fortunate House is known around town as a lesbian bar or not. But Saturday night it was almost exclusively lesbian (I've always said that if I was a chick, I'd be 100% lesbo myself). Anyway, all these lesbians were dead drunk, screaming at one another about who would take whose keys so no one drove drunk, and heaving those ugly bean bags all over the place. I started to become annoyed with the lesbian bean bag tossing. On one typical errant toss, a bean bag nearly hit me in the head. Plus, the drunk lesbians were heaving the bean bags right in front of the wall where the huge playoff game was being projected. It made it difficult to follow the game, to say the least. I got out of there after regulation ended and watched the overtime at RumbleForeskins. My favorite of the dozen or so hammered lesbians was a short blondish woman with the oddest pear-shaped body I've ever seen. What I liked about her so much was that you could see the Tommy Hilfiger boxers she was wearing, as her ill-fitting jeans were hung way too low. She was yelling gibberish about not being too drunk to operate a motor vehicle. Let's just say that the display was not very lady-like. It gave me 2nd thoughts on my whole "if I were a chick, I'd be a lesbian" approach to life. These lesbians were awful.

Speaking of the NFL playoffs, who was that in Champ Bailey's uniform Saturday night? There's no way that was the real Champ Bailey. For a moment I thought ex-Raven nickel back Cory Ivy had kidnapped Bailey and put on his uniform so he could get torched one last time by an NFL receiver...

Speaking of defensive backs, my favorite player in the NFL, as many of you know, is the 20. And in all the years I've watched the 20 play, I can never recall a game where he was so invisible. I kept saying, to no one in particular, "Is Ed Reed even on the field?"

Speaking of the NFL playoffs again, am I the only person who is now convinced that Russell Wilson is the best quarterback in the league? Admittedly, I've been a longtime Wilson fetishist. I loved to bet on NCSU when Wilson was there and getting any points in a game against a quality opponent. He was money, especially against the Heels. But I never imagined his game would translate like this to the NFL. His poise and decision making are unreal.

I was out at the old Wing Joint recently, and as we all know, servers come and go there constantly. You see one for a week or 2, then they vanish. Thus, the servers rarely distinguish themselves. But there is a server working there right now who has caught my eye. I couldn't tell you her name to save my life, but I've taken to calling her Big TP (the TP stands for trailer park, if anyone cares). She's a large gal. Anyway, one of the bartenders at Wing Joint, Rayni to be exact, informed me that Big TP has a 4 year-old child. I asked, very quickly, after being told this news, "Is the kid still inside her?" Someone laughed.

I'm done for the day --->